My Thoughts while showering……..this is MY God time!
I find that while showering each morning, I get to spend some of my best time with God. Why not after all… Jesus did say to go to a quiet place where we can be alone with the Father, well this seems to be the only place in my little house where I can get that alone space…lol
I have been working on self acceptance these last few weeks and I will say that it has been a gut wrenching journey so far, but with Gods strength and guidance I feel I will reach the end of this wobbly path soon…well I’m praying so anyway, or my family may have me sectioned….LMHO
I feel a lot more like myself now that my heart has been softened and the mask has been removed. It has come as a shock to a few people who have only known me as an adult. As they have only known the masked, heart guarding, introverted Lisa. Who is actually the complete opposite of who God made me to be. She is one of the masks I have had to become to survive up till now. Hence the talk of psychiatric help, and believe me this journey has made me question my own sanity too. Having other people trying to influence my thinking has caused me to have more meltdowns these last two weeks than I have had since puberty….hehehe
I even found myself escaping through my childhood coping strategy of, “Bat out of Hell” and “Asteroids.” Which my kids found highly amusing and were quite impressed by my extra fast gamer fingers, shame I can’t type that fast.
It all came to a head a few days ago, when I felt totally cornered and unable to think for myself. So, after making sure my kids were safe and supervised….
“LOOK AFTER MY KIDS!!!”
I stormed out of my own home and went on a speedy drive, with T’Pau at full volume….which then gave me ear pain.
I would like to say here that my Cyberman has been wonderful throughout this journey so far, and I don’t know if I could have got through it without him.
Anyway….my shower time with God, that’s what I was talking about….pass me the loofah Lord..Sorry I just couldn’t resist that one and God Knows my humour, He gave it to me…..yes I am cracking myself up here…hahaha
While praying in the shower I got extremely emotional again,(emotional basket case) and I decided to tell God to stop what He is doing, right away, because I would rather not like people and carry on hiding.
My own bubble and interests were a much preferable comfort blanket. Thank you very much!
Well God said, “NO” of course and then dropped an image of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane with all His friends laughing and loving and accepting one another, into my brain. The image then flashed forward to Jesus being the only one in the garden once the soldiers and Judas had come for him. All of His other disciples had protected themselves or ran off. One of the disciples even took up a sword and hacked off an ear. Jesus then, as always, draws His strength from the Father. He lovingly gives the guy His ear back…I could have done with His healing hands after my T’Pau blow out…lol
Then He goes willingly to his destiny, knowing full well it is crucifixion, He did this because He loves me… and you lot too of course, but you must remember this is my time with God I am sharing.
I can’t say that my prayer has been anything like Jesus’ in the garden, and I am still more than a little worried about showing and sharing my heart with a world that has only shown me rejection. But I know that God is with me and He has a perfect plan for me. His plans are to prosper not to harm, to give hope and a future. My past has been very lonely, because I chose to guard my heart from everyone, and did not choose my friends wisely. I trust now that God will guide me with this, as I have seen and experienced His mighty hand and poking finger at work.
AMEN ….meaning, “It is true,” or “So be it.” or in this case BOTH.
I chose not to highlight scripture, I don’t want to start Bible bashing and quoting chapter and verse like I did in my 20’s…My aspie nature tends to go into overdrive and then I can become completely un-relatable. The scriptures became my special interest for a while, now my aspie brain allows video clips to speak, which I feel are a lot more human.
After all that is what I am and wonderfully made in His likeness. Thank you Lord. X 😉 😉
There are some words in a Christian song that I was introduced to a few weeks ago, by a close friend of mine. These words are spurring me on.
Cause we are who and where and what we are for now. And this is the only moment we can do anything about…So breathe it in and breathe it out, listen to your heartbeat, there’s a wonder in the here and now; it’s right there in front of you and I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment.
Oh…. and here is my T’Pau blowout….not exactly Christian Worship, but it definitely spoke Gods words for me…..He meets each of us where we are at, after all.