Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,
God gives us just what we need and just when we need it. I very much believe this. I also believe that some of what we need we don’t really want, but God knows us best.
I once heard these words
“Lisa, I have no doubts in my mind that you seek God’s will for your life, what concerns me is you have your head so far in the clouds you forget to ground yourself.”
It has taken me 6 years to understand this
We are all unique, we all have our own quirky ways, we all experience God in the way He chooses to be made known to us. I have been in denial of who I am created to be, not because I chose this but because I simply didn’t understand why I seemed so very different. So I just kept trying to fit.
I didn’t understand how to be grounded
As a person with Aspergers my way of learning is to imitate. I tried to ground myself in the way I saw others grounding themselves. This involved being around a lot of people and wearing my mask, the lovely mask of imitating my Mom. My Mom was NT so I just did what I remembered her doing.
Yesterday I took my little *CAL to the woods
It was arranged as a play date for her and her friend *Ally. They had a wonderful time, they were so happy to be together chatting and playing, discovering new things and finding adventure. I was able to feel at peace in nature. I wasn’t having to think of anything, but I had enough distraction to not let myself think of anything. Watching over two 11 year old girls, helping them to keep safe and actually finding a use for all my many, many, many facts and imaginings.
We found so much joy in the woods
I am Autistic, I have many sensory difficulties that I can hide extremely well. But my way of grounding is not the same as my Mom’s or anyone else’s. Grounding and enjoying life is about me seeing I am worth something. Using who I am to help others in my own way, the way God has given to me.
I read 1 Corinthians 13 this morning
For the first time in my life I actually read it not as a challenge or as a pity call but to help me to be kind to myself. God created me to be me and yes that means a big slice of Aspieness. I’m not broken, I don’t need fixing, I don’t need to be recovered or cured, I’m not ill, I don’t have a disease. I have had a life time of not knowing and this has caused so much pain, but now I know. I am Autistic and I am fine with this, I am different, I am Wonderfully Wired.
God made me this way for a reason, now “What do I want to make of this?”
1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.