Hours spent in mindless spirals, trying hard not to think at all. But I’m thinking just the same. Busy, busy I must keep busy, I can stop myself from thinking. If I just fill my brain with other thoughts then these negative ones won’t have any room, will they?!
I look around the TV is shouting at me, pushing its ways into my head and causing me confusion, I switch it off. Day time TV, it can be so very negative.
I go out, I try to communicate but I’m made to feel insecure. What have I done wrong now I ask myself, it’s an instant thing for me to self blame. Not me…wrong person, wrong place, wrong time. “Guard your heart Lisa,” a gentle voice within reminds me. “Thank you little voice,” I respond.
I think on a few topics of interest.
But I can see that if I start researching my day will simply disappear. My own thoughts today are filling my head with nonsense and heaviness. I need to do something productive. I need to NOT think that’s what I need to do, but how?
I know, I’ll sort things instead
Organising always stops the loops. This works and for two and a half hours I am busy cleaning and sorting. Then I rest and the thoughts pop right back again.
Photos, I’ll sort my photos
My visuals always help me when my brain is spiralling like this. I look to children, animals, nature. They are all so very beautiful, pure, unique. A peace, a safety an acceptance and smiles. My mind slows as I look to those who are blessing in my life. A warmth fills me as I feel loved and accepted. My heart turns to those I prayed to find and I thank God for each one of them. Praying for them and for me to see their needs and understand my part.
My search for those who are filled with the light of Christ, living in His grace with faith and hope. Those that are clinging to God and trusting in His plans. Those I know will love me from the inside out and see my heart, accept my ways. And to those who are like me and have felt alone, alienated, rejected, left empty.
Then I remember these words
I hear them in my mind, whispered in my heart and spoken within my soul.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.