Hello my lovely bloggy friends,
I’m just about to go off for my weekly visit to chat with my counsellor.
That’s right….I’m learning to understand and find ways of coping with my difficulties, my past and my fears, it’s good to get help with these things!!!
Today I know that I need to talk about that “THING” you know… the one that you can only talk about really with your nearest and dearest and closest of friends. However I KNOW it’s stopping me moving forward. I don’t want to have to deal with it, but it’s not going to go away….. is it?!
My head is like a radio
I keep retuning it to what I want to focus on and every time I get interference I retune it again to something I like and if I can’t I switch off. Today I need to make myself tune in and allow whatever happens to happen. I hate crying around people, so I know I will avoid this at all cost. This could be a British thing, an Aspie thing, or just another Lisa thing…I don’t know????
My hubby…plays the worst music EVER.
Just to side step a little with this deep and painful memory, but it is also relevant to what I am learning to understand.
I know it will play a big part in my processing accurately what lies ahead.
With my Asperger’s sensory problems, my hubby’s choice of music is just noise to me. It can REALLY hurt my head at times. I actually switch his music off when I walk into the room now, very bad of me I know, but if I don’t it affects my balance, in more ways than one.
I mean, giggle…have you ever watched The Hulk……. LOL
Sometimes he plays it quietly and I don’t always notice it straight away, but I do absorb it.
Then I don’t always realise later why I’m feeling so bloody off, with everyone.
The radio stations he listens to are EVEN WORSE than his choice of music and I have noticed when they are on I get so on edge.
It is actually like listening to a knife scrape along a plate sometimes, the constant talking about stuff I can’t stand….Errrrgh
So again I switch them off…he’s very patient putting up with me, but I am SO very lovable…giggle.
Avoidance, Diversion, Retaliation
One of my closest friends and a fellow Aspie blogger shared a video with me about Exposure Anxiety. Watching this video was another one of those light bulb moments for me. I suddenly understood WHY I rip up a lot of my art and throw it in the bin. WHY I wander off and appear to be rude or aloof, and WHY I lock myself away and only mix with people I know I can totally trust or for very short periods of time.
This video also encouraged me
I realised that a lot of the ways I have coped and helped my children to cope are mentioned in this video.
As a family we have found ways to help each child as an individual.
The photo above of the pink Fluffy puppet will be explained in the video, he has lived in my home and been a wonderful teacher for the last 12 years.
He is hooked on a nail on the back of our living room door and is involved whenever he is needed.
Fluffy even had his own shop at one point and taught basic Maths skills.
Right I’d better be off, I have another mountain to climb.
“I can do EVERYTHING through Him who gives me strength!”
Love and hugs.
Lisa. xx 🙂