“Why do I bother?”

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

I know when I NEED to write because I REALLY don’t want to. Writing for me is a form of therapy, a way of processing. It has been a friend to me, when I have been friendless.

When I start to withdraw from writing I also withdraw from being Lisa and I withdraw from connecting to those closest to me. Writing helps me to feel connected in a world where people’s actions are quite hard for me to understand.

I read a post not long ago that really hurt me

It made me feel like, “Why do I bother?”

This post was written by someone who understands Autism and understands writing, so I naturally read it thinking it would be helpful but it wasn’t.

This post did nothing but draw attention to the so called “faults” of another writer’s post. It hurt me deeply because I can only write what I know.

Also I’m dyslexic so I know my writing/spelling/punctuation is far from perfect.

I’m still learning about Autism, it’s on going

I find it hard to remember all of the medical names and abbreviations, to go with all the traits, of ASD that run through myself and my whole family. I use Lisa Lingo to explain the hurts and joys ofย  life on the spectrum, as I understand from my own experiences. But this means I have to babble. According to the post I read, and some of the comments, babbling is not good writing.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion

Personally I think Bloggyland is big enough for a few babblers, ranters, venters and quite a lot of Aspies who are looking to connect with people who won’t treat them like they are nobodies. Everyones opinion counts as long as it’s not hurtful, spiteful or condescending.

We are all unique and that is just perfect

It has taken me quite some time to get my head around this soap box attitude that runs through all circles. I came out of a religious sect that was filled with religious perfectionists. People who DID the DEEDS and WALKED the WALK, some of them needed an audience and some of them were genuine caring people just trying to fit in. I believe sometimes it’s a bit like the story of the Emperor and his new clothes, no one will speak out for fear of rejection or looking “just hopelessly stupid.” I’m an Aspie, I’ve been being rejected, mocked and abused my whole life.

Oh wait…hang on a minute, someone did speak out, a child. It took the innocence of a child to young to understand the desirability of keeping up the pretense.

It seems to me that there are many factions, not just religious ones

I hate that now I am finally learning, after 42 years, WHY I have felt so Alien all my life. I am running into groups of people like this. I don’t find it at all inspiring and to be quite honest I find it very off putting.

I have only ever wanted friends

Starting a blog was a complete accident for me, but it brought me friendship. I write only for me and I share from my heart. I don’t read many blogs but the blogs I do read are written by those who share from their heart too. Those who don’t hide their troubles but share them to help others. Those who share good times and bad times, their ups and their downs. Real, open, honest and heartfelt posts written by wonderful people who help and inspire those who read what they write. They don’t pretend to be experts or perfect, but they do help others like me to not feel alone.

I read this post by my lovely friend Laura

Here is the link, A Moment in the life…Why?

Please go and read it!!

When I read this post about my friends beautiful daughter it cut me to the heart. I hate that this happens to anyone, but it’s very real for those on the spectrum. I see this happening with my *CAL, I can also relate SO MUCH to this post because this is what has always happened to me. Please go and read Laura’s post if you want to understand the hurt most adult Aspies/Auties carry every day. Also see that some Aspies/Auties who seem to not care, have to be this way because they can’t cope or function when they do care.

If you are reading this and you are trying to understand what it feels like to be Autistic, just go and read Laura’s post and times that emotion for every day you have lived. Then you may see why Autistic people will hide in their special interests, and need to communicate in any way they can.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx ๐Ÿ™‚

Now I have let all this out, hopefully it will pass.

Hopefully I will feel better about writing again.

Here is a song that I have been listening to a lot lately, it’s been helping me.


10 thoughts on ““Why do I bother?”

  1. Having worked at the unversity most of my life…I assure you that criticism is the mainstay of some people’s life…they are to be ignored whenever possible…since they often are also boring..you have provided some excellent insights into Autism and dyslexia which few people really understand clearly…write on my friend!

  2. Hello lovely Lisa,
    Sorry to hear you were upset. Just reading about your upset brought pain to my heart.
    Writing about what you know is what makes your blog so great. Your Lisa lingo and babbling make it so real and so easy to understand.
    I have learned so much about my own life from seeing it described in your words.
    Your blog is wonderful and helps so many people. Keep up the great work!
    Love and hugs,
    Bruce ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Hello lovely Bruce,
      I’m sorry that my post upset you.
      One thing to remember about my posts my friend, if I’m writing it it’s because I’m almost through it.
      The pain has been prayed through and I just need to share and not internalise it anylonger.
      I love that you care so much though, you are such a lovely friend.
      AND…you leave me such encouraging comments.
      Love and hugs. xx ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Criticism comes easily to some. What can help is knowing that critical people are often people who grew up being criticized. It’s the only way they’ve learned to function.

    There are also many individuals on the spectrum who are extremely critical, due to black and white thinking and difficulties with perspective-taking, so there are a handful of critics in many “factions”.

    Thanks for sharing your heart. You are living a richer life for having put yourself outside of your own comfort zone. I’m glad I happened upon your blog and hope you’re feeling better about writing soon!

    • Hi nobodyelsethoughtofthis,
      It is very true what you wrote here, I see this too.
      Thank you for reminding me and helping me to put this whole thing in perspective.
      I am feeling a lot better about my writing now.
      Thank you for your comment.
      Love and hugs. xx ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Hi Michelle,
      When I wrote this post, I remembered reading your post on your old blog about why you write a blog. I LOVED that post and I actually copied it and put it somewhere safe thinking if I ever feel crap about my blog I’ll read this.
      You know I put it that safe I couldn’t find it…LOL
      Your old blog isn’t there anymore, so if you have a copy can you email it me please.
      Or if you haven’t I may find it one day, on my computer, somewhere and I’ll email it to you.
      Anyways…I did enjoy that post of yours and the memory of that helped me a bit.
      Love and hugs. xx ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Sod the perfectionists, writing from the heart without any pretence is honest and what people would rather read. I thought it was good that your friend went along with the behaviour of the girl with the magazine. Girls in three’s rarely works at that age. I don’t have autism but have experienced this through my lifetime, especially as a child. It’s how you are taught to deal with these negative situations that is important and we all deal with things differently. It is horrible to witness anything like this but I feel your friend did the right thing. Love you xxxx

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