“Cognitive empathy” The inability to predict other’s thoughts and intentions including the ability to “read between the lines” during communication. ~The Aspie Coach
Today we saw a raven and I thought of Elijah. Then in conversation with a friend I mentioned ravens and God using them to feed His friend. I decided to read a post I wrote some time ago and it helped me today.
In 1 Kings 19. I believe there is some wonderful advice that I have in the past put into practice. It works for me. I need to start finding that special time for me again, to keep doing that which works well with my soul.
I have had many thoughts about Elijah and I have read this chapter quite a few times. This post is one I keep returning to because I keep forgetting to let God look after me.
I have an online Bible devotional come through that is a excellent place to start. There is reference to this as I share my thoughts on Elijah. However the devotional started with Mark 1:35
Jesus Prays in a Solitary Place
Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.
There are two guys I know
Both of them want to please God and both of them are emotional beings. They were created this way and God understands them. They have all the same feelings and hurts as us. They also have the same fears and anxieties too. The one guy I have written a poem about in the past I also painted a picture for him. He is always there when I hit the pit. He is so real to me, so open honest and transparent. His name is Jonah.
The other friend of mine, his named is Elijah
Elijah helps me to get through my worst meltdowns. God has been allowing past hurts to surface lately and things I never believed I would have to face are being healed. In prayer and through tears I feel me growing. God is so good!
Reading 1 kings 19 is a Godsend for me.
When I first got the email I felt totally drained. I really couldn’t be bothered to read it. But that Still Small Voice inside spoke and said, “Read it Lisa!” I said, “No, reading is too hard and I feel like crap!” Again the voice inside said, “Read it!” I struggled with this for a bit, but I know when God directs it is always for our good. His plans are to prosper not harm.
This is part of what I received and decided to follow.
In the Bible we see many who experienced times of burnout. After Jonah’s miraculous delivery from the big fish and prophetic announcement to the people on Nineveh, he sank into a depression and wanted to die (Jonah 4:3). After Elijah called down fire from heaven that miraculously burned up the sacrifices of Baal, the fire in his own life went dim (1 Kings 18-19). Elijah prayed, “I have had enough, LORD. Take my life,” (1 Kings 19:4). Both of these men wanted to quit.
How do we avoid those same feelings of burnout? The first step is to realize that it can happen and does happen to the best of us.
What was God’s response to Elijah?
Let’s take a look at 1 Kings Chapter 19.
He allowed Elijah to sleep. (19:5) – rest
He sent an angel to provide food for him to eat. (19:5) - refreshment
He allowed Elijah to sleep again. (19:6) – more rest
He sent an angel to provide food for him to eat again. (19:7) – more refreshment
He caused Elijah to ponder what he was doing. “What are you doing here?” (19:9) – reflection
He spoke to Elijah personally. (19:11) – response
He caused Elijah to ponder what he was doing, again. “What are you doing here?” (19:13) – reflection
He told Elijah what to do next. (19:15) – redirection
He showed Elijah who He had appointed to help him. (19:16) – reinforcement
Rest
Refreshment
Rest
Refreshment
Reflection
Response
Reflection
Redirection
Reinforcement
Burnout happens when I focus on people and fitting in.
That includes me thinking too much about myself too.
“You can’t see yourself “in yourself,”
you have to learn to see yourself in Christ.”
~A Joyce Meyer’s fb status.
There was a reason why Jesus went off to solitary places to pray.
If Jesus had to do it maybe I should be more willing to do it too. My shutdowns are not such a bad thing if I give them to God at the foot of the cross. But I do believe that if I was more ready to listen, I wouldn’t overload myself in the first place.
We stand, we listen, we even try to contribute but we are very rarely seen or heard.
ASD is known as the invisible disability, but do you know what it is like to actually feel you are invisible. That your thoughts and feelings are not important. That even when you try to explain what is going on inside of you, you are still not heard. Or told you are being ridiculous.
Do you know what it feels like to just want to run, curl up in a ball and cry for the rest of the day. To be so drained you don’t want to think of anything at all, but your mind won’t let you stop.
To sit rocking in a safe spot away from everyone you love, because the pain is unbearable.
Do you know what it’s like to have everything spinning in your head but only be able to think of one thing…escape.
Do you know how patronising it is to be told you are just out of your comfort zone, you will adapt!
How loud do we have to be?
If I throw a chair across the room you might listen!
But if I try to explain in words, your words are more important than mine.
Maybe if I just keep quiet and go along with it the best I can, I will be fine.
I can just live in my daydream and think of the impossible, my fantasy world.
Today I received a comment on an old post called “Loopy Loopy Loopy”I wrote this post while in a shutdown and have NO RECOLLECTION of writing it, what so ever. I KNOW I write a lot so this is not a concern, but it did make me wonder why I was shutdown? What was going on for me at that time? What had I been absorbing? I can see now what it was, and I can see I needed my safe place.
I very often re-read my old posts
It’s good for me to see what I have learned.It’s great when I am reminded of them, this took me on a mooch of that month. I found this post while mooching my blog and thought I’d reshare it.
Anyone who is familiar with the Autistic Spectrum will know about sleep problems. I read my friends post this morning called
“Sleep is an enigma here” about her little boy having great trouble with sleeping and how it affects the whole family. I decided to write about my sleeping difficulties and the pattern I have noticed.
I believe that my brain has cycles of learning and times where I can’t learn at all. As I am dyslexic and have read very few books about Autism I have to just explain in my own way. I call this my Lisa Lingo and it helps me to understand things for myself.
My sleep patterns and learning
As far as I know I seem to have four and they relate to my learning cycles.
I have had to give them names to help me understand.
1. Airy-Fairy.
2. The absorber.
3. Loopy-Leesy-Loo.
4. The retreat.
Airy-Fairy
Airy-Fairy is a nick name my Mom gave me as a child, meaning I lived with my head in the clouds. It is a very peaceful learning mind where I am totally happy, daydreaming, content and a bit vague. I am very certain about everything in my life and I float around oblivious. This is a mood and mind I would love to have most of the time and when I am like this sleeping is easy, it’s my Aspie-happy place, however I do have strange dreams that are very vivid and usually linked to something God is helping me to understand.
The absorber
This learning mind needs to feed, it absorbs EVERYTHING!!!!!
When I am like this I will absorb everything I see, hear, smell, taste, touch. I will create visual replays and overlay in my head. It is a time when I feel a need to handle things, smell things, rub them on my face. I have to experience them, not just see them. My Mom used to say, “You don’t have eyeballs on your fingers, you don’t need to touch everything!” But I know now that I do, I learn something by handling.
This is also the time I can actually be close to people, I’m not familiar with. I can touch them and not feel weird about it. But I do notice everything about them, even what they don’t say I seem to see it in their eyes. This is the time I can just blurt out those personal questions and statements, making people very uncomfortable. But I can tell they are not good and I need to know the truth. Eye contact is alot easier when I’m absorbing. Although some people can be very scary when I am in this mind. But it is also lovely to act a bit like everyone else and naturally touch people that I warm to. But I don’t seem to have control over it, I have in the past done things like flick dandruff off a person’s shoulder or pick a hair off their jacket. This is ok with close friends, family but NOT with someone you have only just met. hehehe
I have to be careful in this learning mind if I absorb negativity it will cause nightmares and fear of sleeping. I will wake up about 2-4 times a night in this mind but if I have answers to most things in my head I can return to sleep. Also prayer is great when I am like this. I can pray myself back to sleep.
Loopy-Leesy-Loo
This is a nick name one of my best friends gave me.
With this learning mind of mine I am getting to full capacity. I have absorbed as much as I can and I am seeing puzzles everywhere and talking nonstop. With this I also see answers, connections and ways of fixing things, creating things and being totally and COMPLETELY focused. However if my mind and sensory are fed with negative or are overwhelmed, overloaded I can go into complete panic. Then I will shutdown or meltdown depending on how safe I feel, what environment I am in. This is where having faith helps me so very much.
Sleeping when I am looping is hard, I can’t switch my brain off, it can drive me nuts, so it is really hard to get to sleep with so much going on in there. I have to be physically exhausted and even then I will only sleep four hours before waking. I usually get up and write it out and pray it out. As a child I would end up in bed with Mom. Very often both me and my brother were like this at the same time and Mom would have us both babbling to her. I remember she bought us a tape recorder and told us to talk to that and she would listen when she was awake…giggle. She was funny my Mom.
I don’t have nightmares as such with this learning mind, more wanting to solve things and understand things better. But it can keep me awake all night and also I can go into anxiety with this.
The retreat
I have called it this because I know that even though I have shutdown, I am with God I am filtering and preparing. It is from my shutdowns and giving them to God that I learn the most life changing lessons. From deep in the pit, knowing He is there with me helping me piece it all together, I know now that I will ascend with new understanding. When I am in retreat I have to just do what I can to function. I have to keep praying for God to bring me out. It is not a place I like to go but I know now that I will learn my most valuable lessons from here.
When I am in this place sleeping happens because I am completely drained. I have to be kind to myself and I have to do whatever makes me happy. Using my creativity is my way out and I find God speaks to me through what I am doing or through simple things, through the still quiet voice.
I sleep quite well when I’m in retreat but very often wake up feeling upset, angry, alone and I can’t understand why.
Why I wrote this out.
I thought that as I am seeing this with myself, maybe others have their own patterns too. I like to share what I learn on my personal journey of self discovery. I have always felt so alien and alone, sharing helps me to not feel this way. I also know there are SO many undiagnosed Aspies out there seeking answers. Some of you may never comment, but you are reading. Maybe something I write in my silly Lisa Lingo will help you feel that you are NOT alone and you are NOT alien.
While gazing out of a window together my daughter *CAL and I observed geese flying in formation. It was no ordinary experience for us, let me explain why. The sun was starting to set, there was a clear deep orange glow being sent high above such a moody clouded grey sky. The tops of the wings of these geese were reflecting out silver folds as they flew. We watched them for quite some time and just as one formation faded into the distance another came into view. They were silhouetted against the fading light as they disappeared over the pine trees beyond our sight but we could still see the flashes of the sun beaming from each flap of a wing.
It was so beautiful to watch, I would have loved to paint this amazing scene but the window we were both staring out of was in McDonald’s. It would have been lovely to have a camera that would have captured this gorgeous image. I chose to store this wonder in my mind for the next time I’m mood painting to music. Awesome inspiration!
It made me ponder on the artistry of our creator God such beauty surrounding us. We were in a noisy fast food restaurant grabbing a quick meal. It was my little girl who pointed out this spectacular flying poetry, I was too busy messing on my mobile and stuffing my face. How and why do I fall into the trap of not seeing outside of my own existence?
Lessons from geese, lessons from God, they are everywhere when I stop, look and listen with my heart. “Through the eyes of a child,” is always good advice.
Philippians 2:1-4 (NIV1984)
Imitating Christ’s Humility
If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
As each goose flaps its wings it creates an “uplift” for the birds that follow. By flying in a “V” formation, the whole flock adds 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew alone.
LESSON
People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier because they are travelling on the thrust of one another.
FACT 2
When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of flying alone. It quickly moves back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird immediately in front of it.
LESSON
If we have as much sense as a goose we stay in formation with those headed where we want to go. We are willing to accept their help and give our help to others.
FACT 3
When the lead goose tires, it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies to the point position.
LESSON
It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership. As with geese, people are interdependent on each other’s skills, capabilities and unique arrangements of gifts, talents or resources.
FACT 4
The geese flying in formation honk to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.
LESSON
We need to make sure our honking is encouraging. In groups where there is encouragement, the production is much greater. The power of encouragement (to stand by one’s heart or core values and encourage the heart and core of others) is the quality of honking we seek.
FACT 5
When a goose gets sick, wounded or shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down to help and protect it. They stay with it until it dies or is able to fly again. Then, they launch out with another formation or catch up with the flock.
LESSON
If we have as much sense as geese, we will stand by each other in difficult times as well as when we are strong.
I won a fish on the ‘hook a duck’ at the fun fair, I was 5 years old. My brother won one too, Mom put them both in one of those 1970′s over sized brandy glasses. We called our fishes, Tom and Jerry. For my 10th Birthday the present I wanted the most, I got.
My first Aquarium.
I kept cold water fishes and they gave me a place to stare, I found the movement of the water through the filtering system extremely calming, and I knew each of my fishes and how they responded. My aquarium was in my bedroom it acted as a night light and the soothing sound of filtering water helped me to drift off into sleep.
When I moved into my own flat at the age of 18, I still had this fish tank and I started my first tropical aquarium. I had been wanting to do this for years, but Mom and Dad would only let me have cold water fishes.
I started with easy to keep fish in a community tank, Guppies, Mollies, Zebra Danios, Neon tetras and some smaller variety of Gourami.
MY ONE BOOK
At this age I was fascinated by all the varieties
The different names and how to keep these beautiful creations alive. I learnt about water values and how to test for nitrates. I learnt how to control the temperature and which fishes would breed at higher water temperatures. I knew which fish were live bearers, egg layers, egg depositors. I became obsessed with everything that my ONE book taught me.
I can see now that if someone would have taken my passion for keeping fishes at the age of 10, and used it to help me read, to help me understand science, to look at the fishes anatomy, maybe research all the different plants that I could have grown in my aquarium. My educational experience could have been so very different and such a positive one.
Oh well…such is life!!
At the age of 26, I became homeless and I was very ill with depression. I was close to breakdown and having regular suicidal thoughts. My Mom had me back home and she gave me and my 2 year old *AJ her master bedroom. She bought me a new fish tank, a bigger one, and she told me to fill it with the most beautiful tropical fishes I could find.
Doing this helped me so much and I am so grateful for the wisdom that God gave my Mom. I would go out with my boy and we would find the most amazing Aquatic centres. They always had little cafes and we had a fabulous time looking at all the wonderful fishes.
When *AJ was 9 my Mom bought him his first aquarium
He was fascinated with testing the ph and nitrate levels he also memorised names, temperatures, origins and tank types. He would talk none stop about his aquarium and his teacher was fascinated at his knowledge. I got him so many books and he read every one of them. He loved his tank so much and then one night the thermostat over heated and boiled all the fish, we came down to an awful smell. All his beautiful tropical fish were white and floating on the top of the tank. My *AJ cried his eyes out, and refused to ever talk about it.
Here is a photo of him with his first aquarium, before the boiling obviously
In the cage next to the tank is “BOB” the Gerbil, we later changed his name to “Beelze-BOB”
That Gerbil was just plain evil.
*AJ, 9 years old, with his fishes
*AJ later went on to breeding mice,
He won shows at the national mouse association. I took advantage of his “SPECIAL INTEREST” he was obsessed with mice, so I used it to teach him in SO many ways. He had to clean them out and feed them every day and he had 57 at one point.
Over the years
Me and my kids have kept fish, mice, gerbils, hamsters, rabbits, guinea pigs, chickens, ducks, quails, budgies, love birds, cockatiels, finches, cats, dogs, kakarikis, tree frogs and a snake.
We have quite a library of animal husbandry. I know that through animals I have not felt the loneliness in my life that some Aspies feel. My animals have been my friends, I have loved them and they have loved me back. They have given me friendship, companionship, many giggles….I had a Cockerel once called DUDE who would sit on my shoulder like a pirates parrot. A rabbit that came when it was called. My Kakariki loved being stroked and would call me to tell me he loved me. I had a cat called Fusspot who would regularly steal marsh mellows lick them and flick them up the wall. My dogs, cats and rabbits have given me a shoulder to cry on, and someone to talk to who is an exceptional listener, and never judgemental. My animals have brought me through tough times by being unique creations, they helped me to look to God and see Him in who they are and how they have been created.
My little *CAL looking at fish in an aquatic centre
NOTE: This post was written two years ago. I found it today to share with a lovely new friend that I “met” on facebook through Everyday Aspergers group. I have a lot of new followers that may not know about this part of my life and those who have been following me since the start of Alienhippy won’t mind reading this again.
I enjoyed reading this today, it helped me see just how far I have come.
