In searching my truth

roses

In searching my truth

by Alienhippy

In searching my truth

I found the love of God

Divine love has been calling

Whispering my name my whole life

I’d reached the end of my own strength

Admitting to myself

I was just biding time

Waiting on seeking

But never truly seeing

Never really listening

Not wanting to hear

Not wanting to see

Switched off to my senses

In the falling of the leaves came release

A casting away of all that had become

In sequence with changing seasons

My entire being grasped, gasped

Deeply inhaled

Sensed rightness

Exhaled

Sighing in relief

Recognition of soul harmony

The fullest truth of the summer blooms

Revealing to my soul

The flower trapped within

Butterflies and tickle birds

Creating new paths of flight

The key to my heart was given

Love unlocked then opened the door

And in that love

With that love

Through that love

I ventured out

I am enough

I am enough

by Alienhippy

Gentle guide and lover of my soul, with you I need no other.

In you I see a reflection, a growing of spirit.

You are my strength, you nurture me from within.

Only you can quench my undying thirst.

~

Hidden warmth, a refreshing breath.

I sense your lips of truth.

Giving me rest when all I am is spinning in confusion.

Patiently you wait for me and spur me on in whispers.

~

You are there when I awaken from my darkness.

In my own time, through your love, I am given new direction.

No fear as I look to you, I know you walk at my side.

Safe and secure in your arms the battle is won.

~

Your fruit, your streams refresh my soul.

I long for you alone.

Your tender hand lifts my downcast gaze, restoring my dream.

With the mountain’s peak, my heart will grasp new blessings.

~

Bursting forth an overflow from your unconditional love.

This beauty that chases me, I have no hiding place from it.

I cannot escape for you created my ways.

You meet me in my silence and comfort me in my torment.

~

One way remains.

To step into the treasured place that is your heart, my home.

To know the depth of your love, accepting that I am enough.

My Angel Voice

My Angel Voice

by Alienhippy

Angel heart don’t be so sad I feel your tears and pain

Bring into you that secret place to live and love again

Don’t waste these days playing hide and seek not understanding why

Just call my name and I’ll be there I’ll raise you up to fly.

~

Angel face I’ll wipe your tears and kiss your aching heart

You feel alone, this I know, but know we are not apart

You’ve ventured out and gotten hurt, it’s time to bring you home

I’ve carried you on all these paths you never were alone.

~

Angel steps you will but tread and lightly follow through

I’ve planted my walk in your heart I gave myself for you

Your chosen name is in my book and I will save your place

So come to me my precious child and know you’re saved by grace.

~

Angel wings will lift you up your soul will feel my peace

To look upon my hidden truth and feel cleansing release

Stand up my child and know my love, I’m with you till the end

For I am your beloved, your saviour and your friend

How to dress, what to wear?

Wedding clothes that Nan made for us.

Wedding clothes that Nan made for us.

When I was a child, in the corner of our playroom stood a cardboard box that Mom had filled with dressing-up clothes. My brother is 17 months younger than me; so we shared this box of fun. Or we would end up fighting over it because we both wanted to wear the same thing.

I remember days dressing-up as a Bride and Groom. I remember being a circus clown and my brother a monkey at the zoo, he loved monkeys so much. I can still see us dressed up as Aladdin and me as a Princess flying around on Mom’s living room rug. Our pretend magic carpet was blue and tan spirals with lots of tassels. Mom would join in and try to add bits to our games but it didn’t work, they didn’t go like that we had our own stories. We used to enjoy tying her up with skipping ropes though. A game she had to ban by the time we were of school age because we were both too good with the knots.

I caught him so I locked him in the village stocks.

I caught him so I locked him in the village stocks.

There were days when my little brother would be the cowboy with his shiny cap gun and I was an Apache with my bow and arrows. We’d run around on the grass verge outside our family home squealing with delight. We had each other and as much as we would fight and argue we also had our moments when we were inseparable.

I particularly loved my yellow bow and arrows, the ones with the red suckers on the ends that would stick to the playroom window. I can still see it in my head, it makes me smile. My Mom once told me that my brother fell asleep, on the living room floor, with his bottom sticking up so I painted a target on it and was using him for practising my aim.

Yep, that sounds so like me. 🙂

Wearing my Nanny's wig and sunglasses.

Wearing my Nanny’s wig and sunglasses.

I found this old photo of me that my Nanny kept.

This was my Dad’s Mom, my Nanny P. (Link to a poem I wrote for her with photos)

This photo was in a little treasure box that I keep some of my Nan’s special things in. I was her little precious, she adored me and I always knew it. My Nanny was a dressmaker so when I stopped at her house she was never without a box of goodies to dress me up in. She made me the most beautiful dresses, and when I was older she made my dance costumes too. I loved spending time with my Nanny and we had so much fun, she loved to show me off in the lovely things she made for me.

Me and my Nan

Me and my Nan

My Nanny inspired me with her needle crafts, she was so very talented. As a teen she became my role model and my closest friend as I trained to become a seamstress following in her footsteps. My Nan was Aspie, I know this now. I was her focus, her sweetheart, she recognised herself in me.

My Nan, Mom and baby me.

My Nan, Mom and baby me.

My lovely Mom and my Nanny were very different people

They didn’t always see eye to eye and had very different ways of understanding. I was never caught up in any of the cross fire. They both chose to always do what was best for me, they both saw my needs and found ways to meet me in my world. I will be forever thankful for who they were and what they both gave.

I miss my Mom and I miss my Nanny too, but one thing they both clothed me in, something that I never grew out of. Something that I felt and still feel growing in me. Their example of unconditional love and this is where I see God.

Colossians 3:12-17

The Message (MSG)

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing; sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

My Nanny was not a believer but on the last Sunday of her life we sang this together in the hospital chapel. As we sang she prayed. She had the face of an angel, the mind of a child and the heart that will always be my Nanny.

Dear Aspie who chooses love,

Dear Aspie who chooses love,

I know of a process that will help you move through the pain of your past scars. God is so good how He plans all this for us. I hate the crying though, the pain of releasing tears after so many years of trying not to feel. But it’s good for us to see how deeply we sense these things. The tears bring us healing and show just how vulnerable we are. Also just how much we need our Heavenly Father.

I do believe you have fallen in love with heart, spirit, gentleness, kindness, hope and a dream. It’s good to dream. We all need our safe places. However you may have done the classic aspie thing (just as I have done) looped in that fantasy and added plenty more loveliness to it. All our daydreams from all our years of waiting, longing and yearning. All our time alone replaying our happy loops over and over and reliving our smiles. Just wanting the aloneness to cease.

Now it’s time to transcend into loving the reality in all its glorious humanity, earthliness and beautiful vulnerability. It is time to be who you are created to be, a giver and receiver of love.

I must warn you…this bit can be quite a challenge. Pray for your heart to be open and loving, your motives pure and your mind to be at peace because the tears will now slow down. The loops will change and the seeds of self doubt will cause you to meltdown, shutdown, isolate yourself or run away before the pain and fear returns. This is the bit about self-control, unconditional love, feeling another’s pain, loving them through it and only ever wanting them to thrive.

Put away your ways of want, regain your childlike heart of hope, live in joy and freedom.

Your dream may never come to be. Others may never be able to see the depth of wonder you have peceived within, or grasp the intensity, emotion or passion. But the vision will always be yours and will help you to see past negativity. You will also grow through weaknesses and emotional pain. Renewed heart seeking only the beauty of the ones you love as they reflect in you and you in them.

God has amazing plans for you precious one. You are such a wonderous light. You can not stay hidden. Yes, you need to be on a hill sharing your shining beauty. Give hope to all those who cross your path. You are healing and will bring relief to others. A beacon of hope, chosen to shine truth and love to all.

I see you, I see Jesus in you and you are loved unconditionally.

So keep being you!

 Quote from Back Towards Light

Here’s to the people who try their hardest to be good enough for everyone; who spend hours reading random quotes to find the right one; who listen to the same song dozens of times because the lyrics mean a lot; who deserve so much more than they get and are willing to fight for it and those who wished upon a shooting star, wasted on someone that will never care; and to the beautiful people who feel lonely in their heart. And hide it all with a smile on their faces.

It’s okay to feel sad, anxious or afraid at times.
It is just a phase in your Life, and no matter how scary it might feel – it WILL pass.
Everything will happen in its right time, the way its meant to be – Even better than you might have dreamed of.
Never let anyone judge you for feeling this way.Have Faith – Hold on and be Strong.
Miracles Happen. Every day.Beautiful Hearts – You are Loved.
And you are Never alone. ♥

Listening to my Jesus

Listening to my Jesus

by Alienhippy

Open up your heart and mind and let me step inside.

Exposing every part of love we’ll banish earthly pride.

We’ll give our love, our all, our truth not listening to fears.

Misunderstood and taken wrong, the angels dry our tears.

They judged us with an earthly rod and see us as a threat.

They cannot understand this pain, through love we will forget.

Forgiveness comes the Spirit leads, but hurts they will return.

The thoughts are there of what has past, just ponder, pray and learn.

You cannot change this love inside, these ways that aren’t your own.

Smiling with those brightened eyes and seeking your way home.

Some have pulled away it’s true, they showed us their true ways.

Not wanting to but we stepped back left hurt and in a daze.

We’ve heard the words I’m sorry, they understood us wrong.

Keep hoping, loving, giving you’ve lived in fear too long.

We live the life of freedom that our Father gave to us.

Let go, let God and His true words rebuild with inner trust.

I’ve seen you at your weakest and loved you just for you.

I prayed for you both night and day, knew love would get you through.

I’ve felt you broken hearted, this love inside so deep.

I hold you in my loving arms bring comfort and relief.

Many have only left in fear they cannot comprehend.

The depth at which my Spirit gives I am your perfect friend.

So just let go of worldly thoughts, listen and you’ll see.

You no-longer need to wear a mask keep saying, “I’m just being me!”

You may not be the normal type you give when most will take.

This love is unconditional it’s open, pure not fake.

I’ll never leave you friendless or hurting in your mind.

I’ll sit with you and hold your hand we’ll pray till answers find.

So please see past the ways of man and see your heart means well.

Because I only speak the truth and this is what I’ll tell.

That every part of every life that touches your own soul.

Is here to keep you learning, guiding you to feeling whole.

Each person is a blessing, giving lessons of release.

So keep on persevering in this grace with perfect peace.

Worldless Wednesday

The Call of Jeremiah

The word of the Lord came to me, saying,

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. ”

“Ah, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.”

But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 1:4-8 (New International Version 1984)