“Bog off…frantic thought loop!”

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends.

Yesterday I was all over the place…now when I say that, I don’t mean I actually travelled all over the place.

I mean emotionally and mentally I was all over the place….giggle

I’m sure there are a few who know exactly what I mean…for those few {{{hugs}}} xx

As an aspie being all over the place in my head also means my stimming kicked in, and I find it very hard to focus on anything, other than my frantic negative thought loop. With all of its video replays and it’s extremely loud nagging voice, telling me how much better I could have done everything.

IF ONLY YOU HAD DONE IT THIS WAY LISA!

IF ONLY YOU HAD SAID IT THAT WAY LISA!

YOU DO EVERYTHING WRONG DON’T YOU LISA???

Do you get my drift?

Can anyone relate??? Please tell me I’m not alone with this….giggle.

Am I being a little too open here?….oh well, I have nothing else to blog!..hehehe

We were out all day on Sunday

It was a little too much for both my *CAL and me.

Then on Monday morning my little *CAL had a lot of trouble doing things for herself.

She was extremely shakey, her dyspraxia was very obvious. I was very close to tears watching her try so hard to do things.

Also she seemed quite switched off to everything going on in our home.

I rushed her off to school, trying hard to be on time and she wasn’t really very happy.

I spoke to someone in the school about her and didn’t come away from the conversation very positive about it.

Of course because I was drained from a full day on Sunday, I spiralled.

My frantic thought loop took control of all my thinking for most of the day.

I am a terrible worrier when it comes to my kids

My frantic thought loop gives me no rest with this.

Eventually I tried to distract my frantic aspie thoughts by coming to bloggyland and reading my favourite blogs.

A bloggy friend Merri from “Treasures in the Dust” had just published a new post.

This post was so positive and gave me Bible references.

One of them was Psalm 40 which happens to be one of my favourites.

So…I took myself off to read my Bible, all I needed to do was feed my negative thoughts with positive ones. I can do this by reading and praying.

I can positively feed my thoughts with special interests too.

I know that I can also slow down my frantic thoughts by writing and doing art, or getting absorbed in a fantasy film or even YouTube mooching.

So, I realised that for me as an Aspie my special interests have to be done or I lose control of my thinking and it can become very negative.

Then that can affect how I act throughout my day, how I treat myself and my understanding of others.

I also realised…

That if I have been over stimulated in a day the next day I am not as resilient.

My friend Laura also blogged about this yesterday, she is also an aspie and found that after going to a party and having her senses over stimulated the next day she was completely drained.

I will just say that I spent from 9am till 4pm dwelling on my negative thoughts about myself.

I can be extremely hard on myself when I am like this.

Once I allowed myself to focus on one of my special interests

I was able to gain control and pack my brain with better thoughts. Which then allowed my Aspie-happy to be uncovered and start to feel it could breathe again.

So…I have learned quite a lot about myself with this, and it has made a lot of sense of my past.

And just when I thought I had all the pieces for my Autistic jig-saw, along comes another.

I guess this jig-saw is bigger than I thought.

The verse that really helped me to understand this about myself is

Psalm 40:11

Do not withhold your mercy from me, LORD;
may your love and faithfulness always protect me.

*I realised when I read this that God can protect my thoughts too.

*He is merciful and faithful but above all a loving Father.

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12 thoughts on ““Bog off…frantic thought loop!”

  1. I know that sometimes it’s really irritating to hear someone trying to relate to something when they truly probably have no idea, so I hope this isn’t too painful to read. 🙂 But, I can personally relate to this post in how I feel post-migraine. It’s all very very similar, (in my mind at least), except that the only ‘special interest’ I might have would be sleep — or lying on warm sand in a desolate countryside. With some top-notch lemonade. (>>sigh<<, it never happens that way!)

    • Top-notch lemonade…you know, I can’t drink fizzy pops especially lemonade, it makes my face feel all weird. I can cope with Dr Peppers and Pepsi Max and then that’s it.
      When I was a kid my Mom took me to the Dr about all this and he said it sounded like I was having migraines so what you said actually rang some bells in my past.
      Love and hugs.
      Lisa. xx 🙂

  2. I can’t relate to your personal experience but I can tell you that even those who are not aspies – by the way, a great user-friendly term – have similar days when particularly stressed.

    It’s good that you have discovered your own way to cope; so many people never do learn to cope with their problems, whatever the cause. I must say, your art is stunning, so you must be coping pretty well!

  3. Hi, the message you have brought home here is that we can (and should) feed our negative thoughts with positive ones….our mind does not have enough room for both.

    Like Tilly Bud said above, whether or not you’re an aspie, these feelings are global. Sometimes I often think that some of my own behaviours/symptoms are only because I suffer from depressino…and as such, a product OF depression….when really they are just a product of LIFE and experienced by many people. That’s comforting because it means I should not be so hard on myself…and you shouldn’t either.

    Love you loads,
    Chloe xx

  4. Hey Lisa, I LOVE this blog 🙂 And I love the insight you received for God “*I realised when I read this that God can protect my thoughts too.” That is so incredibly true and wonderful to be reminded of. It’s awesome too, that you are so bent to letting God change your thoughts. That is so huge 🙂

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