This means something to me!

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

Early one Saturday morning in 2005

I got on my mountain bike and rode the 30 minute bike ride to a neighbouring Church. I was settled in my parish Church the Church that my Mom had worshipped in for the last 3 years of her life. The vicar there had told me of a course, that he felt would help me, after the Spiritual abuse I had been through in the religious sect I had given my heart to, for 4 years of my life.

It was hard for me to go somewhere new

At this point in my life I hadn’t really done a lot without my Mom. She had been the person I knew I could trust, after my homeless 12 months and divorce. Then also the religious sect and losing my faith, it had all taken a lot out of me.

But I hadn’t got my Mom anymore, however my Mom had given me a wonderful gift.

She passed on the seed of faith.

SO… I knew that God would help me.

Well it was early Saturday morning

My brakes squealed as I stopped at the locked doors of this Church.

It didn’t matter to me that it was closed I just needed to see where it was and prepare my mind for entering a new place of worship.

I had my face pushed up the glass, just like a little kid looking in a cake shop.

I was balancing on my tip toes, my bike is too big for me, when an elderly gentleman opened the door and said, “Would you like to see inside?”

He showed me around and made me a cup of tea and I found out that he was going to be on the course too.

I knew this was God’s way of helping me to ACTUALLY turn up, I now had a kind face to look for.

Every Wednesday morning for an academic school year

I attended this course. I made friends with the Vicar, his lovely wife (who sadly passed away last year after fighting cancer for quite some time) I made friends with *KB, the amazingly kind elderly gentleman who made me feel so comfortable. Also his wife *SB, who has welcomed me into her home so many times, and been a constant reminder of my Nan, who I miss so desperately.

On this course I met so many people,

All Christians with a story to tell. It was wonderful for me and so reassuring of God’s love that even after losing my faith for 4 years I could be welcomed back into the arms of God and the family of believers. The scriptures were re-taught without the twisting. I was encouraged and helped to seek who I am in Christ.

I don’t always go to Church, but I do always read my Bible.

There are times when being at Church is just too much for me. I understand now why this happens.

Knowing that I am “somewhere on the spectrum” makes a big difference.

But in the last 6 years I have considered this Church my second home.

Some of the people here are like a second family to me, they probably don’t even realise it.

I grew up attending Church in a 1960’s building,

It was a funny little Church but somewhere I felt safe. The Vicar there taught me to play guitar and he was one of my Mom’s best friends.

My Mom was a Sunday school teacher, so it’s familiar for me to be in this type of Church.

This morning my *CAL got up excited

What was she excited about…going to Godly Play.

When we got to Church we were hit with one MASSIVE surprise.

Over the last few days we have had rain. The Church roof couldn’t take it.

Most British 1960’s Church buildings are finding that the roofing is coming to the end of its life.

They are in bad need of repair or re-roofing. Our Church fund just can’t stretch that far.

Our Church service was held in our function hall and our elderly congregation had to sit on very low blue plastic chairs.

We had a lovely service none the less but there was an air of sadness too, we really just don’t know how we can fix this problem.

So I’m doing all I can by letting everyone who reads my blog, who cares for me, know this…

“This Church building and it’s congregation means something to me!”

I have been through quite a lot, and this Church is where I feel I can be me.

I am accepted here for who I am as a person. I know I am loved by many members of the congregation.

This is our meeting place where we can break bread with one another, and share God’s love.

We all have our own way of hearing God, and we all have our own way of sharing that too.

What I ask is if you pray then please can you add this to your prayer list.

We need our Church building, we need a new roof!

Thank you.

Love, hugs, blessings and peace to you all.

Lisa. xx 🙂

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Some thoughts from Easter Sunday.

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I had to remind myself today what my blog is about.

It’s “A place where I can be me!”

So I’m going to share this here and it will explain a little bit more about the Alienhippy.

I go to a traditional Church, but I don’t consider myself traditional.

I do find the routine quite helpful with my Aspieness. I have tried to be traditional, to fit in, but to be perfectly honest I find trying to fit in WAY too draining. So now when I’m at Church I do what helps me or I don’t feel like going.

I find with my Aspergers that most GOOD sermons can be totally overwhelming. I find I record them in my head and then beat myself up with them trying to remember everything the Vicar said and how he said it. What he actually meant and what God was trying to say to me. Did I get it all or as usual miss the most important bits…..giggle.

For a while, I had a big break from Church

God taught me through ways that were best for me. He reached me through animals, nature and children. I do however see a need to be part of a fellowship. To break bread with other believers.

Taking notes is my best way of coping.

Everything that I hear as helpful to myself I write down for my own personal Bible study. This I have at home in my own environment where I can be totally myself.

I get quite a few funny looks having a note pad and Bible open in the Church that I attend.

Think Songs of Praise…BBC, and you will understand why!

It’s only a small congregation and as well as my note taking I KNOW I’m a fidget. 🙂

But you know…I’m totally over it!

And it’s the best Church I have found for me so far.

I know God knows me, accepts me and totally loves me….so everyone who thinks I’m a little strange, eccentric or from a fundamentalist background can think what they want.

What I got from the Easter message.

Please remember that these are just my own personal notes to help me.

The Gospel reading was from John 20:1-18.

Our Vicar started his sermon explaining about a maze he and his young daughter got lost in. It was made of hedges and he thought he’d be able to complete it in no time at all. He was wrong and got totally confused and lost all sense of direction.

**********************************************************

This is taken from my notes.

This is just a small amount of my original notes.

I don’t feel that I want to share everything.

I’m sure you all will understand that.

Jesus used those who had an open heart.

He used those who no one listened to, those of disgrace.

He used those who were despised and rejected.

What is my response to the Risen Jesus?

Do I want to seek the will of God for my life?

Then I need to ask and let God filter in.

God wants to help me, not judge me, we are all His children.

He already knows that I’m not going to be perfect.

All the bad things, they happened to Jesus too!

I can enter into them with God and find a way through.

Or…I can chose to walk away from them.

The choice is mine, I have been given free will.

If I chose to face them, I chose to go to my own personal Jerusalem.

To drink my own cup, and to carry my own cross.

I also then need to walk into the empty tomb believing.

Not stand outside wondering….. or in fear.

No….I need to walk in with faith and trust, believing in the deep mystery of Christ.

Being inspired by the empty tomb.

As Christians we are fascinated by the empty tomb.

The resurrection is in our lives.

We carry His unconditional love and ultimate sacrifice in our hearts.

*****************************************************

Ok….this is what I will be pondering on this week. This will cut down on the many, many loops that could have come from it. Writing down what is relevant to me slows down my thinking and also stops me recording everything. I trust that God opens my ears to what I need to hear.

To finish this off I just have to add my FAVOURITE and most inspiring visual.

I think I’ve used it before, but I don’t care, I just LOVE it!

Poem…God’s love

image from Google

Hello my bloggy friends

I wrote a poem today, it’s from my more spiritual side…obviously.

I realise that I will probably not get too many comments, as that seems to happen when I share my deepest and more personal thoughts and feelings on my blog. 🙂

I have shared this poem with my closest friend, she gets me even if no one else does. I write lots of poems and I don’t always blog them because they are too personal, too private, or too depressing sometimes.

This one however I thought could be shared as I know quite a few of us have a faith.

I think that for me, as an Aspie, being able to pray helps turn the negative thoughts that I have upside down. Then I can find ways to use them for good to help others, I find this very helpful in my life.

I could be a very different Lisa, without my walk with God. I know this because I remember, constantly trying to prove myself, debating or hiding out of insecurity. I have found that my inner confidence comes with my belief.

I know we are all different and we all tick in different ways, but this is my way and I can share it on my blog.

Love and hugs my friends. xx 🙂

God’s love

by Lisa Lock

God’s love reaching down from the Heavens

Capturing the hearts of His children

Opening wide their minds to new ideas

Teaching them to live and love again

~

To move forward on His great adventure

Trusting that He will lead the way

Giving each day to the Lord for His purpose

Feeling the desire to love and to pray

~

Holding fast to new beginnings

Sharing God’s love with those He brings

Feeling the passion to be ever near Him

Having a heart that will praise and sing

 

My Thoughts while showering……..this is MY God time!

image from Google

I find that while showering each morning, I get to spend some of my best time with God. Why not after all… Jesus did say to go to a quiet place where we can be alone with the Father, well this seems to be the only place in my little house where I can get that alone space…lol

I have been working on self acceptance these last few weeks and I will say that it has been a gut wrenching journey so far, but with Gods strength and guidance I feel I will reach the end of this wobbly path soon…well I’m praying so anyway, or my family may have me sectioned….LMHO

I feel a lot more like myself now that my heart has been softened and the mask has been removed. It has come as a shock to a few people who have only known me as an adult. As they have only known the masked, heart guarding, introverted Lisa. Who is actually the complete opposite of who God made me to be. She is one of the masks I have had to become to survive up till now. Hence the talk of psychiatric help, and believe me this journey has made me question my own sanity too. Having other people trying to influence my thinking has caused me to have more meltdowns these last two weeks than I have had since puberty….hehehe

I even found myself escaping through my childhood coping strategy of, “Bat out of Hell” and “Asteroids.” Which my kids found highly amusing and were quite impressed by my extra fast gamer fingers, shame I can’t type that fast.

It all came to a head a few days ago, when I felt totally cornered and unable to think for myself. So, after making sure my kids were safe and supervised….

“LOOK AFTER MY KIDS!!!”

I stormed out of my own home and went on a speedy drive, with T’Pau at full volume….which then gave me ear pain.

I would like to say here that my Cyberman has been wonderful throughout this journey so far, and I don’t know if I could have got through it without him.

Anyway….my shower time with God, that’s what I was talking about….pass me the loofah Lord..Sorry I just couldn’t resist that one and God Knows my humour, He gave it to me…..yes I am cracking myself up here…hahaha

While praying in the shower I got extremely emotional again,(emotional basket case) and I decided to tell God to stop what He is doing, right away, because I would rather not like people and carry on hiding.

My own bubble and interests were a much preferable comfort blanket. Thank you very much!

Well God said, “NO” of course and then dropped an image of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane with all His friends laughing and loving and accepting one another, into my brain. The image then flashed forward to Jesus being the only one in the garden once the soldiers and Judas had come for him. All of His other disciples had protected themselves or ran off. One of the disciples even took up a sword and hacked off an ear. Jesus then, as always, draws His strength from the Father. He lovingly gives the guy His ear back…I could have done with His healing hands after my T’Pau blow out…lol

Then He goes willingly to his destiny, knowing full well it is crucifixion, He did this because He loves me… and you lot too of course, but you must remember this is my time with God I am sharing.

I can’t say that my prayer has been anything like Jesus’ in the garden, and I am still more than a little worried about showing and sharing my heart with a world that has only shown me rejection. But I know that God is with me and He has a perfect plan for me. His plans are to prosper not to harm, to give hope and a future. My past has been very lonely, because I chose to guard my heart from everyone, and did not choose my friends wisely. I trust now that God will guide me with this, as I have seen and experienced His mighty hand and poking finger at work.

AMEN ….meaning, “It is true,” or “So be it.” or in this case BOTH.

I chose not to highlight scripture, I don’t want to start Bible bashing and quoting chapter and verse like I did in my 20’s…My aspie nature tends to go into overdrive and then I can become completely un-relatable. The scriptures became my special interest for a while, now my aspie brain allows video clips to speak, which I feel are a lot more human.

After all that is what I am and wonderfully made in His likeness.  Thank you Lord. X 😉 😉

There are some words in a Christian song that I was introduced to a few weeks ago, by a close friend of mine. These words are spurring me on.

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now. And this is the only moment we can do anything about…So breathe it in and breathe it out, listen to your heartbeat, there’s a wonder in the here and now; it’s right there in front of you and I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment.

Oh…. and here is my T’Pau blowout….not exactly Christian Worship, but it definitely spoke Gods words for me…..He meets each of us where we are at, after all.

clean hands and a pure heart… (via Read Between the Minds)

This is a beautiful poem, with an audio. Via Read Between the Minds.

the hand that reaches out to you is small it holds no magic nor promises of great wealth just a plea for you to teach and tell the truth … Read More

via Read Between the Minds

Dreadlockalien-Well Done

The Message Of The Pocket Cross

The Pocket Cross

The Pocket Cross

by Alienhippy

 

There was a little Pocket Cross, that my Mom used to own.

She kept it in her handbag, laminated to a poem.

In times of desperation, she’d take it out and read.

She’d ponder on its message and Faith a mustard seed.

She’d think about our Saviour, crucified and resurrected.

She’d think about his Word, the truth we’ve all rejected.

She’d think about his sacrifice, the love we don’t deserve.

She’d think about her life and what she had of worth.

As years went by she passed it on, her Faith and her Pocket Cross.

She passed it to my brother, when his life seemed at a loss.

He kept it in his wallet, not wanting to seem rude.

We didn’t know what Mom passed on, was really Spiritual food.

So as the seed is watered, nurtured, fed and pruned.

As blind Faith becomes seeing, and Jesus heals our wound.

As we persevere through problems, knowing we are not alone.

That Jesus walked this path before, He is our cornerstone.

There’s not a thing that we go through, that He does not understand.

When we are touched by the power of the cross, we are guided by God’s Hand.

Mom and Us

The message of the Pocket Cross, is really very clear.

As Jesus is our Saviour, we have no need to fear.

The Pocket Cross I made for you, from left over bits of string.

The Faith we have that Mom passed on, is the gift that we can bring.

We may not have fat wallets, but we give always from the heart.

The Love Mom gave, that we give now, remains when we depart.

(We Love you and miss you every day Mom. x)