I have always had a fascination for the idea of Time Travel,
My favourite film is…..
The Time Machine (2002) version. I love the old 1960 version too…It’s just that I TOTALLY love the music from the 2002 film, it takes me to a whole new place.
I have lost count of the number of times I have watched this film, it’s one of the places where I escape, for a short time, when I need to.
A very close friend of mine mentioned that her daughter was freaking out because their internet had gone down, this meant she couldn’t Skype her friends that she sees ALL day at school.
My friends children have just a bit of Aspie in them… 🙂  I love them all so very much and their journey helps me remember my childhood and figure out my own Aspie ways.
I haven’t got my Mom to ask anymore,
My Autistic Dad can’t really remember anything about me being a child apart from me being really hard work. So I’ve stopped asking him now because it was discouraging me. I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me…and to be honest, it was my Mom that did everything anyway. My Dad was always at work, under a car or inventing/fixing things in one of the sheds.
What my friend said triggered off some tangent thoughts.
Monday morning going to school age 11.
Most weekends I hadn’t had any contact with my school friends.
I remember feeling really insecure EVERY Monday morning.
I spoke in THIS post of how flow activities take us away from all our anxieties, as Aspies we lose ourselves in our special interests, our special interests create flow. An hour can seem like 10 hrs while we are there, but it can also feel like 10 minutes when we are being torn away from completion. I can feel quite disorientated when coming from being lost in paint, making fractals or even a favourite film. It takes me a while to understand how much time has actually gone by.
I suddenly realised today why I get so insecure with friendships.
It’s the time lapse….when I was a kid, the weekends were full of the “NOT KNOWING”
Sometimes the friends I had were still my friends on Monday morning.
Other times they had been at sleepovers and parties that I wasn’t invited to.
I felt left out and didn’t understand that they were just chatting. I felt like they wanted me to hurt.
I thought it was all about fitting in and that I needed to be like them and they would like me.
Really it was just about learning who I was and understanding it’s ok to be me. Conforming to the popular hurt me inside, and it has taken 42 year for me to learn this. We can be who we are created to be, we just need to learn to accept who we are created to be.
As a pre-teen, I spent my weekends in my bedroom with my cat making clothes, drawing, listening to music, cleaning my fish tank, playing Atari and watching TV. My special interests took me to places where I didn’t have to feel anxious, alone, misunderstood…In fact, I didn’t have to feel.
But on Sunday evening I felt like I hadn’t seen my friends for weeks, and I never knew how they would treat me on Monday morning.
I still struggle with this “TIME” thing
I’m learning to step outside of my own perception and think in a realistic way.
I have to question myself with this.
“Ok Lisa, it feels like you haven’t spoken to anyone in weeks, but how long has it actually been?”
You know what…???
Without keeping my journal, I wouldn’t have a clue!
Like I said, I have always had a fascination for the idea of Time Travel.
Now I know why, it’s because time eludes me!
This music just has to be felt… NOT heard!
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