A note to self
Spending time with me today. Got my Bible, prayer journal, reflective reviews and I’m just scanning and updating my netbook before I go out. I need to write! Blogging helps me process. I’m sick of the fear that one opinionated person has placed on my writing. Looks like I need to write until I rhyme. Loops are so hard to change, negative people really mess me up.
I drove to a familiar place, a place where I have written many a post, but when I got there I couldn’t face the people. I couldn’t cope with sitting and having yet another coffee alone. Watching women my age chat and laugh with their friends. I sat in my car and cried, then I drove home to pray for a friend who I knew needed me to pray for her.
When I first started blogging
I was very lucky to find a wonderful group of people, all new bloggers and we all became friends. We loved and supported one another in our online Autism community. This was not just a group of Aspies, it was a mix of all kinds of people from all walks of life. I am still friends we some of them but as time has past a few of my blogging friends have moved on. Some of my friends stopped blogging altogether. I still miss them and think of them a lot. I’m Aspie, I find change really hard to adjust too but I get there in the end.
I ventured out when my inbox went quiet
Friendship has been my biggest challenge all my life. Finding these new friends who knew what life is like in the spectrum was a ray of hope for me. As an Aspie, Mom of Aspies and the daughter of an Autistic Father. But when friends go quiet I kind of freak out, I always had a few close friends to help me see past my fears. Recently I haven’t wanted to blog, I haven’t wanted to post and I haven’t wanted to read. There is one sentence that keeps going round and round and I can’t get out of my head.
There are some lovely people who write from the heart what it is like to live in and on the spectrum. Beautiful lovely people who love and accept others for who they are and where they are at. But there are also some people who I feel use the Autism community to fuel there own personal hates. These people like to debate issues and push their opinions regardless of how much they hurt others. I find it so hard to keep sharing who I am in an open and honest way when I know that there are people who mock and cringe at those of us who are sharing our lives.
I am struggling to do something that I love
I know that I should have faith and I know that I should just keep being me but at the moment I hurt too much to be bothered. I share what I live in the hope that I can help. I was happy to do this. I was happy to pour me out and expose who I am and how Autism has been for me in my life. I feel stuck and I don’t know how to move forward.
I read this today on fb
Most of us will probably never notice the beauty in the patterns on a cracked sidewalk, or the gorgeous way the sun reflects off an oil slick after the rain. They’ll probably never know what it’s like to immerse yourself in a subject and learn everything about it, and the beauty of having all those facts lined up. They’ll probably never know what it’s like to flap their hands in happiness, or lose yourself in the feel of a cat’s fur. There are lovely things about being autistic, too, just as there must be about being neurotypical. Oh, make no bones about it: It’s difficult. The world’s not set up to operate with autistic people in mind; and autistic people and their families face prejudice every day. But being a happy autistic person isn’t “being brave” or “making the best of it”. It’s quite simply being happy. You don’t have to be ‘normal’ to be happy. ♥
I was thinking today about all the different kinds of magazines there are at the news agents, books in a book store and programs on the TV. I was pondering on the fact that we all have our own taste in what we like to read and how we comprehend in different ways.
I can’t describe my traits using words from a medical book, why? Because I can’t remember the words, I make up my own words and that helps me. There are others like me and how I share helps those who are like me.
- Why can’t there be more than one way to share what autism is?
- Why does there have to be divisions when we should be united?
- Why does it have to be us and them?
- Why can’t Autism Awareness mean bringing awareness to Autism?
- Why does there have to be conflict when we all want the same thing?
If you have met one person with Autism you have met one person with Autism.
I am not my Dad.
My son and daughter are not me.
We are all unique and all present differently,
I believe that bloggyland is big enough for everyone.
I think bringing awareness to the difficulties and prejudice that all those affected by autism face is what is important not how we say things.
I love to write, I struggle to express who I am in words to faces. Writing is what helps me. Does anyone else want to have a pop at me?
How about writing it in my comments where others can read it.
As always it is the Bible that helps me to keep being me.
This scripture helped me to post today.
Philippians 1:15-18 (NIV)
It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defence of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.
Yes, and I will continue to rejoice!
Also….God’s perfect timing.
A poem from my lovely bloggy friend Richard……“Just Be Yourself”