It started with a fish.

It started with a fish.

I won a fish on the ‘hook a duck’ at the fun fair, I was 5 years old. My brother won one too, Mom put them both in one of those 1970’s over sized brandy glasses. We called our fishes, Tom and Jerry. For my 10th Birthday the present I wanted the most, I got.

My first Aquarium.

I kept cold water fishes and they gave me a place to stare, I found the movement of the water through the filtering system extremely calming, and I knew each of my fishes and how they responded. My aquarium was in my bedroom it acted as a night light and the soothing sound of filtering water helped me to drift off into sleep.

When I moved into my own flat at the age of 18, I still had this fish tank and I started my first tropical aquarium. I had been wanting to do this for years, but Mom and Dad would only let me have cold water fishes.

I started with easy to keep fish in a community tank, Guppies, Mollies, Zebra Danios, Neon tetras and some smaller variety of Gourami.

MY ONE BOOK

At this age I was fascinated by all the varieties

The different names and how to keep these beautiful creations alive. I learnt about water values and how to test for nitrates. I learnt how to control the temperature and which fishes would breed at higher water temperatures. I knew which fish were live bearers, egg layers, egg depositors. I became obsessed with everything that my ONE book taught me.

I can see now that if someone would have taken my passion for keeping fishes at the age of 10, and used it to help me read, to help me understand science, to look at the fishes anatomy, maybe research all the different plants that I could have grown in my aquarium. My educational experience could have been so very different and such a positive one.

Oh well…such is life!!

At the age of 26, I became homeless and I was very ill with depression. I was close to breakdown and having regular suicidal thoughts. My Mom had me back home and she gave me and my 2 year old *AJ her master bedroom. She bought me a new fish tank, a bigger one, and she told me to fill it with the most beautiful tropical fishes I could find.

Doing this helped me so much and I am so grateful for the wisdom that God gave my Mom. I would go out with my boy and we would find the most amazing Aquatic centres. They always had little cafes and we had a fabulous time looking at all the wonderful fishes.

When *AJ was 9 my Mom bought him his first aquarium

He was fascinated with testing the ph and nitrate levels he also memorised names, temperatures, origins and tank types. He would talk none stop about his aquarium and his teacher was fascinated at his knowledge. I got him so many books and he read every one of them. He loved his tank so much and then one night the thermostat over heated and boiled all the fish, we came down to an awful smell. All his beautiful tropical fish were white and floating on the top of the tank. My *AJ cried his eyes out, and refused to ever talk about it.

Here is a photo of him with his first aquarium, before the boiling obviously

In the cage next to the tank is “BOB” the Gerbil, we later changed his name to “Beelze-BOB”

That Gerbil was just plain evil.

*AJ, 9 years old, with his fishes

*AJ later went on to breeding mice,

He won shows at the national mouse association. I took advantage of his “SPECIAL INTEREST” he was obsessed with mice, so I used it to teach him in SO many ways. He had to clean them out and feed them every day and he had 57 at one point.

Over the years

Me and my kids have kept fish, mice, gerbils, hamsters, rabbits, guinea pigs, chickens, ducks, quails, budgies, love birds, cockatiels, finches, cats, dogs, kakarikis, tree frogs and a snake.

We have quite a library of animal husbandry. I know that through animals I have not felt the loneliness in my life that some Aspies feel. My animals have been my friends, I have loved them and they have loved me back. They have given me friendship, companionship, many giggles….I had a Cockerel once called DUDE who would sit on my shoulder like a pirates parrot. A rabbit that came when it was called. My Kakariki loved being stroked and would call me to tell me he loved me. I had a cat called Fusspot who would regularly steal marsh mellows lick them and flick them up the wall. My dogs, cats and rabbits have given me a shoulder to cry on, and someone to talk to who is an exceptional listener, and never judgemental. My animals have brought me through tough times by being unique creations, they helped me to look to God and see Him in who they are and how they have been created.

My little *CAL looking at fish in an aquatic centre

NOTE: This post was written two years ago. I found it today to share with a lovely new friend that I “met” on facebook through Everyday Aspergers group. I have a lot of new followers that may not know about this part of my life and those who have been following me since the start of Alienhippy won’t mind reading this again.

I enjoyed reading this today, it helped me see just how far I have come.

Love and hugs. Lisa. xx 🙂

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Gratitude

Can you spare Nine minutes and fifty six seconds?

If so I promise this time will not disappoint you. It will captivate and show in a new light what we all so easily take for granted. I watched this video early this morning and I was in awe of its beauty, humbled by the words spoken and brought to tears at all I miss.

Gratitude for each day and seeing the gift that is life

I felt so overwhelmed by my own humanity, totally humbled by my own shallowness and so grateful for the gift of grace. This video really moved me and helped me to know I need and want to open my eyes. I need and want to be more grateful for each day. I need and want to seek deeper than surface.

Our only response is gratitude when we look at each day as our first and our last, our alpha and omega. This video is so very inspiring with such beautiful words and images.

Thank you Angel for sharing it.

No more words from me. Love and hugs. xx 🙂

His Eye is on the Sparrow, His hand is on my heart.

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Sometimes you just know when God is speaking to you and other times life can be so noisy we just can’t hear Him. I am a big believer in getting quiet time each day, because I know that if I don’t, it makes my Autistic traits far worse for me to cope with.

This morning as I was reading my favourite Christian blogs I was reminded of an old post of mine. It’s funny how God does that, nothing quite as challenging as seeing your own words. I have been feeling that I needed to find ways of…

“Just being me!” again.

Since coming out Aspie there have been a lot of hurtful things said to me and I have gotten to the point now where I feel I don’t need to explain myself to anyone. People will either accept me for who I am or they won’t.

So I just want to say…Thank you God for loving me.

Also I would like to thank Richard for being just who he is,

“Richard your posts are a blessing my friend.”

This is the link to Richards post, Speaking Silently.

Richard is very real and his sharing of his walk with Jesus is very honest and open.

Love and hugs everyone and enjoy the re-post.

Lisa. xx 🙂

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His Eye is on the Sparrow.

(November 21, 2010)

When I first started blogging I was in hiding.

I had gotten to a point of near breakdown and the world was just too much for me to handle. I only shared my Art and Poetry to start with. I didn’t really talk to anyone. A very special person came along and started to help me. She became my first friend and helped me to open up and start sharing a little of myself through my blog.

I have made lots of friends through my blog since and you are all very dear to me. Because of the encouragement from bloggyland I am learning to be me.

~

God certainly works in mysterious ways

Who’d have guessed that He would come and find me hiding in the internet…God is so good!

But…I guess He did send a big fishy to fetch Jonah….giggle… I’m, so strange. Where do these thoughts come from???

When my internet first started to play up I sent my lovely friend an email, from my sisters. My friend told me to reach out to God because He will pick me up.

I have been doing this, because I have felt very cut off and really quite alone. I didn’t realise how much we all used the internet it’s just something we do without thinking.

Anyway…..

I prayed about this obviously (in my childlike way) I asked God to switch it back on again, first of all.

“Had a little bit of an Aspie meltdown…or was it a tantrum Lisa?” Thank you little voice, I know. You don’t have to keep butting in. I will tell them.

Then I thought… well what can I learn from this???

Well… now I know!

I love my blog, and all my bloggy friends. I miss going onto YouTube and watching my videos, I can’t watch the TV it causes me to much negative and then it cycles.

I miss reading my friends blogs, seeing how you all are.

I miss my comments and replying to my comments.

I miss searching around on Google looking for cartoons to go with my posts.

I love that I can entertain myself doing this. I often can’t stop giggling while looking.

This morning I woke up and just wanted to sing to God.

I had had a dream, quite a strange dream actually where I was chatting with God.

God said to me, in this dream, that when I sing it comes straight from my heart and sounds beautiful to Him.

Then I said to God, “But I think my voice sounds awful God!”

Then He giggled and said…”By the time it comes to me it is perfect, so keep singing to me.”

So this morning I woke up all excited about singing to God.

I ran downstairs in my Jim-Jams, into the conservatory, grabbed my guitar and sang to Jesus.

I was looking out onto my garden, its autumn here and there are leaves everywhere.

Right outside my window a little girl Sparrow perched on the fence only 3 feet away from me.

She looked straight at me. I could see her little dark eyes. She kept tilting her little head from side to side listening to me sing.

Now I know birds do this, I once had an aviary full of Budgies and I kept Chickens for year. I also had a pet Parrot called Po-Po who I loved so much.

I can tell when a bird is listening.

AND….NO, I am not mad…I know what I saw….giggle.

I carried on singing and kept repeating the song thinking she would fly off soon, but she didn’t.

She just stayed there looking straight at me listening to every word I sang to God. Bless her little sweetness.

Eventually I stopped singing and put my guitar down.  I smiled at her and said, “Thank you,” and I nodded my head to her.

She hopped closer nodded back and flew off.

I just thought WOW….God sent a Sparrow to listen to me sing to Him.

Today I went back to my old Church

I left 18 months ago feeling very misunderstood and quite hurt. I told the people (I needed to tell) that I have Aspergers Syndrome.

I told them how the Church had not been the best environment at times for some of my ways.

I also told them that I love my Christian brothers and sisters all around the world, in fact I love all people, but I am an Aspie and that makes me a little different.

I explained that I will only be doing what I feel God wants me to do, and I will not be made to feel guilty for not always being able to cope with the environment of the Church.

I also said I know God made me this way, and I am just the way I am supposed to be.

I was welcomed back with open arms and they accepted what I said…for now anyway.

SO…..

My Aspie-happy is out again. This time it’s the real one, not the one behind a mask.

I went to Church dressed in my happy clothes, because I am a multi coloured Rainbow.

And

The negativity I carried in my heart for 18 months has been completely turned upside down.

Blogging is certainly helping me, and I thank all of you. XX 🙂

It’s so easy to take me apart!

wonderfullywired.wordpress.com

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Wonderfully Wired is what I’m learning to see

My wonderful friend Fi helps me so much with this. How? It’s so very simple really….she loves and accepts me for me! She accepts my quirky ways and doesn’t put unrealistic expectations on our friendship. She also prays for me and my family. This is something I have never had in a friendship before, but it is something I have always prayed for.

In my last post I said I’d been inspired by one of the photos Fi had sent to me. So I’m going to share some thoughts I had about it.

Let’s talk about an Autistic trait of mine…

Analysis

Analysis is the process of breaking a complex topic or substance into smaller parts to gain a better understanding of it. The technique has been applied in the study of mathematics and logic since before Aristotle (384–322 B.C.), though analysis as a formal concept is a relatively recent development.

The word is a transcription of the ancient Greek ἀνάλυσις

(analusis, “a breaking up”, from ana- “up, throughout” and lysis “a loosening”)

Taken from Wikipedia

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Taking things apart is something a lot of ASD kids do

Not just kids though adults do it as well, I really enjoy taking things apart it’s like an adventure into another world. It’s a time of discovery and learning in my own way and in my own time. Not too long ago I took an old computer apart, just for fun, and collected all the pieces that I know I can use in a sculpture one day, when I get the time that is…. 🙂

When I’m taking something apart I can see how it all works. I can imagine rebuilding it in new ways. My brain just comes alive and I don’t notice anything else around me. Or anybody actually…I get lost in there, in the WHOLE process of it. AND….it’s so very lovely. 🙂

Putting things together is different

Why?

Instructions…expectations…a feeling of failure and disappointment.

Confusion, complications and always someone telling you you’re doing it all wrong.

I do love solving puzzles though, I just like to do it on my own with no help at all, away from everyone.

Having someone around “hovering” while I am building/making/solving something is very distracting. I have my own way of doing things, but because of how people have been in my past, I’m used to feeling like I do things wrong all the time. So having someone watching me build something (like a flatpack) while trying to follow instructions, actually throws my brain into meltdown mode.

I can keep this in for quite a while now, but as a kid the model, puzzle or board game would get kicked into the air or thrown across the room. I would then stamp off in a vile mood to a safe place, this made me feel guilty and wrong. I would then get REALLY told off for having a “temper tantrum” Yes…that’s what happens unfortunately when you are high functioning or undiagnosed. People have expectations of how you should be, because who you really are is unseen.

The invisible disability…“The invisible people”

Your intelligence in other things is noticed but your behaviour with so called simple things is unrecognised as a difficulty. This caused me a lot of confusion as a child. I felt so clever with some things and so stupid with others.

As a child I had no control over my reactions, my body acted in a way to protect me. I learned as I got older but I also learned to internalise TOO MUCH! I became far too quiet. Even the things I was good at, the things I had gifts with were no-longer enjoyable, I felt I did everything wrong.

Creating is different

With creativity it’s like building something while taking it apart. It gives me both! I see something being built/made/created but also feel the adventure of seeking and discovering. There are no rules in creativity, no instructions, no right or wrong way of doing (or there shouldn’t be)

School changes this, they place rules on the arts, they tech techniques and place expectations. I was always very good at art at school, but on my bad days I couldn’t meet the goals of my teachers.

Lisa is a quiet child with a lot of talent, she is naturally gifted in art, however she needs to try harder. She tends to drift off into daydreams and not finish the work set for her.

(one of my teachers)

I love this quote by Pablo Picasso

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.”

It’s so easy to take me apart!

With God’s love I am learning to put me back together.

God’s creativity flows through everything and also through everyone who lets Him in. I’m learning to use my Wonderfully Wired mind to see through my Aspie eyes. True creativity comes NOT from learning techniques and reading from books but from within, from who we are created to be. Creativity and expression are a scary thing to share, but it is also very healing when we do. I have always naturally wanted to learn about the things I love doing, the things I am interested in. My Aspie mind needs to feed on information, when I am interested in something it’s all I can think about.

Fi’s Blog title is…

Wonderfully Wired “Created to be remarkable…”

Created to be remarkable…I see this in my kids and Fi sees it in her kids.

“Different, but not less.” Those of us with spectrummy kids all see this and want everyone else to see it too! It’s not easy being a Mom to kids on the spectrum, not for NT or Aspie Moms. Our kids are unique and wonderful creations. They are blessings from God that we feel a need to protect. We see their quirkiness and we love it. The world however….well, let’s not go there!

As parents to kids with quirks we see its affect every day!

We already know how some people mock that which they are ignorant about, that which they refuse to try to understand.

Bringing awareness to the needs of those on the Spectrum is so very important.

Without people sharing what it’s like there will always be people who tear Aspies/Auties apart.

There will always be the bullies, the manipulators and the abusers. But through sharing our journeys we are building a path for others to walk on. We are making a safe place for others to share. We are telling our stories in the hope that things will change.

I love blogging….. WHY?

Because God has given me a way of taking me apart and building me back up, in a group of loving and accepting friends. In a little community I like to call Bloggyland.

“A place where I can be me!”

Love and hugs friends.

Lisa. xx 🙂

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (The Message)

So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind.

I know you’re already doing this; just keep on doing it.

Wonderfully Wired on Wordless Wednesday

wonderfullywired.wordpress.com

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

My best friend Fi, from over at Wonderfully Wired, sent me a few photos yesterday.

This photo was attached to an email simply called,

“Look familiar?‏” ……………………Yes she knows me that well!

She then wrote…

*Lucas* found a screwdriver and dismantled the truck Mum bought him today…..Ooops!

Two of her beautiful kids are on the spectrum, I love the things they get up to.

You can read about Fi and her kids on her blog, just follow the link above.

She doesn’t mind me sharing her photo as she is having a break from blogging at the moment.

She is spending some quality time with her lovely Mum and kids.

This image has given me SO MUCH to think on

It has helped me put quite a few thoughts together.

BUT…this is supposed to be a Wordless Wednesday post, so I’ll share my thoughts another day.

I’ll be writing a post about this and sharing it with you once God helps me bring my loops together, and I have filtered through all my babble.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

My lovely friend Angel sent me this video yesterday, I just had to share it!