It started with a fish.

I won a fish on the ‘hook a duck’ at the fun fair, I was 5 years old. My brother won one too, Mom put them both in one of those 1970′s over sized brandy glasses. We called our fishes, Tom and Jerry. For my 10th Birthday the present I wanted the most, I got.

My first Aquarium.

I kept cold water fishes and they gave me a place to stare, I found the movement of the water through the filtering system extremely calming, and I knew each of my fishes and how they responded. My aquarium was in my bedroom it acted as a night light and the soothing sound of filtering water helped me to drift off into sleep.

When I moved into my own flat at the age of 18, I still had this fish tank and I started my first tropical aquarium. I had been wanting to do this for years, but Mom and Dad would only let me have cold water fishes.

I started with easy to keep fish in a community tank, Guppies, Mollies, Zebra Danios, Neon tetras and some smaller variety of Gourami.

MY ONE BOOK

At this age I was fascinated by all the varieties

The different names and how to keep these beautiful creations alive. I learnt about water values and how to test for nitrates. I learnt how to control the temperature and which fishes would breed at higher water temperatures. I knew which fish were live bearers, egg layers, egg depositors. I became obsessed with everything that my ONE book taught me.

I can see now that if someone would have taken my passion for keeping fishes at the age of 10, and used it to help me read, to help me understand science, to look at the fishes anatomy, maybe research all the different plants that I could have grown in my aquarium. My educational experience could have been so very different and such a positive one.

Oh well…such is life!!

At the age of 26, I became homeless and I was very ill with depression. I was close to breakdown and having regular suicidal thoughts. My Mom had me back home and she gave me and my 2 year old *AJ her master bedroom. She bought me a new fish tank, a bigger one, and she told me to fill it with the most beautiful tropical fishes I could find.

Doing this helped me so much and I am so grateful for the wisdom that God gave my Mom. I would go out with my boy and we would find the most amazing Aquatic centres. They always had little cafes and we had a fabulous time looking at all the wonderful fishes.

When *AJ was 9 my Mom bought him his first aquarium

He was fascinated with testing the ph and nitrate levels he also memorised names, temperatures, origins and tank types. He would talk none stop about his aquarium and his teacher was fascinated at his knowledge. I got him so many books and he read every one of them. He loved his tank so much and then one night the thermostat over heated and boiled all the fish, we came down to an awful smell. All his beautiful tropical fish were white and floating on the top of the tank. My *AJ cried his eyes out, and refused to ever talk about it.

Here is a photo of him with his first aquarium, before the boiling obviously

In the cage next to the tank is “BOB” the Gerbil, we later changed his name to “Beelze-BOB”

That Gerbil was just plain evil.

*AJ, 9 years old, with his fishes

*AJ later went on to breeding mice,

He won shows at the national mouse association. I took advantage of his “SPECIAL INTEREST” he was obsessed with mice, so I used it to teach him in SO many ways. He had to clean them out and feed them every day and he had 57 at one point.

Over the years

Me and my kids have kept fish, mice, gerbils, hamsters, rabbits, guinea pigs, chickens, ducks, quails, budgies, love birds, cockatiels, finches, cats, dogs, kakarikis, tree frogs and a snake.

We have quite a library of animal husbandry. I know that through animals I have not felt the loneliness in my life that some Aspies feel. My animals have been my friends, I have loved them and they have loved me back. They have given me friendship, companionship, many giggles….I had a Cockerel once called DUDE who would sit on my shoulder like a pirates parrot. A rabbit that came when it was called. My Kakariki loved being stroked and would call me to tell me he loved me. I had a cat called Fusspot who would regularly steal marsh mellows lick them and flick them up the wall. My dogs, cats and rabbits have given me a shoulder to cry on, and someone to talk to who is an exceptional listener, and never judgemental. My animals have brought me through tough times by being unique creations, they helped me to look to God and see Him in who they are and how they have been created.

My little *CAL looking at fish in an aquatic centre

NOTE: This post was written two years ago. I found it today to share with a lovely new friend that I “met” on facebook through Everyday Aspergers group. I have a lot of new followers that may not know about this part of my life and those who have been following me since the start of Alienhippy won’t mind reading this again.

I enjoyed reading this today, it helped me see just how far I have come.

Love and hugs. Lisa. xx

***********************************************************************

I can go the distance, what a day!

My brain feels like pudding, it’s all mushy

*CAL having a sensory break.
Lining up the animals in a toy store.

At about 9am I had a phone call off my 19 year old son *AJ. He needed me to take him to A&E. He had left the house early and gone to the gym. While at the gym he dislocated his shoulder when lifting weights. His arm had popped out of the socket 3 times. He doesn’t always understand his pain and seems to have a sensory processing disorder with it. He knew he was in pain but didn’t understand how much pain. He managed to pop his arm back into the socket correctly by himself. His best friend was almost sick seeing what happened. My son said the second time he had to pop it back in he thought he was going to pass out. That’s when he asked his friend to phone me and drive him home.

We have a brand new hospital in our city

I’ve never been there before and I hadn’t got a clue where we had to go. I phoned my sister and she explained where to go and where to park. She told me to just follow the signs. My dyslexia kicked in because that’s what happens when I’m overloaded. I had to drive at about 5 MPH to be able to read the road signs.

We sat in A&E for a good 2.5 hours.

I had a very VERY weak cup of coffee (dyslexia again) I couldn’t read how to work the bloody coffee machine and didn’t turn up the strength. I later had to get my son’s girlfriend to show me where the toilet was because the waiting room was so busy I had gone into shutdown. Yes, that’s correct I was walking around completely dazed. I could see the signs, well I was looking at them on the wall and could actually see that it was a toilet sign but I was not really seeing the signs. They made no sense to me what so ever.

(You will only understand this if you have experienced it)

While my son *AJ was having X-Rays

LOTS of not too nice middle aged men turned up in A&E. They sat opposite me and you know when you keep catching them gorping at your bits ladies. I felt so uncomfortable and so wished my hubby had been there. I sat there wishing I had not put my pretty pink colourful low kneck top on. I should have put my black jumper on. I kept texting Mr Locoman to try to distract myself from how they were making me feel. Eventually I had to move seats.

We moved to a different waiting room.

Then a very smelly man sat next to me. Now don’t get me wrong here I really do love all people but when I am in sensory overload my worst thing is smells. I remember my Mom telling me I used to scream in the fish market, and I wasn’t much better in the butchers either. She used to have to run through the perfume counters in Rackhams and I actually remember that those counters used to give me such horrible static electric shocks.

I always carry a small bottle of perfume in my handbag

It’s one of my JUST.IN.CASE things, along with chewing gum, tissues and a pack of antibacterial hand wipes. So I sprayed quite a bit of perfume on myself, I can breathe again or can I? I forgot I have a stupid cough left over from my flu and the spray starts me off. Stupid cough is driving me mad, so is my pelvic floor, thank you child birth and middle age. *A…where is the toilet again?

We’ve got to go back to fracture clinic tomorrow for my son to have more tests on his arm because it is clicking. He has his arm in a sling but the X-Rays seemed ok. *AJ asked his lovely girlfriend if she enjoyed her morning in A&E she said, ” I have always wanted to see the helicopter landing.” She got to see it take off too….hehe

When we got home from the hospital my daughter had gone into a mini shutdown because I had promised we were going to get her game cleaned at Game Station. I usually take her to this particular shopping centre really early in the morning before it gets busy. The only words she was speaking were…”But we NEED to” “WHEN?” “What time?” “I’m bored” “Can we go now” “I’ve got nothing to do” you know that Aspie loop mode. She has 100′s of wii, XBOX, PS2, 3DS games but Paper Mario was stuck in the loop. I had told her we were going, she had prepared herself for it and she REALLY needed Paper Mario to be buffed.

The shopping centre was a living hell, more noise than ever.

Plus queues of people lining up to see some famous artist. I haven’t got a clue who. We got there, did what we needed to do and we got the hell out as quick as possible.

Even though I had a map, I didn’t read it correctly (dyslexia again) we got lost and had to get a sensory break.

Toy shops, thank God for toy shops.

*CAL lined up plastic animals for a while, she likes to sort and organise. It’s a game we play, I grab a hand full of various animals and she puts them back where they belong. For me I stood and daydreamed with the cute little fairy fantasy toys and collectables. I found some freaky toddler dolls that I took a photo of to put on this post. I couldn’t cope with them being inside my mobile so I deleted them. They looked like Chucky to me! Scary!

Once we were both almost back to our version of “normal” Ready to brave the crowds again. We were having a giggle in the jig-saws and board games section when we heard a young woman shouting so angrily at her 3 year old daughter. The little girl was strapped down in a buggy and wanted so desperately to get out and play. The mothers words were

“You just sit still, shut up, act like a normal child and stop being such an idiot!”

Nice I thought, my daughter was actually in shock by this and it showed. We were both playing “Bop it” we were both so happy and I guess we were actually acting like 3 year olds. As much as I really hurt by her words, especially the word “normal” I felt for this mother. She looked so stressed and I couldn’t help but wonder about her life. Also, she was in a toy store so she was obviously trying to find ways of calming her little girl. I said a little prayer in my heart for her and her daughter. I have to do this or I will carry these things with me and they loop in a negative way.

I spoke with my daughter *CAL on the way home

As we chatted *CAL explained to me that she didn’t really wonder about the little girl she said her thoughts were more for what the lady meant. She said she thought that maybe the lady might have had a mom that said the same things to her. That for her maybe being a “normal” child meant not being able to play.

After all that sensory! All that confusion!

Both of us feeling totally drained! All the constant changes of noise, lighting, smells, movement and energies of every shop we walked past.

Guess what? The Paper Mario game is still not working. We will have to save up and buy a new one. But we learned a lot and it was *CAL that wanted to go shopping. Every experience is a chance to learn something, learn a way to cope.

However…

If my husband expects me to feed him, or talk much tonight, well…let’s just say it won’t be happening. hehehe….that felt good, it’s so great to get it all out of my head.

If anyone wants me, I’m going to be getting myself lost in Disney films with happy music.

Love and hugs. xx

Life is peculiar, what a weird day!

I’m Aspie, I think in pictures. I know…I have a very vivid imagination.
Also…there is less traffic here and no water…hehe

I think I just had the weirdest day ever, so I decided I just have to blog it. We are all safe and home now so no-one needs to worry. I’m seeing the funny side of it and thanking God.

Monday mornings are usually all about the shutdown in the Alienhippy household. No different this Monday morning, we get through each one as they occur or with a trip to SEN. One child safe at school and the other needing my help to get to the library and to a job interview.

Did I mention I am not well, oh no I forget about that bit…hehe..cough, cough.

Nothing weird about the day so far, but keep reading.

First we get stuck in a flood, this is on what is usually a very busy main road. It has been raining nonstop here and the water seems to be coming up from the ground as well as down from the sky. Not quite ready to start building my Ark yet but if this weather keeps up, I have plans ready and stored in the back of my mind…believe me I HAVE thought of it.

I had to drive my car like a maniac to stop us getting flooded over. It’s only a little car and this flood was pouring down the hill getting deeper by the second. Some of the cars in front where already 3 ft under water so I thought sod this for a game of soldiers I’m out of here. I drove onto and mounted the central reservation, did a complete turnaround going the opposite way to which the water was heading on a dual carriageway. (It wasn’t busy, you see the water had already stopped all the cars) It was a case of do something drastic Lisa, or end up with a dead car. Also there were fire engines that couldn’t get through for dead cars, so I think I was being sensible. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

*AJ was impressed he said my manoeuvre was some bad ass driving but probably totally illegal, he was also pleased he didn’t have to walk in the rain and puddles (well they were more like ponds actually) I was able to get *AJ to his job interview more than 15 minutes early. You see my Dukes of Hazzard style turnaround was right next to the place he needed to get to. So we didn’t have to wait in the underwater traffic-jam, or have to push our dead car out of knee high drain water. Me and *AJ’s lovely girlfriend *A then went to wait for him in McDonalds.

He called us on his mobile when his interview had finished and I popped off to the loo while *A went to get herself a McFlurry. When I got back the cleaning lady had thrown away my coffee and my toy from my Happy Meal, well she left my toy on top of the bin, that’s how I knew my coffee was in the bin. This will never do, I was going to drink it while stuck in the traffic fetching my son from the flood. I asked her in my, “Excuse me, did you throw my coffee in the bin?” little sad voice. It worked, she very kindly got me a fresh one. This pleased me much (insert happy-dance) because I got another sticker…YAY!! You get the seventh coffee free you know?! (I know, I’m sad like that. It’s the little things that make me happy. I mean, FREE COFFEE!!! come on people, who doesn’t love free coffee?!

Then I got this text message from CAL’s school.

Dear Parent/carer, The school is being closed due to a potential gas leak. The children are safe. Please text back to give permission for your child/children to go home.

PANIC PANIC PANIC!!!

I mean this is just too much for my Aspie brain to process here!

What do you do? One child stuck in a flood the other in a gas leak.

((( ))) <————See that?

THAT is my “Oh crap what do I do?” face. It didn’t work but you get the gist.

I phoned my sister that’s what I did. Thank goodness she was close by and was able to go to the school. *CAL is unable to make her own way home just yet, the routine is all very new for her. I knew my sister would be fine sorting any problems but I was still panicking anyway.

So I start the car and we try to join the traffic to go fetch *AJ. It’s totally impossible we are stuck and can’t get into the flow of traffic from the EXIT side of the car park. *A phoned *AJ and asked him to try to make his way back to McDonald’s because the flood was so bad I couldn’t get the car past Dinosaur Island.

Side note…Dinosaur island

It’s a nickname…This traffic island is decorated with boulders, rocks and evergreens to disguise its true purpose. It’s really an electric substation on one of the biggest roundabouts between where we live and said point. I have often said to my kids over the years. “Mommy would totally love to take a bucket full of dinosaurs onto that island and take photos. It so looks like Jurassic park. Even the electrics look like they are housing a T-rex or maybe even Velociraptors.”

So what does *AJ go and do?

He goes and stands on Dinosaur island and gets totally stuck because the traffic is SO incredibly bad he can’t move. It’s piddling down with rain and he’s standing next to an electric substation when there is flooding going on all around him. AND… he is stood there soaking wet in his best interview suit. I had to get my little car into the traffic SOMEHOW! (More Dukes of Hazzard style driving, as the Entrance seems quite clear) Then drive around the inside lane of Dinosaur island searching for my son with the windscreen wipers going at full pelt, steamed up windows and in the slow moving underwater traffic.

Let me explain how big this island is, there are at least 4 sets of traffic lights around it and about 5 different traffic lanes. I was worried sick about *CAL being stuck in a gas leak and worried sick about *AJ being with the electrical dinosaurs and panicking drivers, but at least I had my coffee.

What the heck was going on…it’s laughable it really is! Well it is now anyway.

We are all home and the kids are drying off

It’s a good job I had *A with me, she kept me calm and gave me a reason to keep acting like a responsible adult. Super-Aspie-Mom did kick in but she was sensible and kept level headed (most of the time)

So as I said, it was a weird day today but I’m choosing to see the funny side of it.

It’s fine to giggle, I am.

Love and hugs. xx

Wordless Wednesday

Today we went to PC World, it’s a shop we all enjoy

Evidence that *CAL would enjoy playing with one of these

Evidence that *AJ enjoyed playing with the display model…Giggle

My kids get Super Focused

http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/media/8673/Dimensions-of-a-badminton-court-badminton-racket-and-shuttlecock

Our three year old Rottweiler was so very excited to go out to play on the dog yard this morning. Not his usual slow to get up and be dragged out to do his business kind of attitude at all. When I opened the utility room door to let him and Zazzy girl out I could see why. “OH.MY.GOODNESS!” I thought to myself. He’s a dog and a dope he knows no better. BUT…I have told my kids so many times NOT to leave ANYTHING on the dog yard.

He had found himself some new toys to play with while out there having his poo last night. Let’s Say *AJ is NOT going to be happy AT ALL, and I see my purse having to open within the next few hours. Two Badminton rackets and four shuttlecocks all chewed to pieces.

*AJ is out at the moment but he is going to want to play badminton when he gets back. It’s the in thing, the focus, the special interest and fun, fun, fun for all the kids right now. Even in the pouring rain. (I smile because I understand) I once erected a 6ft fence in the pouring rain because I just had to get it finished…LOL

His guitar, Badminton and driving my car is what he is about this school holiday. His driving is coming on really well. I’m so very proud of my boy.

About the Badminton court.

It is finished, we just need to cement the posts and wait for the new grass to grow in. He worked so very hard building the badminton court and was so super focused on what he wanted to achieve, and he has achieved it. We have all the lines marked and painted in, a professional net and he has laid new turf where there was once a 10ft trampoline and a large sandpit. It looks so cool.

When my kids decide to do something they do it with vigour.

I was chatting with *CAL this morning

She has been very focused on drawing lately. Drawing and playing badminton, she has no choice with the badminton when her brother jumps up and down singing his badminton chants. Anyway, I was talking to her about getting her some better pencils as she has only been using a HB. I do a lot of painting and Batik but I don’t really sketch anymore so haven’t got proper drawing pencils only HB’s and 2B’s. Our conservatory is also an art room so *CAL has free run at anything she would like to use. This week it is drawing and she has been totally absorbed in what she has been learning for herself from YouTube tutorials. I think it is wonderful how our Aspie minds learn with special interests. She has taught herself so much from what she has been interested in. She is so very talented, I love watcing her learn. I love school holidays my kids are so alive in the school holidays.

I’ve also been thinking

I can see that the best teachers for ASD’s are the ones who give a sense of wonder to a subject, those who love their subject and speak with enthusiasm for it, making a child want to learn more for themselves. Those who make it interesting and exciting and allow a child to express and search in their own ways. The school holidays give my kids the freedom to explore and they learn so much by finding their own way with gentle direction.

I was talking with my *CAL about an experience I had at school when a substitute teacher took our art class. She accused me of tracing a photo of a Toucan. I hadn’t, I was just super focused and made my drawing perfect, but her words and attitude put so much fear into me. That can be a post for another day, maybe a story post obviously something I still haven’t worked through. UGH

Talking with my daughter about this helped me understand how differently I learn and how focused I can be on creating exactly what I see, and I see in GREAT detail. I love chatting with my girl she is so bright, so wise for her age and such a great listener. My kids teach me so much, I totally adore my kids. I wish they didn’t have to go back to school.

My daughter is 11 years old she is diagnosed with ASD and dyspraxia.

I LOVE the words she used herself, so I will just share them with her drawings.

This is Roxas, from Kingdom Hearts. No videos were needed, just some awesome music and the power to stare at a picture for a couple of hours.

Click on image to make larger

Well… This is one of my neatest drawings! With the help of this video, http://youtu.be/hk9L7AcvdXg  I was able to draw the main character of Kingdom Hearts, Sora. Go and check out that youtuber’s other videos as well, I’m sure you’ll find at least one thing to draw!

Click on image to make larger

Busy having fun

We have had a very busy week with lots of day trips and lots of fun. Have I mentioned that I LOVE the school holidays. I feel happy, my kids are happy, yes we just LOVE the school holidays.

So what have we been up to?

This week we have been to the golfing range. The aquatic centre. Sat at the canal and had snacks. We went on one of *AJ’s adventures at some local hills. We took a picnic and ate it at the top. We walked all the hardest trails and climbed all the steepest hills. That was so much fun but I have bug bites that are itching like crazy, after fighting my way through ferns that were as tall as me and seemed to go on forever.

I have been taking *AJ out every day to practise his driving. He passed his theory test and is driving the car really well. It won’t be long before he is driving without me as his qualified driver.

Today *AJ decided to build a badminton court in the back garden, so *CAL, *AJ’s lovely girlfriend *A, and me have been helping with that. It has been a really hot day and so wonderful being outdoors instead of indoors. He worked very hard on it and all the chalk lines are down now he just needs to add a net. *AJ and *CAL have already had a game, *AJ made a strange sort of net using a piece of washing line and some of my clean washing. He’s such a funny boy…hehe

To find the room to make a badminton court *AJ first had to move the trampoline and reset it at the bottom end of the garden. Dig out a Pampas grass that had seen better days. Mow the lawn, also turn over and reseed some patchy areas. We also had to move a huge tractor tyre that was once their sand pit.

Our garden is changing and becoming more grown up

The kids swing and slide have gone, the trampoline is no longer the first thing you see. The sand pit is no longer a sand pit. I have plans of making it into a water feature. We also need to buy a new barbeque, patio table and chairs. The outdoors seem to be calling to us lately and I am not the sort of person to ignore a call that is good for my kids.

Here are a few photos of our week so far

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Let it be……

*AJ’s first day at school (Nervous Mommy)

YAY…No school till September

*AJ finished college a few weeks back and has got into his own happy *AJ routine. He is playing his guitar again and singing more. He is cooking for himself and this week I have been taking him out driving. He started his driving lessons just after he finished his A levels and now is at the stage where he can drive a car but just needs practise. We have been out driving an hour a day each day this week. He has most of his manoeuvres covered and tomorrow he sits his theory test. Two of his friends are also sitting theirs and they have all planned to open their results together in a nice pub in our city centre.

 

This morning was *CAL’s school leavers assembly

*AJ and my Auntie came along with me to watch it. All the children performed beautifully and were a credit to the school. It was odd for *AJ being back in his old primary school after 7 years. One of the TA’s said, “Oh my, it’s little *AJ and he’s not little anymore.” He seemed a little bit embarrassed by this. He spent some time chatting with the headmaster about what he has been studying and what he has planned. My baby boy no longer a baby but planning his future career.

*CAL sang beautifully and smiled throughout the whole assembly

They sang many songs by The Beatles and I couldn’t help but think how much my lovely Mom would have enjoyed being there. My Mom LOVED the Beatles. I think God had a hand in the choice of songs, so very special it was. I thought about Mom sitting on her deck chair at school sports days when *AJ was little. She always brought her deck chair with her because the tiny little school seats would always sink into the lawn and make it difficult for her to get back up. She died the year *CAL started school and each school assembly and Christmas event have all carried a sting for me. Mom was a very active and loving Nanny always wanting to be around her kids and grandchildren.

I took many photos of *CAL with her school friends

I love seeing my kids with their friends, seeing them smile and giggle it just melts my heart. It seems so odd to think that after fourteen years of taking my children to and from this school I will no longer have that routine. I know we have a new routine to get into once September comes and I really don’t want to think about it just yet. Also I am not looking forward to the cost of all *CAL’s new school uniform and everything *AJ is going to be needing for university.

It’s also a very exciting time because I see they are growing

They are becoming their own people and they are so very perfect in my eyes. I’m not saying they are little Angels just that they are good kids who take life one day at a time and treat people with the respect and kindness that a lot of kids their age forget about. Both of them are so very accepting and loving and I am mega proud to be their Mom.

One thing I can see after 19 days of everyday blogging

My most inspiring part of the day is the first three hours after waking. I have so many words and thoughts that make total sense at that time of the day. After being around people I notice my thoughts disappear and my head fills up with the visual blasts of everything I experience.

Both my kids sleep in, they like to have a lie in now

There was a time when I was up 4-5am chasing *AJ around the garden in my Jim-Jams because he decided to get himself up and go collect bugs naked. (Well he was wearing his little blue welly boots, does that count as naked still?)

Also times where I was up in the middle of the night watching repetitive episodes of Dora the Explorer. *CAL mimicked Dora and spoke Spanish when she spoke no English at all. She knew all the tunes and would wake up singing them and not go back to sleep without having her back rubbed for hours on end. It was just easier to get up and watch Dora until she fell asleep in her little pink chair and me on the sofa feeling half dead. It wasn’t easy, *AJ was ten years old and *CAL was three, I had nonstop Pokemon by day and Dora by night. I wouldn’t change it though and at least now I know why it seemed like everyone else was doing it right and I couldn’t seem to find a way to get things to work.

Can I be disciplined I ask myself?

I see no reason why early morning during the holidays I can’t devote a little more time to me. To finding me before the house gets busy. Listening and recording my filtered process after the calmness that sleep brings. Before the sensory bombardments of the outside world fill up my mind and steal my inspiration.

I have quite a few ideas I have collected but can’t seem to find my muse if you like. I know I need to pray about it and wait on God. But also I need to not force myself to write when I have nothing in me to express. I just need to be honest with myself and accept who I am and how I roll. Sometimes I just need to let it be……

Love and hugs. xx

A new loop, I love my normal

*CAL had a very busy day yesterday, it was her transition day at the secondary school she will be starting in September. We did some activities with other parents of SEN kids. She made an alien head with a balloon. They had only a short amount of time to do this, it was a race. We also had a competition to build a tower out of drinking straws and a paper plate.

 

I actually had a little bit of a meltdown about this

I didn’t realise I was so competitive…Honestly, I really didn’t.

But it really wasn’t fair the guy who won had twins helping him to sellotape his straws together, how is that at all fair? The rest of us only had one kid each. I internalised my meltdown of course, don’t worry, I am 43 now and have learnt the art of doing this while in public. But… oh boy, did I sweat up holding it all in.

When the buzzer went to say our time was up disaster struck.

The beautiful tower that me and *CAL had designed and built fell to pieces. Well I lost it, just a little, and threw it on the floor in total frustration. Me and this guy were neck a neck up till this point, I really thought me and *CAL was gonna win.

The teacher thought he was being kind, he gave us a few minutes to try to put it back together (with everyone watching us of course, just GREAT…all eyes on the Aspies) I got so very flustered by this. Then, of all things, we had to have our photos taken. Yes…me with a bright red face, sweating cobs and looking like I could kill someone. I hate having my photo taken, what are these people on?

Anyway I got home and actually shutdown over this.

I couldn’t get it out of my head. My tower, my beautiful tower, it was so much nicer and more complex than that mans. That was so not fair that he had two helpers, there should have been rules about this!

Can any other Aspies relate? Parents of Aspies maybe…LMHO

Well that is one of the reasons I lost all my words yesterday and couldn’t write. It’s ridiculous I know and I processed all of this today while cleaning out the shitty/kitty litter. I really do think Gandhi was onto something with this toilet cleaning thing.

LOOK…I know this post is not my usual sort of post, but I did say I was going to be real in July…maybe it might help someone, you never know?

This morning I took my son to get new strings

He has left college now and has a break before starting university in September. *AJ loves playing guitar and has a beautiful singing voice too. He has been so busy with his exams and revision he hasn’t played his instruments for a while. We went to get him new strings for his acoustic. The shop we usually go to for his guitar strings was shut, so we went to a new shop that has not long opened, and I fell in love, so deeply in love with a Mandolin.

OH IT WAS SOOOOO PRETTY….

I REALLY REALLY WANT IT

GUESS WHAT??? I still have my Birthday money…YAY!

AND…Yes, you guessed correctly, I have a new loop.

I’m not the only one either…I found this link while drooling over this image.

You Are So Beautiful. To Me.

http://www.mandyfish.com/2011/07/you-are-so-beautiful-to-me.html

I LOVE MY NORMAL!!!

*AJ repeating riffs, tabs and pentatonic scales on his electric acoustic guitar. *CAL researching Greek mythology studying the life of Icarus, because she needs down time after boring school. I mopped my floors and then allowed myself time to find all I need to feed my brain (for today) researching the Mandolin.

What I love about my Aspie brain is that I don’t get bored

There is so much to find, learn, do, imagine and create. Yes it is challenging at times when I feel bombarded in my senses, when I feel all the eyes are staring at me. When I see that rules are being broken and no one seems to care. When I need a friend to sit with but my conversations are too deep, too intense or too unrelatable. I have learned that after the shutdown comes the peace and a gentle voice to tell me I am enough. God created me this way, I am worthy, I am me and I am fun.

Open and honest….this isn’t much of a post. Real…yep, I’m just being me. It’s all I have in me to share today because I spent 3 hours learning about Mandolins.

Love and hugs. Lisa. xx

I sing a lot of Adele songs with my guitar, this is the sound on Mandolin.

“Mother is a plonker”

You will laugh so hard at this, I am so naive. I’m not sure if I should blog it or not, but I know it will give you a giggle and I so have to tell someone this silly story. I spent an hour praying earlier about a little blue pill I found on the stair carpet.

It looked like drugs to me,

I prayed it out and cried about it, thinking it was one of *AJ’s friends and not knowing how to tell the Mother. I knew it didn’t belong to *AJ or his lovely girlfriend *A, but I wasn’t sure about *AJ’s friends and they are all grown-up adults now, they are not little boys anymore. It’s not cool for your Mom to be hanging around when your 18 and chilling with your mates.

Anyway, I decided to confront *AJ after fetching him from the gym, I really don’t want drugs brought into my house, so I rehearsed all I would say and I took the little blue pill with me. I knew if I placed it in his hand and asked the direct question he can’t lie and I can tell if he tries to, especially if I catch him unaware.

So I waited for him outside the church, I was still praying and going over my lines. He got in the car and I was all serious with my Mommy hat on. I said to him,

“Son, I have something I need to ask you!”

I place the little blue pill in his hand, give him a concerned but loving look,

“What is this and who does it belong to?”

*AJ looks at it closely, screws up his face and then opens it up and says,

“It’s a smartie Mother, look it’s got chocolate in the middle.”

*********************************************

Ok…I really didn’t know they sold mini blue smarties. I feel such an idiot now.

Tell me you wouldn’t think the same too, just look at them….

http://englishcoffeedrinker.blogspot.co.uk/2008/12/they-are-all-blue.html

My kids make my heart smile.

*AJ and his lovely girlfriend *A

*AJ is at this moment sitting his last exam at college. At midday today my boy will walk out of that room and will have finished what I see as his schooling. He will start university studying Maths in September. My boy has ALWAYS loved his numbers. I packed him off early this morning with his usual lunch box of sweet and sour chicken with mixed vegetables and brown rice, also his 2 litre bottle of orange squash and bus fare. I sat down with my coffee and thought how quickly time flies. It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was pushing him in his buggy down to my Mom’s house. Wiping his nose for him and helping him to find his words. It doesn’t seem 5 minutes ago that I was sat helping him to do his homework and school projects.

Now the Maths he does looks like an alien language and he talks about history, political views and business studies, things he has an interest in that I know very little about. They are his special interests and I don’t really understand them but I have tears in my eyes writing this because I am so very proud of who he is.

I wrote a poem the day *AJ started college.

I dropped him off at the college gate. Put on the brave face like all us Mom’s do, waved him off smiling, but I could see the apprehension in all his expressions. He was such a skinny kid then, I have that visual playing as a video in my mind. It was before he started his healthy eating and body building plan. I drove away and managed to drive all of 3 minutes before bursting into tears. I pulled over on the side of the road and started to write a poem from my emotions.

This is the poem I wrote.

The College Drive

Posted on July 5, 2010

(Photo, AJ’s 2nd Birthday)

The College Drive.

by Alienhippy

As I drop you off on the college drive

An image I have of you, when you were only two

You were all I had in this world

I would bring you everyday

To play at the nursery

In this place of education

You had nightmares about Baked Beans

I had dreams, that I could better myself

And give you more

Today

I watch you walk through those gates

In your checked shirt and baggy jeans

With your dreams

And a whole lot of living to do

I feel my whole stomach turn

I yearn to hold your hand

I swallow back the tears and my fears

For you

As you walk alone

Into the unknown

“He’s only going to college!”

I tell myself….. over and over and over

I drive home, the tears roll down my face

I look over to the place

Where your baby car seat used to sit

I smile a bit as your smile plays from memory

“Beep Beep, Mommy, Beep Beep!” you say

My little boy with his toy steering wheel

I feel…. pride, joy, sick and overwhelmed

All at the same time

I pull over

“I can cry, I know I can, I have raised a fine young man”

It’s like your first day in reception all over again

I went home and cried beside your toys on the living room floor

“What for…?”

You will understand, when you take the hand

Of your newborn

Only today

I have to let you go……..all by your Jack Jones

You don’t see my reluctance

I hide it with a smile

And for a while I watch you hesitate

Then you go, through the gate

And down the college drive

Head held high

I ask why? Time goes so fast

My boy is so hard working

He is such a good lad, he has been looking for part time work this week. He also starts his driving lessons soon, that’s exciting for him and for me too. He has also said that he will help me with a bit of decorating in the next few weeks. I bumped into his girlfriends Mom at the post office the other day and she was singing his praises, it made my heart smile. He went round and did all the gardening for *A’s Mom. My heart swells with joy at the man he has become. He really does have a heart of gold.

As I read through the posts of my friends

All the wonderful parents out there of kids on the spectrum I can remember those hard days when I was at my wits end. The times he wouldn’t sleep. The times his food was thrown on the floor and up the walls because it wasn’t pizza or spag bol. The times I couldn’t get him to get into the bath and had to physically get in and hold him down to the screams, “Don’t drown me Mommy!” All the times he ran off, once into traffic and I thought I was going to lose him. The time he disappeared in a hospital and we found him in the kitchens of the canteen chatting away to the staff like a little professor. The times I had to throw him over my shoulder to get him through a crowded room. The kicking, slapping and biting because I couldn’t understand his needs. So many times where I felt so out of my depth, lost in being a parent. A single parent for quite a few years and homeless for twelve months. I didn’t know what to do other than pray and my boy always had a smile for his Mommy, even when he had tears.

I believe God helped me

Because as I sat in the quiet held my head in my hands and pulled at my hair, a voice inside gave me hope and it also gave me new ideas, new things to try. I’m so grateful to God that He trusts me enough to raise my beautiful kids. That He gave me the heart to trust in His call and to see my children as the wonderful and precious gifts that they are.

To finish off my post today

A little bit of funny and a heart smile from my *CAL

I shared this on my Alienhippy facebook page yesterday.

The photo is an old one but I wanted you to have a visual of just how original, unique, amazing and precious my children are.

*********************************************************

*CAL…”On Monday it is “Readathon Book Day” I’m going to school dressed as a carrot.”

*ME…”You have a wonderful Pirates costume, you could go as a pirate. How can a carrot be a book character?”

*CAL…”Easy, I’m going to be a book on healthy eating!”

*CAL and *AJ (Carrot and Banana)