Exposure Anxiety…another light bulb moment

Fluffy, is the greatest teacher ever!

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I’m just about to go off for my weekly visit to chat with my counsellor.

That’s right….I’m learning to understand and find ways of coping with my difficulties, my past and my fears, it’s good to get help with these things!!!

Today I know that I need to talk about that “THING” you know… the one that you can only talk about really with your nearest and dearest and closest of friends. However I KNOW it’s stopping me moving forward. I don’t want to have to deal with it, but it’s not going to go away….. is it?!

My head is like a radio

I keep retuning it to what I want to focus on and every time I get interference I retune it again to something I like and if I can’t I switch off. Today I need to make myself tune in and allow whatever happens to happen. I hate crying around people, so I know I will avoid this at all cost. This could be a British thing, an Aspie thing, or just another Lisa thing…I don’t know????

My hubby…plays the worst music EVER.

Just to side step a little with this deep and painful memory, but it is also relevant to what I am learning to understand.

I know it will play a big part in my processing accurately what lies ahead.

With my Asperger’s sensory problems, my hubby’s choice of music is just noise to me. It can REALLY hurt my head at times. I actually switch his music off when I walk into the room now, very bad of me I know, but if I don’t it affects my balance, in more ways than one.

I mean, giggle…have you ever watched The Hulk……. LOL

Sometimes he plays it quietly and I don’t always notice it straight away, but I do absorb it.

Then I don’t always realise later why I’m feeling so bloody off, with everyone.

The radio stations he listens to are EVEN WORSE than his choice of music and I have noticed when they are on I get so on edge.

It is actually like listening to a knife scrape along a plate sometimes, the constant talking about stuff I can’t stand….Errrrgh

So again I switch them off…he’s very patient putting up with me, but I am SO very lovable…giggle.

Avoidance, Diversion, Retaliation

One of my closest friends and a fellow Aspie blogger shared a video with me about Exposure Anxiety. Watching this video was another one of those light bulb moments for me. I suddenly understood WHY I rip up a lot of my art and throw it in the bin. WHY I wander off and appear to be rude or aloof, and WHY I lock myself away and only mix with people I know I can totally trust or for very short periods of time.

This video also encouraged me

I realised that a lot of the ways I have coped and helped my children to cope are mentioned in this video.

As a family we have found ways to help each child as an individual.

The photo above of the pink Fluffy puppet will be explained in the video, he has lived in my home and been a wonderful teacher for the last 12 years.

He is hooked on a nail on the back of our living room door and is involved whenever he is needed.

Fluffy even had his own shop at one point and taught basic Maths skills.

Right I’d better be off, I have another mountain to climb.

“I can do EVERYTHING through Him who gives me strength!”

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx 🙂


9 thoughts on “Exposure Anxiety…another light bulb moment

  1. Lisa , your husband needs some pleasure too.So why not let him listen to his music and radio stations that pleases him .You can always leave the room at that point and go do something that you like .PLEASE don’t turn off his entertainment ,.I understand why you do that ,but sometimes we have to grit our teeth to certain things .It will be hard to do that ,but he is your soul mate so show him you love him ,give him some space to do his things .I’ve often read where you like to go to be by your self and just be you ,well he needs that too..You say your” blog is a place where you can go to be me” Please don’t think I’m being rude ,as that isn’t the case for sure .

    • Hi Eileen:
      I am Austyn, Lisa’s husband. I just wanted to write a few words as a response to your comment made to Lisa earlier today. Lisa is always grateful for others taking the time to comment on material written by herself. She takes great care and thought into the topics that she writes on and appreciates when she receives words of encouragement and understanding.

      Alienhippy has given the opportunity for Lisa to express how she feels and develop self-confidence: she has also began a journey of self-discovery on what it means to live life with autism, both in herself and our children.
      Writing posts about her thoughts, feelings and experiences has taken on a number of occasions heartfelt honesty and vulnerability far beyond what people may normally read. There are instances where Lisa has not received comments to her articles, and I believe this is because alot of people, (myself included), may feel uncomfortable with the degree of self-analysis that Lisa displays.

      However, expressing your vulnerable side can have consequences as it can allow others the opportunity to criticise, ridicule and give their own opinions based on their own assumptions and value judgements. As you may appreciate, this is not helpful to Lisa and undermines the purpose of maintaining her blog and writing her thoughts, feelings, learning and experiences. Lisa hopes that in her writing, readers may reflect on their own lives and how they can fulfil their own potential and abilities.

      In reading your comments from earlier today, I do not think that this either helped Lisa in understanding herself, nor gave an insight into the issues that you may/have faced in relation to the article in question. I would go so far as to say that your ‘suggestion’s were condescending, as I feel you were telling Lisa what she should or shouldn’t do. Such ‘observations’ are not helpful and only serve to undermine Lisa’s own life learning experiences and self-confidence.

      May I also add that it is not appropriate, as a reader of ‘Alienhippy’ to invade the privacy of the writer. By commenting in the way that you did, gave suggestion that inferences can be made in the relationship between wife and husband. This is not right. What is between Lisa and myself is for our own discussion, not yours.

      May I add that I am able to make my own decisions on what I want to listen to.

      • Hi Austyn

        I didn’t mean for it to hurt Lisa’s progress at all .I’m pleased she is expressing her self on the blog She’s one persistent lady and I’m proud of her . It’s just that i could picture her walking in the room and just turning off your music in front of your face .I wouldn’t like it neither would anyone else .. that scene bothered me ..It wasn’t meant to pry into your family’s life ,as i don’t know how your family lives and it’s none of anyone’s business anyway..I wasn’t criticising that i see . .She expresses herself very well ,better than i can for sure and i’ve told her that . maybe I should just read and not comment .what’s your opinion ? I’m not here to cause trouble .maybe I’m too sensitive just like anyone can be . I’m truly sorry if I hurt Lisa . .no more comments like that again .

    • Hello my lovely Fi, I couldn’t agree more!!!
      You know what you said to me the other day Fi!
      Well, I mentioned it to my Christian counsellor and she said you are SO right about that.
      I’ll fill you in on the details when I see you on Skype.
      Love you my precious friend, all the world and a bag of sugar.
      Lees. xxxx {{{{HUG}}}} X

  2. Well I have just read all your comments, they actually totally distract from your posts message.

    Now listen to Fluffy and not the nagging fuzzing of ‘Manic Street Preachers’.

    I know you get my surreal metaphoric ways big sis.

    I’m so very proud of you and your wonderful husband. Love you 🙂 xx

    • Hello my beautiful little sis,
      You know what bab…I wrote this post before going to see my counsellor. My head was NOT good with EVERYTHING that has come to light, I was dreading going. This video of Donna Williams explaining Exposure Anxiety was a real light bulb moment for me. We are SO like her in our Aspieness aren’t we? *BA too in a different kind of way.
      What I found so encouraging was that even though we didn’t know that our whole family is Autistic Mom found ways to help each one of us. Also because she loved us SO very much she saw us as individuals and worked with us to help us.
      We learnt so much by having her as our Mom. She never expected us to be anything other than ourselves and that is something we both need to always remember. This world has treated us like crap and we haven’t deserved to be treated the way we have but God always find a way to help His little girls.
      Oh yep….I listened to Fluffy, I think he’s had too much millet again…he’s not making sense.
      “The Worzel head plays Konkey Konga and a crasha basha die die. Isa La-La now a Weesa?”
      I love you all the world and a bag of sugar sis. xxxx {{{{HUG}}}} X

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