Happy back to the future day

21.10.2015Couldn’t let today go by without reposting this old poem from 2010

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Looking Forward not back!

by Alienhippy

If I had a time machine, where would I go in time?

It’s quite simple really, I’d go back to 1969

I would befriend my own Mother at the age of 19

She’d be pregnant with me, my face yet unseen

~

I wouldn’t tell her who I was, but…I’d tell her I’m an Aspie

I’d tell her about the problems my Aspie life has dealt me

She wouldn’t have a clue, but her nature would be loving

I saw her heart and will to learn each day as I was growing

~

I saw how her personality would really confuse my Dad

His inability to socialise made him get really mad

But he couldn’t express in words or write how he felt down

So…we would catch the aftermath of his Autistic meltdown

~

I’d explain to my Mom the importance, to be aware of what is the trigger

I’d mention about the damage done, when hearing people snigger

I’d talk to her about how things were, when I was just a teen

So she could be aware of reasons I go off into daydreams

I’d tell her what objects she needs to hide, alert her to my depressions

Be aware of all the times and why I skived off so many lessons

I’d tell her about my dyslexia, so she’d get me the help I’d need

She’d find a way to help me cope and maybe learn earlier to read

She’d then understand that I’m not shy, just fearful of rejection

She’d learn to broaden my horizon, not smother me with over protection

~

But if I had a time machine and I went back in time

I’d change the person that I am…this life would not be mine

All the stuff I’m learning the things I share with friends

The loving strength I feel inside as God helps me to mend

~

All the memories God can use the bad ones and the good

Would not be mine, I’d not be me, so I don’t think I should

Even think about a time machine, because now God helps me see

That His plan is I’m an Aspie and I can help by just being me

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“Looking for Louise!”

Me and Louise

The photo is of me and my cousin Louise.

I’m the one doing the kissing. 🙂

I found this old post of mine today and decided to share it again. I believe that my longing to find another girl who might be “like me” was what kept me hopeful as a child/teen. Knowing that there was a possibility that this girl might actually understand me and be able to enter into my world had a profound mystery about it. I grew up undiagnosed with ASD/Dyslexia and mild ADHD it was very lonely and confusing so I was ALWAYS looking for my Louise. I think in a way that search never really ended, I just grew into an acceptance of the social norm.

So this is my story…

Louise is exactly three months younger than me. My Mom and her Mom were best friends and our Dad’s are identical twins, both of our Dads have High Functioning Autism.

Thoughts through old photos

When I was growing up I very often caught my Mom upstairs looking through a box of old photos. There were SO many of me and Louise together as babies, toddlers. So many of my Mom with her best friend together smiling, laughing hugging one another and dancing. It was the kind of friendship I could only dream about.

My Uncle and Louise’s Mom *JK had a very messy break-up and Louise stayed with her Mom. It was so hard on my Uncle, with his lack of understanding, that my Nan and Grandad never talked about Louise again. I have never heard my uncle mention her once, it’s like she never existed.

I know most families have things they never talk about

BUT…As a child I really needed to talk about this and I wasn’t allowed to. Only when I was with my Mom and when we were alone upstairs in her bedroom.

I suppose knowing there was a girl out there that was probably just like me always kept me wondering. Every time I met someone called Louise I wondered if she might be my cousin. I remember being sat in a History lesson once and thinking, I wonder what Louise likes? I wonder if she can read good? I wonder if she has many friends? I wonder if she can draw? I wonder if she would like me? I wonder how tall she is? I didn’t like History much, the teacher was extremely boring…hehehe

When I was about 14 my Mom found out where *JK was living.

My Mom REALLY wanted to see *JK, she told me that she only ever had one best friend and she missed her, but she couldn’t go against the wishes of the family. She said to me, “I can’t keep secrets from the people I love.”

I REALLY thought that I would finally get to meet this cousin who I was so curious about. A message was sent to my Mom from a friend of a friend. This person said that Louise was not AT ALL like her younger siblings. She had brown hair and brown eyes and apparently was a lot like my younger brother, in many ways.

My Mom spoke with the family about what she wanted to do.

There was such upset going on in my Nan’s kitchen that Saturday night. It was decided and my Mom, as always, went along with what everyone else wanted. This is where I fail to understand the behaviour of my Dad’s family.

Yes, my Dad, uncle and my Nan, whom I loved dearly, all show/showed Autistic behaviour. But I can’t understand why they couldn’t see my Mom’s loneliness. She had lost her Mom and her Dad before she was even 30 years old. She was isolated on the other side of our City away from the rest of her family. She had three very demanding children who she gave everything for. She never went out because my Dad never socialised and didn’t like her to either. The only places she ever went were shopping and to Church, even then she got moaned at if she took too long.

I guess what I’m getting at is what is Autistic and what is selfish?

I really struggle to understand this, my Mom did her best to teach us how to put others before ourselves. I’m not always great at it, but I understand it. I saw her example. I have to think quite a lot about how to do this, it doesn’t come naturally for me with my Aspie wiring. I naturally think everyone thinks like me. I have to step out of this and really think it through. Praying it through is actually a lot easier than thinking it through. I’m more relaxed and I believe God helps me understand far quicker this way.

I’m not good with shallow relationships at all

I find them WAY TOO confusing. Those I am close to know who they are because I have regular contact with them. I get to know them because I love them, I think about their needs and pray for them every day.

I am very like my Dad in his Autistic ways but I chose to follow my Mom’s loving example of giving in whatever way I can. I don’t mean to sound harsh towards my Dad’s family. My Nan was one of my very favourite people, she totally loved me and she always accepted me. She was very misunderstood and I know she only ever did what she thought best for her family. This is why I still struggle to understand all this.

I still think about Louise regularly

I wonder if we would be friends as well as cousins? I wonder about her kids and what kind of Mom she is? I wonder if she knows about me? I wonder if she has Aspie ways? I wonder if her kids have ASD too?

What I do understand about all this!

I do believe that God in His loving wisdom used this upset in our family to help me to seek true friendship. I have looked all my life for those who are like me, or would accept me. As a child I thought that maybe Louise might help fill the gap. I know and I understand now, that no matter how hard I look, no matter how many wonderful friends I find, it will only ever be Jesus that can help me to feel whole. I believe that God used this in my life to keep me seeking, and as I write this post I understand that it is His will, His heart, His loving arms that I need to always be seeking.

Love and hugs everyone.

Lisa. xx 🙂

Listen to the Raven

Sharp_Raven_wallpaper_by_LadyLuminalToday we saw a raven and I thought of Elijah. Then in conversation with a friend I mentioned ravens and God using them to feed His friend. I decided to read a post I wrote some time ago and it helped me today.

In 1 Kings 19. I believe there is some wonderful advice that I have in the past put into practice. It works for me. I need to start finding that special time for me again, to keep doing that which works well with my soul.

I have had many thoughts about Elijah and I have read this chapter quite a few times. This post is one I keep returning to because I keep forgetting to let God look after me.

I have an online Bible devotional come through that is a excellent place to start. There is reference to this as I share my thoughts on Elijah. However the devotional started with Mark 1:35

Jesus Prays in a Solitary Place

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.

There are two guys I know

Both of them want to please God and both of them are emotional beings. They were created this way and God understands them. They have all the same feelings and hurts as us. They also have the same fears and anxieties too. The one guy I have written a poem about in the past I also painted a picture for him. He is always there when I hit the pit. He is so real to me, so open honest and transparent. His name is Jonah.

The other friend of mine, his named is Elijah

Elijah helps me to get through my worst meltdowns. God has been allowing past hurts to surface lately and things I never believed I would have to face are being healed. In prayer and through tears I feel me growing. God is so good!

Reading 1 kings 19 is a Godsend for me.

When I first got the email I felt totally drained. I really couldn’t be bothered to read it. But that Still Small Voice inside spoke and said, “Read it Lisa!” I said, “No, reading is too hard and I feel like crap!” Again the voice inside said, “Read it!” I struggled with this for a bit, but I know when God directs it is always for our good. His plans are to prosper not harm.

This is part of what I received and decided to follow.

In the Bible we see many who experienced times of burnout. After Jonah’s miraculous delivery from the big fish and prophetic announcement to the people on Nineveh, he sank into a depression and wanted to die (Jonah 4:3). After Elijah called down fire from heaven that miraculously burned up the sacrifices of Baal, the fire in his own life went dim (1 Kings 18-19). Elijah prayed, “I have had enough, LORD. Take my life,” (1 Kings 19:4). Both of these men wanted to quit.

How do we avoid those same feelings of burnout? The first step is to realize that it can happen and does happen to the best of us.

What was God’s response to Elijah?

Let’s take a look at 1 Kings Chapter 19.

  • He allowed Elijah to sleep. (19:5) – rest
  • He sent an angel to provide food for him to eat. (19:5) –  refreshment
  • He allowed Elijah to sleep again. (19:6) – more rest
  • He sent an angel to provide food for him to eat again. (19:7) – more refreshment
  • He caused Elijah to ponder what he was doing. “What are you doing here?” (19:9) – reflection
  • He spoke to Elijah personally. (19:11) – response
  • He caused Elijah to ponder what he was doing, again. “What are you doing here?” (19:13) – reflection
  • He told Elijah what to do next. (19:15) – redirection
  • He showed Elijah who He had appointed to help him. (19:16) – reinforcement

Rest

Refreshment

Rest

Refreshment

Reflection

Response

Reflection

Redirection

Reinforcement

Burnout happens when I focus on people and fitting in.

That includes me thinking too much about myself too.

“You can’t see yourself “in yourself,”

you have to learn to see yourself in Christ.”

~A Joyce Meyer’s fb status.

There was a reason why Jesus went off to solitary places to pray.

If Jesus had to do it maybe I should be more willing to do it too. My shutdowns are not such a bad thing if I give them to God at the foot of the cross. But I do believe that if I was more ready to listen, I wouldn’t overload myself in the first place.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

It started with a fish.

It started with a fish.

I won a fish on the ‘hook a duck’ at the fun fair, I was 5 years old. My brother won one too, Mom put them both in one of those 1970’s over sized brandy glasses. We called our fishes, Tom and Jerry. For my 10th Birthday the present I wanted the most, I got.

My first Aquarium.

I kept cold water fishes and they gave me a place to stare, I found the movement of the water through the filtering system extremely calming, and I knew each of my fishes and how they responded. My aquarium was in my bedroom it acted as a night light and the soothing sound of filtering water helped me to drift off into sleep.

When I moved into my own flat at the age of 18, I still had this fish tank and I started my first tropical aquarium. I had been wanting to do this for years, but Mom and Dad would only let me have cold water fishes.

I started with easy to keep fish in a community tank, Guppies, Mollies, Zebra Danios, Neon tetras and some smaller variety of Gourami.

MY ONE BOOK

At this age I was fascinated by all the varieties

The different names and how to keep these beautiful creations alive. I learnt about water values and how to test for nitrates. I learnt how to control the temperature and which fishes would breed at higher water temperatures. I knew which fish were live bearers, egg layers, egg depositors. I became obsessed with everything that my ONE book taught me.

I can see now that if someone would have taken my passion for keeping fishes at the age of 10, and used it to help me read, to help me understand science, to look at the fishes anatomy, maybe research all the different plants that I could have grown in my aquarium. My educational experience could have been so very different and such a positive one.

Oh well…such is life!!

At the age of 26, I became homeless and I was very ill with depression. I was close to breakdown and having regular suicidal thoughts. My Mom had me back home and she gave me and my 2 year old *AJ her master bedroom. She bought me a new fish tank, a bigger one, and she told me to fill it with the most beautiful tropical fishes I could find.

Doing this helped me so much and I am so grateful for the wisdom that God gave my Mom. I would go out with my boy and we would find the most amazing Aquatic centres. They always had little cafes and we had a fabulous time looking at all the wonderful fishes.

When *AJ was 9 my Mom bought him his first aquarium

He was fascinated with testing the ph and nitrate levels he also memorised names, temperatures, origins and tank types. He would talk none stop about his aquarium and his teacher was fascinated at his knowledge. I got him so many books and he read every one of them. He loved his tank so much and then one night the thermostat over heated and boiled all the fish, we came down to an awful smell. All his beautiful tropical fish were white and floating on the top of the tank. My *AJ cried his eyes out, and refused to ever talk about it.

Here is a photo of him with his first aquarium, before the boiling obviously

In the cage next to the tank is “BOB” the Gerbil, we later changed his name to “Beelze-BOB”

That Gerbil was just plain evil.

*AJ, 9 years old, with his fishes

*AJ later went on to breeding mice,

He won shows at the national mouse association. I took advantage of his “SPECIAL INTEREST” he was obsessed with mice, so I used it to teach him in SO many ways. He had to clean them out and feed them every day and he had 57 at one point.

Over the years

Me and my kids have kept fish, mice, gerbils, hamsters, rabbits, guinea pigs, chickens, ducks, quails, budgies, love birds, cockatiels, finches, cats, dogs, kakarikis, tree frogs and a snake.

We have quite a library of animal husbandry. I know that through animals I have not felt the loneliness in my life that some Aspies feel. My animals have been my friends, I have loved them and they have loved me back. They have given me friendship, companionship, many giggles….I had a Cockerel once called DUDE who would sit on my shoulder like a pirates parrot. A rabbit that came when it was called. My Kakariki loved being stroked and would call me to tell me he loved me. I had a cat called Fusspot who would regularly steal marsh mellows lick them and flick them up the wall. My dogs, cats and rabbits have given me a shoulder to cry on, and someone to talk to who is an exceptional listener, and never judgemental. My animals have brought me through tough times by being unique creations, they helped me to look to God and see Him in who they are and how they have been created.

My little *CAL looking at fish in an aquatic centre

NOTE: This post was written two years ago. I found it today to share with a lovely new friend that I “met” on facebook through Everyday Aspergers group. I have a lot of new followers that may not know about this part of my life and those who have been following me since the start of Alienhippy won’t mind reading this again.

I enjoyed reading this today, it helped me see just how far I have come.

Love and hugs. Lisa. xx 🙂

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ASD, who do you see?

I still feel at a loss for words

Everything I am seeing and hearing in the autism community is too much. I have shared before that when negativity hits me I can’t switch off my brain and this is not good for me or my family. My way of coping is to retreat. A lot of over sensitive aspies/auties are all doing the same, afraid of our own words and saying things wrong, we focus on what keeps us functioning and happy. This I feel can make us look like we don’t feel, for me this is so untrue, I feel intensely. It’s not that we don’t care it’s that we can’t process what we are experiencing at this time. Our thoughts are with the families of those who died in the event of last week, but also the negativity that has been irresponsibly placed on who we are. We spend our lives trying to understand why we feel so different, why we feel so isolated. Then we start to understand why and claim our place on the spectrum. It’s hard to tell people because so many refuse to acknowledge it or even accept what we are saying. This week has hit quite a few of us extremely hard on so many levels. Some of us have kids and the visuals of this haunts our loops, and we can’t switch off our loops no matter how hard we try.

I wrote a post some time ago, my reflections on Autism and Empathy an explanation as to why a 10 year child would give all her toys away. I had no choice I wanted to help and in my mind I solved a puzzle, a problem that hurt me deeply. My toys would save the lives of little children, so I gave them all away. I know who I am and Aspergers is part of who I am, who do you see when you read me?

I can’t find a way to express any better my feelings of what has happened than with my own words from that old post.

ASD’s and Empathy?

I know that over the years I have had to shut down to my feelings because they are so intense. I can get so overwhelmed by emotion that I can barely function. I know that when I love a person they become as important as myself. My children are more important and I would die for them.

Because I have visual reruns of things that either hurt me or confuse me, I end up rehearsing and chatting and analysing, this can be quite tiring. I will have so many conversations going around in my head. I have managed to stay in touch with my feelings, emotions and show empathy by being careful what I feed my brain with. Being careful not to overload myself. I know now what will replay in my constant thought loops and which things to avoid. I can also praise up the less noisy loops and help myself to do the things that are hard to do.

I think that the lack of empathy thing is just a shut down mechanism of self protection because emotion is so intense…it will overload the system and cause sensory difficulties and eventually complete shutdown. But this is just a whole load of Lisa Lingo from my babbling thought loops.

No mentions here

I am only linking this post to ASD and Empathy. I do not want search engines hitting my blog with people seeking out ridiculous Google searches. We all know what I am writing about so I am not going to even write the words. Instead I offer prayers to those grieving the loss of loved ones and I share a poem for all children everywhere, those on the spectrum and those who are just a little different. Also all those who are childlike in mind or heart who cannot comprehend the pain, confusion and fear that this tragedy has brought.

 As a child

by Alienhippy

As a child I would call to you, I knew you were always there

I had the words and a way to speak, I understood you’d always care

But as I grew the words got lost, the light then left my eyes

So at the floor I downward looked, I put on a masked disguise

˜

I tried so hard to live like this, to fit and not be seen

A daily battle to wear a smile, in my mind I still had the dream

That one day you’d come and sort me out, and make my life make sense

You’d take away the pain I carry, freeing me from feeling so tense

˜

So you called to me when I was hiding, by this time I didn’t even care

But you pursued and did not give up, knowing I’d meet you there

You took my hand and gently guided, you understood that I was weak

You walked the path and checked the way, giving me the heart to seek

˜

You showed me love when I was alone, and filled my life with hope

Explained the way that I’ve been made, you now teach me to cope

You are my friend you are my Lord, and Autism is part of me

You really love me “JUST AS I AM!” so now I can just be free

Rules for Aspies on Acquaintances (Poem)

image from Google

Silly poem…Rules for Aspies on Acquaintances

by Alienhippy

Give as much as you are given

Try not to be too intense

Try not to ask any questions

Then you can’t cause an offence

~

Smile but only if they smile

Or they will call you a freak

Talk surface crap most of the time

Or they’ll just call you a geek

~

Don’t tell them anything personal

Unless you want everyone to know

Even though you told them in private

On facebook it will probably go

~

Acquaintances can’t all be like this

And…I’m sure a few, really do, care

But as they never turn up for coffee

Acquaintances cause me despair

~

I think I will stick to friendship

Because in that I know where I stand

I feel pretty happy with friendship

It’s a shame they all live in blogland.

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NOTE:

  • If you consider yourself my friend, you will not be offended by this poem, because you already know my humour!!! Giggle giggle snort. 😛
  • If you are offended by it, I suggest we talk because you really don’t know me very well at all. I have this side to me you know. It’s just the way I am created to be.
  • A message for one friend in particular…”This poem I wrote in 10 minutes flat mate!!!”…lol

Love you all. xx 😀

Just me in my Aspie-oddness

As I walked home from the school this morning I realised just how Aspie-odd I am. In a good way of course, odd, eccentric and nutty are all good in my book. Every now and again I will walk past elderly ladies and I can smell my Nan. This is so lovely for me as I loved my Nanny so very much. The smell is a combination of Oil of Ulay moisturising cream, Bristow hairspray, Rimmel face power and a slight smell of my Grandad’s Embassy No 6 cigarette smoke. I find it so odd to smell that whole concoction on someone that looks absolutely nothing like my lovely Nanny. Also if just one thing is different it doesn’t smell like my Nan at all. It’s an exact mix of chemical smells that triggers off such happy safe feelings of comfort.

Nan with AJ and CAL

I have been feeling a mix of emotions over the last few weeks

I know God is growing me in the area of friendship. Which has taken me on quite a journey because my best friends were my Mom and my Nan. They were the people in my life who always loved me and accepted me as I am. I have always had to change for others, modify my behaviours and wear a mask to fit.

My last post was about my lovely Mom and what we experienced in the years running up to her death. It was a very healing post for me to write. If you missed it here is the link.

The Teddy Bear Diploma.

It was just a few short months after my Mom died that my Nan got ill and suffered dimentia. She became like a 2 year old for about 3 weeks and then had an accident and died on her way to hospital.

My Nan was a very strong willed lady. She was Aspie I can see this, it is SO obvious now. She raised my Dad and his twin my Uncle What (as I have always called him) almost as a single Mother because my Grandad was in the army at first. He was very old fashioned with this sort of stuff also. I remember my Nan telling me that once the boys were 14 my Grandad said, “Right now it’s my turn to teach them a trade” and he did, they both became carpenters.

I’m not going to pretend and say this friendship stuff is easy

I know that with my past, friendship is one of the hardest things for me to understand. I can’t do surface friendship, I’m hopeless at chit-chat, I have to feel I have a connection.

I know the best way of me understanding all this is to listen to what God is telling me. I never really needed close friendships as a child because I had everything I needed in the relationships I had with my Mom and my Nan. So I never really learned how to be a friend or what was or wasn’t acceptable within friendship. But I do need friends now because I feel alone a lot of the time.

So, I’m going to be stuck in my Bible for a while.

The friendships that come to mind are.

Ruth and Naomi

Jonathon and David

Elijah and Elisha

And of course Jesus’ close friendships with Peter, John and James.

I have two ways of understanding

They both come down to family connection. Physical family connection and Spiritual family connection. I know God will guide me and I have close friendships with very beautiful, kind, loving and patient friends that God has brought into my life. I know it’s time for me to learn in God’s way and He has provided just what I need to find my way forward.

Here is a poem I wrote for my Nan, and a song we danced to together in her living room when I was a teen. I was avoiding a boyfriend who wouldn’t take the dumping. I hid out at my Nan’s for over two weeks because I couldn’t cope with his constant phone calls and I couldn’t be nasty to him. 🙂

My Nan did love to dance…but that’s a whole different post.

Love and hugs. Lisa. xx 🙂

My Nan

by Alienhippy

I was always welcome

Even when I just turned up

She would cook me bacon

Do a word search

And we’d have a cup of tea

Nan with me

She smelt of hairspray and Oil of Olay

With her face powder and lipstick

She never missed a trick

And even though

Others found her hard going

I always left knowing

She loved me

Nan and me

She never said it

But I knew

And as I grew into a women

I was still her special girl

Her pearl

Her first grand-daughter

Me at 12, Nan, Grandad & Great-Gran

I miss sitting in her chair

Playing with her hairpiece

Making apple pies

I miss her smiling eyes

And her knitting

Nan and me

I miss her asking

“Egg on one, beans on the other?”

Me and my Brother

Staying over after Bingo

I miss the dresses she would make

And the time that she would take

To show me

What was hard to do

Because she knew

I was special

My Nan

I miss my Nan

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One thing I LOVE about blogging

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

One thing I LOVE about blogging is being able to look back and remember. I have been reading through many of my old posts today and thanking God for the growth and changes I can see in me.

Blogging has helped me so much and it continues to help me daily. I love my slot in the day to read my favourite blogs and make contact with friends. I now have friends all around the world. Friends who get me, and wouldn’t want me to be any other way. That is just so amazing and something I never thought I would have.

I decided to repost this post of a time when I was feeling totally overwhelmed with all the building work that was being done on my home. I had cleared out my attic and had boxes filled with things that I hadn’t seen in years. This post has two poems in it that I wrote as a child. I have many new blog followers now that didn’t know the Alienhippy back in 2010.

SO…I thought this would be a nice change from my usual…open, honest, vulnerable and probably a little too intense at times loopy self…hehe

You know you all love me really. Right? 😉

Love and hugs. xx 🙂

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Well today I had no intension of blogging what so ever.

I have been an emotional basket case all day, and had no inspiration at all.

I put off sorting my unopened boxes as long as I could.

Then enough was enough, I asked my friend to pray for me and it worked.

The first box I opened was a box that my lovely Mom had left for me.

In this box was a collection of my school things.

Some of my School reports, how they didn’t figure out I had difficulties I don’t know…lol

I also found reading my old note book highly entertaining

Amongst the scribbles and cartoons of Adolf Hitler as Head Teacher wearing a dress, Ken Dodd with his tickle stick and various teachers all doing very naughty things…..hehehe.

I didn’t say I was an angel, I’m only human… AND…I was a rather rebellious teen.

I HAD TO BE TO SURVIVE….I’M NOT JOKING.

Well anyway…I found this really funny chat that I had with my school friend Jeanette.

Where we had passed my note pad back and forth, writing really stupid things.

I giggled that much reading this I don’t know how I didn’t wet my knickers….lol

I would love to blog it, but it is far too rude………………….lmho

What I did find really funny even back then, I was so into writing poetry.

I finished this chat off by challenging my friend Jeanette, to write a poem about winter.

……………how VERY un-relatable Lisa…giggle

Where she answers, “Why? What on earth for? You know I can’t write poetry!”

Anyhow, here are a couple of poems I found that I wrote as a school girl.

This girl that goes to my school

Who took my friends away

She isn’t very nice

They’ll find that out one day

She bosses them about

And tells them what to do

She said she doesn’t like me

And she hates my boy friend too

When it was my Birthday

She broke up all my toys

And ’cause the teacher didn’t see

She blamed it on the boys

And one day in the playground

She kicked me in the knee

But what upsets me most of all

Is…my friends won’t play with me.

*****

And then this one…….

I must be a fool to go to school

When at home I can play all day

I only have to bang my head

And Mom says, “You can stay in bed.”

I only have to start to cough

Or maybe find a little spot.

Then down to the doctors we will go

“Keep her in bed for a week or so!”

Then when the week is up

And Mom is not quite sane

I wake up in the morning

And say, “I’ve got a pain!”

Mom says, “Where does it hurt?”

“In my belly”

“Go back to bed and watch the telly”

She doesn’t moan, she picks up the phone

She finds a teacher she can tell

MY SAMMY CAT

That I’m not feeling very well

Then gives me Disprol for my ache

She doesn’t know that I’m a fake.

I ALSO FOUND THIS OLD PHOTO OF MY BEST FRIEND AS A KID.

MY SAMMY CAT.

Friends, Autism…so proud of my girl.

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

A few weeks ago my little *CAL wasn’t sleeping too good. She’s 11 now and in her last year at Junior School. She has a diagnoses of ASD likely Aspergers, she is also Dyspraxic.

Eventually she found her words and told me she was getting worried that she would have to do dinner duty. All the year 6 kids take turns at doing jobs *CAL enjoys doing jobs and being helpful but dinner duty was something that seemed to be worrying her.

I was a dinner lady at her school

I KNOW how noisy, busy and overwhelming the dining hall can be at times. If you imagine about 100 very hungry 7-11 year olds in one room, scraping plates and chairs, chattering away and constant movement. The weeks I was on duty in the dining hall I got headaches constantly. 🙂

I spoke to SEN about my concerns

Last week *CAL did a different job. Today is Monday and she said again this morning, with concern in her voice, “Mom what if I get picked for dinner duty?” I reassured her that I had spoken to her teacher and the special educational needs teaching assistant (who *CAL totally loves) and explained that no one would make her do anything she didn’t want to do. But she had to tell them about her concerns. She did!

Imagine my surprise after school today

*CAL comes running out of school straight at me with a beaming smile on her face.

“Guess what Mom? I did dinner duty and I liked it!” she says in total excitement and so very proud of herself.

I was SO SHOCKED…but tried to hide that and got my Aspie-Happy-Flappy Excitement on so she would be herself. Yes I did this even in a play ground full of parents. I said “Brilliant! You are such a good girl, I’m so proud of you….so what did you do?”

I am very proud of her, but at this particular time I was thinking…How on earth did she do dinner duty?

“I did line and *Jay* stayed with me and helped me so I wasn’t on my own!”

Healthy supportive friendship

Is SO very important to everyone! Our kids and all people on the spectrum need that little bit of extra help with this. Finding friends that will accept you as you are is a blessing. *CAL’s class mate who is helping her is a very kind, sensitive, caring and confident child. I’m very pleased that the school is seeing my *CAL’s needs and helping her with friendship and also to do the things she finds difficult.

One of the things I pray for everyday,

That the children I love will find friendships that help them to thrive.

Friendships where they feel valued for who they are.

Friends who appreciate their uniqueness.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

 Proverbs 18:24

The Message (MSG)

Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.