I see parallels and learn best when I feel loved and accepted. I am taught best by those who get alongside of me and nurture my unique learning style. I learn from everything because my brain loves puzzles. However the word “Teacher” is not a positive word for me, it’s a trigger word that starts a loop of fear. You maybe thinking irrational fear but for those with special needs who have struggled undiagnosed through the education system with little or no support that fear is so very real.
My Parallel through this fear comes from my friend Moses
Speaking with faltering lips
Exodus 4:10-13 (GNT)
But Moses said, “No, LORD, don’t send me. I have never been a good speaker, and I haven’t become one since you began to speak to me. I am a poor speaker, slow and hesitant.” The LORD said to him, “Who gives man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or dumb? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? It is I, the LORD. Now, go! I will help you to speak, and I will tell you what to say.” But Moses answered, “No, Lord, please send someone else.”
Exodus 6:28-30 (NIV)
Now when the LORD spoke to Moses in Egypt, he said to him, “I am the LORD. Tell Pharaoh king of Egypt everything I tell you.” But Moses said to the LORD, “Since I speak with faltering lips, why would Pharaoh listen to me?”
Exodus 7:6-7 (NIV)
Moses and Aaron did just as the LORD commanded them. Moses was eighty years old and Aaron eighty-three when they spoke to Pharaoh.
My tangent thoughts and parallel images
When I read about Moses saying these things to God I don’t see fear but a relationship with healthy respect, love and understanding. Moses feared his own words and how he spoke, this is so familiar to me as an adult Aspie. But Moses spoke out before God about a real fear from his own life. This must have been important to him to bring it up before God.
Not an excuse, not irrational fear
This fear was real because he lived it and he was stuck in it. The name Pharaoh was from his past, Pharaoh had raised him, he had been a figure of authority, a teacher, a step father, master, king and god. Pharaoh had a job to do and had to keep those under him in line. Moses grew up as an Egyptian but he was really a Hebrew. How could he ever really belong? He learned to fit, he learned to conform. The fear he had was very real to him, going back to Egypt would have many memories he would not want to relive. He had spent his adult life as a shepherd, married and lived happily with family. He had escaped from the memories.
Going back meant facing his fears
Going back meant facing the truth, standing up for new beliefs. It meant explaining to Pharaoh things that need to be addressed. What has to be different, what must change.
I also speak with faltering lips
With those who set themselves in a place of authority I too am a poor speaker, slow and hesitant. As an adult with a Autism Spectrum Disorder also Dyslexia I think mainly in pictures, I learn mostly from doing, from making mistakes and trying new ways. I learn best when helped to learn in my own way or left to learn alone.
The word “Teacher” for me is a trigger word but what does it really mean?
I am learning now to see all things, all people, all environments as my teacher. Not the person stood at the front of a classroom telling me how I should be different, how I should be learning in a way that is alien to me.
One of my closest friends is a retired teacher who has the kindest heart and the most loving of ways. Seeing who she is has helped me to let go of fears from my past. Knowing she loves me for me helps me to move forward and see that teachers are also people who get things both right and wrong. They are learning and growing too, we are all on our own journey through life making our own choices and learning from our mistakes.
Jesus is a teacher too
When I think of Him, I see him sat under a tree with little children giggling and telling them stories. I see him sat with His brothers, sisters, those who loved Him and those who despised Him. I see Him teaching in parables and letting people think for themselves.
As parents to those on the Spectrum
Those of us who struggled our way through the education system. For our children we have to go back, we have to face our fears. We have to relive those memories. It means explaining to our own personal Pharaoh things that need to be addressed. What has to be different, what must change. If we as adults on the Spectrum don’t explain, the best way we can, we leave it to the guesswork of others who learn from reading books but have never lived in our land.
These irrational fears to others are real fears to us
They are haunting memories relived a thousand times that we escaped from. But I have a theory, a thought, an image, and a hope.
Keep learning, keep evolving, understand our own brand of Autism we are all unique. We are all so different, the Spectrum is HUGE. But there are always parallels that can bring on that “Light bulb moment” for a Neruotypical parent/teacher who is searching for answers. Life goes on, people change, environments grow in knowledge and understanding.
In my mind and in my prayers
I believe that as Moses walked back into Egypt his faltering lips became less of a worry. I believe he started to see in his mind and heart that he wouldn’t be facing the fear of Pharaoh past. His challenge would be completely new and he just needed to believe.
Moses had grown in his knowledge of who is was as a Hebrew and a child of God. He knew God as his friend and he knew God would lead the way. I believe that in his many years as a shepherd he had time to process all he had lived and all that it stood for. Now he was able to put it into perspective and see that his past had a purpose.
My thoughts on my purpose
I’m Dyslexic and on the Spectrum. I’m the daughter of a Dad diagnosed at 64 years of age with Autism and a low IQ. I’m the Mother of a child diagnosed with Autism/Dyspraxia and SPD. I’m a friend to many who are Aspie/Autie and those who love someone with an ASD. I believe what I have to share matters. That every voice matters and every story counts.
With faltering lips and in Lisa Lingo
I believe that what I hold within me is a story with a purpose. No I’m not a Moses and I won’t be parting the Red Sea. But I do believe that one day there will be no need for Autism Awareness. That those of us on the Spectrum who CANNOT express will no-longer suffer because enough of us with faltering lips have already shared, we found our voice and we made a difference.
WHEN YOU BELIEVE (PERFECT LYRICS)