Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,
Painting is something I did so often as a child, if I couldn’t paint I’d be drawing, colouring or making things out of egg boxes, toilet tubes and paper plates. My Mom always carried a tin of crayons, a colouring book and two matchbox cars in her handbag.
(Yep….me and my brother were wheel spinners)
At school I was taught art…or was I?
At school I was told what to create and given techniques to follow.
I was given the RULES if you like!
As an Aspie I follow rules, they make me feel safe.
So my only real way of expressing myself was no longer allowed. I learned what was taught to me and did what I was told to do and little bits of Lisa started to disappear.
My art, my creativity, my forms of expression and communication were made to feel wrong and imperfect. Reading, writing and talking seemed to be the focus and being dyslexic these things I find hard. This then chipped away at my self-worth and eventually made me hide everything I did. This blog is a blessing and helps me so much to share who I am, which then helps me find those little bits of me that were stollen away.
I remember the last free thought drawing I did
This was before making the decision to do as I was told so that I wouldn’t keep getting told off.
I was only 8 years old.
My drawing was of the image above…“Nipper the dog, hearing his late master’s voice”
I had a mental image of this dog and gramophone in my head. I had sat and watched the record logo going around and around on my Moms records so many times. My Mom loved her music and we always had something playing that we would sing and dance to!
It was a wet dinnertime and I was sat on my own drawing.
A child in my class hovered over my drawing of Nipper and said, “That’s good!” I looked at him and couldn’t tell if this was meant or if it was a tease, this child was usually nasty to me. I wanted to screw it up and put it in the bin, but instead I gave it away. I decided at that exact moment, that with my art, I would only ever do what other people did, or what I was told to do.
I find this quite ironic now, 34 years later
I am writing this post because I am now hearing “my Master’s voice.”
God never told me that how I created and expressed myself was wrong, people did.
Now…I feel He is telling me to just be me and to connect back with who I was before all the negative words stole me away. I know that through me being the best me I can be, I can feel peaceful and content.
(Firstly I need to not be thinking on how I am perceived by others)
Through expression of self I am able to “Listen through the Loops” to find what brings me joy.
These are thoughts I shared with my friend today.
After pondering on these words I was able to pray and write this post.
I’ll be honest I really don’t like my paintings much. They never turn out how I imagine them to look. But I see other people think they are pretty cool and I realise that it’s just my Aspie thinking that makes me feel they are no good. In fact I only have one painting that I am totally happy with and I’m convinced is actually finished.
Painting is as simple as breathing when you connect with the child within and follow through. Kids play and that is all I do when I paint.
Picasso once said this,
“All children are born artists, the problem is to remain an artist as we grow up.”
I stopped painting for years because like with everything else I had conformed and lost who I was. Painting connects me with me, and also Jesus in me….who said it has to look like anything the experience is the paint and the gift of expressing who I am in the flow of the paint.
Jesus doodled in the dirt, I like to think he was drawing fishes.
It’s just a case of letting go of the world and what it thinks. I think I babbled again….LOL
2 Corinthians 12:9
The Message (MSG)
7-10Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
I have used this video before but felt I needed to share it again.
Love and hugs.
Lisa. xx 🙂