So my *CAL woke up with the idea of a toy she had about 4 years ago. She jumped out of bed and search her boxes in her dyspraxic/aspie way, which means…didn’t really look very hard at all before shouting, ” MOM…WHERE’S MY PINK THINGY?”
So then the conversation goes…
Me……..”What pink thingy?”
*CAL……..”The pink thingy like this!” As she holds her hand up to her mouth.
Me……..”Darling…I really don’t know what you are talking about!”
And I really haven’t got a clue what she is talking about at this point, but I know with the mood she is in and the look on her face… if I don’t catch on pretty quick she is likely to burst into tears.
I have found that Mr Locoman is equally as bad at this form of interpretation but *CAL will just get annoyed with him, not tearful.
So I say….
“Explain to me again, and if I don’t understand we will go and ask Daddy.” Very naughty of me passing the buck.
*CAL…….”It’s a pink thingy, that makes my voice funny.” She holds her hand up to her mouth again and the penny drops…Her Megaphone.
Oh crap…didn’t I throw that away? I really can’t remember.
We go downstairs to have a chat with Daddy, now I will explain why I do not know where this megaphone could possibly be.
Let us go back in time a little bit to….
The Blue Peter Cambodia Appeal.
I was about 10 years old, the children’s TV show here in the UK “Blue Peter” had an appeal to raise money for children in Cambodia. They showed an awful amount of footage that made me feel very lucky to have food and a home. It also devastated me to see such under nourished children with flies circling their faces and them having no energy to flick them away. This footage I still remember to this day, and if I focus on it I still cry.
My Mom in her wisdom, decided to use my very visual imagination to get me to part with some of my many toys, that I was extremely attached to. She came into my bedroom with black bin bags and said something like this, “You have far too many toys in this room, everything needs to be sorted and tidied up. There are a lot of starving children in this world, you’ve seen it on Blue Peter. Get rid of some of these toys and I will take them to the charity shop and you will help to save a little child’s life.”
I gave away everything
I couldn’t bear the thought of these little kids having no food. The visuals from Blue Peter were far too much for me.
I only kept 2 toys, my Tiny Tears Doll and my Teddy Boo-Boo. I still have both of them.
So now with my kids toys
I have a sorting system, their favourite things are either in their rooms or downstairs kept in toy boxes. I have a caravan on my drive way where I store and rotate toys as they have asked for them. If I find a toy has not been played with for a while it then goes into the attic. I clear the attic out quite often and send things to the charity shop. My sister has been having our toys recently for her boys now they are a little older. It is so lovely for me sitting and playing with my Nephews, with the toys I once bought for *AJ and *CAL.
Back to the Megaphone
I haven’t got a clue where it is and Mr Locoman is almost sure it made it to the attic. Well everything from the attic has now gone. It was all sorted and shipped off to the charity shop when I cleared all the unopened boxes that were brought down to our bedroom, during the building work.
Fortunately *CAL’s attention has now gone onto her new Pokémon Annual which she is reading none stop at the moment while playing with *AJ’s old Pokedex and sitting with her Pikachu. This Pokedex has not been stored since the day it was bought, we have had Pokémon and Sonic the Hedgehog living in our home for the last 10 years. As *AJ grew out of it *CAL fell in love with all his things and the collection started again.
I may end up having to buy her a new megaphone, it was only a fiver from Wilkinson’s…lol
Now I have a theory about this lack of empathy thing
It’s only from my understanding and what I have lived, I have read nothing on it…I can’t with my dyslexia. But I know that over the years I have had to shut down to my feelings because they are so intense. I can get so overwhelmed by emotion that I can barely function. I know that when I love a person they become as important as myself. My children are more important and I would die for them.
Because I have visual reruns of things that either hurt me or confuse me, I end up rehearsing and chatting and analysing, this can be quite tiring. I will have so many conversations going around in my head. I have managed to stay in touch with my feelings, emotions and learn empathy by being careful what I feed my brain with. I know now what will replay in my constant thought loops and which things to avoid. I can also praise up the less noisy loops and help myself to do the things that are hard to do.
I think that the lack of empathy thing is just a shut down mechanism of self protection because emotion is so intense…but this is just a whole load of Lisa Lingo from my babbling thought loops.
I just know that when I gave my toys away it was because I cared deeply for children I would never meet, and I was willing to go without my faithful friends so they would live. I don’t believe that I lack empathy and I don’t believe other Aspies do either. But this is just my understanding.