Just more babble, about ??? … :)

Hello my lovely bloggy friends

I have a collection of thoughts again, so I’m going to babble and see where I end up…giggle

I hope you enjoy being a part of my many rambling babbles, as I try to make sense of an overload of Aspie loops.

It seems to be the only way I can make any sense of most things.

I think writing slows the loops down and helps me to get to a point. If there is one!!

Sometimes it’s just getting to the point where I realise I’ve totally lost the plot, and I’m speaking out my arse.

But I know you all love me, JUST the way I am! If not then you’ve clicked off by now.

Right so this morning

I was having a read of THIS book, that’s right it’s a Christian book and I’m finding it really helpful.

Those of you who follow my blog know I was in a Religious sect for 4 years, those who didn’t know that welcome to my blog…it’s “A place where I can be me!” I do this by being open and honest.

So yes… I was thinking

about how as a person on the spectrum, this experience has affected me.

We know how Aspies love rules and can mimic, well that’s me.

When I was met and introduced to this sect I was very vulnerable. I was going through a marriage break-up, I had a 2 year old and I was homeless. My heart was hurting big time. This sect offered me something I had never had before…open friendships with people who loved God. This had been something I had yearned for my whole life.

I quickly fell into line and mimicked all the leaders, the rules were given and I obeyed without questioning for the first 12 months. Then something happened, which I can’t discuss here, and I had to pray hard about this.

The answer God gave me was, “Know me better than you know these people!”

I realised that within the first 12 months

of being a part of this Church I had stopped looking to God and was following the mass blindly.

My attitude to being at this particular Church suddenly changed. The more I read and prayed the more wrong , misquotes and twisting of scripture I could see. The damage that was being done to people by other people’s misinterpretation of God’s word was disgusting.

However the accountability with this particular doctrine was so intense, that for me to question was seen as rebellion towards God. And as always in places like this the scriptures on submission to leaders were used. This kind of religion always plays with your fears. I spent the next 3 years fearing condemnation for any thought I might have that went against the religion I was part of.

When I finally left this Church

I had lost my faith, the next 4 years were the loneliest of my life. I had always had a faith and as a child spent a lot of time speaking quite naturally with God. Jesus had always been my friend. After this experience I could not allow myself to believe because I feared the consequences of, what I had been brainwashed into thinking, my rebellion.

People had stolen my faith from me, a Church with wonderful singing and beautiful smiling faces had taken from me in 4 years what I had always held onto.

After 4 years of doubt, worry and fear

I finally decided to go for counselling. This helped tremendously and after 12 months I felt a lot better about life. I can’t express enough how important it is as a Christian to have your own personal walk with God. To know for yourself who you are before our Heavenly Father.

People are people and we all get things wrong. We all have our own opinions and some their own agenda.

When I first went into this sect I could not read very well, I was very naive and far too trusting. One thing I will always be grateful to this place for, it got me reading. Or more to the point, God got me reading. I needed to know the truth and I wasn’t going to just believe what I was told.

I’m an Aspie after all,

I am obsessive and analytical by nature.

It doesn’t take me long to figure something out once my mind is interested, because that is ALL I can think about.

I focus now on keeping my faith childlike.

Jesus told us to do this, and this helps me the most. Looking at blogs about Aspie kids written by NT parents helps me so much, as it jogs my memory to who I was as a child. I haven’t got my Mom to ask anymore, and I’m the oldest child.  I’m still learning what is Aspie about me and what is not.

So… I guess there wasn’t much of a point to this babble other than me learning, that even after 11 years the experience of misguided religion still can affect my thinking.

Love and hugs to you all. xx 🙂

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16 thoughts on “Just more babble, about ??? … :)

  1. Lisa there more people than we realize that are in the same situation
    you were in and don’t realize what’s wrong .You are the lucky one .
    but you found out the hard way .Many just go through life believing what there’re told and not the real truth that God is trying to teach us.
    We believe they are the experts so they must be right .well not always true.religion is so confusing sometimes . but we must trust what God is telling us by reading his words on our own .
    take care
    hugs and blessings
    Eileen

    • Thank you Eileen,
      When you go through this type of experience it’s very hard to think anyone will understand. The fear and shame you walk around with is debilitating.
      Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment.
      Love and hugs. xx 🙂

  2. This is far from Babble Lisa. It is a great help that you are able to put the past in prospective and in my opinion you have never talked out of your arse. You make a lot of sense. You have not only had a clear out at home but you are sorting out your thoughts also. Love you loads xxxx

    • Thank you Auntie Linda,
      I’m glad you don’t think I talk out of my arse!! 🙂
      I’ll remind you of this next time I’m talking too much about stuff you are not AT ALL interested in, and you can’t get me to shut up. And I just go on and on and on. And you keep butting in and totally confusing my brain because you are trying to change the subject on me. So I tell you to shut up. Because you are SO obviously interested because I can read body language SO well can’t I???
      Love you Auntie Linda. xx 🙂

  3. First of all, love the cartoon!

    I believe it really shows your strength that you were able to recognize what was happening to and around you and to find a way to escape from the situation, even if it took a while. I have a couple of friends that were involved in a similar situation and have heard some of how incredibly difficult it was to leave and to begin the slow process of recovering from it.

    • Thank you for your comment Aspergirl Maybe. 🙂
      I’m glad you liked the cartoon I just LOVE IT!!
      Peanut butter factory, hehehe… it will totally squash them little nuts.
      Love and hugs. xx 🙂

  4. Like everyone else has written: You live and learn…..that’s what life is all about!

    I’m glad that writing all this down has helped you to work through it 🙂
    xx

  5. Hello Lisa,

    What jumped out at me was the fact that you prayed hard, listened, and God gave you…

    +++ Know me better than you know these people +++

    Wow! That is such a valuable lesson.
    I think it would apply in every religious organization, without exception.
    It is just like the First Commandment in its emphasis on putting God first.

    I think it would apply to any situation that could influence us – employers, the government, friends, advertisers, etc.. It is the best way to keep on the right track.

    Thanks for sharing your lessons here, Lisa.
    May your blessings continue to overflow!
    Bruce 🙂

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