Caught up on the surface

Hello my lovely bloggy friends.

I have a poem to share with you all today. I wrote this a few days ago and shared it with one of my friends. Friendship is so important, I suppose because I have found friendships so hard over the years I appreciate loyal, open, honest, accepting and loving friendship so very much now.

Reframing an old Tapestry yesterday

I remembered that I found it very hard as a child to have more than one friend at a time. This was partly because I lacked confidence to just be myself, and because I found change hard. I would imitate my friends, thinking this would make them like me.

So when I found a different friend, I felt like I was betraying my old friend. The guilt from this made me feel Β really hurt inside. To make myself feel better I would then look at my friends weaknesses and find a way of not hurting, by focussing on their weakness not my own.

I remember doing and saying things that I felt were not right.

One time I remember the group of teens I was with, teasing this one girl at school about singing opera. I actually thought she had a beautiful voice, but I was so afraid to not be part of the “in crowd” that I said nothing. I actually giggled with them, and watched this girl cry.

I hate it now when I see things like this, when I see groups of people teaming up against other groups for whatever reason. I have never been able to fit and I have tried so hard to belong.

Yes I’m an Aspie, and I am dyslexic.

I have obsessive behaviours and many quirks that are “normal” for me. I learn so much from reading the blogs of parents of kids on the spectrum, because I don’t really know what is Aspie about me and what is not. I have learned to conform and hide a part of who I am.

I have deep conviction about taking everything that makes me negative, selfish, self righteous etc… and turning it upside down.

I’m not always good at this, I pray a lot. πŸ™‚ I find this helps me BIG TIME.

My negative thought loop is constantly nagging at me

and so is my mental Martha loop.

I don’t have to listen to them, they are full of ANT’s (Automatic, Negative, Thoughts)

I love all creatures but these ANT’s I can step on.

I can listen to my positive loops, the still small voice that speaks so calmly.

Sorry if I babbled, it’s just that you’re my friends and my brain just never stops.

Here is my poem…..

Caught up on the surface

by Lisa Lock

I get too caught up on the surface Lord

Then forget to call out to you

I lose my thoughts and Focus Father

Then to myself I’m not being true

~

I’m dragged along by all the negative

It makes me focus on the wrong thing

I get distracted from all your positives

And the glorious hope they bring

~

So today I’m going to clear my mind

And look to your guiding light

When I look to you, you show what’s new

And your ways are a pure delight

 

 

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16 thoughts on “Caught up on the surface

  1. You have great “babbles”! Even though I really don’t think that you are babbling, but I just wanted you to know that I enjoy reading them and get a lot out of your writing. I go through negative loops too and have found that writing about them have made them not last as long. πŸ™‚

    That is a wonderful poem thank you for sharing it!

    Your expressions of yourself and honest words are refreshing and pure joy.

    Blessings,
    Angel

    • Hello Angel,
      I am so glad you enjoyed my poem, I love to write I find it releases so much.
      I can’t read too fast, but I am finding now I can type almost as fast as I can talk.
      I am so grateful for spellcheck though….lol
      Love and hugs my friend. xx πŸ™‚

  2. Lees,
    That was perfect!
    You don’t babble…..you “teach”.

    I have learnt SO MUCH from you and I can’t thank you enough for that. I’m off to speak to my kids about ANTs πŸ™‚

  3. First of all, please don’t apologize for babbling, and most especially not on your own blog! I am so happy to have found other people who think about stuff as much as I do (or more) – it makes me feel like I’m not so crazy after all!! (Although now I am thinking about ants, which is never a good thing!)

    The poem is beautiful, and I love it. Last night we were singing a song with a chorus that simply said,

    I will not forget
    I won’t forget Your promises
    I will not forget
    I won’t forget Your love

    Of course, your poem is much more eloquent than that, but it struck the same chord with me as I felt last night singing those words. Thank you for sharing it with us.

    • Hello Aspergirl Maybe
      Thank you for your lovely comment…I’m glad you enjoy my babble.
      I do love to have a good old babble, I just worry I might bore people.
      Glad you enjoyed my poem too.
      Thanks for the encouragement.
      Love and hugs my friend. xx πŸ™‚

  4. Hi, Lisa.

    I love your poem. Visiting your blog always helps me to relax and regain my perspective. I’ve missed coming here while the annoying busyness of my life has kept me occupied over the past few days. Good to be reminded where to focus my attention.

    Love and Peace,

    Diane

    • Hello Diane,
      Good to see you here, I’m still behind with comments and reading.
      I came over to your blog today and left you a comment.
      You wrote a wonderful post there Diane.
      Thanks for adding my link, I’m so glad that something I wrote helped you.
      Love and hugs my friend. xx πŸ™‚

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