A girl with Aspergers

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If I was an undiagnosed teenage Aspie today

Not back in the 80′s before computers, but now.

Living it with all the same questions that I had back then, I would Google everything.

Google doesn’t laugh at me! Google doesn’t tease me! Google doesn’t shout at me! Google doesn’t tell me I’m a nuisance! Google doesn’t tell me to shut up! Google doesn’t tell me I’m an idiot! Google is my friend!

I am 42 years old now, nearly 43 actually

It will be my Birthday in 2 weeks time, also the 2nd anniversary of my accidental blog creation. That’s right, I never ever would have started a blog by choice. If it hadn’t have been for the love, acceptance, encouragement, support and prayers of my closest friend I never would have continued or shared who I really am.

I have many friends in bloggyland now, they have all helped and inspired me to find me again. To take Lisa out of the box. To say, stuff society and it’s unwritten rules I’m just being me! To turn all those hurts into creativity and share the positives from all my negatives.

The subject of friendship is something I have had to grow through

I feel that I need to share, I know the time is right and I am now secure in who I am as an adult female Aspie. I also feel secure in the close friendships that I have. But this is a new thing for me, as those who truly know me know all too well.

I KNOW there are young girls/women out there undiagnosed and feeling alone and that breaks my heart. I thought of many questions that I sat and asked God because I needed answers but no one seemed to have any.

Just a few questions from my teens

Why does no one like me God?

Why is everyone nasty to me?

Why does no one want me to join in?

I hate being me, why am I like this?

I feel so alone, when can I have a friend?

Why do all my friends go off with other people?

What do I do wrong?

Why do people laugh at me?

Why don’t I understand?

What is wrong with me?

I have been pondering on differences

Over the last few weeks I have been really enjoying going to a jewellery making class. I was able to sit confidently and chat over coffee with women my age while making jewellery. This was not my comfort zone, it was in a school not a church.

I realised on the 2nd week something about me that has affected my whole life. I also had a way of coping, not feeling all those questions nagging away inside, or allowing the negative voice in my head to cause anxiety.

Guess what? I REALLY enjoyed the course.

I can only really cope talking to one person at a time.

It’s simple really, I go into complete sensory overload and actual panic from being in a group. The first week I went to this class the teacher was already there and the class was quiet, the conversations were about the jewellery and people were being polite. I instantly felt at home and totally enjoyed being there and chatted quite happily with everyone.

The second week I got there early

It was all the same people and I was excited because I had got on well with them the week before. The teacher wasn’t there when I arrived and everyone was loud and there was no structure at all. The conversations seemed angry and I wanted to go home. I felt fearful, I instantly became tense in my body and I felt the need to be away from the noise.

I didn’t go home, I recognised that this is who I am. I knew it was a sensory difficulty and a lack of social skills and that I could join in once it was all calm. I made an excuse, left the class and came back once the teacher was there. I feel very pleased about this because now I know that I can make friends, I just have a different way of doing this.

As a child I desperately wanted friends

Don’t get me wrong I do love my alone time too, but there were times I really wanted to share.

As a small child I did have friends, my Mom had friends who had daughters my age and I was able to play and be happy. My Mom was neurotypical (NT) and she was always visiting people. Things changed for me when I got to school age and was thrown into a system that scared me and bored me.

Being part of a team, group, gang never worked for me. It was impossible from the start. At school there was always pressure to be in groups, it made me feel a complete failure.

I can only process one conversation at a time.

People actually do like me, in fact I have friends that love me and accept me for who I am with all my quirkiness. I have beautiful friends who explain things to me and have the patience to want to understand my ways. But to find these friends I had to first start being me, the real me. I had to be brave and take off the mask, I had learned to be a very good actress over the years. But not being the real me made me feel a fake and that has caused hurt deep within.

A lovely bloggy friend said to me in a comment.

“Bravery is defined as doing that which we are afraid to do. You are a brave person.” ~Tilly Bud

I don’t feel brave but every time I open up and share something deep I know I will loop. I know I may shutdown, I know I will feel exposed and fear rejection. So I guess I am brave because I push through the fear and share because I want people to know. I want Aspie children to be accepted and loved for who they are and not pushed to be who they are not.

I want that young girl who sits in her bedroom all alone staring through the window at the kids playing down the street to know this.

Sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with you, you do belong, you can have friends, you are not a freak or an alien. You are amazingly unique, beautiful in design, wonderfully wired and so very precious. You are not alone.

The following are my thoughts from yesterday,

they are what I prayed on and what helped me to share today.

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Do I comment?

by Alienhippy

Did you walk through the trees?

Searching for the imaginary friends

That this world had taken from you

Did you call out their names?

Thinking they would return

They had gone to safety in the woods

Did you sit alone on a swing?

Praying for a friend

Who accepted you for you

The one you never had to hide from

Did you stare at the moon?

Ask if your friend would come soon

Then smile as you heard

A whisper inside saying,

“Yes my precious child be patient,

they are looking at the moon and waiting just like you are.”

~

“The worst feeling isn’t being lonely.

It’s being forgotten by someone you could never forget.”

How true this is we love and give our hearts

They become part of us

We have no other way

We can’t switch people off

We can choose to live in love or not

But how amazing it is

When who we are is accepted and loved

What we give from our hearts

Is received, not rejected

Those gifts of friendship from God

Make all those prayers worthwhile

Little glimpses of heaven

Inside those special friends

That God handpicked for each of us.

**************************************************************

Thoughts inspired from a comment I left on this post,

Slumbered Dreams by ~Samantha Craft (Everyday Aspergers)

Whispered words

Whispered words…my morning babble.

Open and honest is what God always whispers. Sharing what is in the heart and soul is very hard to do, most people will never go there, even those who really do love God.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

God’s unconditional love

Living in each of us through our connection with Jesus, the Holy Spirit is what makes the difference. The Holy Spirit does not know fear and unconditional love will cast out fear.

Jesus said,

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

Could this not also be the laying down of our fear?

His love in us is unconditional, it’s a gift that we have received yet we hold back out of fear.

When my mom said, “Find Jesus and love one another”

(Her last instructions written down on paper from a life support machine)

I believe that her instruction was not just from her but God Inspired. Seeking Jesus in people, and following the Jesus is me is what was missing. I feel inspired to share an old poem of mine, the first verse says it all for me.

God’s love reaching down from the Heavens.

Capturing the hearts of His children.

Opening wide their minds to new ideas.

Teaching them to live and love again.

~

To move forward on His great adventure.

Trusting that He will lead the way.

Giving each day to the Lord for His purpose.

Feeling the desire to love and to pray.

~

Holding fast to new beginnings.

Sharing God’s love with those He brings.

Feeling the passion to be ever near Him.

Having a heart that will praise and sing.

We have all been hurt because we are of God.

We are God’s children, chosen, co-heirs with Christ to His glory and also His suffering. But He holds the answers. Some of my favourite words that Jesus spoke are these,

I have told you these things so that in me you will have peace. In this world you will have trouble but take heart I have overcome the world. John 16:33

This is who I am,

These were my first thought this morning that I shared with a friend. Many people run from this side of me, it’s too intense. I have to keep me in a box and only let me out on special days. There are many sides to Lisa, God knows them all He created me this way. He knows me better than I know myself and He loves me when I am at my worst. When I’m screaming at Him because I don’t like His plans, He whispers kindness and love. His plans are perfect, He knows what is best for me.

So…

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him. Psalm 40:1-3

ASD, Cats and Empathy

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Kitten update…Those who are following my Wednesday posts will have noticed I didn’t post last week about the kittens. I will let you know why in this update.

This update I am calling…

They are out and about.

That’s right, they can climb out of the box now. Scarlet is the fastest and likes to chase socks and bite toes. Gingy is a poser and loves to be photographed. Nathaniel is a loner and we now think HE might be a SHE Nathanielle maybe??? I’m calling her Kitty at the moment but *AJ said she has to remain Nathaniel …it’s good. Sebastian is a snuggle, he just loves to snuggle into everyone and everything.

Here are a few photos and a short video from week 5.

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Now backtrack to week 4

I did try to write something but I was very sad as Mr PIB was quite ill and there was nothing I could do. The kittens were not well at all, they are a lot better this week and are very playful. They do still have runny eyes but they are not anywhere near as poorly as they were last week.

I sat down to write my post last Wednesday, but I just couldn’t share or find words. I wasn’t going to share the words I did manage to write as they are not very encouraging, but it is all part of life, and I feel I should share if I am going to be true to myself. I need to document this as it is part of me, my life and my growth.

This is a place where I can be me….isn’t it?

The ups and the downs?

These are the only words I could write last Wednesday.

I feel so sad, kitten update week four

I really have no words

To explain how I’m feeling

A kitten life now gone

Mr PIB no longer breathing

His little body limp

So tiny and now cold

Not much of a life

To die at 4 weeks old

On Thursday I wrote this email to my friend.

I have found the perfect place in my garden and buried Mr PIB this morning. He is under a small oak tree that I planted with *AJ when we first moved into the house. The tree was a sapling and only 2ft high, the same height as *AJ when we planted it. Now it is over 20ft but still looks like a young tree. I have my swing seat under the tree too. At the moment this area is filled with blue bells and snowdrops. In the summer it is filled with ferns. There is a small holly bush just behind the swing that is covered with berries in the winter and in the spring the daffodils are all around the trunk of the oak tree.

It’s a pretty place for him. I hope my other kitten don’t die too. They have had a little play today out of the box but they all seem to be sneezing.

I know you understand me. As Aspies we have loved animals because we had no friends and our pets have loved us unconditionally. I feel like I should write a post but I am afraid to. I will probably write out how I feel and journal it.

I would like to explain this the best I can

I have been made to feel bad over the years that I instantly love animals when I find it harder to love people. Part of me felt guilty about feeling sad, about crying and shutting down over a kitten. Bad things happen every day that I seem oblivious to and this is just a kitten. But to me he was a new friend. There are nasty people in this world who drown kittens in the canal, abuse animals just because. I really find this kind of behaviour so hard to process. It was a little life and I felt so helpless. I knew that if I opened the window Angel would have carried him off and left him to die alone, it’s a cats way. I didn’t want him to be alone, the thought of him being alone hurt me and the thought of Angel watching helplessly hurt me too. I paced my home and I wanted someone to make choices for me, I felt lost and I wanted my mom. She always knew how to make me feel better.

As I wrote to my Aspie friend

As Aspies we have loved animals because we had no friends and our pets have loved us unconditionally. I feel like I should write a post but I am afraid to.

I shouldn’t be afraid to share who I am

I know God loves me and I know there are other people who feel this way too. It’s a myth that Aspies don’t understand empathy.

I still stand by what I said in my “Toys and Empathy” post back in December 2010. The post about why I gave ALL my toys away to charity as a child.

Quoting myself here…hehe

I think that the lack of empathy thing is just a shut down mechanism of self protection because emotion is so intense…it will overload the system and cause sensory difficulties and eventually complete shutdown. But this is just a whole load of Lisa Lingo from my babbling thought loops.

I just know that when I gave my toys away it was because I cared deeply for children I would never meet, and I was willing to go without my faithful friends so they would live. I don’t believe that I lack empathy and I don’t believe other Aspies do either. But this is just my understanding.

Don’t tell me I lack empathy…I know I don’t.

I might have switched off love for awhile because of the intense pain I felt from the rejection and abuse of people. But animals and children were never part of my shutdown to empathy.

By choosing to love we choose to accept pain, but it’s always better to love.

Love and hugs my friends.

Lisa. xx

Children’s voices (Heart Smile)

http://www.fanpop.com/spots/love/images/10283778/title/rainbow-heart-x-wallpaper

My heart smiles when I listen to children talking, when I see their smiling eyes and the excitement of just being themselves. I love their unique and wonderful new words, so much better than any word we can find in any book. Their own made up mix of language. These words dance in the air like sparkling treasures and find a nesting place deep within me. Children help me to see me, to seek me deeper, to remember the little girl I once was. To recapture those moments, relive them and bring them back home. To truly be the me I am created to be, the me before life engraved it’s heartache. When children sing, my heart swells and the emotions I feel cannot be explained. How wonderful it must be for God, when He hears His children talking with kindness, singing with passion and just being ourselves. How precious the moment when we look to Him as our friend.

Inspired by listening to my daughter chatting with her friend.

My heart also smiles and my body rejoices when I hear her cheekiness. She didn’t speak until she was three just the odd words and lots of pointing. She is still so quiet when out of her comfort zone. Friendship is one of the hardest things for children and adults on the spectrum. So yes I love to hear her chatting with her friends.

This is what I heard this morning.

*CAL’s Friend…

“2 months of school left *CAL and then we go to new schools. This year has gone so quickly hasn’t it? I feel like I’m still in January, I don’t know where this year has gone?”

 *CAL (with a cheeky grin)…

“Well, errrrmmm, it’s in the past deeeerrrrr. Today is the present, our moment of beeeeee-ing. AND… tomorrow is like… our future man.”

Why college didn’t work for me

LOST IN PAINT

Fifteen years ago I was a 27 year old single mom with a lot of anxiety, extreme OCD and a hyper-active 3 year old son. I hadn’t even heard the word Aspergers and Autism was not what I know it to be today. My son’s over active mind and body and his extreme mood swings were actually quite shocking at times. I was also trying so very hard to try to find a way forward. A way to keep us afloat. We had been without our home and belongings for 12 months. I was home again now and I had the idea I wanted to be an art teacher, I wanted to do something I enjoyed. Teaching children to create art was my dream. I was beginning to realise that I wasn’t thick like school and certain relationships had made me feel. I just hadn’t had the support at school or around me to help me succeed or plan ahead for myself. I didn’t get the correct support with learning to read. I had an idea I might be dyslexic I thought maybe I can do it this time, maybe I’ll get help. I enrolled at college and became an art student on an access course.

After the first 6 months I started to struggle

Keeping up with all my written work was impossible for me. I didn’t have a lot of confidence and I was embarrassed to ask for help. I couldn’t priorities and my time would get wasted. I was finding each day I felt sad and overwhelmed that I had to leave my baby boy in a nursery 5 days a week. I was missing him terribly and it was from 8am till 5pm some days. He started to have really bad nightmares about Baked Beans. Each night he would scream, kick, punch and bite me while I was calming him. The only way I found I could get him to calm and to get him to sleep was to put him in bed with me and sing to him and stroke his hair. I was shattered most days before I even got to college. Pushing a buggy up a big hill with my art box and portfolio was not at all easy after a night of hardly any sleep. *AJ would very often sleep the afternoon in the quiet room of the nursery, this was helpful for them of course but not for me.

I remember sitting in the college library

We had our computer class in the library and where I would sit had a clear view of the nursery playground. Twice a week I got to see my baby boy playing while I was working, I would very often cry because I wanted to be out there with him not stuck in a library. I hate libraries they are one of my worse places.

He played on his own most days

He pedalled round and round in circles on a little blue tricycle, he was so speedy, he still is actually only now it’s his mind, his body he trains with exercise. He did make one friend at nursery, a little girl called Deokee. He called her Okey Cokey and they were little terrors together. Deokee’s mom was in my art groups she was 15 years older than me she was 42, the age I am now. We became friends, she was a loner too. Her name was *Ange and she had spiky hair (different colours on different days) and she dressed like an old punk rocker.

As the months rolled on the pressure of the work became too much.

Even though I was studying art I only had art on two days out of the five. The rest was other modules I would need for when I would go to uni.

I spoke with the college and decided to spread my one year access course over two. This meant I would only be at college 3 days a week instead of 5. I thought this would be easier but it wasn’t. Trying to do my college work at home while *AJ was climbing the walls was just impossible. The only thing that was keeping me sane was my love of painting. I loved the days that I had art but I found myself actually wagging it again. Yep, at 27 years of age I couldn’t bear the thought of sitting in a classroom listening to my one tutor drone on and on and on. Educational Psychology became my nightmare and the loops in my sleep were vile. In fact *AJ’s screaming and the Baked Bean nightmares were a relief from the cycles of Sigmund Freud theory or anything else that was being drummed into my already overloaded brain.

I had four tutors for art

They all taught different techniques. I loved all the art I did but there were a couple of the tutors I just couldn’t relate to, they really got up my nose. I know now why this was happening but at the time I was going home and screaming. I was holding it all in and melting down/shutting down in my safe place, home. The tutors wanted to see results of their teaching and I wanted to express who I had hiding deep inside of me. I had 27 years of wanting to be heard and a way to let it out but who I was sharing was being corrected or rejected.

I learned my most valuable lesson off an old hippy.

Now this was adult education so I will share. He was a wonderful tutor so relaxed and in tune. He was odd but in a lovely way and he was such a giggle. He didn’t care what people thought of him. He was out to live life and live it in the way that suited him. He positively bounced into the art room and always told us the exact mood he was in at the start of the class. He never held anything back, he just said it as it was and most of the time I think he was stoned. He just seemed to be so different from all the other teachers/tutors I had ever met before. He was like a friend who respected everyone as individuals and saw all people as equals. He was full of encouragement and adored everyone and how they expressed through the paint. I learned so much from this guy about expression in paint and I loved that he would tell me to ignore the other tutors and just be myself.

He would say things like, “Lisa, art is about you, you being in touch with you…it’s practically orgasmic my dear.” I giggle now at the thought of this 50+ long haired, full bearded little art man and the way he taught. They were some of the best memories of a school experience I have. A bunch of mature students, me being the youngest most of them were in their 40′s. We were having such a laugh, accepted for who we were and where our lives had led us and we were playing with paint.

Wise words from a friend

I was home one afternoon expressing myself in paint, I had *AJ set up next to me with his mini easel, he was painting soldiers. I had a lovely friend renting a room in my home at the time. She had just finished uni and had her first job as a graphic designer. She knew me really well and she knew everything I was going through with *AJ’s Dad and worries about my benefits. She could tell straight away that I was upset and went through a list of things she knew were constantly upsetting me asking with such patience. It wasn’t any of the usual things but through talking it out with her I realised I was getting hurt by the tutors not accepting the way I wanted to express myself.

My friend *J then said to me words that made me think deeper about my art than I ever had before. She said this…”Do you paint like this because the tutor asks you to, or because you want to? To study art and get your exams you have to give the tutors what they require. To paint for you, you just need to paint and be you. You need to decide what you want out of art.”

While I was at college for those few months

I created a 9ft tall cardboard suit of armour made to the measurement of Goliath in the Bible. I wanted to take it outside and burn it after I made it. To me the art would have been the photos of the sculpture falling to the elements. My tutors wouldn’t let me.

I made a clay mask of a blind man I wanted the eyes left expressionless. My tutor poked holes in the eye balls with a pencil without even asking me.

I made a sculpture of a headless breastfeeding mother, I understood why but couldn’t explain and therefore looked like I was not following the program.

I also made a sculpture that got stolen and then found it for sale in a local Christian book shop.

But what pushed me to finally leave was having my whole portfolio stolen with 6 months of completed work that had been sent in for marking. These were mostly batiks that had taken months and landscapes of local woodland. No one understood why it hurt me so deeply to lose that work.

I put me into my art and my art is a healing process, a journey through who I am and a discovery of where God is leading me.

An after thought from writing this post shared with a friend.

I always photograph my art now. Those painting were a healing process for me and I think maybe I was never meant to hold on to them or the memories captured in them. I released a lot into the work I did and I know that it brought me peace. The 9ft Goliath armour was still standing in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs when my younger sister went to the same college. She didn’t even know I had made it but she felt drawn to it and it comforted her while she was studying. So even there God had a plan.

A quote from Pablo Picasso

“All children are born artists, the problem is to remain an artist as we grow up.”

Animal school video

Heart Smiles

http://lastocean.wordpress.com/2011/07/18/the-real-happy-feet/

“Life’s little luxuries” is what first came to mind as a title but when I Googled images for this it was not at all what I was looking for. I’m thinking more along the lines of “Mumble Moments” You know the little tap dancing penguin in HAPPY FEET. His happy-dance was his heart song!

Anyone who knows anything about ASD knows those moments of happy-dancing, or happy-flapping. As an adult Aspie I have learned how NOT to let my body get the better of me (most of the time) but inside I still feel it. I still feel the excitement and joy wanting to explode but I know how ridiculous and eccentric I would look. Shame really that society has this pressure to conform. So I have to hold it in a lot of the time, but I do allow my heart to smile.

I woke up early with a moment of inspiration

I very often share precious moments in my day, the ones that make my heart smile on my Facebook as a status. Most times these precious moments are missed, they get lost and forgotten. I then feel sad that no one danced with me or may just think I am strange.

Those who are closest to me know how intensely deep I can be at times. They also know how incredibly silly I can be too. They know how I have an overflow of me to share because my happy-dance is dying to get out. I have come to realise that maybe Facebook is not really the place for my “WOW….God you are SO amazingly awesome!” moments.

I have decided to share them here instead.

I have added a page that I have called Heart Smiles, you can see it at the top where you can also find my Home, About and Contact pages. At first I thought that this could be a weekly post, but as I am writing I feel it needs to be more of a “Whenever the Spirit moves” kind of thing. I originally did think of writing a list of ten, but which ten? So I am now feeling that maybe just sharing my Heart Smiles and Mumble Moment one at a time, with anything else that God inspires, is the best thing for me to do.

So here is one of my heart smiles to share with my lovely Bloggy friends.

Dancing Petals.

vaporgod.com

My heart is smiling as I see the pretty pink cherry blossoms falling in the breeze, bridal confetti sprinkled by God for all his beloved. As it is blown and tossed across the road and paths, I see the smiles on the faces of little children. I see their eyes light up as they see this little luxury sent from heaven. I watch and it lifts my spirit and as it dances and twirls so do I in my mind and heart. It’s covering the parked cars, like little pink polka dots only more natural and far more beautifully arranged. Perfect falling sweetness sticking to the cars as they land because of an earlier shower. I smile again and giggle to myself as I think of all those car lovers wanting their cars kept shiny. What a blessing to see and to taste that the Lord is good!

2 Samuel 6:14 (GNT)

David, wearing only a linen cloth around his waist, danced with all his might to honour the Lord.

The simplicity of being me.

Photo taken with my mobile

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Being Still, making the time to find who I am in Christ, “Listening through the Loops” that are constantly cycling from the hectic run of life. This is something that I really need. I’m not made to be constantly stressed, I don’t work well when my mind is constantly looping.

I sometimes find myself filling all the gaps in life with things that don’t really need to be there. It’s almost like I’m afraid to not be busy. It’s only when I actually make myself stop, be still, ponder and reflect that then I see. I see that I can sometimes add worries and stress and make myself a lovely lot of my own confusion.

I wrote a poem just after my 40th Birthday

It is called My Shelf, you can read it over on my other blog, “Listening through the Loops” In this poem I talk about realising that my whole life I had been bending over backwards trying to make people like me. I’d only ever done what I thought others wanted/needed/expected me to do. I was one big people pleaser.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for helping others but not when it stops me from being me, or it affects my family and those closest to me.

Jesus very often would seek out solitude.

He loved all people but He also needed to find Himself with God. He needed to pray alone sometimes, He needed to seek God without distraction. Unconditional love can only be given when we recieve it. We all long to be loved and to love others, we need to remember to fill up our own tanks. When we are constantly running on empty we just become resentful. This is where I had gotten to when I wrote that poem, I couldn’t cope anymore with being the constant yes girl. Something had to change, I wasn’t being true to myself. I thought I was doing God’s will, running around doing all the deeds, but deeds without love are not what God wants. God’s will for each of us is for us to live life to the full.

This is the last verse of the poem, “My Shelf.”

It has been one long journey to deliver me at this station

As I’ve been twisted inside-out and tortured with frustration

I didn’t see, the simplicity, of being me, would set me free.

I didn’t see, the simplicity, of being me, would set me free.

It was when I started to say, “No” When I started to explain to people…

“I’m sorry, but I have a different idea and I don’t feel that this plan is actually beneficial to my life.”

It’s amazing how many people disappear out of your life when you start standing up for what you believe.

It’s also EXTREMELY WONDERFUL seeing the people who do love you just the way you are.

I’m finding that saying, “Let me think about it for a while I’ll get back to you!” Is so much easier.

Also reminding myself that guilt is NOT of God

Anyone who makes me feel guilty is putting too much pressure on me, and not thinking of my well being, therefore not truly loving me, this includes the pressure I put on myself. I can be so unloving towards myself.

I’m very grateful for the close friendships God has brought into my life, those who love and accept me for me, those that always help me with this. They help me to understand from both perspectives. Let’s face it I’m Aspie and my EFD, OCD, ADD and plain old sinful nature sometimes gets the better of me.

I’m learning all the time, I like to learn…it’s good to grow.

I was thinking of a an old poem I wrote and I decided to share it again as it was from WAY back at the beginning of my blogging days and I have a lot of wonderful new readers now. I have changed it slightly and added a different image.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx

http://vanderflue.deviantart.com/art/Love-Never-Fails-90920958

 Only you Lord Jesus

by Alienhippy

Only you Lord Jesus can fill this gaping hole

Dance around inside my heart, caress my very soul

You took away my sin, it was nailed to the tree

You are my everything, your comfort sets me free

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Nothing can I do to deserve love so complete

I can come to you, lay my life at your feet

Knowing that you care for this life that I live

You will always love me, so my life to you I give

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I don’t know where you’ll lead me, I trust in all your plans

When I’m up and when I’m down, I know I’m in your hands

I’ll just accept the love you give, and know that it’s a gift

And all the songs within my heart, to you my voice I lift

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This world is full of darkness, but you make darkness light

With you I face the future, you give me strength to fight

You hold my hand you wipe my tears, I know you always care

Whatever I will go through, I know that you’ll be there

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You’ll give me everything I need, to get through trials I face

You’ll bring me safely home to you, protected in your grace

You forgive me when I lose my way, in all things that I do

So this will always be the call, to come and be with you