Friends and Acquaintances

image from Google

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

Today didn’t start too well for me, it’s been coming on for a few days now. I haven’t really been able to figure out why or what has been making me feel sad.

This is where I suppose having people around to chat with would be good. But when I try to chat to those around me, those that are not family I feel like I’m a nuisance. I hate feeling like I’m a nuisance, I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I’m a nuisance.

I tried to get some time and a coffee with a friend the other day, but it didn’t quite work out, so I ended up feeling rejected. In fact I have tried a couple of times this week to reach out in friendship to those I speak to in my life here. I’m just not good at group conversation and I don’t come across well.Β  I have tried reasoning this out on my own but I can’t understand what I do wrong, and it’s looping a bit in my head.

It’s times like these when I really need help,

AND… I really miss my Mom too. I don’t understand the way people behave. I know I have friendships with people, I know they all have their own things going on. I also realise that I am extremely sensitive, and take thing personally, that are not meant to be taken personally.

This is the part of being an Aspie that I find hard. It builds up without me realising and then I either have a meltdown or I go off and shutdown completely.

I want to talk, I want to be around people,

I love listening to people and being helpful. I don’t always understand the way people communicate and I know I can talk too much and I talk myself round in circles. There are SO few people who will actually listen and accept me for who I am, without giving me loads of advice and ways I need to change. I see that I can go into a state of self punishment, because I don’t like that I feel so alone.

***************************************************************************

My closest friend shared a footnote from her Bible study the other week with me, it said…

How can I know who my friends are?

Proverbs 17:17Β (New International Version 1984)

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

One way is a test of loyalty. A genuine friend loves us through the best and the worst of times. In fact, a friend’s true colours are revealed when we go through unusually difficult and painful circumstances.

According to proverbs it’s preferable to have one or two close, intimate companions than a host of superficial acquaintances. The person who maintains only surface relationships with a wide number of people may eventually face ruin for lack of good advice when it is really needed.

Proverbs 18:24Β (Good News Translation)

Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers.

True friends also wound us. They’re willing to tell us the hard truth even when it hurts. We can trust their honest feedback, but an enemy multiplies kisses (27:6). Beware of someone who does not have the courage to confront you when you need it.

***************************************************************************

My friend shared this with me because it helped her, it has helped me so much today.

I also thought back on some of my counselling sessions when I started to use friendship rings. Learning to tell the difference between acquaintances and true friendships.

As a person on the spectrum

I think us Aspies are so desperate to be accepted that we naturally want to trust people and believe that they want to be our friends. Or, we can be quite the opposite and put up a brick wall because we feel so hurt by the world around us. I know I have done both in my life. I also know that I have bent over backwards to keep friendships/relationships with people who basically didn’t deserve my friendship at all. I did this because of a fear of being alone, of being rejected.

I thank God everyday for the friendships I have now.

I am so grateful that I can communicate through writing, that I can express who I am and how I feel.

I love that my sister lives so close to me that I can have coffee with her when I feel down.

AND…I thank God that I have one friend who I can sit face to face with and be totally myself.

No more brick walls going up for this Aspie, I have allowed God to soften my heart and I love people.

I might struggle to understand them, but I still love them.

Love and hugs everyone. xx πŸ™‚

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20 thoughts on “Friends and Acquaintances

  1. I’m definitely one who has a very few “close-as-family” friends, who I know I can completely trust, though when I was younger (at school, uni etc), I really just had lots of surface friendships. As soon as Zack was born I found out who the *real* friends were out of that lot!
    *hugs* and love sweety. I think all most of us want is to feel belonging, it’s human instinct to be in a “herd/pack” really, isn’t it? MWAH xxx

    • Thanks Marylin,
      You sure do find out who your friends are when you have Autistic kids. I was able to hide who I was, I wore a mask. But once my little *CAL started to struggle and the friends I had just ignored her difficulties or even worst made me feel like she was defective, I couldn’t stand living that life anymore. My kids are so precious, and anyone who doesn’t accept them, for who they are, is NO friend of mine. I am learning to accept my Aspieness and to grow in confidence with being me. I know Aspie kids learn by imitating, I imitated my Mom and learnt to conform. I want my kids to excel in their uniqueness, so I need to learn how to excel in mine too.
      Love and hugs my friend.
      Lisa. xx πŸ™‚

  2. Oh, my friend you just gave the added boost of courage to post my next round of posts! I have to tell you though if I ever say anything that hurts you you have to tell me cause, well I am an Aspie and I am pretty sure I would have no clue!! πŸ™‚

    This is a great post and once again we are on similar paths because my next two posts deal with “fitting in” and what I did to try to fit in. I realized that I can’t and limited, true relationships are the only ones I can have.

    Love and hugs!!
    Angel

    • Hello my friend,
      Your posts were absolutely BRILLIANT!!!!!
      Well done YOU!! You are AWESOMENESS Angel.
      Of course I’ll tell you if you hurt me, you’re my friend.
      Don’t forget to tell me too…I’m a bit oblivious most of the time.
      So what I’d like to know Pinky…
      Gravy or Tuna fish for shoe dipping today? Narf!!!!!
      Love you loads.
      Lisa. xxx πŸ™‚

    • Very true slp! I think I must have been wagging off that day, or daydreaming.
      I’m making up for it now though aren’t I?!
      Love and hugs my friend.
      Lisa. xx πŸ™‚

  3. Hi Lisa my dear friend,
    Sorry you’ve been feeling sad.

    I can connect with just about .every. .single. .word.
    Except I don’t have any siblings,
    and I’m not sure about the one non-family friend I used to sit down with one-on-one (he hasn’t been in touch for awhile).

    Just today I went to a giant store with miles of fluorescent lights overhead
    and I got totally stressed and drained.
    I was by myself, which is often the way I am.
    However, I didn’t feel alone, and I didn’t get down on myself for finding it difficult,
    because I remembered your post, β€œShopping…I have a few thoughts.” from April 20, 2011!
    And I said to myself, β€œLisa would understand!”

    So I just wanted to let you know that this is another of your many posts
    that feel to me like you wrote it from inside my head! πŸ™‚
    And I understand.
    Love and hugs,
    Bruce πŸ™‚

    • You are so lovely Bruce!
      Your comments always make me smile.
      When out shopping alone I focus on all my special people, my lovely loop.
      All my bloggy friends are a part that loop.
      Having my blog, “A place where I can be me!”
      Has given me the encouragement to go out NOT wearing black.
      To hold my head up and to smile, just because I want to smile.
      AND…to know that there are others, hiding in the crowds who feel just like us.
      Love and hugs to you my dear friend.
      Lisa. xx x πŸ™‚

    • Hello my lovely Fi,
      I too am SO glad I allowed God to soften my heart, or I may never have met you.
      But your loving and accepting way, helps me to allow God to do this.
      Thank you for sending me the footnote from you Bible study, funny how God works. πŸ™‚ xx
      Yes…Absolutely, Praise God.
      I love you so very much.
      Lees. xxxx

  4. Hello my beautiful Niece. The proverb is so very true. I have had lots of fine feathered friends, one’s who fly off. The true ones are the ones who stick around, see you at your best and your worst and reproach you because they love you. A good friend is very hard to find and should be treasured. I don’t always understand you and I sometimes reproach you but in the words of Billy Joel “I love you just the way you are” Love you xxxx

  5. Hi gorgeous;
    I was blown away with your post; you were so vulnerable and honest, probably the most you have been on your blog and you definitely wore your heart on your sleeve in previous posts but this takes some beating.
    I think you challenge the socks off people, me included as you know only so well that I must be the worst at communicating in the world.
    Decent conversation is the life-blood for you; being part of someone’s life fulfils a purpose for you. Having ‘chatty’ surface friendships just won’t do. Your heart is so large, your love so deep.
    Aust.

  6. Hi sweetie—I hope this finds you wrapped in hugs—you can feel them all the way from here to there, can’t you?
    It’s hard to have very few people who really “get” you. Even harder when they’re not around. I hope today finds you just as you are with people who love you for you.
    xxoo–y

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