Sometimes an Aspie has to babble
1. Sometimes I feel like, “Why do I bother?” Like today I feel stuck, I can’t get the words out of my head. No matter how I try I just feel like anything I write as a post will be cringe worthy.
2. Sometimes I just have to stop, I have to stop reading I have to stop trying to be friendly with people because the more I see of human nature the more I love my dogs.
3. Sometimes I have to just hide, I have to get my paints and play with colours and pretend that my bubble is the only place that exists.
4. Sometimes I have to just be with only those I love and those I know are trustworthy because everyone else is too confusing. Everyone else makes me want to go to sleep and not hear their true selves in my mind.
5. Sometimes I wish that people would just be honest, would just be truthful . I can’t filter when a person lies to me and it affects me for days as my mind loops on it trying to make sense out of nonsense.
6. Sometimes I would just like to live in the middle of nowhere away from city life and all the emotional overload I absorb when being around people.
7. Sometimes I wish I had a Royal pass so the Supermarket would be emptied and I could actually enjoy getting my groceries.
8. Sometimes it would be nice to feel part of the conversations I get into with groups of people. It would be nice to know when I have my turn to talk and not just have to go quiet because I’m fed up of being talked over.
9. Sometimes when a person says, “How are you?” it would be nice if they actually meant it and I could respond in an honest way. Instead I have to try to figure if they are being polite or do they really want to know. It causes me fear that I will bore them to death or make myself look like a happy clappy loon. “I’m fine thanks!” is it really enough for me to say and move on?
10. Sometimes I would just like to be accepted as me because when I am being me I am happy.
11. Sometimes, when I’m being me I like to just sit on a hillside and absorb the landscape. I see so much better when I step out on the “norm” and get away from “reality”
12. Sometimes, when I’m being me I go off with my camera (mobile) and take photos of light, shadow and all things beautiful. It doesn’t matter if I take 10 photos of the same thing, focusing through a lens stops me focusing on how this world can make me feel.
13. Sometimes, when I’m being me I like to sit under my tree and read my Bible. I like to stay there for a while and listen to the silence. I hear the best lessons from the silence in my solitude.
14. Sometimes, when I’m being me I enjoy getting messy and swirling my paints. I love how I can make colours move and form their own worlds on my canvas. I love the speed I can squirt paint and I love the flow I can get with the running of liquids pouring from my bottles onto paper/canvas or hot wax from my batik canting onto cloth.
15. Sometimes, when I am being me I can find so much pleasure in organising and rearranging. I like order and I feel safe when things are in the right place. I can’t always function well when not in my own environment or in places that are overwhelming for me. It would be nice if people understood this and stopped trying to make me change.
16. Sometimes, when I am being me I can be a clown. I have a good sense of humour but not everyone gets me. Only those I trust get to see the real me now.
17. Sometimes, when I am being me I like to play REALLY loud music and dance around my house, it’s usually Reggae, I like Reggae it makes me want to dance. Other days I like total silence or very quiet classical music in the background and I can’t cope with my dance music at all.
18. Sometimes, when I am being me I like to be quiet. I like to just listen and feel involved without having to speak. I’m not being ignorant if I’m not looking at you, I’m listening better without all the confusion of your face.
19. Sometimes, when I’m being me I would like to stand up and say I’m an Aspie, I’m not rude, I do care, I don’t mean to hurt anyone, I am honest, I am loyal and I don’t like how you treat me.
20. Sometimes it’s good to just Babble, I filter when I babble and who cares what anyone thinks.
The “Monkey Mind”
Chinese Buddhists call the voice in your head “the monkey mind” because they believe it resembles a restless monkey, swinging aimlessly from tree to tree, commenting on everything you do and how you should do it.