Friends and Acquaintances (Repost)

image from Google

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I’m not really feeling much like writing at the moment so I thought I’d repost an old post that helps me. I’m not about to start building those walls again but it’s good to remind myself of a time when I did.

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Today didn’t start too well for me, it’s been coming on for a few days now. I haven’t really been able to figure out why or what has been making me feel sad.

This is where I suppose having people around to chat with would be good. But when I try to chat to those around me, those that are not family I feel like I’m a nuisance. I hate feeling like I’m a nuisance, I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I’m a nuisance.

I tried to get some time and a coffee with a friend the other day, but it didn’t quite work out, so I ended up feeling rejected. In fact I have tried a couple of times this week to reach out in friendship to those I speak to in my life here. I’m just not good at group conversation and I don’t come across well.  I have tried reasoning this out on my own but I can’t understand what I do wrong, and it’s looping a bit in my head.

It’s times like these when I really need help,

AND… I really miss my Mom too. I don’t understand the way people behave. I know I have friendships with people, I know they all have their own things going on. I also realise that I am extremely sensitive, and take thing personally, that are not meant to be taken personally.

This is the part of being an Aspie that I find hard. It builds up without me realising and then I either have a meltdown or I go off and shutdown completely.

I want to talk, I want to be around people,

I love listening to people and being helpful. I don’t always understand the way people communicate and I know I can talk too much and I talk myself round in circles. There are SO few people who will actually listen and accept me for who I am, without giving me loads of advice and ways I need to change. I see that I can go into a state of self punishment, because I don’t like that I feel so alone.

***************************************************************************

My closest friend shared a footnote from her Bible study the other week with me, it said…

How can I know who my friends are?

Proverbs 17:17 (New International Version 1984)

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

One way is a test of loyalty. A genuine friend loves us through the best and the worst of times. In fact, a friend’s true colours are revealed when we go through unusually difficult and painful circumstances.

According to proverbs it’s preferable to have one or two close, intimate companions than a host of superficial acquaintances. The person who maintains only surface relationships with a wide number of people may eventually face ruin for lack of good advice when it is really needed.

Proverbs 18:24 (Good News Translation)

Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers.

True friends also wound us. They’re willing to tell us the hard truth even when it hurts. We can trust their honest feedback, but an enemy multiplies kisses (27:6). Beware of someone who does not have the courage to confront you when you need it.

***************************************************************************

My friend shared this with me because it helped her, it has helped me so much today.

I also thought back on some of my counselling sessions when I started to use friendship rings. Learning to tell the difference between acquaintances and true friendships.

As a person on the spectrum

I think us Aspies are so desperate to be accepted that we naturally want to trust people and believe that they want to be our friends. Or, we can be quite the opposite and put up a brick wall because we feel so hurt by the world around us. I know I have done both in my life. I also know that I have bent over backwards to keep friendships/relationships with people who basically didn’t deserve my friendship at all. I did this because of a fear of being alone, of being rejected.

I thank God everyday for the friendships I have now.

I am so grateful that I can communicate through writing, that I can express who I am and how I feel.

I love that my sister lives so close to me that I can have coffee with her when I feel down.

AND…I thank God that I have one friend who I can sit face to face with and be totally myself.

No more brick walls going up for this Aspie, I have allowed God to soften my heart and I love people.

I might struggle to understand them, but I still love them.

Love and hugs everyone. xx 🙂

My Guardian Angel

Image found on Google (I like the Rainbow colours)

My Guardian Angel

by Alienhippy

If I had my Guardian Angel, whispering in my ear

Speaking only positive things that God wants me to hear

All this fear, anxiety and all this twisted pain

Would not exist, it would be gone, like a child I’d be again

~

As a child I heard, recognised this voice and acted with confidence

I’d smile and sing, laugh and swing and do my happy dance

I get this back occasionally, then it will go away

The darkness comes back, surrounded by black, aloneness calls so I pray

~

But what I need to remember, although I can no-longer see

God sends my Guardian Angel, He whispers softly to me

I only have to listen to what is good, this is my choice

Call out to God, He’ll give me strength to block the nasty voice

~

My God is strong, I’m in his hand, my Angel will always protect

This might seem hard, but with my God these arrows I can deflect

So, I’ll settle down within His arms and know we are NOT apart

I’ll listen for my Angels voice not with my ears but with my heart

Roots and foundation in love

Ephesians 3:16-19

Good News Translation (GNT)

I ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves, and I pray that Christ will make his home in your hearts through faith. I pray that you may have your roots and foundation in love, so that you, together with all God’s people, may have the power to understand how broad and long, how high and deep, is Christ’s love. Yes, may you come to know his love—although it can never be fully known—and so be completely filled with the very nature of God.

Collection of my Aspie thoughts today

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

It’s NO secret that I am not particularly fond of foxes. Now I don’t wish them any harm, they need to survive I understand that, I just REALLY miss my chickens. Today however I cuddled on the sofa with my girl and watch story time and the story was called, The Fox in the Dark, by Alison Green. It was this story of a Mommy fox that pulled some of my Aspie tangent thinking together.

I found this quote on fb      ———>

Those who know me personally know how I love quotes, images, and scriptures.

Those of you who are added to my fb see them most days when I get my coffee/quote time.

I love to share what I find, it brings me a joy to know that something I find, that helps me, may also help someone else too.

I have had a nasty cold all week this week

My little *CAL has caught it too and we haven’t done a lot today but spend time together resting, we have watched a film and a bit of TV. One of *CAL’s Goldfish (Roger) died yesterday so she is not too happy at the moment. Also because she is not well she has missed the fun day at school helping her best friend with a stall to raise money for “Children in Need.” <——–Link

I read a post today on a blog I follow

I read it from my mobile while me and *CAL were having our movie time.

Here is the link… The Chase

This post made me ponder on the simple questions

Are you chasing Him? What are you seeing? What are you seeking?

I’m an Aspie Mom with Aspie kids

This is where Story time brought it all together for me. I have so many thoughts that I ponder on, I find taking the time to be still and rest will always pull them together, and God finds the strangest things to pull my loops together.

Here is a link to the story that me and *CAL watched.

It’s a lovely story and quite short please watch it if you have time.

The Fox in the Dark, by Alison Green, read by Josie Lawrence.

Yes I know it’s a kids story book but Jesus did say those who have ears let them hear.

God reaches us where we are at, and I’m still a big kid!

As Moms with kids on the spectrum

I feel we learn to protect constantly, our kids are vulnerable and misunderstood by many. The things we talk about most people are not interested in and the difficulties we have to cope with daily only other ASD parents can possibly understand.

I’m also Aspie so I have lived with the social isolation and being misunderstood by others, also me misunderstanding others all my life. I learned to conform, to act, to NOT stand out, just fit, because rejection hurt so very much! I learned that who I am is never appreciated so it is best to stay hidden. Seeing my kids getting hurt and being misunderstood hurts so very deeply. Watching them conform and lose parts of who they are breaks my heart.

Back to the fox and my tangent

I dislike foxes because they hurt something I loved, they took it from me. A lot of the time I think us ASD Moms feel this way about Autism. I know in my life I have constantly prayed to be accepted and have friends who love and accept me for who I am. I believe it’s not the Autism that is the difficulty but unaccepting people who push for conformity and set unrealistic goals for those on the spectrum to reach, in a time limit that society pushes down our throats. Unconditional love and acceptance for who we are is really all any of us need.

In the story of the Fox in the Dark

The Mommy fox is looking for her baby who is lost in the dark. All the other animals are afraid of the fox because they have their own understanding. They are judging this fox on what they know of foxes.

Isn’t this so true about Autism too?

I have heard these words so many times, “She doesn’t look autistic!”

I’m reminded of a scripture

Luke 9:58  (NIV1984)

Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”

And also another…

Acts 17:28 (GNT)

as someone has said, In him we live and move and exist.
It is as some of your poets have said, We too are his children.

Don’t break my heart, my head is already loopy!

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Let’s start at the very beginning.

It’s a very good place to start.

When you read you begin with A-B-C

When you sing you begin with do-re-mi

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Nope…I haven’t lost the plot, this actually helps ME!!!

I have so many visual reruns of clips from films and I believe it’s how God reaches me sometimes. Reading is not easy at the best of times and from a shutdown it is possible but very rarely makes much sense. My fears all kick in and I read into things what isn’t actually true.

Visuals, music, poetry, scripture…it all helps me.

I believe God reaches us in ways that suit us. He created us and knows our ways, so it makes perfect sense really. If you believe with faith and your heart, not just your head. My head has loops, a lot of the time, so I have to find ways to not always listen to the negative voices of my past. They nag at me and if I listen, which I sometimes do, I would never try anything new.

The 1980’s are a time where I got most confused.

Between the age of 11-21, there was a lot of peer pressure, loss, rejection and confusion in my life.

I became very quiet and was very easily controlled/manipulated by those more confident.

I developed a lot of self doubt, I listened to NOT.SO.NICE people and did what I had to do to fit and not get rejected or ridiculed. At this point in my life I knew that if I kept quiet and didn’t give myself away I wouldn’t get picked on or even noticed.

I was listening to a song today

I am working through something very personal to me and the 80’s music helps me to link to who I was before the hurt.

This is the song I was listening to.

As an Aspie I can only understand from my own experiences,

I don’t understand from another perspective it has to be thought through. Sometimes I even have to write out different scenarios to help me understand. I hate the thought of hurting people. So I invest time in learning how not to hurt people. When I am overloaded I don’t seem to be able to process correctly. Processing takes me questioning myself, I shutdown with questioning.

Literal and rigid thinking

Black, white and I don’t really get the grey areas. I have to process them, even then they still don’t always make sense. I’m learning to try not to think on those, protect my brain a bit. It’s hard though because my mind likes to work out puzzles. But I think I can create negative loops to stop me filtering what is REALLY hurting me.

About the song I was listening to

Don’t break my heart by UB40…As I was listening to it an email came through, it was a notification for a new post from a Christian blog I follow.

The title, “An Experience Of The Heart”

I knew that I needed to go and read this post…

The scripture used with this post is (John 3:16)

 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

I then read LeRoys earlier post that I had missed. (LINK)

This is what spoke very loudly to me today.

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

Once you walk by faith, the evidence of God is everywhere. If you are talking to someone who has yet to choose to walk by faith, they have only one thought; “prove it.” They are evidence prone. No matter what you say to them, they want you to prove it. Therein is the problem.

Please go and read the rest of this post it is a wonderful post.

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Faith….do I really believe that God is going to help me to stop making the same mistakes over and over again? Do I really believe that He will heal the pain I have from those NOT.SO NICE people that have been in my life? Do I really believe that I don’t have to keep protecting myself and wearing a mask and that when change happens I can have faith in Him to help me cope? Do I really believe that He understand how I feel? Do I really believe that I am loved?

I believe in Jesus with my heart, so yes…but I can struggle!

“Oh yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it!”

(The Lion King)

Another one of those clip that plays for me in my loops.

1 John 4:18 (NLT)

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.

Christians are not perfect, but God’s love is….we are all learning that we are forgiven.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

Words

Words

by Alienhippy

I do not always understand

What is fact and what is fiction

So I retreat to La-La Land

Till I filter out a solution

~

But lately I have noticed that

My views are NOT all wrong

My looping brain, this roundabout

“Not Knowing” for WAY.TOO.LONG

~

But words can be so hectic

They manipulate my mind

Their use can be somewhat septic

They can be sneaky and unkind

~

Those who know and love me

Will help me understand

They build me up, encourage me

To do the things I’ve planned

~

Those manipulating words

Are NOT said out of love

I pray for my guidance, forgiveness

And I wait for words from above.

Friends and Acquaintances

image from Google

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

Today didn’t start too well for me, it’s been coming on for a few days now. I haven’t really been able to figure out why or what has been making me feel sad.

This is where I suppose having people around to chat with would be good. But when I try to chat to those around me, those that are not family I feel like I’m a nuisance. I hate feeling like I’m a nuisance, I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I’m a nuisance.

I tried to get some time and a coffee with a friend the other day, but it didn’t quite work out, so I ended up feeling rejected. In fact I have tried a couple of times this week to reach out in friendship to those I speak to in my life here. I’m just not good at group conversation and I don’t come across well.  I have tried reasoning this out on my own but I can’t understand what I do wrong, and it’s looping a bit in my head.

It’s times like these when I really need help,

AND… I really miss my Mom too. I don’t understand the way people behave. I know I have friendships with people, I know they all have their own things going on. I also realise that I am extremely sensitive, and take thing personally, that are not meant to be taken personally.

This is the part of being an Aspie that I find hard. It builds up without me realising and then I either have a meltdown or I go off and shutdown completely.

I want to talk, I want to be around people,

I love listening to people and being helpful. I don’t always understand the way people communicate and I know I can talk too much and I talk myself round in circles. There are SO few people who will actually listen and accept me for who I am, without giving me loads of advice and ways I need to change. I see that I can go into a state of self punishment, because I don’t like that I feel so alone.

***************************************************************************

My closest friend shared a footnote from her Bible study the other week with me, it said…

How can I know who my friends are?

Proverbs 17:17 (New International Version 1984)

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

One way is a test of loyalty. A genuine friend loves us through the best and the worst of times. In fact, a friend’s true colours are revealed when we go through unusually difficult and painful circumstances.

According to proverbs it’s preferable to have one or two close, intimate companions than a host of superficial acquaintances. The person who maintains only surface relationships with a wide number of people may eventually face ruin for lack of good advice when it is really needed.

Proverbs 18:24 (Good News Translation)

Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers.

True friends also wound us. They’re willing to tell us the hard truth even when it hurts. We can trust their honest feedback, but an enemy multiplies kisses (27:6). Beware of someone who does not have the courage to confront you when you need it.

***************************************************************************

My friend shared this with me because it helped her, it has helped me so much today.

I also thought back on some of my counselling sessions when I started to use friendship rings. Learning to tell the difference between acquaintances and true friendships.

As a person on the spectrum

I think us Aspies are so desperate to be accepted that we naturally want to trust people and believe that they want to be our friends. Or, we can be quite the opposite and put up a brick wall because we feel so hurt by the world around us. I know I have done both in my life. I also know that I have bent over backwards to keep friendships/relationships with people who basically didn’t deserve my friendship at all. I did this because of a fear of being alone, of being rejected.

I thank God everyday for the friendships I have now.

I am so grateful that I can communicate through writing, that I can express who I am and how I feel.

I love that my sister lives so close to me that I can have coffee with her when I feel down.

AND…I thank God that I have one friend who I can sit face to face with and be totally myself.

No more brick walls going up for this Aspie, I have allowed God to soften my heart and I love people.

I might struggle to understand them, but I still love them.

Love and hugs everyone. xx 🙂