Simplicity is being me.

Photo taken with my mobile

Being Still, making the time to find who I am in Christ, “Listening through the Loops” that are constantly cycling in my head from the hectic run of life. Being Still is something that I really need. I’ve come to realise that I’m not made to be constantly stressed, I don’t work well when my mind is constantly looping with emotional overload or any form of anxiety.

I sometimes find myself filling all the gaps in life with things that don’t really need to be there. I try to avoid all the silent moments and it’s almost like I’m afraid to not keep busy. It’s only when I actually make myself stop, be still, ponder and reflect that then I see clearly. I see that I can sometimes add worries and stress and make myself a lovely lot of my own confusion.

I wrote a poem not long after my 40th Birthday

It is called My Shelf, you can read it over on my poetry blog, “Listening through the Loops” In this poem I express how my whole life I had been bending over backwards trying to make people like me. I’d only ever done what I thought others wanted/needed/expected me to do. I was one big people pleaser.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for helping others but not when it is to the detriment of my self-worth, my core beliefs, or it affects my family and those closest to me.

Jesus very often would seek out solitude.

He loved all people but He also needed to find Himself with God. He needed to pray alone sometimes, He needed to seek God without distraction. Unconditional love can only be given to others when we truly understand and have received it. We all long to feel loved and to give love to others.

We need to remember to fill up our own tanks. When we are constantly running on empty we just become resentful. This is where I had gotten to when I wrote that poem, I couldn’t cope anymore with being the constant “Yes” girl. Something had to change, I wasn’t being true to myself. I thought I was doing God’s will, running around doing all the deeds, but deeds without love are not what God wants. God’s will for each of us is for us to live life to the full.

This is the last verse of the poem, “My Shelf.”

It has been one long journey to deliver me at this station

As I’ve been twisted inside-out and tortured with frustration

I didn’t see, the simplicity, of being me, would set me free.

I didn’t see, the simplicity, of being me, would set me free.

It was when I started to say, “No” When I started to explain to people…

“I’m sorry, but I have a different idea and I don’t feel that this plan is actually beneficial to my life.”

It’s amazing how many people disappear out of your life when you start standing up for what you believe. It’s also EXTREMELY WONDERFUL seeing the people who do love you just the way you are. I’m finding that saying, “Let me think about it for a while I’ll get back to you!” is so much easier.

Also reminding myself that guilt is NOT of God

Anyone who makes me feel guilty is putting too much pressure on me, and not thinking of my well-being, therefore not truly loving me, this includes the pressure I put on myself. I can be so unloving towards myself at times.

I’m very grateful for the close friendships God has brought into my life, those who love and accept me for who I am. Those who constantly remind me that they love me unconditionally and know my heart. They help me to understand from both perspectives (Aspie and NT) and never judge me, reject me or ignore me.

I’m learning all the time, I like to learn…it’s good to grow.

I was thinking of a an old poem I wrote and I decided to share it again as it was from WAY back at the beginning of my blogging days and I have over 500 wonderful new readers now. I have changed it slightly and added a different image.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

 Only you Lord Jesus

by Alienhippy

Only you Lord Jesus can fill this gaping hole

Dance around inside my heart, caress my very soul

You took away my sin, grace nailed it to the tree

You are my everything, your comfort sets me free

˜

Nothing can I do to deserve love so complete

I can come to you, lay my all at your feet

Knowing that you care for this life that I live

You will always love me, so my heart to you I give

˜

I don’t know where you’ll lead me, I trust in all your plans

When I’m up and when I’m down, I know I’m in your hands

I’ll just accept the love you give, and know that it’s a gift

And all the songs within my heart, to you my voice I lift

˜

This world is full of darkness, but you make darkness light

With you I face the future, you give me strength to fight

You hold my hand you wipe my tears, I know you always care

Whatever storm I go through, I know that you’ll be there

˜

You’ll give me everything I need, to get through trials I face

You’ll bring me safely home to you, protected in your grace

You forgive me when I lose my way, in all things that I do

So this will always be the call, to come Be Still with you

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9 thoughts on “Simplicity is being me.

  1. As I said before, it is so nice to have you to read again. I am blessed.
    You have come quite a way since you stopped writing.
    I am so happy for you that you are finding yourself and your life.
    You are right, we must love ourselves. And, often, that means taking a chance on losing others.
    Scott

  2. Hi Lisa..

    I guess I know where your heading because we all share unique qualities indifferent places.

    I didn’t want you thinking I was ignoring you because I still hadn’t worked out how or who I actually was. I guess this is where I’m finally listening to my heart.

    Since the age of 13 I’ve suffered from depeession although I came across very energetic,comical. I guess I wanted to have a perpose. I had my own missions and weren’t completing them till I had done them.

    I wasn’t ignoring you i was prioriting my work load.

    You see experiance is key in this situation. I was never good at English and maths. But I was very lucky with the teachers that told the truth. So I absorbed the right information.

    I was awesome at the things to ha ;-). Like netball atletics. Things that came down from genetics. And when I see people trying to create and claim it as theres it pissed me off.

    I was never good at English but she told me take the lower paper so I could achieve my C.

    The only information I took in where from my own, my mum dad grandads. Colour doesn’t come into it.

    I don’t fear anything in terms of what can hurt me I see souls. I can tell when somethin is eating them. I will listen and then offer suggestion. Then I realised they didnt want my opinion they wanted it out so they could move on.

    I learned we need to council each other as in talk. We don’t know these people. But if you truly tune in you can because i have finally over come mental illnesses.

    By turning it into a strength by making every one around one want one. I listened to everyone including my child.

    Who was it she was constantly asking for and I now no. I know where I fit in. But our child did she told me I was her hero. So I began to believe it.. and saw signs I left for my self along the way.

    Two paths two voices pick the right one or combine the two. You see I didn’t even see it coming but the little monkey saved us both by loving us both unconditionally.

    But I was always firm and fair.
    An act or evil and good working together making one.

    I wanted justice but I wanted to Give everyone a fair shot. Especially when there are children involved. But I will continue to go head to head with the devil and until he realises I am not playing I will keep singing my song.

    I started off hurtin as Many people as possible. Then I did the unthinkable and fell in love. But he.didn’t once he did I had already taken it out my heart. One I can handle twice shame on me three shame on you.

    Finding the right balance between good and evil

    Ying and yang.

    Maslows theory

    Hope that helps some why

    Steph

  3. Pingback: Simplicity is being me. | tryingtobemee

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