I am the Mommy

I am the Mommy

I was really inspired by my friends post this morning called

“I am the Mother” at……Welcome to the Madhouse.

Fiona is so extremely open and real it is refreshing, so I decided it’s about time I let some stuff out.

As I have been parenting now for 17 years I have had many life changes over that time.

I can see that I will have to break this down into different seasons. Not all of them nice.

Starting here……….

When I lost my home!

I am the Mommy who didn’t read the paper work correctly and signed my home and all my furniture over to be rented out for 12 months, giving us no home or belongings. (I am dyslexic)

I am the Mommy who couldn’t afford food for 2 people so I didn’t eat all day and ate scraps in the kitchen I worked in on my evening shift. After having a cleaning job in the daytime that I took my baby boy to.

I am the Mommy who struggled with OCD and found having a toddler really hard, my OCD was germ related and I wanted to keep him safe. My hands bled because I washed them far too much.

I am the Mommy who walked around with holes in my boots and plastic bags on my feet, in snow and slush. But I got my boy a coat and kept him warm.

I am the Mommy who thanked God for the stains in my carpets when I got my home back because I was so grateful that we had a roof over our heads that was ours. We didn’t have to rely on family and friends any-longer.

When I went to college!

I am the Mommy who started college to try to get a better paid job not realising at the time I am dyslexic and have Aspergers. I hated leaving my little boy in the nursery from 9-4 and would get him out at lunch time because I missed him so much

I am the Mommy who had to decide alone which was the best choice to live on single parent benefits spending those precious younger years with him, or keep pushing with college so I could get work full time and leave him with a childminder. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, in the end God chose for me.

When I was sucked into a Religious sect!

I am the Mommy who only read nice Bible stories to my boy.

I am the Mommy who chose my own way of discipline to the disapproval of most of the leaders.

I am the Mommy who refused to leave my boy in Children’s ministry when he didn’t want to be there, and was having a massive tantrum. Also to the disapproval of the leaders.

I am the Mommy who carried my *AJ kicking and screaming into this sect every Sunday because I had been indoctrinated and was afraid of the consequences that certain people had put in my brain.

I am also the Mommy who spent far too much time running after friendships and approval in this sect and not paying enough attention to my lad…Thank God I had my Mom back then, and she took over where I was lacking.

Let’s get up to date shall we!

I am the Mommy who leaves the housework and takes the kids to the Safari Park or on a picnic. Only to find out we have no clean pants.

I am the Mommy who Tazzes the house work, because I would rather sit and watch a Disney film and have a cuddle off my girl.

I am the Mommy who has a job in my *CAL’s school play ground because this is the place she find the hardest.

I am the Mommy who spent my Birthday money on buying nuts and bolts and cement. So I could make my kids a swing out of branches in our garden.

I am the Mommy who dug a big hole in our garden so when it rains we can put our wellies on and dance in muddy puddles….like Peppa pig.

I am the Mommy who is constantly late taking my *CAL to school, because I get so distracted so easily and forget the time. Which then gets her a late mark.

I am the Mommy who still has to help my girl to wash and dress because she struggles with this.

I am the Mommy who goes out at 10:00 every night to fetch my 17 year old *AJ from where ever he is, because I worry about him and he has been mugged twice.

I am the Mommy who very rarely buys clothes and when I do I get them from charity shops, I spend the money I earn on my *AJ’s Gym membership and *CAL’s Piano and Violin lessons

I am the Mommy who has to play ABBA to keep me in the kitchen because I would rather be on the computer.

I am the Mommy who misses my Mommy every day, because I don’t really know what I’m doing.

I am the Mommy who believes in God and look to see Him in everyday things, so I understand that what I can’t do for my kids, God will do because He will find a way for them to receive what they need.

24 thoughts on “I am the Mommy

  1. All I can say Lisa is BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL .If we all could be as open as you are,then we would be less likely to get depressed .We tend to hold certain things back and not tell what we really feel .You are far ahead of most of us and we can learn from you without a doubt . I hope you have a good and relaxing day .you are a good example of a caring mom and will go to any means to provide for your children ,even doing without your self so they will be comfortable .God bless you for that .
    thanks Lisa

    • Hello Eileen,
      Thank you for your lovely comment, I agree with what you said about openness and depression because I find blogging extremely therapeutic. I suppose because I don’t talk to many people face to face, this is the next best thing. I get a great sense of release through blogging and creativity. I believe we all need to be able to express using whatever helps us. Only by finding who I am have I come to be able to share this story. I thank God and Friendship for that.
      Love and hugs.
      Lisa. x

    • Thank you Laura,
      I was a real mess when I was going through it you know, it has taken me 15 years to talk about it.
      And I think you ROCK too. {{{hugs}}} right back at ya my friend. X

    • Thank you spectrummy mummy,
      My past has been rather interesting and I thank God for what He has got me through, it has definitely made me stronger and wiser. We can learn and grow through anything, whatever the future holds. I pray for our future to be less rocky especially for my kids.
      Love and hugs. X πŸ™‚

  2. You are such a great role model. You have been through so much and yet there is so much joy, happiness and love in your writing!

    As I may have said before, your kids are so blessed to have you for their Mom. And it shows in their happy faces.

    Thanks for sharing. You are a shining example of great parenting! πŸ™‚

    • Hello born 2b me,
      You have really encouraged me, thank you so very much for all your giving.
      I really don’t feel I deserve such praise. I just did the best I could, with what I had got. I prayed God would bring me through it and He did. God is SO Good!
      I feel very blessed to have my children so each day I try my best to look after them in a way that fits their needs. I don’t always get it right, in fact I can make a right pigs ear of it sometimes. I try to be humble and admit this and my kids understand that about me.
      Thank you for all the wonderful comments you leave.
      Love and hugs.
      Lisa. x πŸ™‚

  3. Wow – this post has really touched me. I am so impressed with everything that you have been through and everything that you have survived! You are indeed a very strong and loving woman and I wish more parents would give their all to parenthood as you seem to be doing. Hope you have a great day my friend πŸ˜€

    Stay strong and keep on believing in yourself xx

    PS – you rock!!! πŸ˜‰ xx

    • Hello Chloe my friend, thank you so much for your lovely comment. I didn’t feel strong when I was going through it you know. I was a mess…a right mess actually. I just wanted to sleep all the time so I didn’t have to think.
      The one thing that kept me going was knowing that God was making me stronger and that his plans were perfect. When I then looked I saw the beautiful brown eyes of my baby boy and knew I had to start fighting.
      The negative thoughts can become very strong in my head if I let them Chloe, I have to fill my life with positive to stop that happening. This has meant changing things in my life and learning to control my environment to a certain extent. Also learning who I really am, not who others want me to be.
      I perhaps should right a post on this as I seem to be babbling on a bit.
      You rock Chloe and I believe in you, keep up the good work and the brilliant poems.
      Love and hugs.
      Lisa. xx

      • Hi Lisa – I just realised that I never responded to this comment – even though I had intended to. I really admire your strenght girl!!!! Also, it means so much to hear that you believe in me my friend! πŸ˜€ I’ll drop you an email soon. Love to you and yours πŸ˜€ xx

  4. Every time I visit your blog I am inspired. You are one of the strongest person I have come across and I am glad I did. You are simply amazing. Be blessed. More smiles and hugs for you. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ XXXXX

    • Hello WWM,
      You are so very encouraging and I don’t really know what to say. I will say thank you for your comment and also the message you left for me.
      I know I wouldn’t have got through what I have without God, my faith is what I cling too it keep me going.
      Love and hugs and smiles to you. x
      πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  5. You are a mommy far better than some other mommy’s

    I am so very proud of you, much more proud than I could ever be able to write. Mom is proud of you too I know she is. She told me. It was one thing she actually said to me about 2 or 3 weeks before she passed. She told me that she was very proud of you.

    Because of the mommy you are, you have wonderful, talented, loving, precious kids. Unique to this world.

    You are also one really really good Auntie La la.

    I love you sis x

    • Hello little sis,
      You are a wonderful Mommy, and so brave in everything you have to do. I know Mom was very proud of all three of us, she lived her life for us. That is why we are giving as parents, because of the example she gave, mostly on her own, when I was younger. You got a different parenting to me, Mom and Dad where older and wiser. I think Dad had finally trained his brain, and set his routines by the time you came along. He sort of knew what it meant to be a Daddy.
      You are an incredible Mommy, so creative and so much fun little *J or Jah as you are calling him and *EJ are very blessed to have you. God planned that oh so well.
      Oh yes I feel very honoured to be Auntie La-la, they are such wonderful little boys.
      Love you too sis. xxxx

  6. I’m so mega proud of you for putting it all out there!

    See…..I told you that people wouldn’t judge you and you would feel a massive sense of relief when you did…..it’s such a release isn’t it!

    I also believe (as I have told you before) that every flower that ever bloomed had to go through a whole lotta dirt first to get there!

    And you have bloomed into an amazingly confident, passionate and brilliant mother and friend.

    I love who you are….don’t you go changing πŸ™‚

    Fantastic post BTW πŸ˜†

    • Hello lovely,
      Yes you did tell me and thank you for being just who you are.
      I do listen, it just takes a while to filter sometimes….lol
      You totally inspired me with your post Fi, my brain just wouldn’t stop after reading it.
      You’re AWESOME and lovely and a brilliant Mum and friend too.
      I love everything about you…so don’t you get changing either.

  7. Pingback: So then I got insecure! « Alienhippy's Blog

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