Looking Forward not back!

Looking Forward not back!

by Alienhippy

If I had a time machine, where would I go in time?

It’s quite simple really, I’d go back to 1969

I would befriend my own Mother at the age of 19

She’d be pregnant with me, my face yet unseen


I wouldn’t tell her who I was, but…I’d tell her I’m an Aspie

I’d tell her all about the problems my Aspie life has dealt me

She wouldn’t have a clue but her nature would be loving

I saw her hospitality all the time when I was growing


I saw how her personality would really confuse my Dad

His inability to socialise made him get really mad

But he couldn’t express in words or write how he felt down

So…we would have the aftermath of his Autistic meltdown


I’d explain to my Mom how important it is, to look out for what is the trigger

I’d mention about the damage done, when hearing people snigger

I’d talk to her about how it was when I was just a teen

So she could be aware of reasons why I go off into my daydream


I’d tell her what objects she needs to hide make her aware of my depressions

Be aware of all the times and why I skived off so many lessons

I’d tell her all about my dyslexia, so she’d get me all the help I’d need

She’d find a way to help me cope and…maybe learn earlier to read

She’d then understand that I’m not shy just fearful of rejection

She’d learn to broaden my horizon not smother me with over protection


But if I had a time machine and I went back in time

And changed the person who I am…this life would not be mine

All the stuff I’m learning the things I share with my friends

And all the love I feel inside as God helps me to mend


All the memories God can use the bad ones and the good

Would not be mine, I’d not be me, so I don’t think I should

Even think about a time machine, because now God helps me see

That His plan is I’m an Aspie and I can help by just being me


NOTE: This poem was written two years ago, my blog is helping me to see patterns in my meltdowns and shutdowns. I will write more about what I have learned over Christmas when God helps me find my words again.

Love and hugs. Lisa. xx 🙂


19 thoughts on “Looking Forward not back!

  1. Absolutely nothing wrong with finding your words back 2 years. A wonderful poem and something that should apply to us all. I have often sworn that, if I could go back and know what I know now, I would be 6 on my first day of school and change so much. But, then my children wouldn’t be born and I would miss all of that and the world would not have two of the most wonderful gifts I could ever give them. Yes, we are who we are because of what we went through.
    Bless you,

    • Hello loubyjo,
      My blog is like a safe place for me. I’m not always good at being able to read but my own words are easier. On the days when I can’t read I can feel extremely isolated it’s good to come to a familiar place and see the comment of my lovely friends. Other days my brain is like a sponge and I can’t stop it from wanting to learn. On those days I have to be careful what I read as any negativity can turn into frantic though loops that render me disfunctional. I am quite disciplined with what I allow myself to read now and will study harmless topics. Animals are always a favourite, I also enjoy studying the lives of hymn writters and prophets, saints and some poets. I use my “Missing Jigsaws & Excess Legos” blog for storing my searches, links and images. That’s why it’s called Missing Jigsaws & Excess Lego (Storage for my overactive mind) I hope blogging helps you too.
      Love and hugs. xx 🙂

  2. I see what you mean about the changes in your personality which would be so very different had one thing changed in your up-bringing, like the movie, “The Butterfly Effect”. I think my version of ‘time travel’, is a very real feeling to me…it’s a thing that happens when I set my mind to ‘going back in time’…(never to change a thing ’cause I’m not really there! 🙂 ) I like to feel the happiness and joy that I felt as a child, when things were magical and the future was far, far away. I LOVE your posts!!! I’m so happy to have met you.

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