Oldies are the besties

I have been having difficulty writing posts after reading some not very nice comments about bloggers and their writing styles. At the time I thought I was ok, but it has been looping in my head for nearly two weeks now and I can’t seem to be able to shift it. Some people can be so hurtful with their opinions. Writing is something I used to find release in, a way of me processing and feeling I would connect with those like me, those with similar struggles. Over the last few days I have found myself struggling to even share on my facebook.

I helped myself today by re-reading a few oldies

I need to go back to “Just Being Me!”

My blog is, “A place where I can be me!”

Trying to remember…

I am Aspie-happy.

I’m a multi coloured rainbow.

I turn negativity upside-down.

It’s not just about

“Me and my loops”

Or my supermarket Shutdowns/Meltdowns

It’s about Coping…finding new ways forward

Discovering those Lightening jumps and connections

Having those moments of recognition and true friendship

Yes, I’m the queen of the loops, but I “Listen through the Loops”

There maybe a LOT of “Missing Jigsaws & Excess Lego”

Change is good when God prompts it

So, Hello my lovely Bloggy friends

Yes, this post is full of links and each one of them is a post about me struggling, persevering and overcoming. It’s about how I live and find ways to not be affected by a world that pushes for conformity. Where society makes me feel so different. My acceptance of being different but not less, feeling like an alien on the wrong planet but making it work for me the best I can. Learning to rise above the storm and say, “Bog off frantic thought loop!”

The following post is an oldie that made me giggle today,

It’s one I had totally forgotten about but it helped me to find me again. I tend not to take myself too seriously, and I like to see people smile. So here have a giggle on me. I’m processing as I write and I think I’m on my way back.

Love and hugs. xx 🙂

Just a babble and a giggle! (Embarrassing moments)

image found on Google

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Hello friends out in bloggyland,

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I just got back from dropping my *AJ off at his girlfriends.

I do love our little chats in the car we have such a giggle.

~

*AJ talked about a misplaced face.

The Aspies in my family do this all the time, we know faces from places.

Put them in a different place and we haven’t got a clue who they are.

Quite a few years back

Before I’d ever heard the word Aspergers, I bumped into a neighbour in a petrol station and she chatted with me for quite some time before she asked me if I was ok. I was completely confused to who she was and how she knew me. I was in my early 20’s and wasn’t as good at smiling and nodding as I am now.

It’s funny because I saw this neighbour at a social gathering I was dreading going to and she remembered this incident and I was able to explain to her. Only 20 years later…hehehe

Well me and *AJ then went onto EMBARRASSING MOMENTS

So as I LOVE to babble and I don’t really worry too much what I babble about, I thought I’d share probably the worst and MOST embarrassing moment of my adult years…In other words the most recent one.

If you follow my blog

You will remember a post I wrote about collecting and the emotions of parting with things of sentimental value.

You will remember the hurt I went through when the extension was built on my home and I had to part with the unopened boxes.

Those boxes full of memories.

As an Aspie I connect strongly to my emotions, thoughts and feelings when I touch things.

It triggers off the replays in my head and I can almost feel back in the time I would like to be in.

I LOVE being a Mom, it’s something I dreamed of

So parting with certain baby items was extremely hard for me, well the building work meant I had to clear out the loft space.

So here we go, my most recent embarrassing moment.

I never learn where speaking is concerned, I constantly get things wrong.

On my less confident days I don’t speak a word, but I think LOADS and LOADS.

On my confident days…..well, I tend to say what I think, I get myself into terrible pickles with this.

On this particular day I had revved myself up to doing something I REALLY didn’t want to do.

I was taking *CAL’s travel cot to the charity shop.

I had loads of bags and boxes of things that I was fine about taking.

The travel cot however, was NOT one of them.

I stood it up the side of the car while I put everything else in, and then when I looked up a young couple was walking towards me holding hands.

I thought perfect I can help them out, this travel cot has hardly been used.

I got so excited, I so love helping people,

I thought to myself…God has REALLY helped me here.

“Excuse me love, say no if you don’t want it…but it’s hardly been used,

would you like this travel cot?”

She said…“WHAT?!” and screwed her face up at me.

So me being the plonker I am… repeated myself,

“It’s hardly been used, would you like it…I’m just about to take it to the charity shop?”

Then she says…“Why would you think I want a travel cot?”

Yes I actually DID say this…

“Well, because you’re having a baby aren’t you? You look about 6 months pregnant!”

I’m laughing my head off now writing this, but at the time I thought she was going to kill me.

So there you have it, my most recent embarrassing moment.

Also I learnt a very valuable lesson.

…….Assumption is the mother of all cock ups Lisa!

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Sweet love cocoon‏

Sweet love cocoon‏

by Alienhippy

(A poem for the wounded butterflies)

This image is a link to original photo

I relived your flight a thousand times

The figment you fed through words

Trying to grasp your hidden truth

To understand your meaning

To see my own heart in mind’s eye

~

Bending imagery

Created in an illusion of self doubt

Poured out into my being

Confusing my love

Draining my essence

~

Can you not see this pain?

Words upon words of fear

A sting to carry self punishment

You said you are love

So why this twisted tongue?

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I listen as you will yourself invisible

Talking of your meaningless

You see yourself a worm

Wanting for the grave

Hurtful of yourself with untruths

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A thousand times you break my heart

keep blaming me with what you see

Attacking with your dreads and fears

I will bend not break

I will not go away

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Keep slapping my face this cheek is red

Piercing my heart with your angst

Stabbing my soul with nonsense

Reject me but I’m still here

Through my tears I will have faith

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I will keep on praying

I will keep on hoping

And I will keep on loving you.

But the lies I will not digest

I have touched the light you are

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The light you once knew and have now forgotten

I still see the real you hidden in this darkness

I will hold to the truth

Fan the flame within your depths

You are created to be beautiful

~

Colours radiate, shimmer through this dimming

Breaking the emptiness with reaching spirit

Created in love unconditional

Please let go of your scars

The thorns that snag you belly down

~

Live in your light

Emerge from this cocoon

Accept the rest that brings healing

Then let yourself fly free

Just live and love and simply be

********

Poetry reaches into my heart, connects with my soul and haunts my mind. I seek to live in the light or the darkness consumes. Sweet love cocoon me within stillness where I will find solace. Emerging as a butterfly… transforming growth and love made new.

I will write about this poem and how it helped me to process but in a different post. I will also be adding this poem at a later date to my creativity blog

“Listening through the Loops”

Love and hugs. Lisa. xx 🙂

Self worth, or house proud? (Aspie trying to process)

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

I have been thinking today about the drastic change in my attitude towards housework. I grew up in a messy home, my Mom tried so hard to stay on top of things, but my Autistic Dad is a complete hoarder. My Aspie traits and my need for a safe place of calm took me to my bedroom a lot. In my room I had everything in its place. I loved order and I loved clean.

When I left home at 18

I moved into a flat with my first husband we both had a lot of pride in our home. For me I just needed my safe place, a place of knowing, I can see this now. For him it was more of a sense of achievement, he had grown up with very little and he enjoyed having the very best. For both of us home became very materialistic and it made my Mom feel uncomfortable when she visited. She once said to me that she really didn’t enjoy visiting because it was like stepping into a magazine and she felt like her being there was making a mess. She was right, it was like that and for all the wrong reasons.

Roll the years forward to the birth of *AJ

At this point things were not going so well with our marriage and I took comfort in order. My home became OVER organised and EXTRA clean, in fact it was sterile. I developed terrible OCD and what was my safe place was also *AJ’s safe place. He was a tiny baby, I was feeling EXTREMELY insecure with what was out of control in my life, so a phobia of germs took control. My cleaning routines and rituals had to be done, it was the only way I could function at that time.

I wrote a poem about this….here is the link

The Land of the Cleaning Disorder

I was a single Mom for quite some time.

No one noticed my routines and rituals when *AJ was young, I knew they were odd so I hid them well. I had been isolated in my first marriage and I lost all my friends after the divorce. This tends to happen when your couple friends have to choose. Me being the less social one missed out on grabbing the friendships. I lost my home and my belongings (it’s amazing how freeing that can be actually) I didn’t see it at the time, I was seriously depressed. I had a loving family and a good friend who helped me through. I didn’t have anything to clean for a whole year and this broke me of my habit. I was living with those who would put a roof over the head of a young Mom and her 2 year old hyper active son.

Not my rules, they were the rules of the homes I lived in

No belongings, means no cleaning. I was helpful to those I lived with and really just kept out of the way. When I got my home back *AJ was 3 and he no longer needed things to be sterile. I kept a tidy ordered home that was relaxed and friendly. At this point in my life I was in a religious sect and my time was consumed by the indoctrination of this particular fellowship.

When *CAL was born *AJ was 7

My germ phobia kicked back in, Mr Locoman is a lot more loving and patient than my first husband was. He was able to bring me through this, he helped me to feel secure and not have to keep control of the environment.

11 years later I no-longer feel I have to have an immaculate home to impress people, or even be liked by people. Part of this though is because I have spent so long trying to please everyone, trying to imitate or impress friends that now I really don’t care anymore what people think. I know I am loved by God and those God has put in my life.

After the building work was completed we were left with an awful lot of mess, the problem is I seem to have lost the motivation.

I want my home nice again, but there is a kind of fear

Don’t get me wrong it’s not that bad, I can invite people round. But I feel like I am only wanting it nice for me. I think I have been trashed that much in my life by others, and I have allowed people to treat me badly because I didn’t really understand I deserved and was worth better. Now I am having a re-think and wondering if I have lost the “self love” that I should have to motivate me into wanting nice for myself. I can easily do everything for others but for myself I tend to not bother. I don’t feel pressured into doing things to please my husband, my kids, my family or my true friends because I know they love me regardless. I’m very blessed. My kids are both older now and have their own things and their own rooms. I feel content but my home isn’t exactly how I want it.

So how do I find the balance?

What is self-worth?

What is house proud?

Is this an Aspie thing?

Or me just struggling to process my past again?

Just my thoughts, I know God loves me so I should love me too!

There we go, my post of babbling nonsense for the day.

Love and hugs all.

Lisa. xx 🙂

Status update by Joyce Meyer

No one is perfect—each of us is a work in progress. (Phil. 1:6)

Philippians 1:6 (NIV1984)

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Change is good when God prompts it.

Change is good when God prompts it.

Yep it sure is, it is exciting and refreshing.

It brings a new joy into your step and a smile in your heart.

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This is a small part of a written conversation I had today, with my closest friend.

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Alienhippy is getting back to how it started and my ASD stuff I’m putting on my Jigsaw blog. I need to understand myself but the analysing gets obsessive. Alienhippy is about passion not obsession. So collecting facts and putting them separate helps me.

My ways seem obsessive and I know there is a difference between being obsessive and being passionate. I have to understand things. I can only do this in my own way.

Imagine something you really need, it becomes a first thought. You will seek it out because it is a need. Something you really want is the same, but has an added excitement. This is how it works in my mind with learning and special interests. (Learning is my need and my interests are my wants) When I obsess it is out of insecurity, then I look WAY TOO deeply and I will start to loop. I gather too much information and can’t process it. Then I shutdown. I have to shutdown I can’t keep that up.

I have a few things collected that I obsessed on yesterday. They then made me focus on how the world sees me and how I see myself in the world, in time and space…which I find hard to understand. These things I will put on my Missing Jigsaws & Excess Lego blog. Other people looking for answers about ASD will find them there. They can follow the links I leave and I feel I’m helping.

Also while it is there it is not looping in my brain. I can then pull on stuff from there as God helps me to make sense of it and see the Wonderfully Wired me not the worldly weird me.

I’m organising again…lining things up in my own God given way…LOL

********************************************************************

Social Cognition: Cognitive processes behind social competency

Let me backtrack to yesterday

I read the points on weak central coherence, pondered on it a little too much and the reality of it, the affect that it has had on my life brought me to tears. These tears would not stop and eleven hours later I was still a complete and utter mess. I have learnt though that God brings healing through tears. Sometimes we just have to let it out and give it to God.

In those hours I had been having flashbacks of many negative experiences over my life. Times I won’t discuss here at this point, maybe one day. Also times when I have giggled along with people when really I felt they were laughing at me. My not knowing what I have said that made people laugh but decided to act the clown and play along. Then playing that rerun in my head so many times I could not function. It all suddenly made sense and it really hurt, it hurt in my heart, my mind and it hurt me physically. Those on the spectrum with sensory difficulties know what I mean by this. Feelings, memories of being bullied and abused, feelings and memories of being shamed and mocked. But what hurt more was as time went on I learned to isolate myself, I cut people out of my life. I found them hard to understand. I had a lot of negative experiences to relate to, so I couldn’t trust people. It hurt me that I may have judged people on past experience and not given them a chance.

I spoke about this with my friend and then it occurred to me

People who truly love me and want to know me won’t and haven’t let me hide and slip out of their lives. They are the ones who are always there. There may only be a few but they are there.

I then thought about Jesus’ friendships

Something I always go back to, Jesus had many followers but twelve friends. He had three close friends. He only shared His true and deepest thoughts and feelings with God and His three friends.

We have many people come in and out of our lives

God gives us many ways of learning, many ways of loving and many ways of connecting to who we are in Him. True, open, honest, transparent friendship is such a blessing and a thing to be treasured. Without relationships we can never really find who we are. But bad relationships destroy any self, self-esteem AND self-worth we have.

Never being able to be your true self because of fear

As an Aspie I feel it takes a lot of faith to REALLY be yourself. I have one person in my life who I can sit face to face with, look in the eyes and say EXACTLY how I feel. I can share anything and know I am loved and accepted for who I am. I know that because of this friendship I am learning to trust again. I’m learning to be the me I was created to be. I see friendship as a gift from God and a way to help us heal.

I also have the choice to see my Autism as a gift from God

Help me Lord, to do what I can for you.

Help me to realize that I can use every gift to your glory, and for the good of others. Amen.

(Children’s book of prayer – Treasure Press 1985)

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Link to what I collected to help me understand.

Social confusion in Autism (Missing Jigsaws & Excess Lego)

Link to a poem I wrote when pouring myself out to God.

Deep in your arms (Listening through the Loops)

Invisible love. JJ Heller

Smears on my windows

Image from Google

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

I cleaned the windows today!

I know it’s SO interesting isn’t it? But before you run off I had a lot of thoughts while cleaning and a lot of clarity to what I have been feeling. So keep reading and I’ll share what I found helpful.

I really love to write

I know that my spelling isn’t great and I’m so grateful that God inspired someone to create spellcheck. Without spellcheck I wouldn’t have the confidence to blog. But even with spellcheck my spelling, punctuation and grammar are not the best. Those of you who have been reading for a while know how I struggle to feel accepted, you know how I fear rejection and also how my Aspergers and dyslexia cause visual loops and an inability to process or even understand at times.

Longing for communication and connection

I feel that everyone longs for connection, to feel loved and accepted for who they are. People on the spectrum are just the same, we may seem to shy away from friendships but that is because we are misread, misunderstood and we see things differently. We can’t always maintain eye contact because we can’t think/understand/process all that information at the same time. Some of us can speak and act really well, so well in fact we look like we fit. However we have this big aching void inside of us because who we really are is trapped and never allowed to be shown.

I am what is called high functioning and I have learned to conform. Only a very few people really know me, my bloggy friends know more about me than the people I see every day. Communication and connection comes easier for me through writing. Only my close family and one friend can cope with me in a meltdown. I have one friend I allow to see me when I am shutdown. I know she understands me, accepts me and loves me for who I am. I feel very blessed to have the family and friends I have.

So back to cleaning windows

My Aspie brain is very good at dictating a post while I’m busy. Cleaning windows is no exception. I’m quite fussy with windows, I wrote a poem about it once.

Here is the link for anyone wanting a giggle.

When I’m cleaning windows

Those who know me personally, know I could NEVER have an iPad or touchscreen mobile because I see every finger print and have to wipe it off. Finger prints and smears really do drive me mad, it seems they become my total focus. I wish I could change it I really do.

I was cleaning my bedroom windows and making sure I had no smears when I realised how focused I was on the glass and not seeing my cat on the fence looking at me. This reminded me of the time when I was in a religious sect and I was so focused on the scriptures, and making people see them as I did, that I didn’t see the people. I didn’t see their hurt, who they were or how they loved. We are all unique and how we love is unique too.

I was speaking with Mr Locoman about this

We talked about a railway group he knows. There are those who go because they have a deep passion for locomotives, and there are those who know a lot about locomotives. Then there are people who want to learn and people who want to share and those who want to feel part of something.

Each person has equal status but sometimes we can be so caught up in the fingerprints we forget to see through the glass.

I’m being abstract but I’m sure someone will understand me.

I cleaned the windows, hubby cleaned the car

I was driving *AJ and *DWKlymax to the gym this evening. It was dark and as I was driving I noticed a smear on my windscreen. For just a few seconds I stopped looking outwards and focused too much on the imperfection. A teenage girl wearing all black walked out into the road. I am so glad I didn’t focus on the smear for too long. I could have ploughed her down.

I know it’s not the same for everyone

For me though, my Bible can be like this. I believe that God’s word needs to be digested by each of His children in the way He gives to them. We are all created differently and we all hear God in the way He choses to reveal Himself to us and in us.

I learned the hard way not to use scripture to put my point across, who am I anyway, I’m just Lisa, we are all just a mist. If God uses me then I feel blessed by that. The scriptures I share on my blog and with friends are those that inspire me or those that have helped me. My opinion or my interpretation of scripture is for me, I share my ups and my downs. I share how God helps me, how He carries me through my dark times and dances with me in my joy.

That’s right, in my understanding

Our Heavenly Father is the bestest Happy-Dancer there is!

In the words of the song that’s looping in my head while I write this post,

“If you could see what I can see when I’m cleaning windows!”

For me I have to read, inwardly digest through prayer and then live life in His unconditional love. Accepting myself with all my imperfections and loving others for who they are. This is far more of a challenge for me than using scripture.

If I focus on Jesus, He will teach me to see through His eyes and He is the true word of God. I’m learning to see through windows in His way, in the time I have here, before the glorious time of being with Him.

Love and hugs friends.

Lisa. xx 🙂

I love this song, I know I have shared it before!

I DON’T like the word “Obsessive”

Image from Google

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Look at the word Obsession

(World English Dictionary)

obsession (əbˈsɛʃən)

1. psychiatry a persistent idea or impulse that continually forces its way into consciousness, often associated with anxiety and mental illness

2. a persistent preoccupation, idea, or feeling

3. the act of obsessing or the state of being obsessed

I REALLY DON’T LIKE THIS WORD!

It’s probably just me and my past, but it just seems that sometimes when it is said to me it makes me feel all icky inside, icky and wrong.

I read a quote this morning on a fb pages

I can’t remember which one now but the words stuck in my head. I also read one of the responses to the quote and it made me think how important it is to see who we are in Christ. To try hard to see who God sees in us. Not how we view ourselves, or how those in our lives make us feel about ourselves. This is a very hard balance to find. I believe it can only really be obtained through relationship with God, over time, with maturity. It’s the mark we will always keep missing. God’s love is unconditional we can rest in the blessed assurance of our precious Saviour.

This is what I wrote down, it is what I pondered on and later what I prayed about.

It’s not what we look at, it’s what we see.

We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are…

All the more reason to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.

Not knowing why I’m different has caused scars

“We see it as we are…” If you grow up never feeling you belong the world can feel pretty hostile. I learned to see beauty in nature, animals, children, interests, songs and objects. I have always shied away from people and close friendships. I only put myself with groups of people when I knew I could cope. I have learned now to pick these groups very carefully after many bad experiences.

Being an Aspie is a blessing

I don’t always see this so I am writing it down today. I need to be able to remind myself the next time I have been totally overloaded and had to shutdown completely. I see things differently because my brain is wired differently. It doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

People say that Auties/Aspies are obsessive

It may seem this way if that’s what you see, but I want to change that word to passionate.

Obsessive is a negative word in my head it makes me feel that I am wrong, strange, weird, freaky.

I can be very focused, I see things in great detail. If I am interested and care about something or someone I am very loyal, dedicated to that. I very often will miss other things going on that are not interesting to me. In my life I have been made to feel bad for being me, I have been made to feel stupid because I have missed things. To feel I’m a nuisance because I need to communicate in my way.

for instance…

I loved my fish tank as a child, I would sit, focus and learn everything I could about my fishes and my aquarium. Fishes have always been positive in my life and helped me feel happy. While all the girls my age, were watching the Live Aid concert. I was cleaning out my aquarium and listening to it, I had new plants and I created a new environment for my fish. I was totally happy doing this and remember it so very well. When meeting up with these “friends” I didn’t know much about what had happened in Live Aid, I only heard the music. I listened to them all talking and was afraid to say I didn’t watch it, I only listened. I knew how they would all react. I would have been 16 years old and I knew my ways seemed odd to most people.

Now look at the word passion

Passion (from the Ancient Greek verb πάσχω (paskho) meaning to suffer) is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something.

The term is also often applied to a lively or eager interest in or admiration for a proposal, cause, or activity or love – to a feeling of unusual excitement, enthusiasm or compelling emotion, a positive affinity or love, towards a subject, idea, person, or object. It is particularly used in the context of romance or sexual desire though it generally implies a deeper or more encompassing emotion than that implied by the term lust.

Those who know and love Aspies/Auties

I believe you too will see this, we can’t control our happy-dance, our smiles, our clapping, our over excitement. I believe those who love and accept see how we focus and watch how we learn. I believe you can also see how we shutdown out of hurt, fear, rejection and an intense feeling of overwhelming wrongness that we can’t process.

So you too see through Aspie eyes!

Passion is what I feel towards what I am interested in

I am passionate about my family and as a Mom to understand my kids and be the best I can be for them. I am passionate about my relationship with God and finding His calling in my life. I love my blogs and I get a lot of positive experience from writing.

“Obsessive” seems….I don’t know.

I just know that to me it makes me feel like I’m bad in some way.

I used an apple to describe my brain today

That’s right I had to explain how I think to someone today.

Any other adult Aspie who can relate to this??? 🙂

I couldn’t use words and I needed something to hold and look at to explain myself. I got two apples out of the fruit bowl and explained what I understand in my way because I hate it when people tell me I am obsessive and they say it in a way that sounds so negative.

Two Apples, this one is Autistic and this one NT…..LOL

Passionate sounds so much better! (Don’t you think?)

What I am passionate about is always at the forefront of my mind, I can’t change that, my brain has ALWAYS been like that. It’s what I call my lovely loop, it’s a very positive loop for me that gives me joy and happiness. It helps me to feel I belong and gives me energy, motivation and confidence. My special interests are part of this loop. When I can feel good about this loop I can feel good about me and then functioning in a normal day and being around people is NOT at all hard.

When I’m made to feel negative about this loop THEN it becomes obsessive because I am trying so desperately not to feel rejected/isolated/defective. I can’t switch off what I love to do, what I like to think about. I can’t switch off thinking about those I love and ways I can help them. My brain is always puzzling these things out, always communicating with itself and because I have a faith my brain automatically will pray too. I can’t stop how my brain works, I can however let it loop, allow it to feed me positive energy and use that energy to help me in daily life. I can enjoy the visual overlays that inspire me in my days, the reruns and the imaginary conversations. As a child I couldn’t control this and I couldn’t understand why the things I loved to do where taken from me. Why I felt so alone or why I felt so stupid when given something to do that had NO interest to me what.so.ever. My interests are what taught me to eventually learn to read, no one had given me a book I was interested in, so why would I want to read. My passion for learning the truth about Jesus taught me to read.

Having kids, responsibilities and routines helps

I am able to plan and put slots in my day. One thing I enjoy is finding quotes in my coffee quote time. I love to write and paint, sing and play my guitar. I love spending time with my kids and my dogs. I also love spending time with those who love and accept me. I am finding me again. The person God created me to be in all my Aspieness and also in His image.

So after pointing at the front of an apple

Explaining, the best way I could, what my brain works like and how I have had to fake who I am most of my life to avoid ridicule and social rejection. I then spoke on how I have embraced my Aspieness after hiding who I am for nearly 40 years. I am not the person that bends over backwards trying to please everyone just to keep friends anymore. Today when someone I love said to me, “Lisa, hand on heart, you have to admit you are not the easiest person to have to cope with!”

I know this person meant well, I know this person totally loves me. My real self has come as a shock to this person who has only known me imitating my Mom. Not the me who had no close friends and no one who could relate to me. This person only saw what I allowed to be seen.

I thought about the words I wrote down this morning.

It’s not what we look at, it’s what we see.

We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are…

All the more reason to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.

I know God created me to be me. So I will listen to Him.

I’m not obsessive, I’m passionate about who God created me to be.

1 Corinthians 13:12

The Message (MSG)

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

Collection of my Aspie thoughts today

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

It’s NO secret that I am not particularly fond of foxes. Now I don’t wish them any harm, they need to survive I understand that, I just REALLY miss my chickens. Today however I cuddled on the sofa with my girl and watch story time and the story was called, The Fox in the Dark, by Alison Green. It was this story of a Mommy fox that pulled some of my Aspie tangent thinking together.

I found this quote on fb      ———>

Those who know me personally know how I love quotes, images, and scriptures.

Those of you who are added to my fb see them most days when I get my coffee/quote time.

I love to share what I find, it brings me a joy to know that something I find, that helps me, may also help someone else too.

I have had a nasty cold all week this week

My little *CAL has caught it too and we haven’t done a lot today but spend time together resting, we have watched a film and a bit of TV. One of *CAL’s Goldfish (Roger) died yesterday so she is not too happy at the moment. Also because she is not well she has missed the fun day at school helping her best friend with a stall to raise money for “Children in Need.” <——–Link

I read a post today on a blog I follow

I read it from my mobile while me and *CAL were having our movie time.

Here is the link… The Chase

This post made me ponder on the simple questions

Are you chasing Him? What are you seeing? What are you seeking?

I’m an Aspie Mom with Aspie kids

This is where Story time brought it all together for me. I have so many thoughts that I ponder on, I find taking the time to be still and rest will always pull them together, and God finds the strangest things to pull my loops together.

Here is a link to the story that me and *CAL watched.

It’s a lovely story and quite short please watch it if you have time.

The Fox in the Dark, by Alison Green, read by Josie Lawrence.

Yes I know it’s a kids story book but Jesus did say those who have ears let them hear.

God reaches us where we are at, and I’m still a big kid!

As Moms with kids on the spectrum

I feel we learn to protect constantly, our kids are vulnerable and misunderstood by many. The things we talk about most people are not interested in and the difficulties we have to cope with daily only other ASD parents can possibly understand.

I’m also Aspie so I have lived with the social isolation and being misunderstood by others, also me misunderstanding others all my life. I learned to conform, to act, to NOT stand out, just fit, because rejection hurt so very much! I learned that who I am is never appreciated so it is best to stay hidden. Seeing my kids getting hurt and being misunderstood hurts so very deeply. Watching them conform and lose parts of who they are breaks my heart.

Back to the fox and my tangent

I dislike foxes because they hurt something I loved, they took it from me. A lot of the time I think us ASD Moms feel this way about Autism. I know in my life I have constantly prayed to be accepted and have friends who love and accept me for who I am. I believe it’s not the Autism that is the difficulty but unaccepting people who push for conformity and set unrealistic goals for those on the spectrum to reach, in a time limit that society pushes down our throats. Unconditional love and acceptance for who we are is really all any of us need.

In the story of the Fox in the Dark

The Mommy fox is looking for her baby who is lost in the dark. All the other animals are afraid of the fox because they have their own understanding. They are judging this fox on what they know of foxes.

Isn’t this so true about Autism too?

I have heard these words so many times, “She doesn’t look autistic!”

I’m reminded of a scripture

Luke 9:58  (NIV1984)

Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”

And also another…

Acts 17:28 (GNT)

as someone has said, In him we live and move and exist.
It is as some of your poets have said, We too are his children.