In searching my truth

roses

In searching my truth

by Alienhippy

In searching my truth

I found the love of God

Divine love has been calling

Whispering my name my whole life

I’d reached the end of my own strength

Admitting to myself

I was just biding time

Waiting on seeking

But never truly seeing

Never really listening

Not wanting to hear

Not wanting to see

Switched off to my senses

In the falling of the leaves came release

A casting away of all that had become

In sequence with changing seasons

My entire being grasped, gasped

Deeply inhaled

Sensed rightness

Exhaled

Sighing in relief

Recognition of soul harmony

The fullest truth of the summer blooms

Revealing to my soul

The flower trapped within

Butterflies and tickle birds

Creating new paths of flight

The key to my heart was given

Love unlocked then opened the door

And in that love

With that love

Through that love

I ventured out

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Simplicity is being me.

Photo taken with my mobile

Being Still, making the time to find who I am in Christ, “Listening through the Loops” that are constantly cycling in my head from the hectic run of life. Being Still is something that I really need. I’ve come to realise that I’m not made to be constantly stressed, I don’t work well when my mind is constantly looping with emotional overload or any form of anxiety.

I sometimes find myself filling all the gaps in life with things that don’t really need to be there. I try to avoid all the silent moments and it’s almost like I’m afraid to not keep busy. It’s only when I actually make myself stop, be still, ponder and reflect that then I see clearly. I see that I can sometimes add worries and stress and make myself a lovely lot of my own confusion.

I wrote a poem not long after my 40th Birthday

It is called My Shelf, you can read it over on my poetry blog, “Listening through the Loops” In this poem I express how my whole life I had been bending over backwards trying to make people like me. I’d only ever done what I thought others wanted/needed/expected me to do. I was one big people pleaser.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for helping others but not when it is to the detriment of my self-worth, my core beliefs, or it affects my family and those closest to me.

Jesus very often would seek out solitude.

He loved all people but He also needed to find Himself with God. He needed to pray alone sometimes, He needed to seek God without distraction. Unconditional love can only be given to others when we truly understand and have received it. We all long to feel loved and to give love to others.

We need to remember to fill up our own tanks. When we are constantly running on empty we just become resentful. This is where I had gotten to when I wrote that poem, I couldn’t cope anymore with being the constant “Yes” girl. Something had to change, I wasn’t being true to myself. I thought I was doing God’s will, running around doing all the deeds, but deeds without love are not what God wants. God’s will for each of us is for us to live life to the full.

This is the last verse of the poem, “My Shelf.”

It has been one long journey to deliver me at this station

As I’ve been twisted inside-out and tortured with frustration

I didn’t see, the simplicity, of being me, would set me free.

I didn’t see, the simplicity, of being me, would set me free.

It was when I started to say, “No” When I started to explain to people…

“I’m sorry, but I have a different idea and I don’t feel that this plan is actually beneficial to my life.”

It’s amazing how many people disappear out of your life when you start standing up for what you believe. It’s also EXTREMELY WONDERFUL seeing the people who do love you just the way you are. I’m finding that saying, “Let me think about it for a while I’ll get back to you!” is so much easier.

Also reminding myself that guilt is NOT of God

Anyone who makes me feel guilty is putting too much pressure on me, and not thinking of my well-being, therefore not truly loving me, this includes the pressure I put on myself. I can be so unloving towards myself at times.

I’m very grateful for the close friendships God has brought into my life, those who love and accept me for who I am. Those who constantly remind me that they love me unconditionally and know my heart. They help me to understand from both perspectives (Aspie and NT) and never judge me, reject me or ignore me.

I’m learning all the time, I like to learn…it’s good to grow.

I was thinking of a an old poem I wrote and I decided to share it again as it was from WAY back at the beginning of my blogging days and I have over 500 wonderful new readers now. I have changed it slightly and added a different image.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

 Only you Lord Jesus

by Alienhippy

Only you Lord Jesus can fill this gaping hole

Dance around inside my heart, caress my very soul

You took away my sin, grace nailed it to the tree

You are my everything, your comfort sets me free

˜

Nothing can I do to deserve love so complete

I can come to you, lay my all at your feet

Knowing that you care for this life that I live

You will always love me, so my heart to you I give

˜

I don’t know where you’ll lead me, I trust in all your plans

When I’m up and when I’m down, I know I’m in your hands

I’ll just accept the love you give, and know that it’s a gift

And all the songs within my heart, to you my voice I lift

˜

This world is full of darkness, but you make darkness light

With you I face the future, you give me strength to fight

You hold my hand you wipe my tears, I know you always care

Whatever storm I go through, I know that you’ll be there

˜

You’ll give me everything I need, to get through trials I face

You’ll bring me safely home to you, protected in your grace

You forgive me when I lose my way, in all things that I do

So this will always be the call, to come Be Still with you

Accepted, Loved Unconditionally

Inspired by Psalm 40

Patiently I wait on words spoken to my heart

I listen through my noise and hear the still small voice

My heart yearns but my spirit calls peacefully

I feel raised from the unknown and set on solid truth

That truth is I am loved unconditionally

An inner peace fills me and my heart sings

My lips have a new song of praise

Fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of the one I trust

I look to the heart of the one who gave His life

I know that He is the one to fix my gaze upon

Blessings are at my step as I follow His lead

When I fall I know he will always catch me

When I fail to trust and when I lose hope He remains

His gentle voice spurring me on

Holding me in His love, His light everlasting

Whispering soft reminders of His hopeful, caring promises

He has no desire for sacrifice, but a willing heart

He just calls my name and wants my love

He has me in His heart and He is living in mine

So many do not see or feel this love

They feel that it is not real but I stand in His love

I received His gift and will call out Jesus is Lord

When troubles rise and the waters are deep

His hand is upon me guiding and teaching

So patiently He is always loving

Helping me grow in all I do for Him

His plan for me is always better than my own

Bringing me ever nearer to the image He sees in me

Refining me from the inside starting in the heart

Always providing just what I need, I rest under His wing

Exposed and humbled I stand in His presence

Quickly I am covered by His grace and mercy

New every morning I am washed clean in His love

Accepted and loved, created in unique design

Crafted by the master’s hand

I am enough because He loves me

I can be loved because He loved first

I can love because He shows me the way

He will never leave me, He will never forsake me

I just need to call

Then…Be Still And Know

~

Listen to my cry for help, O God. Pay attention to my prayer. From the ends of the earth, I call to you when I begin to lose heart. Lead me to the rock that is high above me. You have been my refuge, a tower of strength against the enemy. I would like to be a guest in your tent forever and to take refuge under the protection of your wings. Selah ~Psalm 61:1-4 (by David)

I am enough

I am enough

by Alienhippy

Gentle guide and lover of my soul, with you I need no other.

In you I see a reflection, a growing of spirit.

You are my strength, you nurture me from within.

Only you can quench my undying thirst.

~

Hidden warmth, a refreshing breath.

I sense your lips of truth.

Giving me rest when all I am is spinning in confusion.

Patiently you wait for me and spur me on in whispers.

~

You are there when I awaken from my darkness.

In my own time, through your love, I am given new direction.

No fear as I look to you, I know you walk at my side.

Safe and secure in your arms the battle is won.

~

Your fruit, your streams refresh my soul.

I long for you alone.

Your tender hand lifts my downcast gaze, restoring my dream.

With the mountain’s peak, my heart will grasp new blessings.

~

Bursting forth an overflow from your unconditional love.

This beauty that chases me, I have no hiding place from it.

I cannot escape for you created my ways.

You meet me in my silence and comfort me in my torment.

~

One way remains.

To step into the treasured place that is your heart, my home.

To know the depth of your love, accepting that I am enough.

My Angel Voice

My Angel Voice

by Alienhippy

Angel heart don’t be so sad I feel your tears and pain

Bring into you that secret place to live and love again

Don’t waste these days playing hide and seek not understanding why

Just call my name and I’ll be there I’ll raise you up to fly.

~

Angel face I’ll wipe your tears and kiss your aching heart

You feel alone, this I know, but know we are not apart

You’ve ventured out and gotten hurt, it’s time to bring you home

I’ve carried you on all these paths you never were alone.

~

Angel steps you will but tread and lightly follow through

I’ve planted my walk in your heart I gave myself for you

Your chosen name is in my book and I will save your place

So come to me my precious child and know you’re saved by grace.

~

Angel wings will lift you up your soul will feel my peace

To look upon my hidden truth and feel cleansing release

Stand up my child and know my love, I’m with you till the end

For I am your beloved, your saviour and your friend

Listen to the Raven

Sharp_Raven_wallpaper_by_LadyLuminalToday we saw a raven and I thought of Elijah. Then in conversation with a friend I mentioned ravens and God using them to feed His friend. I decided to read a post I wrote some time ago and it helped me today.

In 1 Kings 19. I believe there is some wonderful advice that I have in the past put into practice. It works for me. I need to start finding that special time for me again, to keep doing that which works well with my soul.

I have had many thoughts about Elijah and I have read this chapter quite a few times. This post is one I keep returning to because I keep forgetting to let God look after me.

I have an online Bible devotional come through that is a excellent place to start. There is reference to this as I share my thoughts on Elijah. However the devotional started with Mark 1:35

Jesus Prays in a Solitary Place

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.

There are two guys I know

Both of them want to please God and both of them are emotional beings. They were created this way and God understands them. They have all the same feelings and hurts as us. They also have the same fears and anxieties too. The one guy I have written a poem about in the past I also painted a picture for him. He is always there when I hit the pit. He is so real to me, so open honest and transparent. His name is Jonah.

The other friend of mine, his named is Elijah

Elijah helps me to get through my worst meltdowns. God has been allowing past hurts to surface lately and things I never believed I would have to face are being healed. In prayer and through tears I feel me growing. God is so good!

Reading 1 kings 19 is a Godsend for me.

When I first got the email I felt totally drained. I really couldn’t be bothered to read it. But that Still Small Voice inside spoke and said, “Read it Lisa!” I said, “No, reading is too hard and I feel like crap!” Again the voice inside said, “Read it!” I struggled with this for a bit, but I know when God directs it is always for our good. His plans are to prosper not harm.

This is part of what I received and decided to follow.

In the Bible we see many who experienced times of burnout. After Jonah’s miraculous delivery from the big fish and prophetic announcement to the people on Nineveh, he sank into a depression and wanted to die (Jonah 4:3). After Elijah called down fire from heaven that miraculously burned up the sacrifices of Baal, the fire in his own life went dim (1 Kings 18-19). Elijah prayed, “I have had enough, LORD. Take my life,” (1 Kings 19:4). Both of these men wanted to quit.

How do we avoid those same feelings of burnout? The first step is to realize that it can happen and does happen to the best of us.

What was God’s response to Elijah?

Let’s take a look at 1 Kings Chapter 19.

  • He allowed Elijah to sleep. (19:5) – rest
  • He sent an angel to provide food for him to eat. (19:5) –  refreshment
  • He allowed Elijah to sleep again. (19:6) – more rest
  • He sent an angel to provide food for him to eat again. (19:7) – more refreshment
  • He caused Elijah to ponder what he was doing. “What are you doing here?” (19:9) – reflection
  • He spoke to Elijah personally. (19:11) – response
  • He caused Elijah to ponder what he was doing, again. “What are you doing here?” (19:13) – reflection
  • He told Elijah what to do next. (19:15) – redirection
  • He showed Elijah who He had appointed to help him. (19:16) – reinforcement

Rest

Refreshment

Rest

Refreshment

Reflection

Response

Reflection

Redirection

Reinforcement

Burnout happens when I focus on people and fitting in.

That includes me thinking too much about myself too.

“You can’t see yourself “in yourself,”

you have to learn to see yourself in Christ.”

~A Joyce Meyer’s fb status.

There was a reason why Jesus went off to solitary places to pray.

If Jesus had to do it maybe I should be more willing to do it too. My shutdowns are not such a bad thing if I give them to God at the foot of the cross. But I do believe that if I was more ready to listen, I wouldn’t overload myself in the first place.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

Dear Aspie who chooses love,

Dear Aspie who chooses love,

I know of a process that will help you move through the pain of your past scars. God is so good how He plans all this for us. I hate the crying though, the pain of releasing tears after so many years of trying not to feel. But it’s good for us to see how deeply we sense these things. The tears bring us healing and show just how vulnerable we are. Also just how much we need our Heavenly Father.

I do believe you have fallen in love with heart, spirit, gentleness, kindness, hope and a dream. It’s good to dream. We all need our safe places. However you may have done the classic aspie thing (just as I have done) looped in that fantasy and added plenty more loveliness to it. All our daydreams from all our years of waiting, longing and yearning. All our time alone replaying our happy loops over and over and reliving our smiles. Just wanting the aloneness to cease.

Now it’s time to transcend into loving the reality in all its glorious humanity, earthliness and beautiful vulnerability. It is time to be who you are created to be, a giver and receiver of love.

I must warn you…this bit can be quite a challenge. Pray for your heart to be open and loving, your motives pure and your mind to be at peace because the tears will now slow down. The loops will change and the seeds of self doubt will cause you to meltdown, shutdown, isolate yourself or run away before the pain and fear returns. This is the bit about self-control, unconditional love, feeling another’s pain, loving them through it and only ever wanting them to thrive.

Put away your ways of want, regain your childlike heart of hope, live in joy and freedom.

Your dream may never come to be. Others may never be able to see the depth of wonder you have peceived within, or grasp the intensity, emotion or passion. But the vision will always be yours and will help you to see past negativity. You will also grow through weaknesses and emotional pain. Renewed heart seeking only the beauty of the ones you love as they reflect in you and you in them.

God has amazing plans for you precious one. You are such a wonderous light. You can not stay hidden. Yes, you need to be on a hill sharing your shining beauty. Give hope to all those who cross your path. You are healing and will bring relief to others. A beacon of hope, chosen to shine truth and love to all.

I see you, I see Jesus in you and you are loved unconditionally.

So keep being you!

 Quote from Back Towards Light

Here’s to the people who try their hardest to be good enough for everyone; who spend hours reading random quotes to find the right one; who listen to the same song dozens of times because the lyrics mean a lot; who deserve so much more than they get and are willing to fight for it and those who wished upon a shooting star, wasted on someone that will never care; and to the beautiful people who feel lonely in their heart. And hide it all with a smile on their faces.

It’s okay to feel sad, anxious or afraid at times.
It is just a phase in your Life, and no matter how scary it might feel – it WILL pass.
Everything will happen in its right time, the way its meant to be – Even better than you might have dreamed of.
Never let anyone judge you for feeling this way.Have Faith – Hold on and be Strong.
Miracles Happen. Every day.Beautiful Hearts – You are Loved.
And you are Never alone. ♥