Don’t break my heart, my head is already loopy!

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Let’s start at the very beginning.

It’s a very good place to start.

When you read you begin with A-B-C

When you sing you begin with do-re-mi

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Nope…I haven’t lost the plot, this actually helps ME!!!

I have so many visual reruns of clips from films and I believe it’s how God reaches me sometimes. Reading is not easy at the best of times and from a shutdown it is possible but very rarely makes much sense. My fears all kick in and I read into things what isn’t actually true.

Visuals, music, poetry, scripture…it all helps me.

I believe God reaches us in ways that suit us. He created us and knows our ways, so it makes perfect sense really. If you believe with faith and your heart, not just your head. My head has loops, a lot of the time, so I have to find ways to not always listen to the negative voices of my past. They nag at me and if I listen, which I sometimes do, I would never try anything new.

The 1980’s are a time where I got most confused.

Between the age of 11-21, there was a lot of peer pressure, loss, rejection and confusion in my life.

I became very quiet and was very easily controlled/manipulated by those more confident.

I developed a lot of self doubt, I listened to NOT.SO.NICE people and did what I had to do to fit and not get rejected or ridiculed. At this point in my life I knew that if I kept quiet and didn’t give myself away I wouldn’t get picked on or even noticed.

I was listening to a song today

I am working through something very personal to me and the 80’s music helps me to link to who I was before the hurt.

This is the song I was listening to.

As an Aspie I can only understand from my own experiences,

I don’t understand from another perspective it has to be thought through. Sometimes I even have to write out different scenarios to help me understand. I hate the thought of hurting people. So I invest time in learning how not to hurt people. When I am overloaded I don’t seem to be able to process correctly. Processing takes me questioning myself, I shutdown with questioning.

Literal and rigid thinking

Black, white and I don’t really get the grey areas. I have to process them, even then they still don’t always make sense. I’m learning to try not to think on those, protect my brain a bit. It’s hard though because my mind likes to work out puzzles. But I think I can create negative loops to stop me filtering what is REALLY hurting me.

About the song I was listening to

Don’t break my heart by UB40…As I was listening to it an email came through, it was a notification for a new post from a Christian blog I follow.

The title, “An Experience Of The Heart”

I knew that I needed to go and read this post…

The scripture used with this post is (John 3:16)

 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

I then read LeRoys earlier post that I had missed. (LINK)

This is what spoke very loudly to me today.

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

Once you walk by faith, the evidence of God is everywhere. If you are talking to someone who has yet to choose to walk by faith, they have only one thought; “prove it.” They are evidence prone. No matter what you say to them, they want you to prove it. Therein is the problem.

Please go and read the rest of this post it is a wonderful post.

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Faith….do I really believe that God is going to help me to stop making the same mistakes over and over again? Do I really believe that He will heal the pain I have from those NOT.SO NICE people that have been in my life? Do I really believe that I don’t have to keep protecting myself and wearing a mask and that when change happens I can have faith in Him to help me cope? Do I really believe that He understand how I feel? Do I really believe that I am loved?

I believe in Jesus with my heart, so yes…but I can struggle!

“Oh yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it!”

(The Lion King)

Another one of those clip that plays for me in my loops.

1 John 4:18 (NLT)

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.

Christians are not perfect, but God’s love is….we are all learning that we are forgiven.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂

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10 thoughts on “Don’t break my heart, my head is already loopy!

    • Oh Eileen, you made me blush.
      I just write what comes into my head and hope it makes sense to whoever reads it.
      Thank you for your comment my friend, you made me smile today.
      Love and hugs.
      Lisa. xx 🙂

  1. Lees, I am so glad you wrote this. Very encouraging words and I definitely can relate with many things you are saying here. The 80’s Eeek!!! Painful indeed, for many reasons. 🙂

    Or maybe it was all of my neon colored clothes and bright yellow sunglasses? HA!

    I am going to go read what LeRoy wrote there are some great things that you shared here. PLUS Hebrews 11:1, I used to have on a scripture card with me at every workplace I was at while in the workforce. I kept it on my computer, on the wall, or on my desk so I could read over and over again. AND it’s 11:1 get it? 11 and a 1 three ones…Ok, now I am being just plain silly, but I know you get me. 🙂 1 John 4:18 is fused in my mind and heart always. 🙂

    A perfect post!

    Love you very much!
    Angel

    • Hello my lovely,
      Yep….I TOTALLY get you!!!!!
      You made me giggle with the visual of you in your neon clothes and yellow shades.
      I bet if we would have known each other back then we would have shared socks.
      Do you remember that time of wearing one pink and one green neon sock.
      I love you so much Angel, you are so very YOU!!!!
      Keep being you please, you are such a wonderful friend.
      Lees. xxx 🙂

  2. Yes I too have reflected back to the 80’s with this post. Love the advise from Lion King. You are totally bang on about God meeting each of us where we are at. I have told you loads how I get messages from advertisements that run across the sides of the buses. God knows I love buses and I see them go past my window regularly. Very good post. Ali Campbell is the complete double of Anthony, a past hurt. Love you xxxx

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