My Guardian Angel

Image found on Google (I like the Rainbow colours)

My Guardian Angel

by Alienhippy

If I had my Guardian Angel, whispering in my ear

Speaking only positive things that God wants me to hear

All this fear, anxiety and all this twisted pain

Would not exist, it would be gone, like a child I’d be again

~

As a child I heard, recognised this voice and acted with confidence

I’d smile and sing, laugh and swing and do my happy dance

I get this back occasionally, then it will go away

The darkness comes back, surrounded by black, aloneness calls so I pray

~

But what I need to remember, although I can no-longer see

God sends my Guardian Angel, He whispers softly to me

I only have to listen to what is good, this is my choice

Call out to God, He’ll give me strength to block the nasty voice

~

My God is strong, I’m in his hand, my Angel will always protect

This might seem hard, but with my God these arrows I can deflect

So, I’ll settle down within His arms and know we are NOT apart

I’ll listen for my Angels voice not with my ears but with my heart

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Do you want to play a game?‏

image from Google

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

This post is a bit of fun for anyone who wants to join in.

I have written before about free flow.

Basically free flow is a good way for me to distract my brain and help process thoughts. It helps me when I am obsessing on something silly, like today it was the colour orange.

I KNOW that seems extremely strange but it has many ways of presenting itself in my mind. It goes off in all directions and takes me into wonderful adventures. However I have to break these cycles and get on with that little thing we all call life.

I sent an email to my lovely friend Angel

The email was titled, “Do you want to play a game?”

We are very alike, so of course she did.

We are wondering how many others would like to play…hehehe

So this is what you do.

Open up a fresh document.

(If you prefer you can also use good old pen and paper)

Click on the link below to the music, it will open in a new window.

Click on the image above it will become larger.

Once the music starts look deeply into the image for a few second allowing your mind to clear.

Then start typing (writing) WHATEVER comes into your thoughts.

Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, spaces, lines or even making sense…just type.

It doesn’t have to rhyme, it’s just a way to express and relax your mind.

You can go back and edit after the music finishes.

Have fun and feel relaxed!

Here is the link to Angels free flow tangent poetry.

Angels’ Free Day

And this is the link to my poem.

Butterfly Breeze

Please feel free to share your thoughts or poems in our comments.

Use this idea to help yourself, you can pick your own images and music.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

LINK TO MUSIC…..

New Relaxation Music – Butterfly Play

Most people are like puzzles to me.

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

I was thinking today how I protect certain parts of my personality. This doesn’t come naturally, it is something I have had to learn to do. Some “notsonice” people have helped me with this by treating me badly and causing me to isolate myself. In the time that I was steering clear of ALL personal relationships, I was assessing just what it is that I do wrong.

I hadn’t learned to REALLY see!

My natural personality is extremely open and trusting. I love people and want to be close to them. Eye contact is difficult with most people outside of my family, but I have learnt to look like I’m giving eye contact. It’s like I can tell when people are not being real, their eyes are like a window and that can sometimes scare me. I don’t want to think badly of people so I can’t look. Also, it can be like they are seeing my thoughts, I know this sounds weird, but I find it very hard not to say EVERYTHING that comes into my head. Over the years fear has developed and makes me stop and not be able to speak. Then I tend to agree with the person manipulating or controlling the situation. Looking at a person can give me away and make me speak, not always saying what I really want to say. I don’t always say the right things and the confusion of a face will make me just say what is in my head. This is sometimes NOT my own thoughts but words of others, as I am trying my best to process.

Puzzles and colours have always fascinated me

I love Jigsaw puzzles, I see the shapes and colours and can get quite draw into the whole experience. Time just disappears and I can become SO absorbed. Without a picture to follow, any Jigsaw would be so confusing. For me most people are like massive puzzles without a true picture.

About those people that are in my head

Not the people closest to me, not the ones who truly love and accept me, but the ones who I don’t feel I REALLY know. I feel like I’m collecting pieces of them, trying to put a picture together of the person who I have a visual of in my head. Sometimes they can become loops. This is where I really struggle because people are constantly changing. I know people as reruns, faces from places, if I don’t have regular contact with a person it’s like having a Jigsaw with no picture.

Facebook is SO confusing

I love fb but recently I have realised that the way people act on fb is not really who they are. Some will only share their perfect days, others seem to want attention. Some will be oh so friendly, others plane nasty…It’s almost like a free for all and it can seriously cause an Aspie SO MUCH JUMBLE. (“JUMBLE” from Laura’s blog)

I have to be so careful what I feed my brain, my whole life can be affected through not filtering correctly. I hate shutting down and fb has caused me so much confusion with this. I take people literally, when they are friendly and then ignore me when seeing me I REALLY get hurt. I don’t understand this AT ALL.

Blogging is far easier to understand

I can find the blogs that will help me with the things that I need help with. I can even make friends with those who have experienced similar times as myself. Or are living similar lives. I can find blogs that will suit my moods in the times I am able to read….it’s so much easier.

One thing I know

I don’t feel alone, there are certain people that God has brought, our paths have crossed and they are NOT puzzles for me. They have entered my life bringing hope and friendship. I love puzzles but sometimes my brain needs a rest, puzzles without pictures are hard work. When God puts a picture in my heart the pieces fit by themselves.

This post was inspired after reading Joyce Meyer’s fb status today

A balanced life requires work, rest, worship and play.
If you are missing any part of it, you are not likely to be happy.

Giggle, giggle…Wordless Wednesday!

My little Nephew *EJ saw this sleeping Parrot and said,

“His head has fell off, where his head gone Auntie Weesa?”

Then he got quite upset because he couldn’t see it on the floor.

I just had to add this short video of one of my favourite toys as a kid.

Me, my brother and my sis all still mimic this doll.

I wonder if my Dad still has her in the loft somewhere?

She wasn’t played with long enough on this video.

She didn’t say my favourite phrase! 😦

So… I got the Parrot to say it! 😉 xx

Lover of Ashes (Fractal)

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I haven’t got a lot to say really!

I thought I’d share what I made this evening while pondering and praying.

 I worked with this fractal and put it to a song that really helped me today.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

Thorn in my side

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I REALLY didn’t think I’d be writing a post tonight, but God had other plans I suddenly felt inspired and I have something to share.

First of all can I just say thank you my lovely friend for praying.

“Thank you!” 😉 xx (She knows who she is)

.

I went to see my counsellor this morning.

I have been DESPERATE to see her all this week, but come this morning I was sat rocking on my bed worried sick about how to talk to her about what I REALLY couldn’t get my head around.

I surprised myself I actually managed it.

Ok…I looked at the floor and stuttered a bit, stimmed quite a lot but that’s fine, she’s cool with the whole Aspie thing. She listened and helped me find my words very patiently and eventually I got to the end of my 50 minute hour.

Next week when I meet with her hopefully I will have processed some of this and will have a clue to how I’m feeling.

I have really wanted to paint but I haven’t felt inspired.

Emotions usually help with this or music…this week, NO…NOT BEEN HAPPENING!!!

But today I read this in a study

Constantly search for gifts and abilities on which you can work. Don’t be afraid of change. It is a sign of life and growth. Change what needs to be changed, accept what you cannot change and quit whining about it! Don’t waste another minute trying to be someone you were never created to be. Stop questioning God’s design for your life. When an old man from the mountains of North Carolina was asked how he created such extraordinary wooden carvings of dogs, he replied, “Well, I just take my knife and a piece of wood and carve away everything that doesn’t look like a dog.” Learning to see yourself through the eyes of God is like “carving away” everything that is not part of the original design – God’s plan – and then learning how to accept what remains.

When I read these words I burst into tears

I remember being little Lisa before this world hurt me with all its prickliness.

As a child I wanted to be a Butterfly, Shirley Bassey, part of ABBA and The Nolan’s.

I was a happy, loving, trusting and VERY energetic child.

I loved drawing and sewing, in fact I loved making things with my hands.

I was a chatterbox, who never stopped singing and dancing.

I see this side of me when I am with people who accept me and love me for who I am.

It’s time to carve away all that prickliness, all those thorns that poke, prod and trap.

I thought of something to paint

I have my first sketch ready, obviously my painting will be abstract, I LOVE painting abstract, but this is what will be beneath my layers of paint.

Love and hugs everyone.

Lisa. xx 🙂

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

John 8:36 (NIV)

Autism meaning *SELF??? (Further thoughts)

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

Back in September I wrote a post called

“Autism meaning *SELF???”

I read through that post this morning after having some thoughts on this topic. You might want to read my earlier post so you can see my understanding of “SELF” back then, it’s not that different to now. This is only my interpretation you understand, I can only say what goes on within me.

I have great respect for those parents of Aspie/Autie kids, who go out their way to find just what their kids need. Those I have “met” through blogging have really helped me to understand the differences that we all have. They have also really inspired me to take my experiences and make them useful to others.

I only know my own way of coping

For 36 years I didn’t realise that the way I understand things is actually quite different to how most people do. You don’t really go around asking people how their brain works do you??…giggle. So I just assumed that EVERYONE was like me and maybe I was just a little bit slow or thick.

Here are some of my thoughts,

I have LOADS you have probably noticed. 😉 I do like to babble, I find it helps me so much.

Each morning while I’m showering I look through the glass doors at my bathroom. When I first enter the shower cubicle the glass is clear and I can see my bathroom and recognise everything. As the time goes on, and I do like a nice long shower, the droplets of water and the steam make my bathroom become blurry, the glass will mist over. I can still see and I still know everything in that space, so it doesn’t bother me. I sometimes wipe the glass and give myself a window out into this space and it reminds me of how I feel whenever I am out of my comfort zone.

This is where Autism IS TOTALLY about self.

More to the point self preservation!!!

A shutdown, a meltdown is a reaction that happens within to try to gain control of the not knowing. Most of the time, now I am older, I am able to understand the changes going on in my body and mind when I am going into overload. I have had years of experiencing this so I recognise it…most of the time. I have learnt to predict potential overloads.

Sensory overload to me is EXTRA and TOO.MUCH!

What I mean by this is everything seems EXTRA and TOO.MUCH.

It will start with noise with me, but I don’t always notice it straight away. Every little noise becomes EXTRA loud and I can’t tell where they are coming from or which is loud and which isn’t, what is music and what is a buzz from a freezer or overhead lights. All conversations sound like fuzz and I can’t hear or understand what people are saying. I have to start reading lips and faces then that can trigger off fears, insecurities and visuals. Once this happens I know, now, to find a muffled place or go outside. If I can’t get outside or to a toilet, corners are good or standing close to a wall. I think this calms the echoes.

After the noise if I haven’t been able to regain me, the visuals kick in. I will have images, so many images of all my safe places, people and things. I really need them at this point. As a child I would scream to go home, I would crawl up my Mom and hide round her legs. Everything at this point is too confusing and it is impossible to explain verbally how you feel because the words just don’t connect.  To me it feels like terror an unrecognisable fear, a complete change in recognition of even the ability to focus on my own breathing. My body feels different like it wants to do its own thing, no matter how I try to reason I just want to run. If I can’t run or calm myself, then I start to defend. My ears I will block and I will focus on the floor, I can also become very angry at this stage trying to control my fear.

 When I start to notice ALL THE EXTRAS

With me the lights will hurt my eyes, I can sometimes see them flickering. I have films running in my head of everything I’m seeing. I can look away and still see a person overlay on a wall or a shelf, or even over another person. All the time I’m thinking of home. So that is playing too..HOME, HOME, HOME. In the past I have had to grab my kids and bag and walk out of a supermarket leaving a full trolley of groceries at this point. I locked myself in my car, took my deep breaths and I didn’t go back in, I just couldn’t. There was far too many people. Supermarket are bad enough without people, but on this particular day it was over crowded.

When overload occurs

Every part of me is extremely sensitive. I can’t cope with being touch at all.

If I can’t escape I will go into a form of survival. I didn’t realise this wasn’t how everyone was as I have said before I have lived in an Autism bubble my whole life. I am now learning that who I am and how I cope is not wrong. I have found ways that help me. I think all you Moms and Dads of ASD kids are SUPER AWESOME, you know your little angels and you are finding ways to help them, so they won’t have to do it for themselves.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂