ASD, Cats and Empathy

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Kitten update…Those who are following my Wednesday posts will have noticed I didn’t post last week about the kittens. I will let you know why in this update.

This update I am calling…

They are out and about.

That’s right, they can climb out of the box now. Scarlet is the fastest and likes to chase socks and bite toes. Gingy is a poser and loves to be photographed. Nathaniel is a loner and we now think HE might be a SHE Nathanielle maybe??? I’m calling her Kitty at the moment but *AJ said she has to remain Nathaniel …it’s good. Sebastian is a snuggle, he just loves to snuggle into everyone and everything.

Here are a few photos and a short video from week 5.

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Now backtrack to week 4

I did try to write something but I was very sad as Mr PIB was quite ill and there was nothing I could do. The kittens were not well at all, they are a lot better this week and are very playful. They do still have runny eyes but they are not anywhere near as poorly as they were last week.

I sat down to write my post last Wednesday, but I just couldn’t share or find words. I wasn’t going to share the words I did manage to write as they are not very encouraging, but it is all part of life, and I feel I should share if I am going to be true to myself. I need to document this as it is part of me, my life and my growth.

This is a place where I can be me….isn’t it?

The ups and the downs?

These are the only words I could write last Wednesday.

I feel so sad, kitten update week four

I really have no words

To explain how I’m feeling

A kitten life now gone

Mr PIB no longer breathing

His little body limp

So tiny and now cold

Not much of a life

To die at 4 weeks old

On Thursday I wrote this email to my friend.

I have found the perfect place in my garden and buried Mr PIB this morning. He is under a small oak tree that I planted with *AJ when we first moved into the house. The tree was a sapling and only 2ft high, the same height as *AJ when we planted it. Now it is over 20ft but still looks like a young tree. I have my swing seat under the tree too. At the moment this area is filled with blue bells and snowdrops. In the summer it is filled with ferns. There is a small holly bush just behind the swing that is covered with berries in the winter and in the spring the daffodils are all around the trunk of the oak tree.

It’s a pretty place for him. I hope my other kitten don’t die too. They have had a little play today out of the box but they all seem to be sneezing.

I know you understand me. As Aspies we have loved animals because we had no friends and our pets have loved us unconditionally. I feel like I should write a post but I am afraid to. I will probably write out how I feel and journal it.

I would like to explain this the best I can

I have been made to feel bad over the years that I instantly love animals when I find it harder to love people. Part of me felt guilty about feeling sad, about crying and shutting down over a kitten. Bad things happen every day that I seem oblivious to and this is just a kitten. But to me he was a new friend. There are nasty people in this world who drown kittens in the canal, abuse animals just because. I really find this kind of behaviour so hard to process. It was a little life and I felt so helpless. I knew that if I opened the window Angel would have carried him off and left him to die alone, it’s a cats way. I didn’t want him to be alone, the thought of him being alone hurt me and the thought of Angel watching helplessly hurt me too. I paced my home and I wanted someone to make choices for me, I felt lost and I wanted my mom. She always knew how to make me feel better.

As I wrote to my Aspie friend

As Aspies we have loved animals because we had no friends and our pets have loved us unconditionally. I feel like I should write a post but I am afraid to.

I shouldn’t be afraid to share who I am

I know God loves me and I know there are other people who feel this way too. It’s a myth that Aspies don’t understand empathy.

I still stand by what I said in my “Toys and Empathy” post back in December 2010. The post about why I gave ALL my toys away to charity as a child.

Quoting myself here…hehe

I think that the lack of empathy thing is just a shut down mechanism of self protection because emotion is so intense…it will overload the system and cause sensory difficulties and eventually complete shutdown. But this is just a whole load of Lisa Lingo from my babbling thought loops.

I just know that when I gave my toys away it was because I cared deeply for children I would never meet, and I was willing to go without my faithful friends so they would live. I don’t believe that I lack empathy and I don’t believe other Aspies do either. But this is just my understanding.

Don’t tell me I lack empathy…I know I don’t.

I might have switched off love for awhile because of the intense pain I felt from the rejection and abuse of people. But animals and children were never part of my shutdown to empathy.

By choosing to love we choose to accept pain, but it’s always better to love.

Love and hugs my friends.

Lisa. xx 🙂

So I’m weird, I already know this!

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

This post is just me putting my imagination and emotions to rest. I know this may seem silly and even be a little confusing for some people to understand. But to me it’s a way of life. I know if I don’t write this out or share my feelings I will not be able to get on with my day. Or do what I need to do. It will just loop in my head and I will feel bad.

I love my dogs and they love me.

Each month I go to the charity shop and buy both Zazzy and ROCK a nice new blanket. ROCk is a good boy and he loves his blankie. But Zazzy scratches at them and chews, sometimes ripping them to pieces. She’s not being naughty, Zazzy was abused as a puppy and when we went to get her we had to wait because those who had hurt her had stapled her mouth together. She had to have an operation and we wasn’t able to bring her home until the dogs home knew she was going to be ok. I think the chewing and ripping of blankets is part of her coping strategy, it’s something she has always done. It’s something I just accept about her, the blankets are only £1 each anyway.

Mr Locoman is on flex leave for two weeks

He very kindly went into our local town centre and picked up a couple of new blankets because he knew I wanted to do some painting. He left them in the kitchen for me last night and this morning I opened up the bag to find two wonderful, soft, thick, lovely blankets.

I took the one out and opened it up and it is covered in someones childhood achievements. It has over seventy badges very lovingly hand sewn onto it. The badges are from boy scouts, swimming, football, gymnastics etc, also visits to wonderful places of interest.

This blanket was once a little boys snuggle

It has been lovingly kept for all these years, the badges are mainly from the 70’s and early 80’s so I know the little boy would be a man about my age now, if he is alive.

Then my mind visualised just who he was, who sewed on the badges? Was it his Mom? What happened? Why has this been kept so long and now it is in a charity shop and about to be my dogs blanket that will probably get ripped up. I have a whole film in my head of this and I can’t seem to stop the visual replay. I actually feel quite emotional about it all.

They say that we don’t understand empathy

Today I feel sad for someone I don’t even know. This blanket was very special to a little boy and kept because it has all his wonderful memories on it. He may have struggled to do these things.

I still believe that Aspies switch off empathy because we hurt for everyone and everything. Or we don’t see the signs and this makes us look like we don’t care, later feeling terrible because we miss things that are important. Or is this just me, I don’t really know?

I do know though that by sharing this and giving it to God I don’t have to hold on to someone else’s memories on a blanket. I can pray for whomever he was and give thanks for his life and the life of the person who loved him enough to treasure his memories on a blankie for all these years.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

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Autism and Empathy

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

You will find me over at Autism and Empathy today.

I would just like to thank Rachel for publishing my post on her website.

For my readers who are not familiar with this site here is a little bit about it, please pop over and take a look around and don’t forget to read my post too! 🙂

Love and hugs everyone.

Lisa. xx 🙂

*****************************************************************************

About Autism and Empathy

Image is also a LINK

Autism and Empathy

Dispelling Myths

and Breaking Stereotypes

This site exists to undo the myths about autism and empathy that have stigmatized autistic people for so long.

It features writing by autistic individuals, by autism parents and family members, by autism professionals, and by others who understand that autistic people, all along the spectrum, can experience the world in highly empathetic and sensitive ways. Telling our stories, describing our experiences, and speaking the truth in our own voices, we can break dehumanizing stereotypes and increase understanding.

Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg

Editor and Publisher

ASD’s and Empathy?

Image from Google

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

I followed a link on fb today to this post,

The Data Myth,

which was on Autism and Empathy.

I became extremely overwhelmed when reading the following.

We need to be on guard against the Data Myth and the stereotypes it perpetuates. Children with autism may sometimes react differently, but that doesn’t mean they lack human emotions. We need to think about, write about, and treat children with autism with the understanding that they experience a full range of emotions but have trouble processing and communicating them. We need to understand that they are interested in people and want to interact, but that they have sensory or communication issues that make it difficult. We need to challenge the medical community to rise above these stereotypes. And we need to see our kids as already whole and complete children, not as faulty

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The post reminded me of some thoughts I wrote last year.

So I thought I’d share and update with more recent thoughts.

The Blue Peter Cambodia Appeal.

I was about 10 years old, the children’s TV show here in the UK “Blue Peter” had an appeal to raise money for children in Cambodia. They showed an awful amount of footage that made me feel very lucky to have food and a home. It also devastated me to see such under nourished children with flies circling their faces and them having no energy to flick them away. This footage I still remember to this day, and if I focus on it I still cry.

My Mom in her wisdom, decided to use my very visual imagination to get me to part with some of my many toys, that I was extremely attached to. She came into my bedroom with black bin bags and said something like this, “You have far too many toys in this room, everything needs to be sorted and tidied up. There are a lot of starving children in this world, you’ve seen it on Blue Peter. Get rid of some of these toys and I will take them to the charity shop and you will help to save a little child’s life.”

I gave away everything

I couldn’t bear the thought of these little kids having no food. The visuals from Blue Peter were far too much for me.

I only kept 2 toys, my Tiny Tears Doll and my Teddy Boo-Boo. I still have both of them.

Now I have a theory about this lack of empathy thing

It’s only from my understanding and what I have lived, I have read nothing on it…my dyslexia makes that difficult. Personal accounts from others is my best way of learning.

I know that over the years I have had to shut down to my feelings because they are so intense. I can get so overwhelmed by emotion that I can barely function. I know that when I love a person they become as important as myself. My children are more important and I would die for them.

Because I have visual reruns of things that either hurt me or confuse me, I end up rehearsing and chatting and analysing, this can be quite tiring. I will have so many conversations going around in my head. I have managed to stay in touch with my feelings, emotions and show empathy by being careful what I feed my brain with. Being careful not to overload myself. I know now what will replay in my constant thought loops and which things to avoid. I can also praise up the less noisy loops and help myself to do the things that are hard to do.

I think that the lack of empathy thing is just a shut down mechanism of self protection because emotion is so intense…it will overload the system and cause sensory difficulties and eventually complete shutdown. But this is just a whole load of Lisa Lingo from my babbling thought loops.

I just know that when I gave my toys away it was because I cared deeply for children I would never meet, and I was willing to go without my faithful friends so they would live. I don’t believe that I lack empathy and I don’t believe other Aspies do either. But this is just my understanding.

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Recently I was told by a professional

“I have taken you out of your comfort zone Lisa, but you will adapt!”

I was struggling to comprehend the changes to what I was doing, the environment I was placed in and the NEW people I was having to interact with. I tried my best to explain the overwhelm of sensory and emotions I was dealing with on top of everything else I am trying to process lately, that this person knows about.

Yes I was way out of my comfort zone and barely staying afloat.

All I wanted to do was run, hide and be in a safe place. My emotions were at full capacity, my sensory was switched on to the max and I felt that NO ONE was listening, NO ONE understood and most of all NO ONE cared.

I am no longer in that situation now, I know my limits and they were pushed too far. I also know that if I only had to cope with an environmental change with familiar people I would have been ok. Or if I had to cope with new people in a familiar environment and routine that also would have been ok. However this was new environment, new people and new routine all in one go.

I felt totally overwhelmed by this and was not really processing what was going on. I felt I was letting down those around me. I hate feeling like I let people down and this will not leave my head. I had no choice but to leave this situation and sort out the other things in my life that are causing me complications.

This quote is from The Data Myth post

Children with autism have empathy. They may behave differently. They may communicate differently. They may need more time to process the event and the emotions. They may even experience emotions too intensely.

Those high functioning on the spectrum

Don’t grow out of being Autistic, we just learn how to hide it REALLY well. We have to, because most people in this world don’t understand empathy and our ways are seen as different, odd, unacceptable and over-emotional.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

Some thoughts from Easter Sunday.

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I had to remind myself today what my blog is about.

It’s “A place where I can be me!”

So I’m going to share this here and it will explain a little bit more about the Alienhippy.

I go to a traditional Church, but I don’t consider myself traditional.

I do find the routine quite helpful with my Aspieness. I have tried to be traditional, to fit in, but to be perfectly honest I find trying to fit in WAY too draining. So now when I’m at Church I do what helps me or I don’t feel like going.

I find with my Aspergers that most GOOD sermons can be totally overwhelming. I find I record them in my head and then beat myself up with them trying to remember everything the Vicar said and how he said it. What he actually meant and what God was trying to say to me. Did I get it all or as usual miss the most important bits…..giggle.

For a while, I had a big break from Church

God taught me through ways that were best for me. He reached me through animals, nature and children. I do however see a need to be part of a fellowship. To break bread with other believers.

Taking notes is my best way of coping.

Everything that I hear as helpful to myself I write down for my own personal Bible study. This I have at home in my own environment where I can be totally myself.

I get quite a few funny looks having a note pad and Bible open in the Church that I attend.

Think Songs of Praise…BBC, and you will understand why!

It’s only a small congregation and as well as my note taking I KNOW I’m a fidget. 🙂

But you know…I’m totally over it!

And it’s the best Church I have found for me so far.

I know God knows me, accepts me and totally loves me….so everyone who thinks I’m a little strange, eccentric or from a fundamentalist background can think what they want.

What I got from the Easter message.

Please remember that these are just my own personal notes to help me.

The Gospel reading was from John 20:1-18.

Our Vicar started his sermon explaining about a maze he and his young daughter got lost in. It was made of hedges and he thought he’d be able to complete it in no time at all. He was wrong and got totally confused and lost all sense of direction.

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This is taken from my notes.

This is just a small amount of my original notes.

I don’t feel that I want to share everything.

I’m sure you all will understand that.

Jesus used those who had an open heart.

He used those who no one listened to, those of disgrace.

He used those who were despised and rejected.

What is my response to the Risen Jesus?

Do I want to seek the will of God for my life?

Then I need to ask and let God filter in.

God wants to help me, not judge me, we are all His children.

He already knows that I’m not going to be perfect.

All the bad things, they happened to Jesus too!

I can enter into them with God and find a way through.

Or…I can chose to walk away from them.

The choice is mine, I have been given free will.

If I chose to face them, I chose to go to my own personal Jerusalem.

To drink my own cup, and to carry my own cross.

I also then need to walk into the empty tomb believing.

Not stand outside wondering….. or in fear.

No….I need to walk in with faith and trust, believing in the deep mystery of Christ.

Being inspired by the empty tomb.

As Christians we are fascinated by the empty tomb.

The resurrection is in our lives.

We carry His unconditional love and ultimate sacrifice in our hearts.

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Ok….this is what I will be pondering on this week. This will cut down on the many, many loops that could have come from it. Writing down what is relevant to me slows down my thinking and also stops me recording everything. I trust that God opens my ears to what I need to hear.

To finish this off I just have to add my FAVOURITE and most inspiring visual.

I think I’ve used it before, but I don’t care, I just LOVE it!

I guess I AM….. the Crazy-cat-lady!

image from Google

I guess I AM….. the Crazy-cat-lady!

I have had soooo many cats over my 41 years on this planet I couldn’t possible tell you about all of them, it would make this blog far too long and no-one would bother to read it. So I’m only going to tell you about three of them. The ones that have taught me the most.

I believe that God meets us where we are at. I recently wrote a very emotional poem trying to explain my filtering process. I always think of my titles after God has helped me write the poem and lastly I add an image. I was very unsure about what type of image to use for this poem, so I just Googled the title and there was Sammy.

SAMMY???….. yep, my first cat, in fractal form with his deep piercing eyes.

I was a 4 year old, hyper-active fidget when my Granddad opened up his jacket and pulled out a tiny little ginger fluff ball, who I automatically call “Cinderella!”…lol

Cinderella got shortened to Cindy and after the vet pointed out a couple of things…hehehe

Cindy became Sammy……snip

Sammy was an independent Tom cat. He was constantly sleeping under the pipes in the boiler cupboard and contributed daily his own food by bringing home something lovely for dinner, unfortunately he was only willing to share the heads. (nice)

Mom would throw him out the front door every night, and I would open my bedroom window and call him back in. Where he would spend the night sleeping with me inside my bed next to my Teddy Boo-boo. I had my Sammy cat for 10 years, he was my best friend and knew me better than anyone else. He never judged me, he always listened and he accepted me in whatever mood I was in. He would give me comfort for so long and then bite me to snap me out of being self focussed. He was never bothered by my extreme teenage noise pollution, misunderstood violent outbursts and constant crying. He never told me I was obsessed by my interests…ATARI and nail polish. He just let me be me, and I so needed him because the pressure to conform had taken me into isolation.

When Sammy got killed on the main road outside my family home, I was devastated. I couldn’t eat and I stopped speaking for 2 weeks. Sammy was my first love, he taught me about friendship and self belief, he also was the only hugs I could do. After my complete shut-down, Mom took me to get Kitty.

My Dear Kitty

Mom took me to a pet shop in the City Centre and I carried Kitty home inside my burgundy jacket on the number 12 bus.  She was my little baby. I never done the dolly thing like other girls. I didn’t see the point of dressing and playing with something stiff, unrealistic, that smelt synthetic. I was really struggling at school, I had been put onto a reading development programme, which then caused bullying because it brought attention to my dyslexia. In my one to one SEN-time I would have to read ‘Wind in the Willows’ picture book, I had no interest in toads, badgers and rats especially speaking ones wearing clothes and driving vintage motor cars…I mean how bloody ridiculous.

The other kids were reading “The Diary of Anne Frank,” which sounded far more interesting. This is where Kitty got her name from, I felt I was missing out, so I made my own Dear Kitty, after all I was constantly alone in my very small bedroom.

Kitty was majorly insecure, the pet shop had taken her from her mother far too young and she would suckle on everything, she never grew out of this. She could never cope with being on her own, she would spend all day following our Black Labrador, RAF, around. When he lay down by the fire she lay on top of him. As soon as I came home from school she would follow me to my room where she would stay with me till the next day. She lived a very long life, for a cat, and stayed at my Mom and Dad’s home because when I left  at 18 she hated my flat and spent 6 days hiding in my wardrobe. Seeing her like this broke my heart and I had to grow up and make a very hard decision.

Kitty taught me parenting skills, she taught me to see past myself to others needs, and finally when I took her back to My Mom’s, so she could be with her beloved RAF, she taught me to let go. She was a beautiful Black and white soul who died peacefully under the Apple tree in my Mom and Dad’s front garden at 16 human years of age.

Right, now we jump forward 20 years…with lots of cats in between, lot of strays that have come and gone and we get to Holly

“Holly, Holly, Hollyyyyyyy!!!”

Holly is my disabled cat, she is deaf and partially sighted. She is a mix of white/tan/black long haired fluff. She doesn’t like being touched because she never knows where the touch is coming from, to groom her I have to spend time crawling around on the floor allowing her to sniff me and come to me. She never leaves my garden because she knows she is safe here, after all with my massive Rottweiler and CAL’s best friend ‘ROCK’ to look out for every member of the Alienhippy home who wouldn’t feel safe !….That’s a joke, he is the most stupid, sloppy, dope and would just get excited by having new visitors….lol

Anyway…. Holly.

When I feed all my other cats I have to make sure she is catered for because she cannot fend for herself. If she is not in her basket or the cat kennel I have to find her, she can’t hear me calling so I physically have to walk around looking for her. She won’t come running at the sound of cat food. She is very demanding at meal times, and will scream at me for her food, she cannot hear how loud she is, but believe me it is ear-piercing, it hurts my head sometimes. She does not cope with the other cats and isolates herself away from even her own daughter. When she walks around the garden she relies on her sense of smell, this means she has to constantly flick her head left and right in an erratic way. The neighbours who have seen her doing this have told me to have her put to sleep. I think because they think she is defective –  but she is NOT, she is just a little unique and I love that about her. She has found her way and I see how hard it is for her, compared to my other cats. She does everything required to be a cat. She just does it differently to the rest. She is happy and content and she knows she is loved and accepted. This is what makes the other cats move out of her way.

She is the Queen of my garden!

Holly has taught me this very valuable lesson;

If I can do all this for her!

If I can see this in her!

If I can believe and stand against people’s opinions for her!

Then I can do all this for my kids and myself too.

Like I said at the beginning, I believe that God meets us where we are at….even if we think cat.

I will have to look to ASLAN…….I guess I AM the crazy-cat-lady after all, and I love that about me.