Hello my lovely bloggy friends,
It has taken me ALL day to switch the computer on and open my blog. I wrote a post yesterday trying so desperately to laugh off the insensitivity of an anonymous comment. I have felt drained all day and not wanted to even think about writing.
It’s 10:25pm and I’m now over it. I had to reprogram myself again and realise that I write because it helps me. My blog is…”A place where I can be me!”
I found a video today that is about dyslexia, it’s a cartoon and it very much resembles my life only I didn’t find out I was dyslexic until I was 35 so my hurt, confusion and frustration went on a little longer than it did for the boy in the cartoon.
I will add the video at the end, first though I wanted to repost what got me through and got me to write today.
“My own words, that I shared from my heart!”
I write for me because I KNOW that writing helps me.
While reading my comments to, “I’m not just one voice anymore!”
I realised that I could actually write a post about my dyslexia…..
So here it is……
People who have dyslexia are effected in different ways we are all individuals and have our own uniqueness. I can only explain how dyslexia affects my life. Or I can try to explain anyway.
I have trouble with spelling, I use spell check. This doesn’t always cover everything and I sometimes use the wrong words….
e.g. I once published a poem and then realised afterwards there were 3 spelling errors in it. I used shear instead of sheer, not big until you read it in a poem and picture sheep instead of cliffs…lol
Spell check has given me the confidence to be able to share my writing. I just love those red wiggly lines, they help me so much.
With people I know, trust and feel loved and accepted by. I don’t always bother about my spelling and we laugh about it….msn used to freak me out because of how bad my spelling is. Now I only have my closest people on my messenger, because I know they will not hurt me.
My dyslexia comes more with reading and retaining information. When I read I can only focus on 1 or 2 words at a time. This means I very often will have to re-read complete sentences because I have forgotten what the beginning of the sentence has said.
I can describe this for you ….
Imagine having a piece of frosted glass with a two inch circle cut in the centre, now place that over a page of words. All you can see is within that circle you have to move this piece of glass along the page in a straight line, reading each word as you move over it. That is what I see when I look at a page of text. Headings and pictures really help with this, it breaks up the text and gives visual to keep my brain focused.
Writing is not a problem, it is just my thoughts going down in print.
I do find punctuation quite difficult though. I have recently started trying to express my moods through my words, but I don’t really know what I’m doing. I tried reading up on this, I haven’t got a bloody clue what I read now….you see if something doesn’t form a visual in my head then I forget it instantly. I have to learn everything visually, I use YouTube a lot for this purpose. I do not understand much about the rules of writing I don’t understand about nouns and verbs and all the twoddly doddly stuff connected to grammar. I decided that sharing my story is more important than worrying about it.
Dyslexia is extremely frustrating for me though
I love to learn and cannot learn at the speed I would like. Undiagnosed dyslexia causes much hurt to a person. I have felt stupid my entire life because I can’t do simple things. Like understand instructions, recipes or play trivial pursuit with a group of people. When people talk of losing themselves in a good book, I cannot relate AT ALL, and actually feel quite hurt that I don’t have that release or escape.
I have terrible fears of libraries and book shops because I cannot scan, so I can’t find anything.
I ask now but before I used to wander around looking at every book individually, trying to find the thing I’m looking for. I once hyperventilated so badly in our central library, because of a panic attack, that I almost passed out. I know now that this was caused by a combination of my dyslexia and my aspergers. But at the time I hadn’t got a clue. I had gone into the central library because I felt God wanted me to do something with my poetry, I didn’t know what…. so I needed to find out about publishing.
The other way I am affected is I cannot sequence things.
I find it impossible to file alphabetically, as I have to keep repeating the whole alphabet to remember where a letter is placed. This again I have problems processing and forget, then I have to start all over again.
So you see writing is not really a problem because I have a lot to say.
I have had much to say for a long time and it has been trapped inside of me just waiting for the chance to come out.
I found a scripture when I was reading my Bible yesterday that really spoke to me.
Reading this scripture, has helped me to write this post and explain how a dyslexic/aspie can keep a blog.
Here is the scripture.
Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves for the rights of all who are destitute.
(I didn’t quite know what the word destitute meant, so I got out my dictionary it can means lacking)
Lacking…I don’t consider myself to be lacking……….not anymore!!!!
I have never known any other way. I just do things a little differently to others, but I find a way in the end.
I do see that God has blessed me with Aspie eyes, dyslexic intuition and an amazing friend to help me.
So now I can see both sides and explain what it’s like to live with a spectrum disorder or 2 or 3….hehehe
I own my label even if they won’t/can’t diagnose me.
I am Aspie-Happy …
and I’m, Turning it upside down!!!!!
Or more to the point….I struggle and God provides.
What’s it like being Dyslexic?