Can anyone help me?

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

This is going to be a quick post!

I need some help, I have a few questions….. πŸ™‚

As an Aspie I know that I can overload really quickly.

In the past I have isolated myself and become hard towards others.

This I did to protect myself.

Now that I have allowed my heart to soften and come out of hiding, I have noticed a difference.

I have certain people in my life who are emotionally charged.(I don’t know how else to put it)

I find that after spending time with these people I have an overload of loops to try to calm.

I get really confused and can’t work out which is my problem and what has been put on me.

I was the same when I was in the religious sect.

I would take everything on personally and get totally overwhelmed.

I’d go home feeling like a total wretch and not want to face people for days.

So my questions are……

As Aspie/Auties process and filter differently,

Is it possible that we collect other people’s emotions and complexes, without realising?

Then while filtering later on, guilt ourselves out with misplaced emotions that are not our own!

Has anyone else experienced this?

How did you gain control and stop it happening?

Thank you for helping.

Love and hugs everyone. xx πŸ™‚

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25 thoughts on “Can anyone help me?

  1. Hi Lisa!

    This sounds like the day I had today! The answer for me is yes. When I was in the “wrong” church, I would come home and David would have to talk to me for days, weeks, sometimes months to help me process the emotions and false guilt that I had taken on.

    Through the process I realized that I do this with family and friends as well. I would be emotionally drained, exhausted for days and then get depressed. It seems like the mirror neurons get confused and think that we are supposed to ADOPT a person’s emotion in order to empathize, but we are only supposed to RECOGNIZE the emotion so that we can offer support.

    There are some people and situations that still cause me to do this but now I am able to recognize it much quicker and remind myself that it has nothing to do with me and also that I need to place those emotions in the proper place. David and my mom are my sounding boards but most of all what helped me was to write it down.

    When I would leave a situation like that I would come home and just download everything that happened in a journal. The next day I would read through it and analyze the situation and dissect it into sections.

    First the people: What is their relationship to me? Is there any lingering past issues that have not or cannot be resolved? If so, this could cloud my perception. Are they people who always confuse me?

    Then the scenario of the day: What happened during the day before I was in the situation? What was going on during the situation? Was my anxiety or sensory issues heightened for any reason?

    Then, Did I notice a pattern of behavior from the person or situation? Are there any similarities in situations with this person or others that make me feel this way? What are the feelings? Why would I feel that way? Did they say or do some sort of trigger for me that causes me to think that I have done something? Or that I should have done something? Have I noticed behavior that is manipulative, and if so, what? Did they do it this time?

    Mostly it was finding the patterns and recognizing that I was experiencing things that I shouldn’t be. The more I do it the better I am able to see it but I still have a hard time. It gets easier to recognize now and I am able to stop it from turning into a loop or into depression. Also having the journals to go back to have been a huge help as well. I have been able to notice my own patterns much more too. I have by no means “arrived” but it has helped me quite a bit.

    Does that make sense?? I hope it helps in some way. πŸ™‚

    Lots of love and blessings to you!! Hopefully others will have some good ways to share!!

    • I just realized I say “Does that make sense?” or “I hope I make sense.” A LOT!! After going over several of my responses to people over and over in my head. It must be cause I never know if what I am writing or saying is coming out properly. humft….

  2. I’d love to help but none of this is me at all…..I can’t wait to read the comments to get some insights though πŸ™‚

  3. I’m with Fi on not being able to help, but I do suspect you are right. My daughter seems to pick up on other’s emotions so I can’t wait to hear what others have to say as I would love to be able to help her with this as well.

  4. I can’t speak for anyone else, but for myself, I get completely overwhelmed when I’m with certain people. It seems my mind either adopts their point of view or goes into complete opposition to it – I don’t seem to be able to just let their feelings be theirs and not mine in some way without a lot of conscious processing on my part.

  5. Lisa–OMG yes, this happens to me.

    I spent so long always being treated like my feelings were always the wrong ones, that I started to assume that they were and always blamed myself for being overwhelmed or feeling pushed around in personal or work interactions.

    Also, I think it comes from us not being sure what’s expected from us by other people–we can feel intensely, but lack the instinct that would tell us how to react constructively in response.

    I learned eventually, when I’m replaying or looping the situation in my head, to, first, not automatically assume that the fault was mine, to try to look for what it was that the other person was trying to accomplish…to trace backwards from how they made you feel, to how they did it, to what they may’ve been trying to get from you. Then, being aware of the dynamic, you’re better equipped the next time to defend against that dynamic and look realistically at what somebody wants vs. what you’re able or willing to provide.

    The most extreme versions of these people are crazymakers–they thrive in the chaos that they create either emotionally or practically. But they don’t look like they’re doing it and they would strenuously deny that they’re doing it–they’re very good at getting you to doubt yourself and your own perception of reality, so that they can take advantage of the ensuing disorder. I recently finished working with one on a huge project–I was indescribably, completely mentally exhausted by the end.

    Good luck, honey.

  6. Hi Lisa,

    I can sure relate to what you are saying here. It seems that you have described my own experiences.

    I get so impacted by the feelings of others, and by their interpretation of the reality at hand, that I take on their stance and doubt my own gut instincts. This, I think, is because I have been made to feel β€œwrong” for so much of my life that I automatically doubt my own beliefs when contradicted or challenged.

    I have to be very careful about what I watch on the screen. If someone is hurt or upset, that can impact me for weeks as it play over in my mind. A couple of weeks ago I finally watched Braveheart after avoiding it for years because I had heard there was violence in it. Well, I shouldn’t have watched. When the girl is killed by the Magistrate – well two weeks later I still feel sick and hollow inside. So filtering what I expose myself to is absolutely essential, and that would of course include people as well as DVD’s.

    I often lie awake playing interactions over in my mind. One way I have found to get some peace is to repeat a phrase over in my mind, such as a bible verse or mantra, to displace the thoughts. Also I try to concentrate on (focus on) my breath so that my mind calms due to the effort needed to stay focused on my breath. But often my mind is in such a buzz that I simply cannot distract it, and so I spend hours tossing and turning while my mind spins.

    I find expressing gratitude for what is, including me as I am and my life as it is, helps me centre and settle and calm.

    And I remember that the same people who have convinced me that I was wrong in the past have often proven to be wrong themselves. This gives me more confidence in my own judgement. But often I forget to remember, and so get undermined again in the present situation.

    But I have no sure fire method. I am only learning to play this Aspie game, and I am so grateful to you and others who post and comment. I have learned all I know here in Aspie Bloggyland and I am greatly encouraged here and look forward to more growth.

    And that is something to be grateful for and something that helps me to centre more, and trust myself more – the fact that there is growth! I can see the growth in you through your blog, and I can feel it in myself. And that is such an encouragement.

    Love and hugs and blessings,
    Bruce πŸ™‚

    • P.S. I often find it hard to know what to do or what to believe. I seem to have a lot of self doubt. I think this is because I really want to connect, and am willing to bend my guts in order to do so.

      But the flip side to this coin is that I can be extremely stubborn, and stick to my own view, and essentially tell the world to shove it. I can simply close myself off to others and they have no access to me at all. This is what I did to my parents when I was in my teens.

      This, I think, is a form of self-preservation. If I can’t connect without betraying myself, I put up an insurmountable wall.

      So the pendulum can swing from me being play-doh in the hands of others, to being a sharp-edged chunk of steel reinforced concrete.

      • Hello lovely Bruce,
        I SO need to get over to your blog and have a read.
        Me and you tend to spark off thoughts with each other QUITE a lot don’t we!!
        Love and hugs. xx πŸ™‚

  7. You know what? I don’t know how to respond to this. I know I feel things intensely, and some people are harder for me to be around than others, but…I just don’t know…

    Love you!

    (((hugs)))

  8. Pingback: Just for the Record: vulnerable to moods, beliefs, and criticisms of others. « Born 2b me

  9. Hi – this is Chloe from “Writing Days-Happy Days” with my new look blog. I’d love for you to pop over and take a quick look at “Blossom Dreams” if you can – possibly even subscribe πŸ˜‰

    If I’m on your Blogroll, please can you change your link from Writing Days to Blossom Dreams? http://blossomdreams.wordpress.com/

    Many thanks and have a great day!!
    Chloe xx

  10. I’m sorry Lisa, I don’t have much on this one. I used to worry about what others would think and almost obsess about their thoughts and emotions but not so much anymore. I do recognize when I do this and stop myself so I don’t become overwhelmed. That’s all I have. I wish I had more. Hugs xxoo

  11. I would help if I could but I don’t have this at all. It will be interesting to read the comments of others that do though. I do pick up on others emotions but there is a clear distinction between my own emotions and theirs. I’ve been no help to you with this. Love you xxxx

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