Friends and Acquaintances (Repost)

image from Google

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I’m not really feeling much like writing at the moment so I thought I’d repost an old post that helps me. I’m not about to start building those walls again but it’s good to remind myself of a time when I did.

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Today didn’t start too well for me, it’s been coming on for a few days now. I haven’t really been able to figure out why or what has been making me feel sad.

This is where I suppose having people around to chat with would be good. But when I try to chat to those around me, those that are not family I feel like I’m a nuisance. I hate feeling like I’m a nuisance, I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I’m a nuisance.

I tried to get some time and a coffee with a friend the other day, but it didn’t quite work out, so I ended up feeling rejected. In fact I have tried a couple of times this week to reach out in friendship to those I speak to in my life here. I’m just not good at group conversation and I don’t come across well.  I have tried reasoning this out on my own but I can’t understand what I do wrong, and it’s looping a bit in my head.

It’s times like these when I really need help,

AND… I really miss my Mom too. I don’t understand the way people behave. I know I have friendships with people, I know they all have their own things going on. I also realise that I am extremely sensitive, and take thing personally, that are not meant to be taken personally.

This is the part of being an Aspie that I find hard. It builds up without me realising and then I either have a meltdown or I go off and shutdown completely.

I want to talk, I want to be around people,

I love listening to people and being helpful. I don’t always understand the way people communicate and I know I can talk too much and I talk myself round in circles. There are SO few people who will actually listen and accept me for who I am, without giving me loads of advice and ways I need to change. I see that I can go into a state of self punishment, because I don’t like that I feel so alone.

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My closest friend shared a footnote from her Bible study the other week with me, it said…

How can I know who my friends are?

Proverbs 17:17 (New International Version 1984)

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

One way is a test of loyalty. A genuine friend loves us through the best and the worst of times. In fact, a friend’s true colours are revealed when we go through unusually difficult and painful circumstances.

According to proverbs it’s preferable to have one or two close, intimate companions than a host of superficial acquaintances. The person who maintains only surface relationships with a wide number of people may eventually face ruin for lack of good advice when it is really needed.

Proverbs 18:24 (Good News Translation)

Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers.

True friends also wound us. They’re willing to tell us the hard truth even when it hurts. We can trust their honest feedback, but an enemy multiplies kisses (27:6). Beware of someone who does not have the courage to confront you when you need it.

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My friend shared this with me because it helped her, it has helped me so much today.

I also thought back on some of my counselling sessions when I started to use friendship rings. Learning to tell the difference between acquaintances and true friendships.

As a person on the spectrum

I think us Aspies are so desperate to be accepted that we naturally want to trust people and believe that they want to be our friends. Or, we can be quite the opposite and put up a brick wall because we feel so hurt by the world around us. I know I have done both in my life. I also know that I have bent over backwards to keep friendships/relationships with people who basically didn’t deserve my friendship at all. I did this because of a fear of being alone, of being rejected.

I thank God everyday for the friendships I have now.

I am so grateful that I can communicate through writing, that I can express who I am and how I feel.

I love that my sister lives so close to me that I can have coffee with her when I feel down.

AND…I thank God that I have one friend who I can sit face to face with and be totally myself.

No more brick walls going up for this Aspie, I have allowed God to soften my heart and I love people.

I might struggle to understand them, but I still love them.

Love and hugs everyone. xx 🙂

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5 thoughts on “Friends and Acquaintances (Repost)

  1. Beautiful words from a beautiful lady. Yes, true friends love through all seasons. True friends speak the truth gently, even when it might hurt some. I had a hard March 17th. Feeling better now that it’s Sunday. I understand your pain. Love to you! xoxoxox ~ Sam

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