This is a bit of a feeler post really…I have a few questions and I was wondering if my lovely bloggy friends can help. So excuse the babble while I try to find the right words.
It’s about shutdowns
I know I have ALWAYS had them, but I never used to understand why.
Now I can see that it’s because I get over stimulated or too stressed and then I retreat.
I don’t try to keep going through them anymore, I go to my quiet place and allow myself to be me. That will mean I will allow myself to be EVERYTHING that is me… stims and all.
This was very hard to accept in myself,
The way this world is, it has no room for someone like this.
Someone once said to me…..
Lisa, I know you have Autistic traits, but you are intelligent enough to not act on them.
At the time I agreed with this person and tried to cover up who I am.
But I realised that I am being cruel to myself by not allowing myself to be me.
I don’t ask my cat to bark, or make my dog climb trees.
Yes….I have learnt to conform and I have learnt to wear the lovely mask of my Mom’s social behaviour.
But…it doesn’t change the fact that I also have the same difficulties as my Dad.
I can only act for so long before the walls come crashing down.
I found this on WRONGPLANET last night
It seems that many AS adults have shutdowns too.
If you ever experience one let’s say at work or at school (with unsuspecting co-workers or colleagues who have no idea how much they are stressing you)…what do you do in those moments?
Do you excuse yourself from the room/meeting?
Do you refuse to talk and answer questions?
Do you feel unable to talk, exhausted, sleepy, wanting the stress to end NOW?
Do you feel like a deer in the headlights?
Do you feel confused, dizzy, insecure, shakey or anything else?
Do you have trouble doing simple things that normally wouldn’t even make you THINK about them?
Do you feel completely weak (mentally and physically)?
HOW DO YOU RECOVER QUICKLY?
***I wonder what the chemistry behind the shutdown is…I mean are levels of some chemicals in the brain changing?
This explained to me that what I have always experienced is a shutdown and not depression. However I do remember a time when I was suffering with depression. The two are completely different, but from another person’s perspective they may present the same in adults.
We allow our ASD kids to shutdown into daydream
We don’t think too much of it, well I don’t anyway, because I know they need to go to that place for a while. Or escape into their special interests. So why do I keep pushing myself not to, when I know it can help me.
I think some Shutdowns are just like a trip-switch
It stops my system from overloading and brings me through what is over stimulating my wiring.
So why do I run and fear the way I am made to be, the way I am created to be?
It’s because of what others think again…it is always because of what others think.
So my questions to other Aspies are this…
When you have shutdown for a while, do you then have a surge of thinking and energy?
Have you found a way of calming that energy or do you just go with it?
Also…do you allow yourself to be an Aspie, or do you hide it because of others?
How long can you keep that up before you detach yourself or push others away?
Thank you my lovely bloggy friends.
I don’t mind long comments so please leave them, I’m interested in how others work through their shutdowns.
Also if you don’t want to leave it as a comment, there is an email address in my contact page above.
Love and hugs everyone.
Lisa. xx 🙂