I’m actually writing this on my netbook in the little café that I go to before seeing my counsellor on Friday mornings. To say this first week back at school has been hard going, would be an understatement.
My little *CAL has been totally shut down each morning and what has not helped is that I have been SO stressed by EVERYTHING I’m trying to filter through and process just lately.
The first week back after 6 weeks off is ALWAYS hard on those with an ASD. I have felt so bad that my mind has been so loopy. I only wish I could explain properly but some things are best left unsaid.
Having counselling gives me freedom
Freedom to talk through ALL the things that others can’t handle.
Oooooo….Mr Blue Sky has just come on in the café, they listen to Smooth Radio in here and I LOVE the selection of music Smooth plays.
Mr Blue is such a great song don’t you think? It makes me feel like jumping up and down, like I’m on a pogo stick again…I LOVED my pogo stick when I was a kid. I actually put holes in my Mom’s vinyl kitchen floor tiles bouncing around so much….hehe.
This song also reminds me of two wonderfully lovely visuals I have that make me smile.
My visuals bring me freedom too
Do you know what this song makes me think of?
Are you ready for this enlightenment it’s so very deep…..hehehe
The Magic Roundabout
I told you…I’m so very deep aren’t I ?! LOL
Right… back to my post
I had a realisation today and it has brought me some freedom in my thoughts.
For years I worked in a factory as a dressmaker/sample hand/floater.
I LOVED sewing, it was my passion. My Nan was also a dressmaker and we were so very alike. My job changed constantly in that factory environment but I was able to work unshaken by all of this. I took the fabric from the roll to the peg. I have made wedding gowns, christening robes, designer suits and more. While in this situation I didn’t have children, I had very little responsibility, also I only ever had to talk about the cloth, which was my special interest.
My special interests bring me freedom
They give me the ability to communicate. To feel part of things, to feel an equal.
Life changes things
My routine is very fixed and even though I can do things on the spur of the moment they are things I am used to doing. They are things I have done all my life, familiar things, familiar places, familiar people.
Changing my environment changes everything and if I have already got a lot on my plate that I am already struggling with, I can no-longer just about tread water, I go under. I shutdown or I meltdown and those around me pay the price.
Being self-aware brings freedom
I hate myself when I feel I let down those I love. Also I hate myself when I only do things half-heartedly. Being the creation I am I’m NOT able to separate my thoughts and feelings, I take EVERYTHING to heart. I can’t pretend to be happy when I’m sad, and I can’t pretend I’m coping if I’m not.
My family is my first priority, my children’s needs come before everything else. If I am not functioning because of something external, that is causing me stress, then it has to be sorted.
I don’t want to look back and think I should have done things differently, I didn’t give my heart because my mind was elsewhere.
I’m down the reza now and listening to Michael Bublé
I have had my 50 minute hour for this week with my wonderful Christian counsellor.
I LOVE the freedom my netbook gives me, I’m blogging on the go! 🙂
Writing gives me freedom
I can express in writing the things I can’t say because society doesn’t give me the time I need to process and respond.
By the time I have thought through, understand and have a response, things have already moved forward without me.
I wrote a post about this yesterday when I was feeling very down.
It’s called, “The Invisible people”
You can read it on my other blog, “Listening through the Loops”
God gives me freedom too
He gives me free will, I can listen for Him or I can do things my own way.
Sometimes God’s ways do not seem to make sense but as we look back we see the things we learn along the way and how they all fit into His big jig-saw puzzle. Faith is about believing that God tells the truth and loves us unconditionally. How each thing we go through strengthens us and gives us the tools we need to help ourselves and those we love, those who God has chosen who’s paths entwine with our own.
Right…I’m off to McDonalds for a coffee now
I’m also going to tap into their FREE wi-fi to publish this post.
Then I need to go and buy the biggest sack of dog food I can fit in my boot. I have time to let my doggies have their freedom, they need to run, jump, play, bark and be doggies.
Life goes on and we can to be free in our hearts
God gave His Son so we can live life to the full.
The sky is blue even on the darkest days and we can all jump on pogo sticks in our hearts.
Go on, you KNOW you do! Play the song go on!
Let your Aspie-happy free~~~~~~~~~ Boing, boing, boing!
Do your happy-dance whatever way you can!
Be like Zebedee…..hehehe, I do it all the time. 😉
Love and hug everyone.
Lisa. xx 🙂