I have said so many, many times that blogging for me is a form of therapy.
So I have decided to do the usual Lisa thing and sit and babble for a while.
You see…..I woke up in the early hours of this morning feeling….well, I don’t REALLY know what I was feeling actually… but it was a sort of cross between concern/anger/upset/frustration and helplessness. I couldn’t figure out which.
I tried to get to sleep and found it very hard.
I did eventually because I over slept and then had *AJ on my case because he had to get to college.
I quickly got my backside into routine which switches part of the nagging off, in my frantic thought loop. But my main loop was preoccupied with why I felt so….at this point, physically and mentally drained. Of course my “Mental Martha” loop never stops nagging at me with all the things that need doing, telling me to just get on with it.
*CAL doesn’t get up until *AJ has left and usually *AJ and me will have a brief exchange of ideas and chat in the morning, but this morning I was not with it AT ALL. *AJ’s latest (Special Interest) giggle….obsession, is diets!!
AND…. he knows THEM ALL!!!
I seriously think he should consider becoming a fitness coach or dietician.
He has had an interest in reading packets for quite some time now, and it is becoming quite annoying trying to cook for him.
I’m just being honest, I don’t particularly enjoy cooking .
Here is the joke
I hate kitchen chores, and that’s what I call anything to do with the kitchen… a chore. I am far from the domestic Goddess. I do what needs to be done by Tazzing around when it needs doing.
TAZZING….for those who are new readers…. is my take on whizzing around the house clearing/cleaning/cooking….. like TAZ from the Looney Tunes.
So anyway…I have *CAL
Who will only eats the same things at the same times every day. She also will only eat these things if they are cooked to the texture she likes and in an electric oven. As she CAN (with her sensory problems) taste the difference, if her food is cooked in a gas oven.
Now *AJ is our healthy eater, which I am very pleased about actually.
However…. since he started weight training he is constantly raiding the fridge for packets of chicken/turkey breast or any other meat he can lay hands on. Failing meat he will quite happily eat a whole freezer packet of Spinach, which he warms up in the microwave in a jug and then eats with a spoon. Also he eats that much tuna fish, I think I might start calling him Flipper.
Anyway….*AJ this morning was talking none stop….I know I get these days, and end up writing too much…… because no one wants to listen to me…lol
“STOP being so self absorbed Lisa!”
Ok little voice, I know your always there on my case, get back to the back of my head please, I’m enjoying myself.
I tried so hard to listen to what *AJ was saying to me, but something was bothering me so much I just didn’t feel like I was in the same room. Well *AJ went off to college and the gist of his healthy eating conversation is….he needs MORE food. (GET a job son….not really I want him to study)
Apparently though, so *AJ have informed me, high protein/fibre homemade soup is what he needs as a filler, as he feels constantly hungry from all the exercise. So I have been left instructions to get out the slow cooker and liquidiser as he has an idea of what he is going to make….One empty fridge, coming up!!
I am so glad that Mr Locoman will eat anything.
It cuts down on the variety of different foods I have to prepare to keep my Aspie kids eating.
Right back to what was happening with me.
I nearly forgot *CAL got off to school fine this morning, then I was able to come home and figure out what was bugging me.
Well I burst into tears and I hadn’t got a clue why. I prayed for a while and then decided to write it out as writing helps me to focus. I wrote a poem actually, but I can’t share it here. I was able through my poem to see that something I had witnessed the day before had stayed in my head and even though I had continued on with things, it hadn’t left.
I had been put in a situation and I couldn’t do anything about what I witnessed, and I felt it was so very wrong. Sometimes I wish I didn’t see so much, but there’s nothing I can do about that. I know others would not even notice, but I seem to notice everything.
I’m just going off on a tangent thought here,
I know I do it quite a lot, it’s when I start to listen to a different loop. I’m so glad I understand that about myself now, my sister has always said I go from arse-hole to breakfast time…she’s very right I do tend to go all around the Reekin.
My little *CAL is still going on about this Razorwing scooter.
After school yesterday I decided to take her back to Toys R Us so she could have another go.
Toys R Us is only a 10 minute drive from our house so we went straight from school. She was so excited about this, she just loves Toys R Us.
I just love the Razorwing scooter myself and there is one called the Striker which I LOVED even more. I couldn’t resist having a go this time. Me and *CAL followed each other around for a while. Then this bloke had a giggle so I challenged him to a race, and he accepted….our kids were in hysterics as we bombed around the bicycle stands. We managed three laps before we got told off…… Spoil sports.
Well…my little *CAL has found something else she likes now too….Flitter Fairies.
Have you seen these Flitter Fairies???
Come on please answer have you seen them they are so very weird!!
I’ll pop a video on at the end for you if you haven’t, they actually flutter around and fly in some way. Well this has really caught her interest and her imagination, so when she got home she had to research them. She spent so long on the computer looking into how they work and everything about their lives and where they come from….then she went off into the living room to have a chat with herself.
I could hear her saying, “I think I want one, I don’t really know, I think I want one.” She was still doing this at bed time and also in her sleep. And then first thing this morning while having her breakfast she says, “I think I want one, I don’t really know.”
So I just had to say something….”Why do you think you don’t want one sweetheart?”
Then my lovely little *CAL says…..”It’s all that fluttering Mom, I don’t think I can cope with the wings!”
I don’t know how I kept a straight face.
Well I was stuck with this one, it’s a flitter fairy for goodness sake, it is going to flutter isn’t it!
I ended up just saying….”Well, think some more about it then, I’m sure you’ll figure it out!”
So my conclusion on this is……
I must also carry on having conversation and working out possible solution in my sleep, hence feeling totally drained this morning from a situation which happened yesterday.
Here is a video with flitter fairies in it…enjoy!