Hello my lovely bloggy friends
The other day at school we had a wet playtime. This means I have to supervise about 30 children and keep them from, killing one another…hehe, not really they’re good kids.
While I was in my classroom I walked around making sure they were all sensible and had something to do. These kids are 11 years old and at many different level of maturity. Most kids at this age are happy to chat with each other. Play board games or read books. There are also a few that will sit and draw on scrap paper.
There is one girl I have noticed, in this particular class, who really struggles with interacting with the other children. She also seems to not enjoy reading. I watched her drawing a picture and I was instantly taken back to a memory of myself at her age.
I used to draw Angels on every picture.
I’d draw my family and my pets and everything I was happy about and always I’d draw an Angel looking after us.
This young girl is SO obviously on the spectrum, she’s high functioning.
She does get help at school with what she struggles with but has not got a diagnoses and it made me think for a while.
Have Aspies got an Aspie radar?
Why can I see this but I am unable to do anything about it?
When I was a child I HATED school.
I hated playtime and wet playtimes I’d just sit drawing. I remember the dinner ladies saying we couldn’t have paper and we had to read or chat with our friends. So as you can imagine I felt more than a little left out. I was ok if just one person wanted to talk to me, but if my friend was talking with others I found it hard to feel part of what was going on. Reading a book at that age was not an option for me. I felt so stupid and so alone.
So I lived in my daydreams and I’d draw what made me happy.
My home, my family, my pet cat and my imaginary friends.
Yesterday was not a great day for me
I was taken on a negative memory trip and reminded of just how socially awkward I actually am.
But I find It’s funny how God prepares the mind for what we need and our hearts so that we care.
I went to work in a NOT so happy frame of mind
There were three special needs kids the same age as my *CAL . They were really struggling to understand each other. Two of them were going into meltdown and the other one was getting so emotional and saying things that were totally irrational.
I suddenly realised that even though I’m just a dinner lady I’m probably the best bet these kids have at finding a way of getting through the hours playtime, that all spectrummy folk will remember as a complete nightmare.
I got this job for one reason, and one reason only
To help my *CAL…. I put myself in my worst possible imaginings, inside a school and in a playground. So that I can be my daughter safe place. She is no longer in the play ground it is too much for here, she goes to nurture group.
Like I said earlier… It’s funny how God prepares the mind for what we need and our hearts so that we care.
I have lived as an undiagnosed Dyslexic/Aspie all my life. I see the kids that struggle and I do care. I might not have the qualifications to do anything about it….But at least I am there. They can talk to me and I KNOW where they are coming from. I have the Aspieness and the learning difficulty, I have the lack of social skills and I know how it feels to be the only one who’s not picked.
I am there and they do come to me.
Have we got an Aspie radar? 🙂
Also now I have the confidence to tell those who can do something about it. I have my support network of bloggy friends and fellow Aspies. You have all given me the confidence to Just Be Me!
I might not have the academic qualifications to change anything for these kids. But I have a voice and I have my blog. I also have a few qualified ears who do listen when I speak, because they know that I know what it’s like to live life on the spectrum….and THEY care about these kids too.