It’s about “TIME!!”

I have always had a fascination for the idea of Time Travel,

My favourite film is…..

The Time Machine (2002) version. I love the old 1960 version too…It’s just that I TOTALLY love the music from the 2002 film, it takes me to a whole new place.

I have lost count of the number of times I have watched this film, it’s one of the places where I escape, for a short time, when I need to.

A very close friend of mine mentioned that her daughter was freaking out because their internet had gone down, this meant she couldn’t Skype her friends that she sees ALL day at school.

My friends children have just a bit of Aspie in them… πŸ™‚ Β I love them all so very much and their journey helps me remember my childhood and figure out my own Aspie ways.

I haven’t got my Mom to ask anymore,

My Autistic Dad can’t really remember anything about me being a child apart from me being really hard work. So I’ve stopped asking him now because it was discouraging me. I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me…and to be honest, it was my Mom that did everything anyway. My Dad was always at work, under a car or inventing/fixing things in one of the sheds.

What my friend said triggered off some tangent thoughts.

Monday morning going to school age 11.

Most weekends I hadn’t had any contact with my school friends.

I remember feeling really insecure EVERY Monday morning.

I spoke in THIS post of how flow activities take us away from all our anxieties, as Aspies we lose ourselves in our special interests, our special interests create flow. An hour can seem like 10 hrs while we are there, but it can also feel like 10 minutes when we are being torn away from completion. I can feel quite disorientated when coming from being lost in paint, making fractals or even a favourite film. It takes me a while to understand how much time has actually gone by.

I suddenly realised today why I get so insecure with friendships.

It’s the time lapse….when I was a kid, the weekends were full of the “NOT KNOWING”

Sometimes the friends I had were still my friends on Monday morning.

Other times they had been at sleepovers and parties that I wasn’t invited to.

I felt left out and didn’t understand that they were just chatting. I felt like they wanted me to hurt.

I thought it was all about fitting in and that I needed to be like them and they would like me.

Really it was just about learning who I was and understanding it’s ok to be me. Conforming to the popular hurt me inside, and it has taken 42 year for me to learn this. We can be who we are created to be, we just need to learn to accept who we are created to be.

As a pre-teen, I spent my weekends in my bedroom with my cat making clothes, drawing, listening to music, cleaning my fish tank, playing Atari and watching TV. My special interests took me to places where I didn’t have to feel anxious, alone, misunderstood…In fact, I didn’t have to feel.

But on Sunday evening I felt like I hadn’t seen my friends for weeks, and I never knew how they would treat me on Monday morning.

I still struggle with this “TIME” thing

I’m learning to step outside of my own perception and think in a realistic way.

I have to question myself with this.

“Ok Lisa, it feels like you haven’t spoken to anyone in weeks, but how long has it actually been?”

You know what…???

Without keeping my journal, I wouldn’t have a clue!

Like I said, I have always had a fascination for the idea of Time Travel.

Now I know why, it’s because time eludes me!

This music just has to be felt… NOT heard!


11 thoughts on “It’s about “TIME!!”

  1. You know I have been listening off and on to this soundtrack these last two days. I love it! I have more I want to comment on about this great post but I cannot right now. I will later.

    Love to you and GodSpeed! Hee hee

    Giggle, giggle snort.

    • Hello my lovely friend,
      We seem to have similar taste for music and many other things too.
      So tell me Angel…what else was you going to say my lovely?
      Love you LOADS.
      Lisa. xxx πŸ™‚

  2. Hi Lisa,
    I find I can really lose myself in painting or reading or just plain old daydreaming. Large chunks of time can go by without me realizing.
    I seem to live my life this way. I often β€œwake up” to realize the month is nearly over and it still feels like I’m in the previous month.
    And time flies by so quickly now, but that is common to everyone as they age.
    I remember sitting in grade four, or so, in September and thinking Christmas is so far away I’ll never get there. But now it comes around again so fast that it seems like only last month that we last celebrated it.
    Oh well, time seems so elastic and so subjective, it’s very slippery.
    I hope you are having a good time πŸ™‚
    Love and hugs,

    • Hello Bruce,
      Time is a funny old thing isn’t it?!
      I was thinking about that saying…a watched kettle takes time to boil.
      When I watch a DVD or go to the cinema, I get COMPLETELY absorbed.
      It can actually feel like I have been to another planet, I guess that is why I love fantasy films.
      I love Disney films they are so amazing, I love all the colours.
      The good thing with films is even though I feel like I have been away on a journey, I know it’s only been a couple of hours, So it is easier for me to put my life thoughts back into place.
      Does that make sense Bruce? I think you’ll get it!
      Love and hugs my dear friend. xx πŸ™‚

  3. Insecurity isn’t a nice thing and when you were all small I dreaded you meeting these insecurities in life. Had it been in my power to completely protect and cushion you from what I knew you were all going to experience as part of life, it would not have done any of you any good at all. These experiences, as your Brother puts it are what build our character and make us who we are.

    As you know it is Gods Love that helps us to equate these negative situations and He helps us to see things in a Spiritual way and gives us the coping strategies that we need. I truly believe that God works through each one of us.

    Love you all loads xxxx

  4. Pingback: Mom’s day…with a few photos. « Alienhippy's Blog

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