ASD, who do you see?

I still feel at a loss for words

Everything I am seeing and hearing in the autism community is too much. I have shared before that when negativity hits me I can’t switch off my brain and this is not good for me or my family. My way of coping is to retreat. A lot of over sensitive aspies/auties are all doing the same, afraid of our own words and saying things wrong, we focus on what keeps us functioning and happy. This I feel can make us look like we don’t feel, for me this is so untrue, I feel intensely. It’s not that we don’t care it’s that we can’t process what we are experiencing at this time. Our thoughts are with the families of those who died in the event of last week, but also the negativity that has been irresponsibly placed on who we are. We spend our lives trying to understand why we feel so different, why we feel so isolated. Then we start to understand why and claim our place on the spectrum. It’s hard to tell people because so many refuse to acknowledge it or even accept what we are saying. This week has hit quite a few of us extremely hard on so many levels. Some of us have kids and the visuals of this haunts our loops, and we can’t switch off our loops no matter how hard we try.

I wrote a post some time ago, my reflections on Autism and Empathy an explanation as to why a 10 year child would give all her toys away. I had no choice I wanted to help and in my mind I solved a puzzle, a problem that hurt me deeply. My toys would save the lives of little children, so I gave them all away. I know who I am and Aspergers is part of who I am, who do you see when you read me?

I can’t find a way to express any better my feelings of what has happened than with my own words from that old post.

ASD’s and Empathy?

I know that over the years I have had to shut down to my feelings because they are so intense. I can get so overwhelmed by emotion that I can barely function. I know that when I love a person they become as important as myself. My children are more important and I would die for them.

Because I have visual reruns of things that either hurt me or confuse me, I end up rehearsing and chatting and analysing, this can be quite tiring. I will have so many conversations going around in my head. I have managed to stay in touch with my feelings, emotions and show empathy by being careful what I feed my brain with. Being careful not to overload myself. I know now what will replay in my constant thought loops and which things to avoid. I can also praise up the less noisy loops and help myself to do the things that are hard to do.

I think that the lack of empathy thing is just a shut down mechanism of self protection because emotion is so intense…it will overload the system and cause sensory difficulties and eventually complete shutdown. But this is just a whole load of Lisa Lingo from my babbling thought loops.

No mentions here

I am only linking this post to ASD and Empathy. I do not want search engines hitting my blog with people seeking out ridiculous Google searches. We all know what I am writing about so I am not going to even write the words. Instead I offer prayers to those grieving the loss of loved ones and I share a poem for all children everywhere, those on the spectrum and those who are just a little different. Also all those who are childlike in mind or heart who cannot comprehend the pain, confusion and fear that this tragedy has brought.

 As a child

by Alienhippy

As a child I would call to you, I knew you were always there

I had the words and a way to speak, I understood you’d always care

But as I grew the words got lost, the light then left my eyes

So at the floor I downward looked, I put on a masked disguise

˜

I tried so hard to live like this, to fit and not be seen

A daily battle to wear a smile, in my mind I still had the dream

That one day you’d come and sort me out, and make my life make sense

You’d take away the pain I carry, freeing me from feeling so tense

˜

So you called to me when I was hiding, by this time I didn’t even care

But you pursued and did not give up, knowing I’d meet you there

You took my hand and gently guided, you understood that I was weak

You walked the path and checked the way, giving me the heart to seek

˜

You showed me love when I was alone, and filled my life with hope

Explained the way that I’ve been made, you now teach me to cope

You are my friend you are my Lord, and Autism is part of me

You really love me “JUST AS I AM!” so now I can just be free

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15 thoughts on “ASD, who do you see?

    • Hello my lovely Angel, we are Mom’s, we are Aspies, we are also Mom’s to Aspies, it’s way too much for us to process. Also the news is everywhere so it’s hard for us to switch off our minds. Everything is a visual prompt and we all know how well visual prompts work for us. We feel this in our whole body and can’t switch off like others can. All we can do is keep praying and finding the still within the storm. Also going to our safe place to find solace in our flow. We can do this my lovely friend, we are not alone.
      Love you so much. Lees. xxx ❤

  1. Thank you for sharing what I am sure most of us are feeling. How does one put into meer words to discribe what has happened? I went to see Rise of the Guardians on Saturday and I could not enjoy it. I just thought of those babies who could not trust in “those Guardians” to protect them. This is all that keeps looping in my head and it sucks the Christmas spirit right out of me. {{{HUGS}}} to you my friend and I know the Lord is with us all. Keep writing and sharing, it is who you are . Love ❤

    • Hi dusti1961, thanks for commenting it means a lot to me. We went to see Rise of the Guardians on Saturday. *CAL has a school trip to see it tomorrow so I took her to the cinema to desensitize her to the film and the environment before going with a large group of her peers. I’m sorry you are looping it’s not nice to have this looping in our visual reruns. We already have the whole of the Christmas madness looping too which seems small in comparison. It makes things hard to get done I know, try to pray it out release it in whatever way you can. I know crying hurts us but tears are such a good release and they do stop eventually. Know that I will keep you in my prayers. Try to distract your thoughts with creativity if you can, it helps me. My frantic thought loop is a bugger when it starts so it’s best not to feed that loop with too much.
      Love and hugs my friend. Lisa. xx ❤

  2. Pingback: Comment become Post « Kindredspirit23's Blog

  3. I understand this completely. Everything is up a gear with Asperges, the senses are heightened. Self preservation then kicks in. Love you xxxx Your lovely

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