Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,
Sometimes you just know when God is speaking to you and other times life can be so noisy we just can’t hear Him. I am a big believer in getting quiet time each day, because I know that if I don’t, it makes my Autistic traits far worse for me to cope with.
This morning as I was reading my favourite Christian blogs I was reminded of an old post of mine. It’s funny how God does that, nothing quite as challenging as seeing your own words. I have been feeling that I needed to find ways of…
“Just being me!” again.
Since coming out Aspie there have been a lot of hurtful things said to me and I have gotten to the point now where I feel I don’t need to explain myself to anyone. People will either accept me for who I am or they won’t.
So I just want to say…Thank you God for loving me.
Also I would like to thank Richard for being just who he is,
“Richard your posts are a blessing my friend.”
This is the link to Richards post, Speaking Silently.
Richard is very real and his sharing of his walk with Jesus is very honest and open.
Love and hugs everyone and enjoy the re-post.
Lisa. xx :)
(November 21, 2010)
When I first started blogging I was in hiding.
I had gotten to a point of near breakdown and the world was just too much for me to handle. I only shared my Art and Poetry to start with. I didn’t really talk to anyone. A very special person came along and started to help me. She became my first friend and helped me to open up and start sharing a little of myself through my blog.
I have made lots of friends through my blog since and you are all very dear to me. Because of the encouragement from bloggyland I am learning to be me.
God certainly works in mysterious ways
Who’d have guessed that He would come and find me hiding in the internet…God is so good!
But…I guess He did send a big fishy to fetch Jonah….giggle… I’m, so strange. Where do these thoughts come from???
When my internet first started to play up I sent my lovely friend an email, from my sisters. My friend told me to reach out to God because He will pick me up.
I have been doing this, because I have felt very cut off and really quite alone. I didn’t realise how much we all used the internet it’s just something we do without thinking.
I prayed about this obviously (in my childlike way) I asked God to switch it back on again, first of all.
“Had a little bit of an Aspie meltdown…or was it a tantrum Lisa?” Thank you little voice, I know. You don’t have to keep butting in. I will tell them.
Then I thought… well what can I learn from this???
Well… now I know!
I love my blog, and all my bloggy friends. I miss going onto YouTube and watching my videos, I can’t watch the TV it causes me to much negative and then it cycles.
I miss reading my friends blogs, seeing how you all are.
I miss my comments and replying to my comments.
I miss searching around on Google looking for cartoons to go with my posts.
I love that I can entertain myself doing this. I often can’t stop giggling while looking.
This morning I woke up and just wanted to sing to God.
I had had a dream, quite a strange dream actually where I was chatting with God.
God said to me, in this dream, that when I sing it comes straight from my heart and sounds beautiful to Him.
Then I said to God, “But I think my voice sounds awful God!”
Then He giggled and said…”By the time it comes to me it is perfect, so keep singing to me.”
So this morning I woke up all excited about singing to God.
I ran downstairs in my Jim-Jams, into the conservatory, grabbed my guitar and sang to Jesus.
I was looking out onto my garden, its autumn here and there are leaves everywhere.
Right outside my window a little girl Sparrow perched on the fence only 3 feet away from me.
She looked straight at me. I could see her little dark eyes. She kept tilting her little head from side to side listening to me sing.
Now I know birds do this, I once had an aviary full of Budgies and I kept Chickens for year. I also had a pet Parrot called Po-Po who I loved so much.
I can tell when a bird is listening.
AND….NO, I am not mad…I know what I saw….giggle.
I carried on singing and kept repeating the song thinking she would fly off soon, but she didn’t.
She just stayed there looking straight at me listening to every word I sang to God. Bless her little sweetness.
Eventually I stopped singing and put my guitar down. I smiled at her and said, “Thank you,” and I nodded my head to her.
She hopped closer nodded back and flew off.
I just thought WOW….God sent a Sparrow to listen to me sing to Him.
Today I went back to my old Church
I left 18 months ago feeling very misunderstood and quite hurt. I told the people (I needed to tell) that I have Aspergers Syndrome.
I told them how the Church had not been the best environment at times for some of my ways.
I also told them that I love my Christian brothers and sisters all around the world, in fact I love all people, but I am an Aspie and that makes me a little different.
I explained that I will only be doing what I feel God wants me to do, and I will not be made to feel guilty for not always being able to cope with the environment of the Church.
I also said I know God made me this way, and I am just the way I am supposed to be.
I was welcomed back with open arms and they accepted what I said…for now anyway.
My Aspie-happy is out again. This time it’s the real one, not the one behind a mask.
I went to Church dressed in my happy clothes, because I am a multi coloured Rainbow.
The negativity I carried in my heart for 18 months has been completely turned upside down.
Blogging is certainly helping me, and I thank all of you. XX :)