Today I have felt really weird….and I still can’t figure out why!

Hello friends in blogland,

Today I have felt really weird….and I still can’t figure out why!

The problem I have when I feel weird is my brain goes into some kind of frantic thought loop that won’t stop. This then makes me feel SO confused that I start pacing and fidgeting and doing things to distract myself. Which I then get so absorbed with that I forget everything else.

Important things like turning up for work and feeding the dogs…

Ok I did both….I was only 10 minutes late for work and the dogs tell me when they are hungry.

I have tried so hard to pray about this today, but God hasn’t given me any answers yet.

I tried writing out my prayer…………………still no good.

So I went off this afternoon with my camera and Jesus to just have a look around my neighbourhood. I put on my woolly gloves and a scarf because it’s so cold today.

Do you know what?…………. my car windscreen was actually frosted over this morning, and I hadn’t got any anti-freeze.

It’s Autumn here, the trees look beautiful. All the colours are so amazing and I became still, for a while.

At my favourite spot under the Oak tree down the reservoir.

I was very naughty actually, I got myself a Cornish Pasty… was very nice, as I sat and watched the sail boats and all the little duckies.

I  listened to the leaves rustling in the breeze. With a big smile on my face and feeling quite content………….but it didn’t last.

So this afternoon after the school run I tried to get to the bottom of this again, as the weird feeling still hadn’t gone. It’s like I have forgotten something or have missed something, or even like something has been taken from me….I can’t even explain, it’s just all mixed up.

I took myself off into the conservatory, with my prayer journal and I fell asleep…typical!

The person who never seem to sleep….falls asleep in a chair, while trying to pray and sort her head out.

*AJ woke me up with a loud…“MOM, I need you to cut my hair!”

Hair cut done…back to chair, I light a candle I think …right now God will sort my brain out.

No….*CAL says, “MOM…it’s 17:13pm time for parents evening!”

Always with the exact digital time, I’m surprised she doesn’t give me the seconds as well…or better still, T minus 10 and counting.


See what I mean… everything, I forget everything…when my brain is like this!

I want my brain to slow down or at least know what it is doing, I don’t mind having an over-active brain if I know what I’m thinking about.

I find it extremely creative.

I’m probably filtering something….but I haven’t got a clue what!

So, when I finally figure it out…I’ll stick it in a poem!

Which is my next filter, as I don’t think I got anywhere with this one. Nor the photography, If all else fails I paint.


I would just like to mention here that as a child these days were very hard.

I would pull out my eye brows, bite the inside of my mouth until it bled….as a teen this got worse, I also would have violent outbursts toward my family. This is because I didn’t allow myself to be me, the pressure to conform and not stim or obsess was the only way to fit.

I find that being given the time to enjoy what I am interested in stops the empty thoughts and they pass. I wanted to write this while stuck in the middle in the hope that it will help someone.

I’m Just being me….the person God wants me to be!

Here are some of the photos I took today.


19 thoughts on “Today I have felt really weird….and I still can’t figure out why!

    • Thank you Laura, I know what it is now.
      Yes…I’m glad I took the photos, there is something about taking photo that helps me.
      Oh yes Laura…I’m a bit thick and I don’t know what BTDT stands for, it’s probably something really simply and I’ll kick myself for asking. But could you please tell me, or it will drive me insane….lol
      Love and hugs. xx

  1. Gorgeous photos Lees.
    Maybe, just being still and focusing on God and His beautiful creation is what you needed to do.
    I always remember being told that if there is something that is making you uneasy and you can’t quite put your finger on what it is – then it’s NOT from God because He ALWAYS provides clarification and is not a God of confusion.

    I can only give you my NT take on this because my brain doesn’t go 100 miles an hour like yours, but trying to figure things out will only make your brain try to process more than it already is.
    Be still sweetheart.
    Be still.

  2. Lisa, This sounds just a teeny, teeny, tiny bit like I feel when there’s something that I need to do but I can’t put my finger on it. But I know that’s not exactly what you’re dealing with. Your photographs are stunningly beautiful!! You have been so blessed to live in the town you live in!! May I ask you about the photo of the church building? Is it an Anglican church, how old is the building? Is it very close to your house? My dream that most likely will never come true is to visit England and all of Great Britain. Your country is so beautiful and I love that it has the heritage of so many ancient buildings. Thank you for sharing today even though you felt “weird”. Love & hugs!

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  4. Monster Doggys on double portions now too, after that growth spurt.

    Beautiful photos.

    You probably just forgot that you needed to sleep!

    Love you xxxx

    • You’re funny Joanne, you know your sister better than anybody 🙂

      She does seem to be awake A LOT!!!! LMHO!

      Lisa is very blessed to have such a wonderful caring sister

      • I do love you two so very much.
        I AM remembering to feed my monster doggies, thank you.
        ROCK, barks so loud I could hardly forget.
        We know my process now it goes…
        I feel weird, now frantic, now my brain is switched completely off….and then…….
        HALLELUIAH……………………..I know what it is!!!” LMHO
        All that from one little encounter…..Oh dear me, what am I going to do???
        As for sleeping….well Joanne you’re as bad as me my lovely little sis….hehehe
        XX{{{{HUGS}}}}XX 🙂

      • Thank you Fiona, I do love her very much. But I am also blessed to have her in my life.

        Since you have been Lisas friend, God has really worked on molding her, so I think she is very blessed to have you too.

        May God bless you and your family Fiona xx

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