Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,
It’s no secret that I HATE Supermarkets, they are one of my most horrible of places, closely followed by the library. Notice the title, yep…I shutdown in a Supermarket!
On 14th June 2011, they closed down my Co-op
This was a MASSIVE change for me with my ASD.
In the UK the Co-op is one of the quieter supermarkets. They play very relaxing music and it is never really busy. My Co-op was where I shopped for 24 years, I knew the lay-out, the staff and this made shopping quite easy for me and my kids. We would enjoy dancing and singing in the aisles and scooting on the trolleys. The staff knew my *AJ as a baby and watched him grow up. They also knew my *CAL and knew of her ways.
We had to find a new way
After the Co-op closed I had to find a new supermarket. I tried one close to my home and it wasn’t a good experience. I actually walked straight past one of my close friends and when she called me I hadn’t got a clue who she was. I found that a drive out to a supermarket close to the university was best. This supermarket only really has students in it so the queues are quick. They don’t play any music and they tend not to move things around too often. I take a list and I’m usually fine.
Wanting to be back home
Today, I reached the car park and it was a lot fuller than usual.
I left the kids at home with Mr Locoman. My shopping list was EXTREMELY long, I sat and read through it and prepared my mind for the aisles and where to find things. I said to myself, “I’ll put some music on and pop my earphones in. I’ve coped before, I’ll be fine! We NEED to eat, after all!”
I opened my handbag to find I had forgotten my earphone….oh crap I thought, I want to go home! 😦
So…I sat and prayed for a bit…Then went in faith.
In the first aisle holding a box of cereal.
I’d not long been there when I heard an almighty scream. I mean this was real fear and it made me shake inside. I then heard a massive bang and turned around quickly to see what had caused it. There was a huddle of 3 men wrestling on the floor, in the doorway. All the shoppers just stopped and waited to see what was going on. Then the two big guys stood up and started to drag a young man by his wrists into the store. He had obviously hurt his face by struggling and he was screaming in broken English, “Don’t kill me, I not know what I done! Please let go, I hurt!” He kept struggling and repeating the same thing over and over and over.
I felt like crying, nobody seemed to care
Everyone just carried on with their shopping. The young man was dragged to the back room.
I was trying to process this because I heard him say he didn’t know what he had done wrong. He was being punished and he didn’t know what he had done. He was also bleeding and no one was helping him. I had to try to switch off my feelings and see the facts. They were security guards and they were doing their job. But I kept seeing the fear on his face, seeing him bleeding and hearing him crying with fear. It was in my head and it was starting to loop in my visual replay. I kept hearing his words, “I not know what I done? I not know what I done? I not know what I done?”
I really don’t know how long I was stood processing this, I was on my own.
I realise that he may have tried to steal something but his pain and fear had triggered off a memory for me. The feelings I was feeling were related to my own feelings. I didn’t know if he was or wasn’t telling the truth. He was crying and he was scared.
There is a lady that sells “The Big Issue”
She was stood outside the supermarket, she always is. Usually she will have her little boy with her. He is about 4 years old, I usually get him some chocolate or a packet of crisps out my trolley when I leave. He likes to climbs on the lines of trolleys, he’s very sweet.
Today it was raining and she was stood getting wet under the tree that now has no leaves to shelter her. She never calls out, “Big Issue!” she knows no one sees her. Those who will see her, will go to her. She doesn’t speak English, but she speaks in smiles and with her eyes.
In the car before I drove home
I thought about this post and how I would write it and what would my point be.
So often I stand and stare and wonder/ponder to why the world and people just keep moving?
How come they don’t feel, see or freeze like I do?
Is it just my ASD that causes me to stop and have to process?
Then I thought about school and all the times I froze and had to stare out the window and lose myself in clouds. I couldn’t cope with the shouting of the teachers. I hated hearing the other children being told off. I would zone out and then lock myself in a toilet and wait till I could think again. If I zoned out in a classroom, I was told to pay attention. I was shouted at to pay attention, told I was being lazy. Even told I was being stupid.
I didn’t know I wasn’t paying attention.
For me I get lost in the process and time just goes by.
My Big Issue….I hate supermarkets.
But I’m not living on the street, standing in the rain, watching people who don’t see me!