I’m not just one voice anymore!

I found Love Petrol just the other day, it touched my heart, so I wanted to share it. Butterfly Queen gave me her blessing on that and the ripple was started.
My friends Fiona and Laura also felt touched by Love Petrol and did their own lists…who knows where else it will lead???

What a clever little ASPIE LAD we have amongst us!!!!!

Love Petrol really made me think. What we share here is being used in ALL kinds of ways.
As it moves around ‘The Land of Blog,’ and is inspired in different ways by different souls.

This was my day today……………

The day started pretty lovely, I put my post on, I read my favourite blogs, left a few comments, and wrote an email. I get up very early….always have done…hehe
Breakfast for everyone, see Mr Locoman off to work….{{{wave}}} xx bye……..right now he’s gone.
My car broke down………..just a flat battery nothing major, I put it on charge and decided to go out in the afternoon.
*AJ went off to the gym and *CAL entertained herself……..which I was extremely pleased about as usually I have to organise everything for her…..I just love the school holidays!

I realised a few days ago that my poetry was WAY too much for one ring binder, every time I opened it, they were falling out…..all over the floor. So…I got myself a much larger folder.
I decided to spend some time organising my poems and also printing off new poems that I have published but not added. I had a lovely time and I have a very large book……lol
My 6 year journey in poetry, I’m so very glad I have kept them all.
I recycled all my Quiet time Journals, when I lost my faith for four years… I so regret doing that now.
Oh well, what’s done is done….moving on!

Now, I have noticed that since I started blogging, God has really been working on me. I have cried a lot because I have had friends to talk with and write to and share with. I have never had this before, I used to isolated myself and not be able to work through my heart ache, grief and loneliness.
Through my blog, writing and friendship, I have been able to see things WAY more clearly.

My blog and everything connected to it has become very important to me, it is my therapy, my social life, and a place where I feel totally accepted and loved.
My new friends understand me and love me just the way I am.

Now this is where it gets upsetting………………………….

When I stated blogging and then when I came out Aspie, certain people in my life whom I love dearly became quite negative towards my passion. I have had much upset caused by this over the last 4 1/2 months and it has really hurt me. Today I felt so down about this I actually thought about  deactivating my blog. Because the words of a certain person came out of my *AJ’s mouth. He is 17 I can’t stop who he talks to on msn, and I have raised him to speak his mind.
Today his words, were NOT his, and he didn’t quite explain himself properly. I have gotten so used to defending my blog from negative opinions, I didn’t really hear what he was trying to say.
All I heard was the same words I have been hearing since my blog started.
“You’re obsessed with blogging, you need to stop!”

I broke down into uncontrollable tears. I would never do anything to hurt my kids. It was only when *AJ said,
“Mom, you can be on the computer 24/7 I don’t care, I just want to talk to you and when you’re reading you can’t talk.”

I realised….It’s not just my Aspie ways, *AJ understands them.
But…..he can’t possibly understand my dyslexia.
It is impossible for me to read and have any disturbance around me. I have to read most things at least twice and this takes time.

So….I am going to pray and plan and get myself a routine.
I am NOT…I repeat… NOT going to deactivate my blog……………what a STUPID thought!
Also….I will NOT be manipulated any-longer.

I’m turning it upside down….All negative can be used for positive.

I wrote a poem while I was hurting and misunderstanding my son, the words he said were not the words I was hearing in my head.
So this poem really isn’t written for him but I’m sharing it anyway. It might speak to someone else.

And I believe that God allowed me to feel this for a reason.

My heart hurts from your words

*AJ age 4

by Alienhippy

My heart hurts from your words

They cut much deeper than any other

You expressed without thinking

How much you’d hurt your mother

I know that I’m not perfect

*AJ age 7

I’m your Mom and I’m trying my best

But you have always loved me

Much more than all the rest

It’s different now your grown up

I have to find my own way

You are now living your own life

And one day you’ll move away

I don’t always want to feel lonely

Adventure Sundays

So I’m working at finding my life

I’m a person with feelings and interests

I’m not just a mother and wife

You have listened to too many opinions

You need to think on your own

Your Mommy has always been like this

You should see this now you have grown

*AJ and ROCK

I’m no different to when you were little

Cause you’ve always known the real me

It’s just there’s a lot of folk talking

Now that I’m claiming Aspie

I know God wants me to do this

I have to keep pressing forward

I feel so much better about myself

My Precious Son

The way God says I should

I will always love you with all of my heart

Your my first born my number one

I know the words were only words

And I love you my precious son


14 thoughts on “I’m not just one voice anymore!

  1. I think your blog has not only helped you, but as I have said before it helps others understand and learn to consider different ways of helping children so that they do not have to have the same experiences you had when growing up…I suspect your writing has been a blessing to many that you will never see or hear of…peace be with you!

    • Thanks for your lovely comment slp, I have so many mix emotions about the way my life has been. I find reading about aspie kids, on the loving posts of the spectrum-Moms, really helps me.
      These wonderful Moms sharing their hurts and happiness helps me remember and tap into those feelings, the ones I could not express as a child.
      So it’s a group effort really, I couldn’t work through or share any of this without them.
      They are ALL so amazing.
      Love Lisa. xx

  2. Pingback: Now…about my dyslexia! « Alienhippy's Blog

  3. PS, Cranky Fiona is coming out…..how dare ‘This person” who is supposed to be close to you upset you like this.
    I know *AJ is a sweetheart and loves you to bits and wasn’t using his own words…..grrrrrr

    I’m on the warpath now!
    Gotta protect my Lisa….

  4. So glad you’re not going to deactivate your blog. It, and you, would be missed! I’m sorry there are folks in your life giving you grief about your blog, about you accepting and sharing that you’re an aspie. ((()))

    • Hi and thank you for your comment, I’m so glad I didn’t deactivate my blog too.
      It’s amazing how peoples negativity can affect me so badly. Also that from me learning about myself I can now control (most of the time) those emotions and stop myself from reacting. I couldn’t have done that 5 months ago. I would have run away and isolated myself.
      Love and hugs. x

  5. You know my view sis, just be you. You int hurting anyone, infact you are helping thousands of people like SlpMartin said you probably wont ever know them. But don’t stop because of silly opinions and jelousy. AJ loves you just as you are, he’s just got to that age.

    Love you xxxx

  6. Pingback: About my dyslexia! (Who was I trying to kid) « Alienhippy's Blog

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