Start all over again.

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It has been a long time since I last posted, over a year has gone by since I last opened a new document with the intent of writing for this space that I once considered to be “a place where I can be me!”

I don’t know why so much time went by without me blogging. I thought that I might have just lost interest in expressing myself. But if I’m totally honest that’s not possible. I believe I allowed fear to creep in and there were also times I just didn’t want to share anymore. I didn’t want to find the time to do something I once loved because I felt afraid to even try. But in saying that… my blog has been in my thoughts and on my heart each and every day but the confidence to write and truly be me again had dwindled. Not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought about writing, but then I let it slip away. I didn’t push through, I found excuses and I found other things to do instead. Days rolled into weeks, months, a year it just got to the point where I felt so disconnected from blogging, and the whole blogging scene, that I didn’t know where to start.

I still don’t actually know where to start but I know that when I write – I feel connected and grounded, and when I feel this I am able to release, and through releasing I don’t feel alone in my journey and I don’t have a head full of looping thoughts. Writing helps me to be accountable for my plans and dreams, to make happen the creativity I hold inside.

So I’m starting again. I don’t know where Alienhippy is heading, I don’t know what direction to write in anymore. But that’s kind of exciting. One thing I do know is I’m going to just stick to what I know best…and what I know best is how to just keep being me.

So let’s go back to how I started this blog and why I started this blog.

Alienhippy’s Blog, “a place where I can be me!”

If you would like to catch up on our last 12 months of home education, family fun, our day trips and a whole heap of creativity you are welcome to come follow me on instagram.

Today in our home education journey we sat on a hillside and *CAL sketched the landscape while I crocheted and attempted to write a poem. My poetry will come back, I have faith in that.
Love and hugs. Lisa. x

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My inspiration this week is to be still and let God dig out my weeds of insecurity, doubt and distraction. Knowing He will plant and nurture gifts of insight, inspiration and discernment.

Accepted, Loved Unconditionally

Inspired by Psalm 40

Patiently I wait on words spoken to my heart

I listen through my noise and hear the still small voice

My heart yearns but my spirit calls peacefully

I feel raised from the unknown and set on solid truth

That truth is I am loved unconditionally

An inner peace fills me and my heart sings

My lips have a new song of praise

Fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of the one I trust

I look to the heart of the one who gave His life

I know that He is the one to fix my gaze upon

Blessings are at my step as I follow His lead

When I fall I know he will always catch me

When I fail to trust and when I lose hope He remains

His gentle voice spurring me on

Holding me in His love, His light everlasting

Whispering soft reminders of His hopeful, caring promises

He has no desire for sacrifice, but a willing heart

He just calls my name and wants my love

He has me in His heart and He is living in mine

So many do not see or feel this love

They feel that it is not real but I stand in His love

I received His gift and will call out Jesus is Lord

When troubles rise and the waters are deep

His hand is upon me guiding and teaching

So patiently He is always loving

Helping me grow in all I do for Him

His plan for me is always better than my own

Bringing me ever nearer to the image He sees in me

Refining me from the inside starting in the heart

Always providing just what I need, I rest under His wing

Exposed and humbled I stand in His presence

Quickly I am covered by His grace and mercy

New every morning I am washed clean in His love

Accepted and loved, created in unique design

Crafted by the master’s hand

I am enough because He loves me

I can be loved because He loved first

I can love because He shows me the way

He will never leave me, He will never forsake me

I just need to call

Then…Be Still And Know

~

Listen to my cry for help, O God. Pay attention to my prayer. From the ends of the earth, I call to you when I begin to lose heart. Lead me to the rock that is high above me. You have been my refuge, a tower of strength against the enemy. I would like to be a guest in your tent forever and to take refuge under the protection of your wings. Selah ~Psalm 61:1-4 (by David)

Listen to the Raven

Sharp_Raven_wallpaper_by_LadyLuminalToday we saw a raven and I thought of Elijah. Then in conversation with a friend I mentioned ravens and God using them to feed His friend. I decided to read a post I wrote some time ago and it helped me today.

In 1 Kings 19. I believe there is some wonderful advice that I have in the past put into practice. It works for me. I need to start finding that special time for me again, to keep doing that which works well with my soul.

I have had many thoughts about Elijah and I have read this chapter quite a few times. This post is one I keep returning to because I keep forgetting to let God look after me.

I have an online Bible devotional come through that is a excellent place to start. There is reference to this as I share my thoughts on Elijah. However the devotional started with Mark 1:35

Jesus Prays in a Solitary Place

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.

There are two guys I know

Both of them want to please God and both of them are emotional beings. They were created this way and God understands them. They have all the same feelings and hurts as us. They also have the same fears and anxieties too. The one guy I have written a poem about in the past I also painted a picture for him. He is always there when I hit the pit. He is so real to me, so open honest and transparent. His name is Jonah.

The other friend of mine, his named is Elijah

Elijah helps me to get through my worst meltdowns. God has been allowing past hurts to surface lately and things I never believed I would have to face are being healed. In prayer and through tears I feel me growing. God is so good!

Reading 1 kings 19 is a Godsend for me.

When I first got the email I felt totally drained. I really couldn’t be bothered to read it. But that Still Small Voice inside spoke and said, “Read it Lisa!” I said, “No, reading is too hard and I feel like crap!” Again the voice inside said, “Read it!” I struggled with this for a bit, but I know when God directs it is always for our good. His plans are to prosper not harm.

This is part of what I received and decided to follow.

In the Bible we see many who experienced times of burnout. After Jonah’s miraculous delivery from the big fish and prophetic announcement to the people on Nineveh, he sank into a depression and wanted to die (Jonah 4:3). After Elijah called down fire from heaven that miraculously burned up the sacrifices of Baal, the fire in his own life went dim (1 Kings 18-19). Elijah prayed, “I have had enough, LORD. Take my life,” (1 Kings 19:4). Both of these men wanted to quit.

How do we avoid those same feelings of burnout? The first step is to realize that it can happen and does happen to the best of us.

What was God’s response to Elijah?

Let’s take a look at 1 Kings Chapter 19.

  • He allowed Elijah to sleep. (19:5) – rest
  • He sent an angel to provide food for him to eat. (19:5) –ย  refreshment
  • He allowed Elijah to sleep again. (19:6) – more rest
  • He sent an angel to provide food for him to eat again. (19:7) – more refreshment
  • He caused Elijah to ponder what he was doing. “What are you doing here?” (19:9) – reflection
  • He spoke to Elijah personally. (19:11) – response
  • He caused Elijah to ponder what he was doing, again. “What are you doing here?” (19:13) – reflection
  • He told Elijah what to do next. (19:15) – redirection
  • He showed Elijah who He had appointed to help him. (19:16) – reinforcement

Rest

Refreshment

Rest

Refreshment

Reflection

Response

Reflection

Redirection

Reinforcement

Burnout happens when I focus on people and fitting in.

That includes me thinking too much about myself too.

“You can’t see yourself “in yourself,”

you have to learn to see yourself in Christ.”

~A Joyce Meyer’s fb status.

There was a reason why Jesus went off to solitary places to pray.

If Jesus had to do it maybe I should be more willing to do it too. My shutdowns are not such a bad thing if I give them to God at the foot of the cross. But I do believe that if I was more ready to listen, I wouldn’t overload myself in the first place.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx ๐Ÿ™‚

No words (Silent Sunday)

โ€œInstead of cursing the darkness, light a candle.โ€

~Benjamin Franklin

Alienhippy photo taken from my BlackBerry mobile

Alienhippy photo taken from my BlackBerry mobile

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

~Psalm 46

ASD in the paint of randomness

IMG03991-20121207-1703I love to paint

I haven’t studied how to paint. I just love playing with paint. Playing with paint is like therapy for me.

I went to college to study art when I was in my twenties but the environment didn’t suit me. At that time I didn’t understand why. Being undiagnosed with Dyslexia and Aspergers probably had something to do with it. ๐Ÿ˜‰

My creativity is very personal

I like to experiment, mix things up, break a few rules and put a lot of myself into what I create. Just as I write it out, I also paint it out. I paint out my moods, meltdowns, shutdowns, misunderstandings. My highs, my lows, my searching and pondering. But also, I just love playing.

I paint abstract because I am too much of a perfectionist to paint any other way. I get frustrated with myself when I can’t reproduce exactly how I experience an image in my mind. So I find it best to distort that image and let it grow in the paint. I let it grow and develop its own character and in its own way. I let the paint show me how it wants to be.

The secret for me is to not try to make it perfect, just play and let it grow as it flows. It’s something just for me, a time where I can switch off my loops. For me painting is not about making pretty pictures, that’s what my photography is for, it’s about enjoying the paint. Letting the colours be an extension of what is in me, but not caging them in a fixed visual or idea. Not making the paint conform or restricting it but letting it dance and sing.

College for me seemed like I was being told to lose me and to be like everyone else. In my twenties my art was all I seemed to have left of me after having to conform in every other way. Having to imitate the styles of those who were successful, famous, idolised meant nothing to me. I got no release from trying to be like someone else. It just frustrated my brain even more. For me painting is therapy and it helps me to switch off the loops of being overwhelmed, over stimulated or from having to over analyse myself and every situation.

Today I was happy, so I played

I just purely wanted to play with my paints, like the big kid I am. An old canvas picked up from a charity shop, painted over which I scribbled some lines and patterns on. Nothing special, I just doodled.

Mr Locoman is not really interested in art

Especially art of the abstract variety…..hehehe

I have created MANY, MANY, MANY paintings. All have had so much emotion expressed in the paint. He has never understood any of what I explained to him, he says my depth of thought mostly just confuses him. That’s fine, just so you all know….anyone who knows me personally knows I talk and talk and talk. When I am processing I not only taIk and talk and talk, I also babble quite a lot in tangents and jump from arse-hole to breakfast time. In fact I KNOW that I verbally process myself round in such circles I forget what I was even talking about.

Anyway…..

My lovely hubby comes home from work and notices my play time on the kitchen table. I’m on the PC writing and researching when he walks up to me and says…

Mr Locoman…”That’s very bright, is it one of yours? What is it?”

Me (Oblivious, because I am researching gorillas)…”What’s what?”

Mr Locoman… “The painting, what is it?”

Me (Puzzled he is asking, screws up my face) … “Uh, what? It’s nothing.”

Mr Locoman… “I mean what is it about?”

Me… *rolls eyes* “Errrrrrrrr, it’s just paints and colours and shapes.”

Mr Locoman… “No, what is the meaning expressed in it?”

Me…(Giggle) …”Nothing at all, I was just playing with my paints.”

****************************************

Now, this might not seem funny to anyone else but I don’t care because it’s my blog and I’m giggling. I find it hilarious that my hubby expects me to talk non-stop because there is a painting on the kitchen table instead of his tea. He has got to know me so well that he thought I had had some kind of mental processing to do because I painted a picture.

Am I really that predictable?

Am I?

REALLY?

My play time isn’t finished yet

I’m going to add some of my squirty bottle swirls with brighter colours. I also like the idea of painting in some glitters, or metallic paints….FUN!!!! Of course I also need to add some fishes. It’s just not Alienhippy unless it has fishes.

Here is some RANDOM for you, because I like random

Take some time to escape all the Christmas shopping madness. (THINK) Wouldn’t it be nice if some of the Christmas shoppers were as kind and loving as this Gorilla?

Giving you the heads up

Unfinished (acrylic on canvas)

I have given my blog a make-over. New background and new headers. The headers show at random and change each time you click (it’s fun)

I have used all kinds of images. Some are of my art and fractals. Others are walks I have been on. There are a few cropped photos of my favourite places. Places where I sit with a coffee, write, reflect and be still. Also there are a few of my favourite things and special interests. Some memory photos that help me feel connected to the special people in my life. Of course there are also fun photos with my kids, pets and my collections too.

Alienhippy’s Blog…REALLY is a place where I can be me!

YAY!!!!ย ย  (insert happy-dancing here)ย ย  ๐Ÿ™‚ )))

I was going to write a post explaining why I have done this and YES it does involve a meltdown and a shutdown. Also a panic attack that was so out of proportion but lasted in total around 3 hours. Yes I was looping over stuff BIG time.

Today I am peaceful in my mind and heart

I feel still in my being and confident in who I am. So Iย  have no urgency to pour out poetry, prose or my emotional guts. I don’t need to analyse myself, I am just acceptant that these things happen and I will keep learning as I go. Also my mind is a little airy-fairy and not in it’s clever place today, even with numerous coffees, it’s wanting to be calm. So I really can’t be bothered to write about it all just yet, I’m going to enjoy not thinking for a change. I’ll maybe do it tomorrow if I remember. giggle. Or if my brain is that way inclined, we’ll have to wait and see, I never know from one day to the next, unless I just stay in my bubble then I know I’ll be ok. ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰

Today is about my visuals not my Wonderfully Wired weirdness.

(Just so you know I am fine with my weirdness it’s not one of my triggers)

But the important thing is that through all my loops and misunderstanding God helped me to see. Do you know what I see? I love blogging, I NEED to write. I love my visual mind and all my many, many, many loops. Writing helps me to process all that goes on inside of me, not just my brain but my body too. Writing and sharing helps me to filter out the negativity and stop it from controlling my moods and behaviour. Seeing me in print and hearing from others that I am not the only one is such a blessing. I am 43 years old and only now seeing that I am not alone.

I will write……..

I will write when and how I choose to write. I will write WHAT I need to write in a way that helps me. I love that I can share who I am now, I love that so many of you communicate with me via comments, Facebook, Twitter, email and Skype. It’s so good to have friends.

My blog is my blog, “A place where I can be me!”

With all my new headers it even seems to reflect a little of how quickly my visual brain will change. Click something new, click another idea, click oh that’s so pretty, click I’ll go for a walk now, click where is my cat, click where are my other cats, click I need to clean, click I need to paint, click I need some music, click I need to be still.

I feel it REALLY does reflect a little bit more of who I am.

I like me, I love how God created me to be.

I love my new blog look too!

Love and hugs all beautiful friends out there in bloggyland.

Hey…see my stone collection? Isn’t it cool and aren’t they just so shiny!

Here is an image to click on if you only have a small screen.

It’s my NEW background photo. ๐Ÿ™‚Thank you for coming along on this adventure with me and being the nice, kind, loving souls you are. I’m sorry I can’t always answer your comments but I do read every single one of them. They mean the world to me and they help me so very much.

Smiling at you. Lisa. xx ๐Ÿ™‚

Here are my headers, cropped and collected for now. I will be adding more as time goes by. I am learning and growing all the time. My blog will be a reflection of this.

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This song has no relevance to this post what so ever. I’m putting it here because my *CAL has this on repeat quite loudly EVERYTIME we go for a drive.

I really enjoy trying to sing and rock out to this with my precious daughter. Eventhough we have no clue what the song is actually about.

Enjoy or don’t, we like it anyway. After all we are all unique in who we are.