My brain feels like pudding, it’s all mushy
At about 9am I had a phone call off my 19 year old son *AJ. He needed me to take him to A&E. He had left the house early and gone to the gym. While at the gym he dislocated his shoulder when lifting weights. His arm had popped out of the socket 3 times. He doesn’t always understand his pain and seems to have a sensory processing disorder with it. He knew he was in pain but didn’t understand how much pain. He managed to pop his arm back into the socket correctly by himself. His best friend was almost sick seeing what happened. My son said the second time he had to pop it back in he thought he was going to pass out. That’s when he asked his friend to phone me and drive him home.
We have a brand new hospital in our city
I’ve never been there before and I hadn’t got a clue where we had to go. I phoned my sister and she explained where to go and where to park. She told me to just follow the signs. My dyslexia kicked in because that’s what happens when I’m overloaded. I had to drive at about 5 MPH to be able to read the road signs.
We sat in A&E for a good 2.5 hours.
I had a very VERY weak cup of coffee (dyslexia again) I couldn’t read how to work the bloody coffee machine and didn’t turn up the strength. I later had to get my son’s girlfriend to show me where the toilet was because the waiting room was so busy I had gone into shutdown. Yes, that’s correct I was walking around completely dazed. I could see the signs, well I was looking at them on the wall and could actually see that it was a toilet sign but I was not really seeing the signs. They made no sense to me what so ever.
(You will only understand this if you have experienced it)
While my son *AJ was having X-Rays
LOTS of not too nice middle aged men turned up in A&E. They sat opposite me and you know when you keep catching them gorping at your bits ladies. I felt so uncomfortable and so wished my hubby had been there. I sat there wishing I had not put my pretty pink colourful low kneck top on. I should have put my black jumper on. I kept texting Mr Locoman to try to distract myself from how they were making me feel. Eventually I had to move seats.
We moved to a different waiting room.
Then a very smelly man sat next to me. Now don’t get me wrong here I really do love all people but when I am in sensory overload my worst thing is smells. I remember my Mom telling me I used to scream in the fish market, and I wasn’t much better in the butchers either. She used to have to run through the perfume counters in Rackhams and I actually remember that those counters used to give me such horrible static electric shocks.
I always carry a small bottle of perfume in my handbag
It’s one of my JUST.IN.CASE things, along with chewing gum, tissues and a pack of antibacterial hand wipes. So I sprayed quite a bit of perfume on myself, I can breathe again or can I? I forgot I have a stupid cough left over from my flu and the spray starts me off. Stupid cough is driving me mad, so is my pelvic floor, thank you child birth and middle age. *A…where is the toilet again?
We’ve got to go back to fracture clinic tomorrow for my son to have more tests on his arm because it is clicking. He has his arm in a sling but the X-Rays seemed ok. *AJ asked his lovely girlfriend if she enjoyed her morning in A&E she said, ” I have always wanted to see the helicopter landing.” She got to see it take off too….hehe
When we got home from the hospital my daughter had gone into a mini shutdown because I had promised we were going to get her game cleaned at Game Station. I usually take her to this particular shopping centre really early in the morning before it gets busy. The only words she was speaking were…”But we NEED to” “WHEN?” “What time?” “I’m bored” “Can we go now” “I’ve got nothing to do” you know that Aspie loop mode. She has 100’s of wii, XBOX, PS2, 3DS games but Paper Mario was stuck in the loop. I had told her we were going, she had prepared herself for it and she REALLY needed Paper Mario to be buffed.
The shopping centre was a living hell, more noise than ever.
Plus queues of people lining up to see some famous artist. I haven’t got a clue who. We got there, did what we needed to do and we got the hell out as quick as possible.
Even though I had a map, I didn’t read it correctly (dyslexia again) we got lost and had to get a sensory break.
Toy shops, thank God for toy shops.
*CAL lined up plastic animals for a while, she likes to sort and organise. It’s a game we play, I grab a hand full of various animals and she puts them back where they belong. For me I stood and daydreamed with the cute little fairy fantasy toys and collectables. I found some freaky toddler dolls that I took a photo of to put on this post. I couldn’t cope with them being inside my mobile so I deleted them. They looked like Chucky to me! Scary!
Once we were both almost back to our version of “normal” Ready to brave the crowds again. We were having a giggle in the jig-saws and board games section when we heard a young woman shouting so angrily at her 3 year old daughter. The little girl was strapped down in a buggy and wanted so desperately to get out and play. The mothers words were
“You just sit still, shut up, act like a normal child and stop being such an idiot!”
Nice I thought, my daughter was actually in shock by this and it showed. We were both playing “Bop it” we were both so happy and I guess we were actually acting like 3 year olds. As much as I really hurt by her words, especially the word “normal” I felt for this mother. She looked so stressed and I couldn’t help but wonder about her life. Also, she was in a toy store so she was obviously trying to find ways of calming her little girl. I said a little prayer in my heart for her and her daughter. I have to do this or I will carry these things with me and they loop in a negative way.
I spoke with my daughter *CAL on the way home
As we chatted *CAL explained to me that she didn’t really wonder about the little girl she said her thoughts were more for what the lady meant. She said she thought that maybe the lady might have had a mom that said the same things to her. That for her maybe being a “normal” child meant not being able to play.
After all that sensory! All that confusion!
Both of us feeling totally drained! All the constant changes of noise, lighting, smells, movement and energies of every shop we walked past.
Guess what? The Paper Mario game is still not working. We will have to save up and buy a new one. But we learned a lot and it was *CAL that wanted to go shopping. Every experience is a chance to learn something, learn a way to cope.
If my husband expects me to feed him, or talk much tonight, well…let’s just say it won’t be happening. hehehe….that felt good, it’s so great to get it all out of my head.
If anyone wants me, I’m going to be getting myself lost in Disney films with happy music.
Love and hugs. xx 🙂