I like lists, I learn from lists

http://www.poemsbycc.com/DavidAndGoliath.html

At the beginning of July I set myself a goal to post on Alienhippy every day of the month.

Today is the last day of July and I have spent the last hour or so having a look back at what I have posted.

I have pondered and prayed and can now see what I can learn from all this.

I learn analytically, it’s part of my ASD

Some have told me I tear myself apart. I say you can’t build on shaky foundations and I want to grown not keep falling down. Some have told me I am too intense and they think I think too much. I say it’s how I am created, it’s how my mind works and God sees me as Wonderfully Wired. Some have told me I am too open, too honest and that makes me vulnerable. I say it’s who I am I can’t be any other way I believe there are others who can learn from what I live…God has got it!

Here are a few lists, this is one of my ways to process

My lists help me find reasons, these show me why I posted those particular things on those particular days. I have reflected back and can now see a new way forward.

My posts through July

Each of these is a link, you don’t have to follow them they are here for my own learning. You can just scroll down to the next part.

1.  July, the month to be real
2.  I’m quiet today
3.  A new loop, I love my normal
4.  Wordless Wednesday (ROCK)
5.  PAR…listen to the heart
6.  Our day with photos.
7.  Moment of expression
8.  Pondering
9.  Whatever is lovely, loopy.
10.  ASD on the Bus (Silly poem)
11.  Is that Sonic? Wordless Wednesday
12.  The Burgundy Rug
13.  My heart just needs to call
14.  Gratitude
15.  Sitting under my tree (Silent Sunday)
16.  The Still Small Voice
17.  Painted in oil
18.  Busy Being *CAL
19.  Let it be……
20.  Emotions let loose
21.  A look back at my way forward
22.  Almost Silent Sunday
23.  Mirror Tree Speaks
24.  What am I listening to?
25.  Dancing with flames
26.  Busy having fun
27.  Love Light, Shine Bright
28.  Don’t follow the crowd
29.  Escape from my spiral
30. Photo gallery of our day

On these 10 days I was shutdown

Days…2, 4, 6, 8, 11, 15, 16, 17, 22, 24

My shutdowns were brought on by

1. Publishing a goal and instantly feeling I would fail
2. Shame and guilt from having a meltdown in a public place
3. Feeling over challenged by a person’s words
4. Being overloaded after too much social activity
5. Feeling alone and missing those I love and can’t be with
6. Self punishment, seeing myself as unworthy, a spiralling loop
7. More guilt this time putting myself down feeling a nuisance to all
8. Feeling exposed and misunderstood after sharing my heart

There are only 8 because one of my shutdowns lasted 3 days.

What have I learned?

1. Keeping my body active being out in nature slows down my thinking
2. Writing poetry, prose also painting are ways to focus and release my thoughts
3. Photography is another way to focus and almost stops my thinking
4. Prayer, singing, studying all focus my energy in a positive way
5. I need to spend time with people to keep me outwardly focused
6. I need time alone to process my thoughts
7. Too much time being social and no time to process causes big problems
8. I can achieve goals I set for myself I just need accountability
9. I like who I am, I like that I am quirky, I’m different but definitely not less
10. I neglect my other two blogs and need to update them more regularly
11. I am not just a Mom, wife, sister, friend, blogger, poet, artist, woman of faith
12. I am me, I am growing, I am learning, I am changing and that is just perfect

A parable that helps me, I love this video it’s so cool

Luke 6:46-49

The Wise and Foolish Builders

“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”