I DON’T like the word “Obsessive”

Image from Google

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Look at the word Obsession

(World English Dictionary)

obsession (əbˈsɛʃən)

1. psychiatry a persistent idea or impulse that continually forces its way into consciousness, often associated with anxiety and mental illness

2. a persistent preoccupation, idea, or feeling

3. the act of obsessing or the state of being obsessed

I REALLY DON’T LIKE THIS WORD!

It’s probably just me and my past, but it just seems that sometimes when it is said to me it makes me feel all icky inside, icky and wrong.

I read a quote this morning on a fb pages

I can’t remember which one now but the words stuck in my head. I also read one of the responses to the quote and it made me think how important it is to see who we are in Christ. To try hard to see who God sees in us. Not how we view ourselves, or how those in our lives make us feel about ourselves. This is a very hard balance to find. I believe it can only really be obtained through relationship with God, over time, with maturity. It’s the mark we will always keep missing. God’s love is unconditional we can rest in the blessed assurance of our precious Saviour.

This is what I wrote down, it is what I pondered on and later what I prayed about.

It’s not what we look at, it’s what we see.

We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are…

All the more reason to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.

Not knowing why I’m different has caused scars

“We see it as we are…” If you grow up never feeling you belong the world can feel pretty hostile. I learned to see beauty in nature, animals, children, interests, songs and objects. I have always shied away from people and close friendships. I only put myself with groups of people when I knew I could cope. I have learned now to pick these groups very carefully after many bad experiences.

Being an Aspie is a blessing

I don’t always see this so I am writing it down today. I need to be able to remind myself the next time I have been totally overloaded and had to shutdown completely. I see things differently because my brain is wired differently. It doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

People say that Auties/Aspies are obsessive

It may seem this way if that’s what you see, but I want to change that word to passionate.

Obsessive is a negative word in my head it makes me feel that I am wrong, strange, weird, freaky.

I can be very focused, I see things in great detail. If I am interested and care about something or someone I am very loyal, dedicated to that. I very often will miss other things going on that are not interesting to me. In my life I have been made to feel bad for being me, I have been made to feel stupid because I have missed things. To feel I’m a nuisance because I need to communicate in my way.

for instance…

I loved my fish tank as a child, I would sit, focus and learn everything I could about my fishes and my aquarium. Fishes have always been positive in my life and helped me feel happy. While all the girls my age, were watching the Live Aid concert. I was cleaning out my aquarium and listening to it, I had new plants and I created a new environment for my fish. I was totally happy doing this and remember it so very well. When meeting up with these “friends” I didn’t know much about what had happened in Live Aid, I only heard the music. I listened to them all talking and was afraid to say I didn’t watch it, I only listened. I knew how they would all react. I would have been 16 years old and I knew my ways seemed odd to most people.

Now look at the word passion

Passion (from the Ancient Greek verb πάσχω (paskho) meaning to suffer) is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something.

The term is also often applied to a lively or eager interest in or admiration for a proposal, cause, or activity or love – to a feeling of unusual excitement, enthusiasm or compelling emotion, a positive affinity or love, towards a subject, idea, person, or object. It is particularly used in the context of romance or sexual desire though it generally implies a deeper or more encompassing emotion than that implied by the term lust.

Those who know and love Aspies/Auties

I believe you too will see this, we can’t control our happy-dance, our smiles, our clapping, our over excitement. I believe those who love and accept see how we focus and watch how we learn. I believe you can also see how we shutdown out of hurt, fear, rejection and an intense feeling of overwhelming wrongness that we can’t process.

So you too see through Aspie eyes!

Passion is what I feel towards what I am interested in

I am passionate about my family and as a Mom to understand my kids and be the best I can be for them. I am passionate about my relationship with God and finding His calling in my life. I love my blogs and I get a lot of positive experience from writing.

“Obsessive” seems….I don’t know.

I just know that to me it makes me feel like I’m bad in some way.

I used an apple to describe my brain today

That’s right I had to explain how I think to someone today.

Any other adult Aspie who can relate to this??? 🙂

I couldn’t use words and I needed something to hold and look at to explain myself. I got two apples out of the fruit bowl and explained what I understand in my way because I hate it when people tell me I am obsessive and they say it in a way that sounds so negative.

Two Apples, this one is Autistic and this one NT…..LOL

Passionate sounds so much better! (Don’t you think?)

What I am passionate about is always at the forefront of my mind, I can’t change that, my brain has ALWAYS been like that. It’s what I call my lovely loop, it’s a very positive loop for me that gives me joy and happiness. It helps me to feel I belong and gives me energy, motivation and confidence. My special interests are part of this loop. When I can feel good about this loop I can feel good about me and then functioning in a normal day and being around people is NOT at all hard.

When I’m made to feel negative about this loop THEN it becomes obsessive because I am trying so desperately not to feel rejected/isolated/defective. I can’t switch off what I love to do, what I like to think about. I can’t switch off thinking about those I love and ways I can help them. My brain is always puzzling these things out, always communicating with itself and because I have a faith my brain automatically will pray too. I can’t stop how my brain works, I can however let it loop, allow it to feed me positive energy and use that energy to help me in daily life. I can enjoy the visual overlays that inspire me in my days, the reruns and the imaginary conversations. As a child I couldn’t control this and I couldn’t understand why the things I loved to do where taken from me. Why I felt so alone or why I felt so stupid when given something to do that had NO interest to me what.so.ever. My interests are what taught me to eventually learn to read, no one had given me a book I was interested in, so why would I want to read. My passion for learning the truth about Jesus taught me to read.

Having kids, responsibilities and routines helps

I am able to plan and put slots in my day. One thing I enjoy is finding quotes in my coffee quote time. I love to write and paint, sing and play my guitar. I love spending time with my kids and my dogs. I also love spending time with those who love and accept me. I am finding me again. The person God created me to be in all my Aspieness and also in His image.

So after pointing at the front of an apple

Explaining, the best way I could, what my brain works like and how I have had to fake who I am most of my life to avoid ridicule and social rejection. I then spoke on how I have embraced my Aspieness after hiding who I am for nearly 40 years. I am not the person that bends over backwards trying to please everyone just to keep friends anymore. Today when someone I love said to me, “Lisa, hand on heart, you have to admit you are not the easiest person to have to cope with!”

I know this person meant well, I know this person totally loves me. My real self has come as a shock to this person who has only known me imitating my Mom. Not the me who had no close friends and no one who could relate to me. This person only saw what I allowed to be seen.

I thought about the words I wrote down this morning.

It’s not what we look at, it’s what we see.

We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are…

All the more reason to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.

I know God created me to be me. So I will listen to Him.

I’m not obsessive, I’m passionate about who God created me to be.

1 Corinthians 13:12

The Message (MSG)

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

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14 thoughts on “I DON’T like the word “Obsessive”

  1. Ahh! I hope I didn’t upset you because I used “shoe obsession” in my last post! 🙂

    Wonderful post you wrote here my friend. The words obsession and fixation are defined in my mind as “passion”. Those words have not been that negative for me so when I use them they are in a jovial happy tone. I love my fixations and obsessions, and that is one thing that my family may not have understood and at times (still) roll their eyes at me or say that they do not understand, but they never made me feel badly about them.

    I was allowed to spend hours upon on hours with my favorite things because it kept me QUIET from asking a billion questions…for a little while. 🙂

    I do like how you have explained the word obsession to help explain how it can be a negative. I have had people make rude comments about me being “obsessive”, but since I grew up with it being ok that word didn’t affect me as much. Don’t get me wrong it has hurt me at times, but it has been easier to blow it off. I have my own words that trigger a negative response. I do not like being made fun for my rituals, or my need to do things in a certain way. It is how I am wired, I have tried to stop and I cannot.

    And just so you know I have been clapping, dancing, giggling, and talking to my computer ALL day! Rainbow swirlies all around!

    I love you!! You write some amazing posts, my friend! 🙂

    Angel

  2. Yes as Angel said, you do write some amazing posts! And thanks for taking psychology’s negative spin on the word “obsession,” and turning it around to a life giving, joyful “passion!” I like that! 🙂

    • Hello lovely Tilly,
      I read your Christmas post this morning, you poor thing. I am so sorry you were so poorly.
      I still giggled my way through your post though.
      I KNOW how you love to make us all giggle, so I don’t feel guilty saying that.
      You would have giggled too seeing *CAL’s Chatimal hamster repeating every word of your post chipmunk style.
      Love and hugs my friend.
      Lisa. xx 🙂

    • Hi there Flappiness,
      I might have inspired a post??? Interesting!
      I can’t WAIT to read it, you are so very inspiring. 🙂
      Let me know when it is written.
      Love and hugs my friend. xx 🙂

  3. This post is immense. It has given me a real insight into your thoughts and feelings.
    I know how passionate you are both in your special interests and to other people. There are not many who devote their time, emotion and effort into building such strong relationships.
    Obsessive tendencies, I believe there are and these can be to soo controlling they detrimentally affect wellbeing to a point they need dedicated support to complete day to day actvities. But, I think, this is not what you are referring to. Both autistic and NT’s can display behaviour which can be construed as ‘odd’ to others. And I know it only to well with my family ! But, passion comes in many forms and flavours and that is why the world we live in can be both disturbing and infinately fascinating.
    I love you gorgeous.

    • Thanks hubby, you are such a geek! I’m supposed to be the Aspie….LOL
      How many words did you need to say, “Great post hun, I actually read your blog!!”
      You know I love you really. 😛 xxxx

  4. I hold my hands up, I’m guilty of using the word obsessive and it is only since you removed your mask that I have seen you as you really are and it’s a bit of a shock after thinking I knew the real you. I am still learning and have been ignorant to Autism until now. I will continue to learn by reading your Blog. I love you anyway and I agree the word obsessive is out of context when it comes to autism, it’s more an inquisitive deep thinking mind. Love you loads xxxx

  5. Pingback: I just love a bit of passion! « Alienhippy's Blog

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