I just have something short to share here as it is Saturday morning and we are about to crack on with the decorating, yet again, will it ever end….ugh
Yesterday I was feeling rather low, sometimes the opinions and looks I get really hurt. I can feel quite isolated by the way people treat me. I am very high functioning and I can do all the surface stuff and look like I fit, but I crave deeper friendship and more interesting conversation.
Wanting deeper friendships and not being able to find people in my life outside of bloggyland and email can really get to me sometimes. I don’t know or understand how to be shallow. Also I find polite conversation extremely irritating. Sometimes even painful at times….lol
Also knowing that I can be an annoyance to people when they are friendly makes me quite confused sometimes. I don’t read people very well and this causes me to get quite hurt because I confuse politeness and acquaintances as a reach of friendship. I think I am ok if I just do all the expected things, the surface crap that everyone else seems to do. But…once I start being myself people run for the hills or look at me like I have two heads or something.
I have spent the last 5 months discovering what being an adult on the Autistic spectrum means to me.
I feel safe here in bloggyland, I have friends that care and understand. Out there in the world it is so much harder. People can be so shallow, and they say that we are the selfish, self consumed ones. Are we, or do we just not let ourselves out anymore because of the rejection we experienced growing up???
The shops at the moment are so full of people
They are all rushing around only interested in getting what they need for Christmas. They push and shove, I have even witnessed two women fighting over a toy in one shop. I find this kind of behaviour so hard to cope with. With my sensory problems the shops can seem quite terrifying at this time.
I love Christmas it’s a time of giving and a time to celebrate the birth of Christ.
This world make no sense at all when I see this type of behaviour in my local shops. I wonder why people behave this way towards one another. I was brought up very much protected and, as I have said before, our family lived in an Autistic bubble. BUT….I was safe.
My little sis was sensible and got all her Christmas presents sorted before the rush.
Also with little *J’s epilepsy, she had to go before all the flashing lights went up, as they can trigger off his seizures.
But you know what I’m like!
I just didn’t think as usual. I am so hopeless at preplanning. I was saying this to *AJ this morning I love weekends and holidays because there are no time limits set on me. I am hopeless at getting anywhere on time and this is where I am getting hurt. I can’t seem to be able to do what is required of me. Then I am made to feel like I am wrong, inadequate or broken in some way.
A lovely bloggy friend Heather from “Where the Butterflies go” picked up on my feelings in this poem, perhaps because she is a poet.
Being the lovely person she is, she left me a very helpful comment. She was listening to Bon Jovi while reading my post and left me a few of the lyrics to encourage me.
The lyrics read, “step into the deep end, make yourself at home. When you wonder why you’re breathing, know you’re not alone.”
Well I had to listen to this so what does an Aspie YouTube addict do when given lyrics?
YES…we mooch! I just love YouTube mooching.
I found the video, I even found it with lyrics…but I needed cartoon….That’s just how I work…giggle
I found a wonderful video of this song it hasn’t got the lyrics, but “joy oh joy!”
It is with the kids film….”Spirit” I so love kids films.
If you haven’t watched Spirit then please do yourself a favour and get the DVD. It is such a wonderful film about being trapped and made to be something you are not. Spirit is a wild horse made to conform….can you see where I am going with this….giggle.
While watching this video I also found something very inspiring for a friend of mine.
So, yet again I am amazed at the way God works
in His most mysterious of ways.
Enjoy this video I found it very helpful in so many ways.