“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. (Matthew 7:7-8 NIV)
There are so many inspiring and encouraging verses we can pull on from scripture. One of my favourites (and I have many) is Matthew 7:7-8
I have spoken of how my Aspie brain wiring is constantly trying to solve puzzles and always analysing, trying to find ways to understand.
Just lately I feel that I need to be using this in a way that is best for me and my kids. I understand now that I am Aspie, I’m dyslexic and I may also have traits of ADHD. However I got through 36 years of my life not knowing this, just feeling alien, different and wrong. A lack of understanding from both myself and others caused me a lot of hurt and insecurity.
I feel it’s time for me to focus on my talents and stop trying to work out the puzzle of life with Aspergers. I will still be sharing about life on the spectrum I just don’t want to keep analysing myself. My faith is what got me through life before knowing and my creativity is what gave me a release.
I have a very simple faith, it’s how I have believed since being a child
It goes like this…
I know there is a God and I know that Jesus is His Son. I know He created me to be me. He loves me even when I find it hard to love myself. So I will keep going and I know He will show me the way. He understands everything because He also felt everything. He lived with us, ate with us, laughed with us and wept with us. He died on a wooden cross and rose from the dead to show us the way home. I’m not alone He is ALWAYS with me.
Matthew 7:7-8 talks about three things… Asking, Seeking, Knocking!
We are all on a journey, we don’t really know what the future holds but I believe that our Heavenly Father loves us just as we are. He sees our struggles and He gives us what we need to be close to Him when we Ask, Seek and keep knocking. The door is always open to those who seek.
I found a few of my first fractals.
I was so very pleased I thought they were lost forever, seems I did save a few after all.
Sometimes you just know when God is speaking to you and other times life can be so noisy we just can’t hear Him. I am a big believer in getting quiet time each day, because I know that if I don’t, it makes my Autistic traits far worse for me to cope with.
This morning as I was reading my favourite Christian blogs I was reminded of an old post of mine. It’s funny how God does that, nothing quite as challenging as seeing your own words. I have been feeling that I needed to find ways of…
“Just being me!” again.
Since coming out Aspie there have been a lot of hurtful things said to me and I have gotten to the point now where I feel I don’t need to explain myself to anyone. People will either accept me for who I am or they won’t.
So I just want to say…Thank you God for loving me.
Also I would like to thank Richard for being just who he is,
I had gotten to a point of near breakdown and the world was just too much for me to handle. I only shared my Art and Poetry to start with. I didn’t really talk to anyone. A very special person came along and started to help me. She became my first friend and helped me to open up and start sharing a little of myself through my blog.
I have made lots of friends through my blog since and you are all very dear to me. Because of the encouragement from bloggyland I am learning to be me.
~
God certainly works in mysterious ways
Who’d have guessed that He would come and find me hiding in the internet…God is so good!
But…I guess He did send a big fishy to fetch Jonah….giggle… I’m, so strange. Where do these thoughts come from???
When my internet first started to play up I sent my lovely friend an email, from my sisters. My friend told me to reach out to God because He will pick me up.
I have been doing this, because I have felt very cut off and really quite alone. I didn’t realise how much we all used the internet it’s just something we do without thinking.
Anyway…..
I prayed about this obviously (in my childlike way) I asked God to switch it back on again, first of all.
“Had a little bit of an Aspie meltdown…or was it a tantrum Lisa?” Thank you little voice, I know. You don’t have to keep butting in. I will tell them.
Then I thought… well what can I learn from this???
Well… now I know!
I love my blog, and all my bloggy friends. I miss going onto YouTube and watching my videos, I can’t watch the TV it causes me to much negative and then it cycles.
I miss reading my friends blogs, seeing how you all are.
I miss my comments and replying to my comments.
I miss searching around on Google looking for cartoons to go with my posts.
I love that I can entertain myself doing this. I often can’t stop giggling while looking.
This morning I woke up and just wanted to sing to God.
I had had a dream, quite a strange dream actually where I was chatting with God.
God said to me, in this dream, that when I sing it comes straight from my heart and sounds beautiful to Him.
Then I said to God, “But I think my voice sounds awful God!”
Then He giggled and said…”By the time it comes to me it is perfect, so keep singing to me.”
So this morning I woke up all excited about singing to God.
I ran downstairs in my Jim-Jams, into the conservatory, grabbed my guitar and sang to Jesus.
I was looking out onto my garden, its autumn here and there are leaves everywhere.
Right outside my window a little girl Sparrow perched on the fence only 3 feet away from me.
She looked straight at me. I could see her little dark eyes. She kept tilting her little head from side to side listening to me sing.
Now I know birds do this, I once had an aviary full of Budgies and I kept Chickens for year. I also had a pet Parrot called Po-Po who I loved so much.
I can tell when a bird is listening.
AND….NO, I am not mad…I know what I saw….giggle.
I carried on singing and kept repeating the song thinking she would fly off soon, but she didn’t.
She just stayed there looking straight at me listening to every word I sang to God. Bless her little sweetness.
Eventually I stopped singing and put my guitar down. I smiled at her and said, “Thank you,” and I nodded my head to her.
She hopped closer nodded back and flew off.
I just thought WOW….God sent a Sparrow to listen to me sing to Him.
Today I went back to my old Church
I left 18 months ago feeling very misunderstood and quite hurt. I told the people (I needed to tell) that I have Aspergers Syndrome.
I told them how the Church had not been the best environment at times for some of my ways.
I also told them that I love my Christian brothers and sisters all around the world, in fact I love all people, but I am an Aspie and that makes me a little different.
I explained that I will only be doing what I feel God wants me to do, and I will not be made to feel guilty for not always being able to cope with the environment of the Church.
I also said I know God made me this way, and I am just the way I am supposed to be.
I was welcomed back with open arms and they accepted what I said…for now anyway.
SO…..
My Aspie-happy is out again. This time it’s the real one, not the one behind a mask.
I went to Church dressed in my happy clothes, because I am a multi coloured Rainbow.
And
The negativity I carried in my heart for 18 months has been completely turned upside down.
Blogging is certainly helping me, and I thank all of you. XX
I was a complete mess yesterday because I chose to dwell on the negative words spoken to me by someone I love. I know this person didn’t mean to plant seeds of doubt and fear into me. But I heard the words and my heart just broke. I have struggled with this same fear all my life.
I wrote an extremely emotional poem yesterday and put it on my creativity blog,
Most of the time after a poem I feel a lot better but last night I was still in turmoil. I woke up in the middle of the night looping and not able to sleep. So I prayed, I wrote out my prayer and at the end of three pages these words came out.
Fears and doubts are not of me.
Love and acceptance are my ways.
Come to me leave troubles behind.
Enter my arms with singing and praise.
I was reminded of a scripture
1 John 4:18
The Message (MSG)
To Love, to Be Loved
17-18God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.
So often I can feel crippled by fear
I can stop being me and just become what others want of me. But God’s perfect love is about being Christlike, it’s not about fear and rules it’s about love and acceptance. We are all unique and wonderful creations. Each an individual with our own gifts and talents. Each with our own ways of expressing who we are. Who we are in Christ. Only in Christ, in a relationship with our Heavenly Father can we find the strength to be who we are created to be.
My poem didn’t seem to have an ending.
The words I got in prayer didn’t seem to have a poem
So I’m going to add them to the end of, “It is done!”
WHY? Because God’s love is perfect and wipes away fears and tears.
My poem was me hurting and grieving but not really listening to who God has created me to be.
Love and hugs.
Lisa. xx
It is done!
by Alienhippy
I can’t stop the loops, why do I listen to such words?
How can I change the way they feel inside my mind
They grip and tear my heavy heart, such pain
Where can I find my smiling dance again
~
Please hold back your words
To you they only spark a feeling of release
Their poison is released, doubts built over years
I cannot shift these tears, these fears you have unleashed
~
Please ponder on my mind and be more kind
Remember that your words leave your mouth, then set up house
Inside my head, all you have said and my heart is pained
I have to go, be in the still, rest in His arms and hear His will
~
You’ve triggered my rejection and the feeling of alone
I can go home and find the TRUTH, and learn to TRUST again
My wonderful friend Fi helps me so much with this. How? It’s so very simple really….she loves and accepts me for me! She accepts my quirky ways and doesn’t put unrealistic expectations on our friendship. She also prays for me and my family. This is something I have never had in a friendship before, but it is something I have always prayed for.
In my last post I said I’d been inspired by one of the photos Fi had sent to me. So I’m going to share some thoughts I had about it.
Let’s talk about an Autistic trait of mine…
Analysis
Analysis is the process of breaking a complex topic or substance into smaller parts to gain a better understanding of it. The technique has been applied in the study of mathematics and logic since before Aristotle (384–322 B.C.), though analysis as a formal concept is a relatively recent development.
The word is a transcription of the ancient Greek ἀνάλυσις
(analusis, “a breaking up”, from ana- “up, throughout” and lysis “a loosening”)
Taking things apart is something a lot of ASD kids do
Not just kids though adults do it as well, I really enjoy taking things apart it’s like an adventure into another world. It’s a time of discovery and learning in my own way and in my own time. Not too long ago I took an old computer apart, just for fun, and collected all the pieces that I know I can use in a sculpture one day, when I get the time that is….
When I’m taking something apart I can see how it all works. I can imagine rebuilding it in new ways. My brain just comes alive and I don’t notice anything else around me. Or anybody actually…I get lost in there, in the WHOLE process of it. AND….it’s so very lovely.
Putting things together is different
Why?
Instructions…expectations…a feeling of failure and disappointment.
Confusion, complications and always someone telling you you’re doing it all wrong.
I do love solving puzzles though, I just like to do it on my own with no help at all, away from everyone.
Having someone around “hovering” while I am building/making/solving something is very distracting. I have my own way of doing things, but because of how people have been in my past, I’m used to feeling like I do things wrong all the time. So having someone watching me build something (like a flatpack) while trying to follow instructions, actually throws my brain into meltdown mode.
I can keep this in for quite a while now, but as a kid the model, puzzle or board game would get kicked into the air or thrown across the room. I would then stamp off in a vile mood to a safe place, this made me feel guilty and wrong. I would then get REALLY told off for having a “temper tantrum” Yes…that’s what happens unfortunately when you are high functioning or undiagnosed. People have expectations of how you should be, because who you really are is unseen.
Your intelligence in other things is noticed but your behaviour with so called simple things is unrecognised as a difficulty. This caused me a lot of confusion as a child. I felt so clever with some things and so stupid with others.
As a child I had no control over my reactions, my body acted in a way to protect me. I learned as I got older but I also learned to internalise TOO MUCH! I became far too quiet. Even the things I was good at, the things I had gifts with were no-longer enjoyable, I felt I did everything wrong.
Creating is different
With creativity it’s like building something while taking it apart. It gives me both! I see something being built/made/created but also feel the adventure of seeking and discovering. There are no rules in creativity, no instructions, no right or wrong way of doing (or there shouldn’t be)
School changes this, they place rules on the arts, they tech techniques and place expectations. I was always very good at art at school, but on my bad days I couldn’t meet the goals of my teachers.
Lisa is a quiet child with a lot of talent, she is naturally gifted in art, however she needs to try harder. She tends to drift off into daydreams and not finish the work set for her.
(one of my teachers)
I love this quote by Pablo Picasso
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.”
It’s so easy to take me apart!
With God’s love I am learning to put me back together.
God’s creativity flows through everything and also through everyone who lets Him in. I’m learning to use my Wonderfully Wired mind to see through my Aspie eyes. True creativity comes NOT from learning techniques and reading from books but from within, from who we are created to be. Creativity and expression are a scary thing to share, but it is also very healing when we do. I have always naturally wanted to learn about the things I love doing, the things I am interested in. My Aspie mind needs to feed on information, when I am interested in something it’s all I can think about.
Created to be remarkable…I see this in my kids and Fi sees it in her kids.
“Different, but not less.” Those of us with spectrummy kids all see this and want everyone else to see it too! It’s not easy being a Mom to kids on the spectrum, not for NT or Aspie Moms. Our kids are unique and wonderful creations. They are blessings from God that we feel a need to protect. We see their quirkiness and we love it. The world however….well, let’s not go there!
As parents to kids with quirks we see its affect every day!
We already know how some people mock that which they are ignorant about, that which they refuse to try to understand.
Bringing awareness to the needs of those on the Spectrum is so very important.
Without people sharing what it’s like there will always be people who tear Aspies/Auties apart.
There will always be the bullies, the manipulators and the abusers. But through sharing our journeys we are building a path for others to walk on. We are making a safe place for others to share. We are telling our stories in the hope that things will change.
I love blogging….. WHY?
Because God has given me a way of taking me apart and building me back up, in a group of loving and accepting friends. In a little community I like to call Bloggyland.
“A place where I can be me!”
Love and hugs friends.
Lisa. xx
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (The Message)
So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind.
I know you’re already doing this; just keep on doing it.
“Wash the plate not because it’s dirty nor because you’re told to wash it, but because you love the person who’ll use it next.” — Mother Teresa
I was thinking on this quote today while washing up at the kitchen sink. I was also thinking of how Jesus came as a servant. I was pondering on the difference between deeds done in love and deeds done in service or duty. Just a few thoughts to wrestle with and what I came up with is it’s a heart thing. An understanding of being loved so a want and a need to give love also. This is hard if we have never felt loved or accepted for who we are.
I bought a new colander not long ago
It’s an old fashioned stainless steel one. I wasn’t really using it but I have recently had a kitchen clear out and it’s getting used now. I lifted the colander out of the sink and watched the soapy water trickle through the holes, I did this a few times and smiled as it brought back a memory.
Bath time screaming…oh my, did I scream at bath time!
Like a lot of Autistic kids I had a terrible fear of water going in my eyes, down my ears, up my nose and dripping down my face. My Dad was the only one who I would let wash my hair. He invented for me the colander hat.
This would be strapped, right side up, on my head and I held a flannel over my eyes while keeping my fingers in my ears. Then my Dad poured water into the colander with a jug to rinse the shampoo off. I know it sounds bizarre but with Autistic kids parents do what is needed to get the job done. I’m one of a kind really! Love me or don’t!
I believe now that my Dad invented this hat out of total love for his little girl because he is also Autistic. He would have remembered that fear, he would have remembered the sensory confusion. The strange feel of water creeping and moving on the sensitive parts of his face. Both my kids have been the same and I have known to use the shower to wash the soap off their heads, keeping well clear of their faces. In the 70′s though we only had a bath, showers were not fitted in tiny little UK town houses.
Putting people in moulds
I have recently written quite a lot about people having expectations and judging others on the idea they have of who/how/what a person should be. It is something I have been working through personally and will probably always be praying about and aware of in myself and others.
As a teen, in my 20′s, 30′s and right up to now I have done this with my Dad. When my Mom died I wanted him to be the Dad that I wanted him to be. I missed my Mom so desperately, I still do, I wanted him to make me feel better. I haven’t always seen that he is hurting too. I also struggle to accept his Autism and how it affects him. I accept my kids traits because I love them unconditionally, but I have had unrealistic expectations of my Dad that he can never fulfil.
My Dad has always been an inventor
Our kids call him Grandad Fixit. He’s a fixer, a builder and a carpenter by trade. He always smelt of wood when I was a kid. He worked for 40 years making coffins and he provided a home and an income for his wife and 3 kids. No one he worked with ever talked to him, he lacks social skills and can’t communicate well at all. Those he worked with teased him for this. My Dad has an identical twin so he wasn’t alone, he has always worked with his brother, they have been together and suffered this ridicule all their lives. Both at school and in every job they have had.
My Dad and my Uncle *What* (I call him that because he could never understand me as a child) sit together every day for their tea break and listened to the other guys laughing at them for being odd. It breaks my heart now when he tells me the things they say and he can’t defend himself.
I have felt hurt by my Dad most of my life
Not because he has meant to hurt me, I know he loves me. It’s because I was putting him in a mould of who/how/what I thought he should be as my Dad. I think I’m starting to understand this now.
God’s love is not a love of conditions, we serve not out of duty but because we love. We love because He first loved us and accepted us for who we are, as we are, with no conditions. Unconditional love that is freely given that God wants FOR us to accept and receive.
His forgiveness….grace and mercy.
Daddy loves me, he made a bath time hat to help me with my fears.
My Heavenly Father gave His Son, His love wipes away my tears.
2 Corinthians 5:13-21
New International Version 1984
If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
This is the song I was listening to while washing up.
A sturdy cardboard box, covered with retro funky 70′s orange floral wallpaper. Can you visualise that? I can still see it in my mind 33 years later!
Inside this box is a collection of lost and missing pieces from games, jigsaws, Lego sets. Action mans missing boot and Cindy’s lost tiara. Not to mention a few marbles, ball bearings, coloured pencils and even a few toy soldiers.
Yes, it is the lost and found and I can’t be bothered to go and sort these things out right now. I’m a very busy young Mom and I have FAR TOO much to do looking after these hyperactive kids and my moody hubby….I loved my Mom SO VERY MUCH! Thinking of her makes me smile!
My Dad built an extension on our home
We called it the playroom and it was filled with all of our toys. It was lovely in the summer, it had a terracotta tiled floor and the door opened onto the back garden. Our black Labrador (RAF) would go in and out as he pleased, following my beloved ginger tom cat Sammy. In the winter though our playroom was absolutely freezing, so me and my brother would grab a box of toys…actually we’d grab a few boxes of toys, and bring them into the living room.
The contents would then get emptied out ALL OVER the living room floor and we would play quite happily or fight over things. Mom would find all our bits under the furniture when she vacuumed. Sometimes she’d find them down the sides of the furniture, under the rug and even behind the telly if we’d been throwing things at each other. She’d then put our bits in the box.
Two Aspie kids playing our own games
As we got older my little brother became even more disorganised and I became the bossy little organiser. He would use books to build ramps for his wind-up Evel Knievel and he’d mess up the playroom something terrible. He’d mess it up SO badly that I just couldn’t cope with it actually. My bedroom became my safe place, a place of calm and order. I kept my special toys in my bedroom where I knew they wouldn’t get hurt. Notice I say *hurt* and not broken. I’ll write a post about that another time.
www.facebook.com/SpreadingPositivity
Thinking out side of the box
I knew that if any of my toys, puzzle pieces, bricks or bits from the Lego models were missing they would be in the box. It was just a case of going and mooching through. There was always the risk of Mom saying, “Now you’re in the box you can put things were they should be!”
I didn’t realise that this method of lost and found, find and sort was something I was STILL using until a few days ago. My computer was returned and it had been rebuilt with EVERYTHING completely wiped off. Have you ever seen a grown Aspie burst into tears because her collections and projects have all disappeared. You get the picture, I went into shutdown.
I am extremely visual and I love to collect
I had so many files of images, links and quotes that I enjoyed and could recall when I had filtered through my mix up of thoughts and loops. I had slide shows I could put on of Art I had collected. Old photos I had scanned and could find in seconds to help me with processing memories. I had 100′s of fractals I had made, 3D designer projects and landscaping I had created. Also my SPORE progress was lost, I was on the last level and I really liked the world I had created there.
Over the last few days I have avoided writing
I’ve not really been able to cope with sitting at my desk. I’ve just been doing stuff from my mobile and my netbook. I know how ridiculous this will sound to some people. Those who understand the difficulties Aspies/Auties have will totally understand where I am coming from. My computer is like a friend to me, now I’m having to work at getting to know it again. I don’t cope well with change and I’m really not good with loss.
I have been thinking a lot of a post I read about Lego
I read this post 2 days before my computer was returned and it made me really think about my life. It’s still making me think actually! The scripture Richard added was this…
To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under Heaven:a time to break down, and a time to build up
(Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3).
Richard’s post is excellent, I love how he sees God in the everyday things. This post helped me to start putting my pieces back together. I don’t know what I’m building yet, as always the instructions have not been included, so I’m making it up as I go along. It’s an exciting adventure though. I trust God with this, He always provides what I need. I might not understand His ways but I can lean on His promises and accept His unconditional love.
I started a blog for my collecting
I didn’t intend to tell anyone about it, it is just storage really. But last night one of my subscribers from Alienhippy accidently found it and subscribed. Those who know me REALLY well know that when things happen like this, I see God-incidences. My storage and collecting blog is like my Mom’s retro box full of bits n bobs. I don’t know half the time why I collect what I collect, but I like to be able to find things easily when my thoughts start making tangent jumps and pulling together parts and pieces to help me move forward. To help me understand who I am in time and space. To help me make sense of the past and it’s pains. To help me share my journey and whatever else I feel God wants me to share.
This post is more of a healing process than anything else. Please read the following message, I found this while on fb yesterday and it really spoke to my heart.
A good mentor will affirm in public, and correct in private. Your goal should be to help, not hurt. When you rebuke someone in public you humiliate them, destroying their self-esteem. But when you affirm them in public you build their self-esteem and confidence. Of course, your praise should be genuine, not just empty words. By affirming sincerely and publicly, you plant the seeds of growth and greatness in the learner. God has called each of us to run our race and finish it successfully. God has also called us to keep the torch lit and hand it over to the next runner. Don’t merely be satisfied with doing the job; make sure the job keeps getting done by teaching or coaching someone else.
♥ Love & Light Always! ♥
It’s been over twelve years now
But still the septic river of my own religiousness can cause me to freeze.
Today I was in my local supermarket, a lady my age looked straight at me and smiled, nodded in recognition and walked past me. I knew that I knew her from somewhere but in a supermarket I am totally disorientated (How loving is our Heavenly Father) If I would have recognised her I would have been a complete mess.
It took me a while and prayer
Then a visual replay of how I knew this lovely lady.
I was already putting my groceries on the conveyor belt when it hit me how I knew her. She only had a basket and went through very quickly on a self-serve till, I so desperately wanted to talk to her but couldn’t.
My replay went like this…
I’m standing with a group of 4 women, all above me in leadership and I am being challenged and rebuked because of my failure to submit to their leadership. This is backed up by scripture with a slant. It is happening in a public place and I’m aware of others listening, I just take it and feel a total wretch. I didn’t know at this time how harmful scripture can be when used to make a person into a mould of Christianity that has been invented by mankind.
Now I’ll tell you who the lady was
She was a young single Mom that was placed in my group. I had 10 Moms altogether and at the time they were like an extension of my family. I loved them and I loved their kids too. I was in a religious sect and my whole life was centred on being part of what I thought was the only true church.
I wasn’t the one who had “studied the Bible” with her.
She was moved to my group because I had lived the single mom life and could relate to her. Also she lived close to me and we had gone to the same school. We became friends and we did things together with our kids. Her daughter was the same age as my *AJ and there was a lovely little park close to her house where we’d go and chat while the kids played.
She was a confident young mom, who had been through a lot and had gained a sense of protection for herself, her daughter and her home. I was given a set of studies to follow with her, I knew her situation and felt the study was not kind or loving. I refused to hurt her with this manipulation so my group was taken away from me. I’ll reword that, my friends, my sisters in Christ and all the children I loved spending time with were taken away from me.
Those who have lived this life know how close you become and know the pain of this. There is a kind of shunning that goes on in these types of fellowships when you choose to think for yourself.
After I left the sect
I phoned this lady and apologised for anything I may have done or said that may have hurt her. She told me I had never been anything but a friend and she knew how I had been treated. She thanked me for not doing that study with her and told me she no longer went along to this particular church.
God is LOVE; religion is man putting God in a box.
The truth is in the 4 years I was in this sect I was present in that many studies I can’t remember a lot of the women. I can’t remember the things I may have said. I do remember a lot of times feeling I should have spoken up, but out of respect and submission to my elders and leaders (actually it wasn’t respect or submission it was fear) I didn’t speak up. I do remember going home and crying a lot in prayer for the women whose stories were so painful. Their hurt and loneliness, stories of rejection and abuse were SO VERY painful.
I called this post “Septic river of religious!”
I wrote a post not long ago explaining why I had put certain words on hold for approval. I had many comments go into my spam box. I was accused of many things for choosing to do this. The one thing that hurt me and caused me to fear writing. Fear being part of this community here in Bloggyland was a comment that said I was supressing God’s word by not teaching the truth.
Words are powerful they build up and tear down.
I only share what I have lived or what I am going through. I have never claimed to teach or preach. I’m just a Mom trying to find my way sharing my ups and downs. I love God and enjoy sharing my journey, I love meeting others on a similar journey and finding new friends.
I don’t believe that I supress scripture, I just don’t want to misquote or cause harm/hurt by using it to make others believe in the way I do. God gives free will.
But so I can help myself and feel I can write again
Here is the Bible online for anyone who wants to go and have a read.
I love to write it’s my outlet it’s my best way of communicating. It brings me friendship and conversation; it also helps me to process all the thoughts I have in my Wonderfully Wired Aspie brain. It has taken a long time for me to process this but I believe that being made to fear something that God has given is NOT kind or loving so can’t really be from God.
I read some of Revelation today what really helped me was this verse.
Revelation 22:1
The River of Life
Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb
Having a visual of fresh flowing life to the full.
