Fitting with the “norm” ?

CAL likes her veg, as long as they don't touch.

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I have been thinking today about the upset and emotional damage caused by people who expect those who are high functioning, on the spectrum, to conform entirely and not show any signs of Autism.

I’m talking about people who say they are tolerant when actually they feel that they can fix us.

.

I get a little upset with this kind of thinking.

I don’t need fixing, or curing. I don’t know how to be any other way. It’s how I’ve always been. So wanting to make me into who they want me to be, is just another way of saying I don’t like who you are Lisa, and I want you to be who I want you to be.

This is just a ridiculous notion really,

We are all individuals, we are all unique, none of us are the same.

To my understanding, in this world everyone is struggling to look like they fit in some way or another.

Most people are looking for approval, for whatever reason.

Is pointing out flaws just another form of distraction from self?

Being an Aspie myself

I have had many people in my life who I have wrongfully trusted.

People who I have felt were genuine and accepting of me and of my ways.

Only to find after time, that they only accept a part of me. The part that pleases them.

Any of my different qualities they have found offensive and unacceptable.

They have either told me, or manipulated me into being who they want me to be.

Not who I am, who I am created to be.

Unfortunately in my younger days, the fear of rejection and isolation was so strong I would willingly have done anything to keep the false approval of these “SO CALLED” friends.

The emotional damage caused by this is now something I am having to work through with my counselling.

I took a photo of my CAL the other day

She was eating a whole plate of Broccoli. She doesn’t like things to touch on her plate.

She’s a VERY picky eater and I have to do what I can to get her to try new things.

I know that in some homes of those that know me, CAL eating all this Broccoli would be totally unacceptable.

But this is who she is, and I love her completely.

If this helps her to experience new foods then this is what will be done.

Those who love and accept her for the amazing creation she is, will do this too.

This also made me think,

Why is it then, that because I am 41 now I am suppose to ignore all my Aspie callings?

When my brain is ticking and I need to write it all out, why do some say I need to stop obsessing?

I am what I am, I have always had my special interests. I have always been obsessive.

It’s how I learn, it’s my way, it’s how I’m wired.

I have noticed that as long as what I do is not visible, no one has a problem.

BUT… as soon as I stop bending to everyone else’s beck and call.

Everything that I do is seen as obsessive, selfish or over the top.

Yes I learnt to conform, but in the process I became a bit of a doormat.

Not anymore!!

Just because I’ve grown up, doesn’t mean I’ve grown out of being Autistic.

I’ve just learnt to hide it REALLY REALLY well.

I still want to pace around in circle when I’m upset or stressed.

I still want to focus totally on my own interests.

I still want to do my happy dance when I’m excited.

I still like seeing things spin, I find it calming.

It just seems that the only place that this is acceptable for a 41 year old woman is in God’s eyes,

and with a few very close and loving people.

High functioning Autistics living in a way that is seen as “normal”

In my opinion, are the most amazing, giving, accepting and selfless people I know.

Because I know how hard it is for me to switch off my brain.

To do all that needs to be done to fit into a mould of conformity, that this world says is the norm.

But I ask….. is it really?

Or is being who we are as individuals, far more exciting, interesting and adventurous?

Who knows, we are ALL just doing our best.

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21 thoughts on “Fitting with the “norm” ?

  1. Lisa,
    I love you just the way you are and I hope one day the world will be a place where you, Cal, my beautiful daughter and others can feel safe to be who they are. Those who judge so harshly need to take a good, long look in the mirror as both of my parents liked to say. Honestly, they are not prefect either and I agree many of my friends on the spectrum are more caring than anyone I know.

    • Hi Sue and Lisa – well, Sue’s words best express how I felt after reading your post.

      Like I said in an email recently, if we try to conform to one group…then when our circumstances change, we would have to keep conforming to new groups. Instead, we all need to be who we are – and when that is a person as caring and wonderful as you are Lisa, then the world should just be grateful and NOT judge.

      Love and hugs xx

  2. I’ll second what Sue said!

    And I’ll vote for β€œbeing who we are as individuals.”
    I think it is β€œfar more exciting, interesting and adventurous.”
    Yeah, most definitely!!
    πŸ™‚

  3. I wonder if your trials were meant to be, because you have so much understanding for your children that they will be the best people they can be. Not every parent can do that, or does.

  4. Amen! I am smart, successful, and a good mom, and people don’t generally equate any of those things with autism. I have Asperger’s, and my kids are in various places on the spectrum. I have an NT daughter with “sensory issues,” a son with Asperger’s, a daughter with mild/moderate autism, and a son with moderate/severe autism. It’s a wide spectrum that we inhabit. Everyone is different. Thanks for visiting my blog.

  5. I We can’t be our selves then who else can we possibly be .Why can’t others see that . You are a good mom to your kids ,you know how to care for them,because of your own expereince .

  6. I’d hate to believe that everyone’s grand purpose in life was to be exactly like everyone else.

    I do really wonder how it is that some people have so much time to evaluate everyone around them. Is that the kind of behavior we’re supposed to be trying to emulate? If that’s what it means to be “normal”, I don’t think I want any part of it.

    Perhaps the folks who like to judge and decide how we all should be behaving could try spending a few of those moments actually helping another human being up instead of pushing them down. Just a thought.

  7. Keep speaking up – we need more people like you in the world! You are being such a great role model for your daughter as well, and that is very inspiring to me.

    I have one friend who has told me that she just can’t handle it when I get obsessive about stuff. It makes me sad, and I am glad to have a place where I can let all that out and people can choose whether they want to read and comment on it depending how they are feeling that day.

    • Hi Aspergirl Maybe,
      I will keep trying my best to express how it is for me.
      You keep doing your best too…we need to speak up so that future generations of Aspie/Auties have a history to look back on. I believe things WILL change.
      Love and hugs.
      Lisa. xx πŸ™‚

  8. As you are aware I too have an obsessive nature, although I’m not on the Autistic Spectrum and had to have treatment to curb my obsessions as they were damaging to me and the people around me. I understand that it is completely different for you as your obsessions are part of who you are and are an autistic trait. It is obvious that you have touched the heart of a lot of people. Love you xxxx

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